411's AWA on ESPN Classic Report 08.18.08

Posted by Randy Harrison on 08.19.2008

I passed out and I missed the first twenty minutes of the show...I knew that using these moonshine jugs as a rating system was going to be a bad idea...


411's AWA On ESPN Classic Report





AWA Championship Wrestling

For whatever reason, my DVR starts twenty minutes late and we join the show in time for a Baron Von Raschke promo, with Bischoff saying that people have been complaining and calling in, angry about the treatment that he received from The Texas Hangmen. Baron says he's recovered from the attack and that while they call themselves Psycho and Killer, he says that he's called himself an old friend to partner with him and he brings in BUCK ZUMHOFFE!! Buck looks pissed off and says that there won't be two Hangmen against one anymore because it's all coming to an end. He says that they won't be able to put anyone out of wrestling anymore, then turns to Johnnie Stewart, saying that they'll meet for the AWA Light Heavyweight Championship. Seeing Baron Von Raschke motioning with the clawhold and dancing to Buck's boombox is honestly one of the more frightening things I've ever seen.


We go to Lee Marshall with this week's Team Challenge Series report and we hear about the knockdown match with "Flapjack" Norton and Col. DeBeers, seeing highlights of Norton winning the match by knocking DeBeers down three times. DeBeers attacked Norton after the match, posting him and splitting him open, but Norton went all Hulk SMASH, when he saw his own blood and freaked out, running off DeBeers. Marshall messes up and says the Legends are leading, as well as in last place, but it shakes out with Baron's Blitzers at 40 points, Sarge's Snipers at 31 and Larry's Legends at 29. Marshall says that although it's late in the season, there's still a chance for anyone to win it all.


Bischoff welcomes us back to the show and says it's time to play word association, asking us what we think of when we think of excitement. If we said Tommy Jammer, we're right, though essentially it's an impossible game because NO ONE would say Tommy Jammer if the word was excitement. Green maybe, terrible definitely, but excitement? Certainly not the way I would have gone. Again, all this lying to the fans while doing this AWA show must have made it much easier for Bischoff when he was running WCW.


Match One-ish:
Tom Stone vs. Tommy Jammer

Jammer gets a decent-sized, high-pitched, Cena squeal as he makes his way to the ring and as Jammer makes his way into the ring, STONE ATTACKS!! Right hands in the corner from Stone and he tries an Irish whip, but Jammer reverses it into a back bodydrop!! Irish whip from Jammer and there's a hard shot to the gut followed by a big kneelift!! We cut to the outside to see Ox Baker eating one of his business cards a ringside. Ox, I know that the AWA was desperate, I know they didn't have craft services but spend the buck at the concession stand to get a box of popcorn. SPLURGE, man!!! In the ring Jammer hits a pair of dropkicks off of another Irish whip and he pins Stone before he can even take his ring jacket off!!

Winner: Tommy Jammer (pinfall, dropkick)

Match Analysis: Short and to the point. Stone is a great jobber and he did well to do exactly what he needed to do to hide how green Jammer was at this point. He had athleticism, but that doesn't always translate well to the ring, and in Jammer's case, it didn't.

After the match, Baker regurgitates the card and hands it up to Jammer while he's on the apron celebrating his big win. Jammer throws the card back in Baker's face and tells him to stick it up his ass. Figuratively of course, but still, you get the point.

After the match, we have a VERNE GAGNE SIGHTING!! He's with Bischoff and Eric asks him about Curtis Hughes and Gagne talks up all of Hughes' football background and how he's a great prospect in professional wrestling. He moves to talk about The Lumberjacks and how they're two huge men and they have great agility and that they're being taught wrestling to go along with their power and size. Gagne calls The Destruction Crew unpredictable and wonders about Mike Enos' broken shoulder and if it will affect them down the road. He talks about AWA World Heavyweight Champion Larry Zbyszko, saying that he's on his way down to Guam to defend the title, as well as South America and that he's going all over the world, to new places that he didn't go, even when he was champion. Bischoff turns to the camera, puts on his shit-eating grin and lies, saying that the very best wrestling action in the world is right here on ESPN.


