411's WWE Raw Report 9.01.08

Posted by Daniel Wilcox on 09.01.2008

And we now know, "he" is alive.

In memory of Walter Kowalski.

Jerry ‘The King' Lawler and Michael Cole are your hosts as usual.

Randy Orton is here to kick off the show! He's still sporting a sling. He says he is still injured but there is something he wants to get off of his chest. A brand is only as strong as its champions. Raw is now an absolute joke. Beth Phoenix runs around like a lovesick teenager. He says she is embarrassing herself, and the crowd pop big for that. Santino is the weakest Intercontinental Champion in WWE history. Orton could beat Santino even with his broken clavicle. He calls Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase worthless as opposed to Priceless. If a couple of thugs took his title he'd track them down and beat ‘em. But the real problem is the man disgracing the World Heavyweight Championship, CM Punk. He takes offence to the way Punk won the title and he would love to challenge Punk to a match tonight and take back what is his, but he isn't medically cleared. But when he is, and it won't be long, he will reclaim this show and make everyone forget about the sorry, history of Raw known as CM Punk. Speaking of which, CM Punk is out now. They go nose-to-nose and talk trash. Punk says he has a headache from listening to Orton. Punk prefers not to live in the past. Not everyone has daddy and granddaddy behind them to usher them in, and some people have to work hard to get to the top. It doesn't matter how he won, the fact is, he is the champion. Punk mocks Orton's motorcycle accident. He says Orton went from The Age of Orton to a complete afterthought. Punk says Orton is jealous, and Orton calls him pathetic. Punk says this is as close as Orton will get to the World Championship. Punk says there's only one person in this ring who's pathetic and it's not him. Orton says the conversation will have to continue at a later time. He backs out of the ring and heads up the ramp. Punk says he wants him to know he'll do everything in his power to hold on to the title so when Orton comes back he will see what Punk is all about….

JBL is out now. He says Punk does not get it. Fairy tales are not real and in six days, the clock will strike midnight, Cinderella and in 6 days, the title reign is over. There's an 80% chance he'll lose the title. A true champion will walk out of Unforgiven known as JBL. Kane is out now. Kane says he has been to Hell and he didn't see JBL's clothesline. But Rey Mysterio was there. He won't be at Unforgiven and he won't be here tonight because he made sure of it. That means he is one step closer…

Batista is here. He does not look like a happy camper. He snatches the mic… SPEAR on Kane! SPEAR to JBL! Stares down Punk… SPEAR to Punk! Told you he wasn't happy.

Charlie Haas gets the biggest pop of his life as he comes out to John Cena's music, dressed as John Cena. He says the Haas is here and you can't see him.

Kofi Kingston vs. John Cenaas

Kofi counters a hip toss into a monkey flip early and beats Haas in the corner, but Charlie comes out with a right hand. He does the "you can't see me" bit but gets kicked in the head. Clotheslines and a dropkick by Kofi, flying forearm and a rebound crossbody. The Thunder Clap leg drop follows, but Kofi then runs into boot. FU attempt, countered into an O' Conner roll. Haas rolls through that and they fall into the ropes. Both men up and Kofi connects with Trouble in Paradise for 3!

Winner: Kofi Kingston

"Rock Out" by Motorhead is the official Unforgiven theme song. The new album is awesome.

In the back, Simply Priceless don't take too kindly to Randy Orton's words. Orton slaps Cody like a bitch. He tells them to grow a sack because they're the most talented in the lockerroom.

Mike Adamle welcomes Tiffany and Teddy Long to Raw tonight. They make small talk until Kane shows up all angry. He wants to know what the deal is with Mike announcing Rey will return. Adamle says he announced Rey because he wanted to send out a message to Rey. He wants him to accept the invitation. Kane says his body has been massacred and his soul extinguished, but by all means, keep hoping.

