Cheap plugs – check out classic Raws in the video section and my review of Dexter: Season 2 in the Movies/TV section.
August 18, 2008
Live from Chicago, Ill.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.
Chris Jericho is out to lay the blame for knocking Shawn Michaels' wife cold where it belongs – directly at Shawn's feet. After all, Shawn just had to admit that Jericho was the driving force behind his retirement. The fans really, REALLY don't like Jericho.
Batista vs. Paul Burchill.
Burchill's entrance was during the commercial, which doesn't bode well for him. At least he gets some offense in – attacking Batista's leg, injured last night by John Cena. Batista shrugs him off, drives him into the corner, and finishes with the Demonbomb at 1:52. 3/4*
General Manager Mike Adamle introduces us to Carlito's brother Primo Colon. They need to give him a manger named Egoiste. Adamle can't talk now because he has to greet John Cena. Cena sees Batista in the hall and congratulates him on a job well done.
Mickie James & Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall & Katie Lea.
Jillian butchers Chicago so bad I expected Peter Cetera to do a run-in. Mickie and Jillian do a neat hip-toss-into-a-monkeyflip-into-a-cartwheel spot because apparently we're in Michinoku Pro now. The heels take over on Kelly with a hair-pull Electric Chair. Katie's having trouble keeping her thong hidden. Is that the sound of angels singing? Mickie gets the hot tag, and the faces hit a double dropkick. Kelly takes out Jillian as Katie rolls up Mickie. Mickie kicks out and finishes with the DDT at 4:54. Kind of fun, actually. *3/4
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Jamie Noble.
Poor Jamie Noble. He doesn't even get to pick a fight this week. JBL is grumpy, so he just starts dropping elbows like bombs on Dresden and hits the Clothesline from Hell. That sets up another just for spite. ONE – the ref stops the match in the middle of the count, confusing everyone. You know, the match would have been just as over if he counted three. JBL gets the KO win at 2:52. 1/2*
College - what a unique and daring concept this looks to be. The only way it could be more generic is if it were, in fact, called Movie. Oh, a wacky fraternity where they party a lot and get in trouble with the dean. What's next, a double-crossed hitman coming for revenge?
Bangkok Dangerous - oh, goddamnit.
Adamle announces that Shane and Stephanie McMahon have created a "new championship match concept." Basically, it's the same as the Hardcore match at WrestleMania 2000. Twenty minutes, and anyone can pin anyone else. The last guy with the title when time runs out is the champ. The participants are Punk, JBL, Kane, Batista & Cena. That sounds tailor-made to screw Punk out of the title now that Orton won't be back for a while.
Handicap Match: John Cena vs. Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes.
This can't be good. If Cena wins, the tag team champions look like pussies. If the tag team champions win, it's no big deal because they're *supposed* to beat one guy. Sidebar: I just watched the "remake" of April Fool's Day, and I have to say Cena is a lucky man getting to work with Taylor Cole in his next movie. Hopefully, she keeps those leather boots. Cryme Tyme comes down and steals the tag titles before the match. We take a break and come back to Cena getting his ass kicked. Apparently, during the break he was dominant. Funny how that works. Cena takes a long beating – nearly 7 minutes – before coming back and putting Cody in the STFU. That gets the tapout at 12:01. Oy. The worst part is that Cena took a huge beating but came back with a short sequence and got a quick tapout. WAY TO GO, MATTHEW LILLARD! Btw, how long can you reasonably be cocky if you're always a loser? I guess we'll have to ask Ryan Leaf. *1/2
Last night, Shawn Michaels and his wife Rebecca… went home.
CM Punk says he'll deal with Chris Jericho tonight. The one-swipe- on-the-cheek-with-the-razor look makes Punk extra sleazy.
Babylon A.D.. - this should be worth it just for Vin Diesel's awesome delivery of the line "Yes, now please, get into the car."
Santino Marella (w/Beth Phoenix) vs. D-Lo Brown. Kofi Kingston joins commentary. D-Lo misses a missile dropkick but comes back with the skaky-shaky leg drop. He goes up for the Lo Down, but Beth hops up to shield her manbitch. D-Lo gets in her face about it, so she slaps him for the DQ at 1:35. D-Lo clotheslines Santino to the floor where Kofi slams his face into the announce table for good measure. 3/4*
Kane has a remix of his original music now. He says he got sick of Rey being a fungus so he attacked him in the parking lot. After he's finished with his Scooby Doo explanation, Batista runs down to give him a spinebuster to continue their side feud. You'd think if any feud were to continue it would be CM Punk's quest to get a clean win over Batista and 'prove himself.'