Match Two-ish:
Steve Berg and Mike Braham vs. Mike Enos and Johnnie Stewart

Before the match, Bischoff brings up that Bloom is hurt and that while that's the official line, the rumor is that he's actually in Miami, getting pointers from the Miami Dolphins for an upcoming football match. Stewart and Berg get this one underway with Stewart looking supremely confident and shooting Berg off of the ropes out of a side headlock. Berg knocks him down with a shoulderblock and Stewart takes a minute to regroup and talks things over with Enos before going back to a lockup. Berg with right hands against the ropes and an Irish whip into a BIG backbreaker as he catches Stewart trying a cross bodyblock. Berg tags in Braham and Stewart is waiting for him with a cheap shot and a vertical suplex! Irish whip into a reverse elbow and Stewart just chokes Braham against the bottom rope before shooting him in for a powerslam. Tag to Enos and he picks Braham up in the powerslam position and rams him into the buckle, setting him up in the Tree of Woe and distracting the referee. Stewart works him over a little in the corner before getting the tag in and he whips Braham into the ropes, hitting him with the "loaded" high knee and getting the 1-2-3!!

Winners: Mike Enos and Johnnie Stewart (pinfall, Stewart high knee)

Match Analysis: Not bad for a mish-mash tag team and actually Stewart and Enos could have been entertaining in that same sense that guys like Shawn Michaels and Diesel were, with Stewart being the little gnat that gets under everyone's skin and Enos being the muscle to protect him. Decent little bout, but again, it was short and without much of a point.


After the break, Bischoff talks about Larry Zbyszko's championship reign, including losing to Mr. Saito, winning the title back from Saito, the two out of three falls loss to Nikita Koloff, and the time limit draw with The Trooper. He says that on a recently-finished tour of Guam and South America, Zbyszko beat both Kerry Von Erich and Sgt. Slaughter to defend the belt and that in today's main event, he's got a tough test in DJ Peterson. We head to a Peterson promo and he says that Zbyszko might be the ruler of Larryland and he might be sitting back counting all his money, but Peterson says he's been training and in the ring and his rankings have been on the rise. He says that today he gets his shot and he's going to make the most of it. That's it? Really? Terrible work from Peterson there. Zbyszko gets his rebuttal time and calls Peterson a tough athlete, but also a dreamer. He's dreaming if he thinks he's going to get to become the undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World. He says that Peterson is going to feel the same pain that Sammartino and Bockwinkel went through when he beat them and that Peterson's got a one-way ticket to Larryland!


Match Three-ish: AWA World Heavyweight Championship
DJ Peterson vs. Larry Zbyszko (c)

Zbyszko does his usual stall job while getting his ring gear off and the bell rings with Peterson faking a charge in before backing off to circle the ring. Another near-lockup as Peterson shoots in and Zbyszko backs off. Zbyszko with a knee to the gut and a cople of hard forearms off of a lockup and he follows that with a big slam and an even BIGGER vertical suplex for a two-count. Snap mare into a knee to the back and Zbyszko tries for another pin, getting only a one-count. Irish whip and Peterson tries a sunset flip, but Zbyszko just punches him in the face. Peterson kicks Zbyszko away and hits a couple of big bodyslams, clotheslinning Zbyszko down and headbutting him in the balls as Zbyszko takes a walk. Peterson follows Zbyszko out to the floor and there's a HUGE atomic drop from Peterson on the concrete. He brings Zbyszko up to the apron and suplexes him back into the ring for a two-count!! Irish whip from Peterson and they botch a back bodydrop spot with Zbyszko improvising a front facelock and trying for a swinging neckbreaker. Peterson reverses it into a backslide and gets a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG two-count before Zbyszko rams Peterson's face into the mat and runs to the corner.