ECW Championship Scramble Battle Royal Preview: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy vs. The Miz vs. Finlay vs. Chavo Guerrero

It's a Battle Royal, so there's only so much play-by-play I can blag here. They all target Henry early ‘cause he's a big ass motherfucker. But he shoves them all away and knocks them all down. Hardy fairs better against him and he and Miz hit double DDT on him. Miz takes down Matt after. Finlay slams Chavo onto Henry. Miz and Hardy try to suplex each other over. Finlay hits Chavo with the Finlay Roll. Hardy drills Miz with the Side Effect. Chavo tries to trick Miz and toss him, but Henry tosses them both. Splash to Finlay. Big boot to Hardy. Hardy avoids a charge and backs Henry up in the corner. The faces team up to try and toss Henry, but he holds on. Henry scoops Finlay up and dumps him. Hardy on the attack, to the middle rope and hits an elbow. Twist of Fate countered, Henry picks him up and dumps him out.

Winner: Mark Henry

Earlier tonight, Chris Jericho looked through a contract!

Jamie Noble has brought Layla out to show her what he can do.

Jamie Noble w/ Layla vs. William Regal

Regal backs Noble into the corner and batters him, then hits the Regal Plex. Knee to the face by Regal a forearm and now a full nelson. They exchange roll ups but Regal decks Noble with a forearm. Regal hits another Regal Plex and Noble is dead. Noble catches him a small package though and that gets the win.

Winner: Jamie Noble

Layla is kind of impressed, and looks kind of impressive.

In the back, Mickie James and Kelly Kelly do some stretching. Yes they do. Mickie says they have a surprise in store.

Jillian wants to perform for us. Who'd have thought you could make a Nelly song sound worse than normal? Beth Phoenix says she is the most talented Diva to ever step foot in this ring. The returning Candice Michelle returns with her God awful music.

Kelly Kelly, Mickie James and Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall and Katie Lea Burchill

Kelly and Katie start and work some basic stuff. Kelly gets her little backflip in and a dropkick. Mickie in off the tag and hits the top rope Thesz Press. Low dropkick by Mickie gets 2. Hall in now and pummels Mickie, but James fights out of the corner but the Mickiecanrana is blocked from the outside. Beth in and gets 2 off a suplex. The heels work her over in the corner and Katie comes back in with a kick. She chokes her on the middle rope. Hall misses a charge and Katie gets clotheslined. Neckbreaker for Hall. Beth stops a tag, but then doesn't. Candice in with forearms. She blocks a hip toss and botches a head scissors. Candice hits a version of the Edge-O-Matic, nice. Candice goes up top. The heels try and push her off but Mickie and Kelly take them out. Crossbody by Candice, but Beth rolls through. Candice slips out of her clutches and gets a roll up for 3.

Winners: Kelly Kelly, Mickie James and Candice Michelle

We get highlights of the last few weeks of the Michaels/Jericho feud.

Santino Marella calls Randy Orton a sonumagun. He will be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all times. Santino debuts the Honk-A-Meter. Honky Tonky Man was champion for a record 2 weeks. Santino has been champ 2 weeks. In 62 weeks, he will be the greatest champion of all time.

Santino Marella vs. D'Lo Brown

Santino drives D'Lo back into the corner with thrusts but gets slapped. He then runs right into a leg lariat. Corner clothesline by Santino for 2.D'Lo ducks a clothesline and avoids a dropkick. Shining Wizard by D'Lo now. He goes up top but misses the Frog Splash, and Santino covers for the win!

Winner: D'Lo Brown

WWE 24/7 – Stone Cold stunned Mr. McMahon for the first time in 1997.

The Miz and John Morrison vs. Cryme Tyme

Cryme Tyme come out wearing tag team gold. Miz and Morrison block them off on the ramp and drill them. Morrison mocked Cryme Tyme's dancing, glorious! Rhodes and DiBiase attack from behind. They lay out Shad with the tag title belt. In the ring, Cody hits a DDT to JTG on to the tag title.

Winner: N/A

In the back, Rhodes and DiBiase walk into Randy Orton and show off their belts. Orton approves.