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho (w/Lance Cade).
Punk comes out firing with kicks, but Jericho ducks to the corner and goes to the eyes. Jericho misses a charge and gets locked in the Tarantula Clutch. That leads to a sunset flip for two, and we go to break. We come back to Jericho holding a modified Cobra Clutch. He switches up to an abdominal stretch and pounds on Punk's ribs. Punk fights out but takes the Lionsault. He blocks the Walls of Jericho and counters with a huracanrana for two. Jericho gets the Walls, but Punk makes the ropes. Punk fights Jericho off the top and bulldogs him. Oh, but Cade gets up on the apron, distracting Punk long enough for Jericho to hit the Codebreaker at 13:08. Way to be the hero there, CM. Jericho just kind of walks off because we're out of time. I guess Punk is the new Booker. Good match, though, and I'm surprised they didn't just do this for Unforgiven to put more heat on Jericho for the beg Shawn Michaels showdown. ***
The 411: Chicago shows are always fun. This was no exception. Punk's loss doesn't do him any favors, but it looks like they're going to put a lot of promotion behind the Jericho/HBK storyline (and rightly so). The "Championship Scramble" sounds like a clusterfuck waiting to happen, though.
So far Punk's a disappointment- just too boring IMO.
That was total BS how they buried Simply Priceless, Noble, and Paul Birchill. You can't get any higher up than Batista and Cena so why bury the midcard? Local jobbers could have done Noble's and Birchill's roles and the handicap match was just crap! Here's a switch, have Priceless win against Cena- it's believable that they could beat him together! It'd help them and Super Cena would not lose any steam.
Total SHIT booking.
Posted By: FUZEY (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 02:39 PM
"College - what a unique and daring concept this looks to be. The only way it could be more generic is if it were, in fact, called Movie."
Good sir, you just made my day.
Now don't say anything like that too loud, because you never know when those idiots behind Disaster Movie and all that other garbage might be listening. For Christ's sake, we could end up with "Movie Movie," man!
Much as I like Kane's new entrance theme (especially since it fits heel Kane much better than "Slow Chemical"), I have to mourn the loss of Finger Eleven a bit. That was a damn fine theme as well.
Posted By: Hunter (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 02:41 PM
If they are going to run a scramble, it should be longer than 20 minutes. Usually in a triple threat for fatal fourway, they go for 20 minutes to get one pinfall. So here, we are going to get 3-4 in 20 minutes... makes no sense.
I hate the scramble idea. Its as if Russo was booking the PPVs all over again.
Posted By: Guest#7354 (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 02:43 PM
dude you totally skipped over batista running down and attacking kane and STILL selling his leg injury from the night before.
Posted By: Joe (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 02:44 PM
That is now the 2nd really, really good Raw match Punk & Jericho have had. Maybe even 3rd. I would have rather the WWE make Punk/Jericho the Unforgiven main event, give them 20-25 minutes to rock the house and then have the inevitable HBK run-in.
Kane & JBL can go f themselves...I don't want to see them wrestle anymore.
Posted By: O'Dog (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 02:48 PM
That Primo Colon link = WIN
Posted By: Kevin F. (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 02:50 PM
I believe this is different than the Hardcore match, if I remember correctly in the Hardcore match you could only pin the champion, here you can anyone.
Posted By: Wicked (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:01 PM
wtf wheres the kane/batista brawl.
Posted By: nemz08 (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:15 PM
Better hope there are no RAWs in Canada between now and the end of this Jericho-HBK feud if they want to keep HBK face...
Posted By: Stanley (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:15 PM
Glad I missed this show! Pretty bad booking/matches if you ask me (which you didn't).