Peterson follows him in and Irish whips him across to the opposite corner, missing a charge and eating a BIG knee from Zbyszko. Belly to back suplex from Zbyszko now and both men are down, with Zbyszko rolling Peterson over for a two-count. Bodyslam from Zbyszko and he gets another two-count off of that, before turning to the reverse chinlock. Zbyszko works in his usual spot SCREAMING at the referee to ring the bell as Peterson pounds his foot on the mat to fire himself and the crowd up. Peterson elbows his way out of the hold and they trade right hands in the middle of the ring, with Peterson coming out on top. Peterson with an Irish whip into the ropes for a dropkick, but Zbyszko holds the ropes and gets a two-count off of Peterson's miss. They struggle over a suplex as they get back to their feet and Peterson hits his snap suplex, putting both men back down for a referee's count. They stagger to their feet and trade right hands again before Peterson gets a reverse atomic drop and FIRES UP!! Irish whip into a powerslam from Peterson and he picks Zbyszko up for a GUT-WRENCH SUPLEX!! Peterson to the second rope for a FLYING ELBOW!! There's the cover!! 1-2.....NO!!! ZBYSZKO KICKS OUT!!

Referee Gary DeRusha gets knocked down and as he's down and out, Peterson gets a small package for at least a five-count, but it only gets two when DeRusha comes back around. Peterson smashes Zbyszko into the top turnbuckle and hammers with some right hands, but Zbyszko gets a double-leg takedown and uses the ropes in the corner!!! 1-2-3!!! ZBYSZKO RETAINS THE TITLE!!!

Winner: Larry Zbyszko (pinfall, rope-assisted roll-up)

Match Analysis: The same quality match from Zbyszko as we usually get, no matter who the opponent is. He isn't quite on the Flair level of making terrible workers look great, but he can take guys like DJ Peterson and The Trooper, who have some level of ability, and make them look like a million bucks. That's not even mentioning that he does that while still getting over as the chicken shit heel, which is talent in its own right. He has the perfect mix of supreme overconfidence and supreme fear that every good heel needs to make their schtick work. Good main event and good work from Zbyszko in this one.

Zbyszko and Peterson have a staredown and the belt is in the middle of the ring between them. Zbyszko backs off and Peterson picks up the belt, posing with it and playing to the crowd before making his way to the back with it. We get the replay of the finish again with Peterson getting the small package for a five-count with them saying that Peterson is making his case for being champion, before throwing it to Eric Bischoff.

Bischoff is in the back with Larry Zbyszko and Zbyszko says that Peterson is a moron, still running around with his belt, making a fool out of himself. When Peterson gets back to the locker room, the commission is going to take that belt away and give it right back to Larry Zbyszko. He's going to try to get Peterson fined for stealing the belt, and Eric Bischoff talks about all the challengers for Zbyszko's belt. He runs down Mr. Saito, Sgt. Slaughter, Nikita Koloff, Col. DeBeers, The Trooper, and Zbyszko says he's beaten them all. He says he's the Heavyweight Champion of the World and that Lurtsema cost him the Koloff match and that since then, he's been getting challenges from football players and that all of them want to interfere with his career. Zbyszko says that all the challengers are like white meat and it makes him as happy as he would be if Rob Lowe came over to take out his daughter and he beat the shit out of him. He says there's one man, one champion and that he'll see all of us jerks in LARRYLAND!! Great work from Zbyszko to close the show in style!!



Final Thoughts

Well, I feel like I have to be a little lenient on the AWA, since I missed about twenty minutes of the show. There were only two squashes (though I'm sure I missed at least two more), and the main event was actually pretty good for a change. Call me a softie, or call me being lenient for messing up the DVR, but I'll go with a two-jugger for this one.



I'll harbor the small hope that things might get better, if only for day or two. Now let's get to the comments as there's a bit of a controversy a-brewing.



Fun With Comments


From Guest#0473:
"Wow, Randy Harrison, the worst writer in 411mania history, is still writing his shit column that no one reads. You really need to get a life, you are wasting it clean. "


From Robert Tivari:
"How much longer is it until Sarges Snipers becomes Debeers Diamondcutters? I'm trying to remember how they explained the Sarges departure from the AWA and just how exactly Debeers took over as captain of the team.

And how exactly did this post above mine make it past the filters? I have to say to him, if he doesn't like Randy Harrison's column, then don't read it. Simple as that "


From Guest#9011 (Undoubtedly the same guest as before):
"Hey, Robert Tivari, fuck off. I didn't read this column, I've read them before, and it sickens me how someone can waste their lives recapping a tv show no one watches and not get paid for it. And it took less than a minute to write this."


