411’s TNA Impact Report 8.15.08

Posted by Larry Csonka on 08.14.2008

Wacky TNA Title of the Week: TNA’s Unsolved Mysteries!


TNA Impact Begins…NOW!
-We get a video package from Hard Justice!

-Lauren meets with Joe and Nash as they arrive. She asks about the guitar, and Joe says if Booker and Sting want to play, he's ready. Things are getting interesting around here, everyone is coming out to play. Nash discusses Sting, and says he won't speak for him and Joe only knows half of it.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

Christian Cage and Rhino vs. The Rock and Rave Infection (Rave and Rock) w/Christy Hemme

Rhino and Rave to begin things. Rhino over powers him at first and then takes his head off with a clothesline. Tag to Cage, double hip toss connects. Off the ropes and a knee to the gut by Cage. Rave runs and hugs Rock, who tags in and clubs down Cage. Rights, off the ropes and a big boot missed. Tag to Rhino, Cage whips Rhino into Rock in the corner. Belly to belly by Rhino, goes for the gore by Rave trips him up. Hemme and Rave then crotch Rhino on the post, which seriously had to suck. Mounted rights by Rave, Rock tags in and they double team elbow drop Rhino, Rock covers for 2. Boots by Rock, chokes out Rhino in the ropes and then Hemme does the same. Rave tags in, lays the boots to Rhino, shoots him off the ropes by Rhino manages a spinebuster and a cover for 2 as Rock broke that up. Rights by Rock, but Rhino gets a clothesline and gets the tag to Cage. He tosses Rock, clothesline to Rave. Chops follow, inverted DDT as well and a cover for 2. 2nd rope uppercut by Cage, unprettier stopped by a big boot from Rock. Rhino back in, tosses Rock, double backdrop to Rave. GORE turns Rave inside out, a frog splash by Cage follows and that is all.

Winners: Cage and Rhino @ 4:10 via pin

This was a fine little opener here. Cage and Rhino continue to look good, and Rave and Rock got enough offense to look competitive. It could have been a bit longer though.
RATING: **

-JB is with Kurt Angle, with gold medal. He is holding his neck brace and JB asks how his neck is. Angle says it is sore, stiff, injured; not a secret. He has worn it all week, but it IS Olympic week, better yet, Angle week. A hero was born in 1996 as he won a gold medal. He is the greatest wrestler that ever lived, but TNA doesn't see that. He had to fight in a last man standing match, not a wrestling match. He is a role model, and he abided by the rules. AJ didn't. He cheated to win and attacked him and tried to break his neck twice, thank God for Sting saving him. Tonight he chooses the match, and he says that they will have a gold medal challenge. No ropes, three two minute periods and points count. The winner gets the gold medal. He won the gold medal with a broken FRICKEN NECK, and can do it again with an injured one. Get ready for a mauling AJ, it's real, it's damn real!


-JB is with AJ Styles. JB runs down the events of Hard Justice, and AJ says he promised that Kurt Angle would not get up. He stood behind that and he did not get back up. JB brings up Sting, and AJ says a man he looked up too chose him to make an example out of. He was wrong about Sting. He is no different from Angle, but if he thinks he will make an example out of AJ, he is damn wrong. AJ accepts the challenge, and says the gold will come home with him tonight.

-West and Tenay speculate about the mystery guitar and Sting's appearance at the PPV.

-Lauren is with Matt Morgan, and he says that he has goals. Since he began he has been a PPV main event waiting to happen, and in TNA you make opportunity. He set a goal when he set foot in TNA, and that is to become the world champion and he doesn't care who it is he has to beat. Stack the guys up against him, because the blue print will knock them down.

Matt Morgan vs. Johnny Devine

Devine gets no entrance, sup jobber? Morgan does his Brock hop, they stand off, Devine talks shit and slaps Morgan. He runs, Morgan chases and tosses him down. Clothesline from Morgan, gets the corner charge but then misses a big boot and crotches himself. Devine clubs away at him, Morgan tosses him down and then takes his head off with a big boot. HELLEVATOR for Devine and that is all.