Posted By: jackdespenser (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:20 PM
In the scramble, couldn't one technically score a pinfall and then run to the back and not come back. He would lose by countout and technically not lose the title right? My main problem with it though is the time limit, why is it a given that we will have several title changes. Why couldn't Punk just avoid getting pinned for 20 minutes, a strong champion should be able to do so. It should be more like an hour time limit. I gristled when I saw the handicap match, I knew Cena was going to win. You are right, you never saw Hogan beat Demolition one on two, but now it happens all the time. Just lazy, I get the same reaction when two opponents have to team up with each other, its boring and lazy storytelling. I miss being excited and suprised, it happened most every Monday night when the Monday night wars were going on.
Posted By: piperfan01 (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:22 PM
FFS why does everyone have to job in their hoemtown.
You can only shit on the fans so much.
Posted By: RJM (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:31 PM
Question: Weren't John Cena and Mickie James an on screen couple in the making? Did that just disappear with no payoff or did I miss something? I didn't like it anyway, but it seems odd.
Posted By: Shockmaster (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:33 PM
Crap. My mousepad highlights things I don't want to sometimes. I must have pushed the space button and deleted the Kane/Batista part.
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on August 19, 2008 at 03:37 PM
Actually, JD, I thought the complete opposite when the scramble match was announced. It seems like a fairly obvious way to extend the Punk title reign for another month without having to put him over another guy clean as a sheet, and to play up his underdog role. (I could easily see a sequence of finishers in the last thirty seconds than ends with Punk falling on JBL or Kane for the final pin after some softening up by the established main event faces.) Maybe it's just because it strikes me as obvious that Jericho's the next champ with Randall Q. Dumbfuck out of the picture again. (Please, Vince, put Orton on Smackdown when he returns so I can continue enjoying this fresh main event picture on RAW we've had since Punk became champ.) Certainly, neither JBL nor Kane is going to get the belt, and this environment doesn't particularly strike me as a kosher way to move the belt to Cena or Batista.
Posted By: Texas Kelly (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:40 PM
This review is terrible, not only is it just talking points but you didn't even recap some things of importance. I think someone's jumping the shark.
Posted By: Guest#8568 (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 03:41 PM
I love the pun! "Beat Money Inc. BUY himself"! Brilliant.
Posted By: T.G. Corke (Registered) on August 19, 2008 at 03:43 PM
well that was an ass-clown of a show, but punk and jericho have such a great chemistry together it makes me think of what they couldve done together if jericho was in his WCW shape and age.
btw, d-lo's GET THE STEPPIN was so hilarious i had snot coming out from all sorts of different places..
Posted By: sutt (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 04:09 PM
"Jillian butchers Chicago so bad I expected Peter Cetera to do a run-in."
Too funny.
Posted By: Shockwave82 (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 04:25 PM
Why all the fuss over CM Punk? The guy is scrawny, fake, and really boring. Get rid of the bum. Really, CM Fans are tools.
Posted By: Jimmy (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 04:38 PM
"They need to give him a manager named Egoiste."
Magnum TOKYO??
Posted By: BlueMeanieUK (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 04:40 PM
"I love the pun! "Beat Money Inc. BUY himself"! Brilliant."
Much like discovering gravity, though, it was unintentional.
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on August 19, 2008 at 05:13 PM
Cena beating Ted and Cody didn't bother me. Cena has more experience, was on a mission after his loss the night before, and Ted and Cody had to have been distracted from them getting their titles stolen. People need to chill. Watch it for what it is and let the story play out. Also, concerning Beth's nip slip, I just watched it on youtube and I saw nothing. Sorry
Posted By: Thr Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 05:32 PM
"Why all the fuss over CM Punk? The guy is scrawny, fake, and really boring."
Don't forget greasy.
Posted By: Slick (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 05:57 PM
To the people aboves comments:
Punk couldn't just run away, Adamle said anyone can pin anyone.
Mickie and Cena quit the on-air storyline because it was mucking up their real-life relationship.
Kane's new theme sounds like an amalgamation with his old theme and Mankind's old theme.
Posted By: Wicked (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 06:13 PM
"Why all the fuss over CM Punk? The guy is scrawny, fake, and really boring. Get rid of the bum. Really, CM Fans are tools. "
You said it brother. WWE should just push people with bulging biceps and rock hard abs who weigh 300 pounds. Not people who look like CM Punk who look lame and faggy. I don't care if Congress may investigate the WWE. WWE should honor wrestlers who take steroids for all the pain and commitment to get all big and buff.