From Scrotum Pole:
"Hey, Robert Tivari, fuck off. I didn't read this column, I've read them before, and it sickens me how someone can waste their lives recapping a tv show no one watches and not get paid for it. And it took less than a minute to write this.

Posted By: Guest#9011 (Guest) on August 18, 2008 at 06:42 PM

Yet someone with even less of a life feels the need to blast someone who puts forth the best column this site has to offer. I suspect a troll Tivari, so fuck him.

Question to Harrison. Have you ever walked on a wrestling show, be it WWE, WCW, TNA, or Indy? Cause I hate to say it but I was present at Starrcade 1994 and I wanted to walk. The only redeeming quality from that night was meeting a young HHH outside walking to his car and yelling that he had no chance(OOPS!).

And to everyone, did the WWF ever try to do a shawn micheals v Curt Hennig feud? I'm sure I could wiki it but I trust you guys more. "


From Guest#0266 (Yes, STILL the same guest from the first comment):
""Yet someone with even less of a life feels the need to blast someone who puts forth the best column this site has to offer. I suspect a troll Tivari, so fuck him. "

Dead wrong, I have a full and balanced life. I have a job, I go to school, I have friends, I have hobbies, and you probably don't do any of this. It takes me less than a minute to have my meaningful opinion be heard. "


Finally on the topic, from Guest#2765 (not the same person):
""Dead wrong, I have a full and balanced life. I have a job, I go to school, I have friends, I have hobbies, and you probably don't do any of this. It takes me less than a minute to have my meaningful opinion be heard."

I was just wondering...can other people see these friends of yours too or are they just your special friends? Also, you do seem like you lead a very fulfilling life...spending your time commenting to a column you don't read and then going back to check comments left on said column to see if anyone has replied...yes, you seem to lead a rather busy day. I also go to school and work two jobs while maintaining an engagement as well as a very active social life, Randy Harrison is an entertaining writer as well as a great editor on nokaut.com...so keep checking back and cutting him down, give him those hits and continue whatever meager existance you currently call life that allows you take not only the time but effort to needlessy complain...god you're a bitchcake and a half. "

The debate on whether I deserve to even have a column here at 411mania rears its ugly head yet again as the same commenter that blasted me last time has returned. I think that the last commenter above me has pretty much said what everyone else is thinking, as well as Robert and Scrotum Pole. There has only been one person who has chosen to not like my work, and they've chosen to do so while hiding under a guest number. If you really feel like you have to click on my column to leave me hate, as well as clicking back and back, over and over to defend your hatred of me, by all means, I'll happily enjoy taking your hits and becoming even more popular and more entrenched. I've never once wanted this to be the most popular column on the site or the most-read or anything of that nature. There are lots of fans who enjoy old-school wrestling and so I do this as a bit of a side hobby for those people, as well as for myself since I enjoy watching the old shows. It rarely takes a lot of my time, or at least nowhere near the amount of time you feel like it takes, and I am actually being paid rather well for my time being put in at Nokaut.com, so I'm just doing this because I enjoy it. If that's somehow wrong to you, then so be it, but there's no need to come in here and piss on everyone's parade. The environment in this comment section is one of the better in the wrestling zone as there is a lot less trolling and a lot less negative comments than most other columns, and we all like it that way. If you keep coming back, be sure to check back for my replies, as I said before, it gives me more hits. If you don't, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. You won't be missed.


On to happier topics, from Guest:
"With the abandonment of all the wrestlers at this point, It was a great chance for under card wrestlers to step up. Did anyone step up and go on to a good career? "

I don't think so. I mean there's the usual deal with Kokina Maximus becoming Yokozuna, but outside of that, I don't think there were many of the undercard guys that went on to become anything of note. If anyone knows otherwise, feel free to send in a comment, but I'm pretty sure that when the AWA dried up and went away, so did most of their mid-card.


From Guest. :
"Another show with a lackluster main. Its still telling that with the AWA almost dead that quite a few of these guys would go onto better things and make it in the bigs later on down the line.