Winner: Matt Morgan @ 1:00 via pin


-Team 3D is out and attacks Morgan. They beat him down and Abyss is now out to make the save. He tosses down a cameraman, black hole slam for Devine, who was tossed into Abyss by 3D. Morgan and Abyss stand off, Morgan offers to shake his hand and Abyss accepts. THE MEGA POW…oh wait, wrong year.


KAREN'S ANGLE
Karen's guests this week are the Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. They requested to be on the show, and they are heart broken because nobody likes them. Angelina cries a bit, so fake and she bitches about the tissue given to her. Karen says they should be nice and they laugh her off. She says they are whining and are here to introduce someone they hired to primp and dress them. Kip James. Kill me. He mocks Karen and calls her a witch. Karen ends the interview as Kip makes fun of her even more.


-Katie Kim, Gail's sister is in attendance.

-Lauren is with Jay Lethal, and he is upset because Val hasn't spoken to him since the PPV. He says Val needs to choose between he and Sonjay. Val had a big heart, which is why he loves her, but when it comes to Sonjay, screw her. This thing is NOT over until he says it is over.


-Bashir talks, he doesn't care if we boo or cheer him, because he understands. He stole everything lady America had, money, cars, real estate, and fame. It wasn't difficult to take because she wanted someone to have it. But as we lazily stood by for a handout, the Middle Eastern Nightmare took his. But he doesn't love lady America, no; he just loves raping her. Seriously.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Jay Lethal

Jay tackles him and starts to beat his ass for that rape comment. Chops by Jay, a whip, hip toss, cartwheel and dropkick all connect. To the ropes, Bashir to the floor and Jay gets a suicide dive! Back in the ring we go, double ax smash off the top by Jay gets 2. An Irish whip, reversal and Bashir then pulls Jay off the 2nd rope. A neck breaker follows and then another, that gets a cover for 2. Knees by Bashir and then the chinlock. Jay to his feet, escapes and then counters a slam and covers for 2. Jay counters a neck breaker, but double chops by Bashir gets a cover for 2. Back to the chinlock, rakes the back and Jay counters a clothesline and gets three of his own. To the corner, chops and a whip and backdrop and cover for 2 by Jay. A jawbreaker by Bashir, chops and Jay gets a small package, rolls through into a suplex for 2. Rights in the corner by Jay, lays the boots to Bashir and the ref backs him off. Bashir gets a SPIKE and nails Jay in the throat. A boot and DDT by Bashir, the WMD, gets the win.

Winner: Sheik Abdul Bashir @ 5:25 via pin

Not a bad little match. Bashir is doing the classic foreign heel gimmick, and it works in the ring. But the rape and "WMD" deal are already turning people off, judging by my IM's during the match.
RATING: *¾

-Sonjay is out after the match and goes up top and gets a 450 on Jay.

-JB is with Booker T and Sharmell. Booker looks insane and says what is on his mind is the guitar. He still has the bump on his head. He had Joe beat in the six sides of steel with weapons that will hurt a man. Is it a joke? Doesn't that hick have an interest in the company? Well if you mess with the bull and you get the horns. And if you mess with Booker, you get his foot up your… He isn't going there. He will let his actions speak for him.


-We get a Sting video package.

-After Hard Justice they left the cameras rolling and we see Nash and Sting talking. Sting says he is not confused at all, and he has run out of patience. His clock is ticking, and Nash should check his because it is now or never.

Team 3D vs. Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash

Devon and Joe will kick things off for this tag match. Off the ropes and Joe levels Devon. Back elbow and kick in the corner, and Devon is down. Devon battles back, tag to Ray and a double suplex on Joe and Ray covers for 2. Jabs by Joe, off the ropes and a snap mare Ray. Chops, kicks and a knee drop all connect. Tag to Nash, corner attack straight from the Nash 101 playbook. Bog boot choke follows, Devon cheap shots him but Nash side slams him and covers for 2. We head to a commercial @ 3:00.