The St. Louis Rams are in the front row.

Josh Matthews, Mr. Kennedy and Mickie James encourage people to SmackDown their vote.

Todd Grisham asks Batista about Rey Mysterio. Batista says he will destroy everyone.

Randy Orton is out to watch the following match from ringside. For some reason, Punk enters third.

Raw Championship Scramble, Battle Royal Preview: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. Batista vs. JBL

Batista and Kane pair off, and JBL and Punk likewise. Batista takes out both heels with a double shoulder tackle. Spinebuster to Kane! Clothesline in the corner to both JBL and Punk. JBL goes for the Clothesline from Hell but gets Speared. Punk walks into a spinebuster. Bomb attempt, but Kane boots Batista, and Punk clotheslines him out. JBL hits a big boot on both Punk and JBL, but then gets back dropped to the floor by Punk. Kicks by Punk to the thighs, forearms now but Kane gets an uppercut and now pummels Punk in the corner. Running clothesline in the corner connects. Punk tries to dump Punk but he holds on, battles back and fights out. He walks into a big boot though. Sidewalk slam now by Kane. Punk avoids a charge and hits the running knee in the corner… three times. Kane blocks the bulldog and hits another big boot. Kane runs into an elbow… G2S attempt, Kane elbows out and tosses Punk to the apron. Pnuk springboards into a goozle and gets tossed.

Winner: Kane

Punk lands at Orton's feet, and Orton applauds. Punk gets in his face and throws his water in his face.

Rey Mysterio's music hits… and he is here! Rey baseball slides under a boot and hits a dropkick. Chop block. Rey on the attack in the mount position. Low dropkick… 619 attempt but Kane rolls to the floor. Dropkick through the ropes by Kane. Rana attempt blocked, but Kane gets sent into the ring post. Rey to the apron… 619 around the ring post! Kane goozles him though but Rey blocks, hits a rana off the guardrail sending Kane into the front row!

Contract Signing: Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho

Jerry Lawlee is overseeing the proceedings. Two lawyers are in the ring. Chris Jericho is out first, appropriately dressed. Lawler says Mike Adamle asked him to moderate this signing. WWE will be absolved of any legal ramifications. Shawn Michaels is here now, dropping the straw hat for a nice black one. Jericho is seated and avoiding eye contact. Michaels takes a seat now. Lawler says Adamle has said if there is any physicality between them tonight, the match at Unforgiven will be called off. Jericho signs. Michaels signs. Lawler thanks them both. Jericho says enough. He asks why all the security? Shawn says it's not his security and if he had it his way it'd just be the two of them. Jericho dismisses the security. Jericho says he followed Shawn's advice. At Summerslam, Shawn told him to sit his kids down and told them that he would never be like him. Jericho told them he would never be like Shawn Michaels, a lying egomaniac. Jericho told his famly not to watch Unforgiven because of what he is capable of. Jericho won't go easy on him because of what happened to Rebecca. He will end his career for good this time and show everyone what happens to a man who lives his life like Shawn does. Just like Michaels put Flair out of his misery at WrestleMania, Chris will put Shawn out of his at Unforgiven. The only difference is, Jericho isn't sorry, on the contray, he is proud of it. He will finish him off for good. Jericho says Shawn asked for this match so when he his sat at home, the only person to blame is himself.

Michaels takes comfort in the fact that Chris' family won't be watching. Neither will his. But someday he will tell them about this, about the day when their father was this close to walk away. Sometimes you've got to look evil right in the face and spit in its eye. All the pain and sufferring that he has put Shawn through will rain down on him at Unforgiven with no remorse. He will never apologize for the man that I am or the life he has lived. He will have no regrets about what happens. Unforgiven, it's an appropriate name. He will never forgive Jericho for what he has done. He hopes someday God will forgive him for what he will do to Jericho.

They stand up. Shawn takes his jacket off. Lance Cade is here but Michaels blocks him off and takes him out. Jericho leaves up the ramp.