DeBeers continues to be the best thing not named Zbyszko on this show. He was probably the third best worker left outside Larry and Sarge, and the second best promo guy outside Larry. I as well enjoyed the whole gamut of emotions that ran through his face in his promo, as he sold that about as well as anyone could.

You know, initially I didn't mind Benchwarmer Bob, but with his pathetic offense there, I mean, I feel sorry Enos and Stewart had to sell that. LeDoux wasn't great or anything, but at least Larry made him look good.

I must say, I loved Big Cat in the end of his interview. Most guys if they lost would be fuming and wanting revenge for the chicanery. But Big Cat, he smiles a goofy smile and just says next time. Its the subtle old school racism I miss, although Lee's talking of Jones' hair had its moments as well."

It is telling about most of the AWA main eventers going on to success elsewhere, and it speaks more to how much Verne had lost the fans more than anything else. He had decent talent on top, he had booking that could still get the job done at times, but because the fans had become so tired of seeing the top stars go elsewhere, they stopped caring about Verne's product. Why care about a guy or cheer for him when six months down the road, he'll probably be gone? DeBeers' facial work on that promo was fantastic and his bug-eyed look at the end made me laugh out loud.


From Jasper:
"If I didn't already hate The Lumberjacks I do now with them bastardizing "Werewolves of London." And is it just me or does Scott Norton look like a really pissed off Doug Heffernon from King of Queens? If your gimmick is that you can eat alot of pancakes, then you got a raw deal man.

I agree with the post above me, Col. Debeers is rocking it. His promo after the match had me busting with laughter. More Debeers, less everyone else please.

Who is Bob Lurtzama and why is he on my TV? He looks like my middle school science teacher. I've never followed football before, but was he some sort of celebrity in the 80s/90s?


Jake Milliman as The Hobbit! Book it now! "

Lurtsema was essentially a backup player on the defensive line for the Minnesota Vikings and a bit of a local Minnesota celebrity, so the AWA, in their attempts to look big-time, brought him in and started to stick him in angles. It's funny to see everyone so high on DeBeers. He was good as usual, but at this point I think he looks better than everyone merely because of how bad everyone else is. DeBeers' skills in the ring were starting to get a bit more limited so while he was still a great promo, he couldn't back it up in the ring like he did even three or four years before against the likes of Jimmy Snuka.


From Dave:
"I'm curious about a few things with this episode. One of the announcers said something about the lumberjack's match about recording it and showing it to a physics class. Umm, to prove what? That if you don't study you might get stuck working for Verne? Second, how are they going to pull off a light heavy tournament? They barely have enough guys to have a heavyweight division. And as for Lurt that was completely pathetic. I mean he screwed up a double leg takedown.(How hard is it to do one, it's so basic you don't really have to explain the basic concept.) Guess the old rule of "If he can't do anything have him do the claw" still holds but it did sound weird that they're basically saying he's in the tank for the blitzers."

You're pretty much spot-on with all of your thoughts. The announcers didn't have a clue what they were talking about most times. There probably wasn't a light heavyweight tournament per se, and they just had a couple of matches at the TV tapings and then made up the rest of the matches. Finally, Lurtsema was essentially useless, but with the AWA grasping at straws, they had to try anything to get their name out there. This was their pathetic attempt at getting an "ESPN moment", despite being on the network, and the WWF would blow them out of the water by getting Lawrence Taylor a couple of years later, showing just how bush-league Verne's outfit was.


Finally, an answer to Scrotum Pole's HBK/Perfect question, from Jasper:
"Yes the WWE did do an HBK vs. Curt Hennig feud. It was over the IC title circa 1993-94 ish. They met at a Summerslam and HBK retained thanks to interference from Deisel if memory serves me right. "

That sounds about right to me off the top of my head, but I could be wrong on it. I do remember that there was some sort of issue between them, but for the life of me, I can't put my finger on it.

That does it for the comments and for today's show. If anyone knows what happened in the first twenty minutes of the AWA show, feel free to let me know what I missed, though I suspect it's not much. I know I've said it before, but yes, more UWF will be coming this week, I promise. Or is that threatening? Anyhow, see you all back here tomorrow, hopefully with less drama!!