We are back from commercial @ 6:45 with 3D in control over Nash. Devon works the knee of Nash, no torn quad so we're ok thus far. Devon cannon balls the knee, tags Ray and he comes in and sends Joe to the floor. Single leg by Ray, knee bar applied and Nash tries to stay alive. Single leg crab by Ray, he uses the ropes for leverage and then releases the hold. Tag to Devon, Ray whips him and a boot by Nash to counter. Clothesline for Ray and all three are down. Tag to Joe and he cleans house on 3D. Enziguri to Ray, atomic drop and leg lariat to Devon. Leaping knee to Ray! Head butt by Devon, Nash in and a boot to Devon. Joe covers for 2. Ray attacks Joe from behind, reverse 3D connects and Devon covers for 2. They set for the 3D, Nash pulls Ray to the floor and Joe gets the clutch on Devon! Devon taps.

After the match Joe gets a chair and just lays an ass whooping on Devon and Nash take sit away. Joe argues with the ref, and then lays him out! They reverse the decision.

Winners: Team 3D @ 10:30 via DQ

This was good overall. 3D worked the basic tag formula on Nash, Joe ran wild and looked good. Also Joe returning to a bad ass that doesn't whine will be a good thing, if that happens.
RATING: **

-Nash tells Joe he cost them the win, but Joe doesn't care.

-Taylor and Hemme get prepared for their match.


-Traci Brooks makes her way to the ring to be our special referee.

Non-Title Match: Taylor Wilde © vs. Christy Hemme Traci Brooks is the Special Referee

Why is Christy Hemme wrestling? Lock up and then arm drags by Wilde. Hemme complains, drop toehold by Wilde and then bends Hemme in half. Hemme bites her hand, forearms by Wilde and a whip to the corner. They botch a bulldog spot and Hemme covers for 2. Hemme stands on her hair and pulls her up by the arms, and then slams her down by the hair. Hemme covers for 2. Rights by Wilde, forearms follow and then a whip. Hemme slams her down by the hair again, kicks her in the ass and then delivers some forearms. Hemme covers for 2. Hemme chokes her out with the boot, but Wilde fires back and the gets an arm drag. A clothesline follows, another and then a sloppy as northern light suplex for 2. Matrix by Hemme to avoid the kick, split leg drop by Hemme gets 2. To the 2nd rope and misses the split leg drop from the ropes. Wilde gets a German with a bridge for the win.

Winner: Taylor Wilde @ 3:00 via pin

That sucked. Blown moves hurt the match, and there is NO reason Christy Hemme should be getting that much offense in on the champ. She shouldn't even be in the ring.
RATING: DUD

-KONG and Saeed are out now. Wilde attacks as she enters the ring, Brooks tries to separate them, grabs Kong by the hair and Kong chokeslams her! Saeed and Kong beat down Wilde, and Saeed stands on her face. Kong then grabs her as Saeed gets a chair, lays it down and Gail Kim is out to make the save. She brawls with Kong, lung blower! Neck breaker on Saeed, but Kong levels her. Chops by Kong, a slam off of a cross body try by Kong and she misses a chair shot. Kim dropkicks it into her face and WAFFLES her with it! Gail runs off Kong as her sister is happy with the outcome.


-Rough Cuts with Consequences Creed is up next.

-Don and Mike say that the segments are cool so that we can learn about the person, good call chief.

-Lauren is with LAX, minus Homicide. Hector is pissed and says Homicide is not here due to what Beer Money did to him. If you attack someone in the family, you attack the entire family. Hernandez says when they took out Homicide, they took every thing from him. Not the titles, his brother. He is going back to the old ways, 5150 style, PRISON RULES WHITE BOY! I think he was nicely saying that he's going to make Storm his bitch.


-We get a video package of Beer Money winning the tag titles.

-Lauren is with Beer Money. They joke about Hernandez being upset. Roode says they beat them for the titles and they are on top of the world. Roode says they are the champions, and asks where Strom's belt is. He hid it under his "place belt here" shirt. Storm calls Hernandez queer, makes fun of drive through Mexican food (Jackie says she wants a beef taco, and they say no surprise there) and they are generally awesome.