Posted By: Guest#5105 (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 06:21 PM
I wonder if they would use the Jericho win as a way to pencil him in as a sixth man. That is, provided HBK doesn't come back by Unforgiven (I would think they would use a bigger show for his return match).
Posted By: Dave (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 06:29 PM
the tag team belts are such a pointless accessory nowadays, they should just cut their losses and melt them down into a golden shovel for cena, so he can continue burying the roster in style.
oh and i SWORE, i saw a beth phoenix nipple, but i must have been mistaken. i'm sure this would have been covered in detail during your rant if i was indeed correct.
Posted By: hellboysetsfire (Guest) on August 19, 2008 at 10:59 PM
"oh and i SWORE, i saw a beth phoenix nipple, but i must have been mistaken. i'm sure this would have been covered in detail during your rant if i was indeed correct."
Kinda busy with the whole thong thing to notice.
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on August 19, 2008 at 11:36 PM
I urge everyone to read Jake the Snake Roberts reviews of RAW, this is just a portion of his views on last nights RAW..
"Rhodes, Dibiase, vs Cena
Why would we want so much distance in the caliber of talent presented? Last week the kids beat Cena and Batista. And even after the super physical match-up at Slam, Cena able to come back next day and beat two guys that him and Batista could not beat the week before. Bastista didn't look real bad, hell he even limped occasionally, but he still did his power moves and each time landing on the knees hard. Cena, who supposedly had his guts jumbled by Batista bomb off second rope which announcers over-sold, yet he was sent out to humiliate the champs two on one. But it gets worse. Before match starts, Cryme Tyme runs down and steal the belts ... surely headed to pawn shop... but wait a minute … break the windows out of limo spray paint it with graffiti, hmmm, and theft now? Where the hell is Al Sharpeton when you need him? Most of the work was solid although Dibiase moved too soon for Cena to hit turnbuckle. When you do that, makes baby face look like an idiot. Better way to do it, is when you hit the corner, and he heads toward you, take a half a step out begin falling and hit him in the back which propels him into turnbuckle. Now for those who want real heat, have the referee two steps from the corner, along the rope, as baby face charges reach out grab ref's hand and pull yourself out of corner that way. Or you could pull referee into harms way.
Lets talk about anticipation. You see it's okay to telegraph an evil and behind the back cheating move such as, tag partner, draws ref, you go to floor, and do damage on the face. Smart guys telegraphing but they don't do it. They let the referee turn around and catch them just as they are about to unload. Respecting the referee and not going for cheap heat and that is what it is, when you turn the referee around and allow your partner to go for the kill. What really sucks is when face has tag team partner standing in the corner with his thumb up his Ga-haaa ... you get it. Rhodes, you need to work on your kicks, also. Learn how to stand up, you don't want to accentuate your lack of height. Who's taller, you or Adamle? Now here we go, this stinks to high heaven. Guys worked hard, and Cena did his part as only he can. But after selling for six minutes, he hulks up, gets up, forgets what he was selling and just kicks everybody's butt. Cena--not only do you destroy your opponent's credibility but this also makes you a phony. You should know better than that. " Jake Roberts.
He is a really underutilized brain, too bad he has those demons, he really knows what he is talking about, again I urge everyone to read it.
Posted By: piperfan01 (Guest) on August 20, 2008 at 12:03 AM
Why does the WWE insist on pi**ing off hometown crowds? Just a couple of weeks ago, Mickie James got pinned in Richmond. Jim Ross was routinely humiliated in Oklahoma City, or Tulsa or wherever he lives. William Regal nearly almost jobs in London (OK, not his hometown but it is his home country). All bad enough - but to job out the WORLD CHAMPION in his hometown, in front of a hot crowd who always turn up in big numbers, is the stupidest booking I've ever seen.
Posted By: APinOz (Guest) on August 20, 2008 at 03:36 AM
I hope it was a one off for Paul Burchill. I was hoping he'd beat Kofi for the IC belt, but now that Santino has it I guess he won't to able to get hold of that for a while. But hopefully they won't have him jobbing out quickly with no entrance music again, as he's way too good for that,
Posted By: Big M (Guest) on August 21, 2008 at 07:00 PM