James Storm w/Roode and Miss Jackie vs. Hernandez w/Salinas and Hector Guerrero

Hernandez attacks Storm on the floor and we're underway! Hernandez beats him down, tossed him in the ring and gets a big corner splash. He tosses Storm to the floor and BIG DIVE onto Beer Money! He tosses Storm back in, kills him Vader style with a charge and then delivers chops. A whip and reversal, Storm to the apron and an Enziguri by Storm then Roode gets a shot in as well. A knee drop by Storm and a cover for 2. Storm applies the chinlock, Hernandez to his feet and misses a clothesline and Storm gets a high knee, Harley Race style and covers for 2. Double fish hooks by Storm, slams Hernandez down and as he goes back on the attack Hernandez gets an Electric Chair. Both men are down, they get to their feet and rights by Hernandez. Off the ropes and a clothesline, and then another. Off the ropes and a big backdrop by Hernandez. SICK dragon style suplex and a cover for 2.To the corner, Storm set up top and chops by Hernandez. Hernandez up with him and Jackie grabs his foot, Storm fights back and gets the inverted tornado DDT for 2. Storm picks him up, airplane spin countered into a backdrop by Hernandez. Border Toss stopped by Roode, Hernandez sends him to the barricade and Storm gets a boot and leaps off the 2nd rope, caught and a SIT OUT MEX BOMB by Hernandez ends it.

Winner: Hernandez @ 5:00 via pin

It wasn't bad, but lacked some flow. Hernandez does have potential as a singles, but I think he needs to be in there with the right guy. The match was more about the interference from Roode and Jackie, with Hernandez overcoming it for the win. This should move to Hernandez vs. Roode next week, and when Homicide is back, a title rematch.
RATING: *¾


-Jim Cornette is out and says next week it is Hernandez vs. Roode. Also next week, Gail Kim will face Kong in a Knockouts Street Fight. At No Surrender, Joe will be in a four ways to glory match, with three challengers. They will have qualifiers, and next week Rhino faces Booker T for a slot in the match.

Olympic Rules Match: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles Kurt's Gold Medal is on the line

THE RULES:
No ropes
Three two minute periods
2pts for a takedown
2pts for a near fall
A pin ends it

AJ should be wearing his Gainesville Vocational Singlet. Period one begins, takedown by Angle and he gets 2 points. AJ shoots, misses and back up but Angle gets another takedown, 4-0 for Angle. Angle gets another takedown, and it is 6-0 for Angle. AJ is pissed, they circle and shoots but fails. He keeps trying, but gets nothing as the period ends. It is 6-0 for Angle.

Period two begins, knuckle lock and then they release. Angle gets a go behind, AJ fights and gets a near fall for 2 points as well as a takedown, 6-4 for Angle. One-minute left, Angle forces AJ to the floor and he is back in. Angle gets a takedown, and is now up 8-4. 25-seconds left, AJ gets a takedown and near fall and it is 8-8. The time ends for period two.

They go to a third period, tied 8-8. They circle, AJ tries for a takedown and fails. Go behind by AJ, and then a back elbow by Angle as the ref was distracted, gets a takedown and gets 2 points, up 10-8. Front facelock by Angle, he holds AJ down and looks to ride out the rime. LAY AND PRAY! AJ fights up, gets a toss and the ref is down. OLYMPIC REF BUMP! A clothesline by Angle as the ref is down, LIGHTS OUT, Sting's music and as they come back on he has a bat. LIGHTS OUT, JJ's MUSIC! Light back on and AJ has a guitar and WAFFLES ANGLE! Angle is bleeding from the cut from that ladder shot, and AJ covers for the win. Seriously, did the ref not see the shit left behind by the guitar?

Winner: AJ Styles via pin

I didn't realize that the Olympic Committee allowed Bats and Guitars.
RATING: I don't rate Olympic Style matches

-AJ wins the gold medal and poses as the show ends.

-End scene…

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