The Dope on Smackdown 09.05.08

Posted by Michael O on 09.06.2008

"I cut down trees, I wear high heels,
suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
just like my dear Mama.
Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night, I work all day..."





Dedicated to the memory of Walter "Killer" Kowalski

We were LIVE from St.Louis, MO with Jim Ross & Tazz.

Hunter comes out to tell us he'll successfully defend his strap because he's the H-ingest H that ever H-ed, though he at least admits that he's in for a challenge this Sunday. Oh, and he makes fun of internet nerds like you and me. Well, YOU mostly.

Shelton Benjamin is out now and according to him, he'll be leaving with the belt on Sunday. This leads to a look at "The Gold Standard" cold cocking "The Game" with the US title after their bout last week, which leads to Hunter reminding us that he won the actual match and a challenge to Shelton to try and knock him out again, face-to-face this time.

Now MVP shows up to proclaim his chances in the Scramble and have words with Benjamin in the aisle. Hunter busts up their argument by delivering a fourth wall busting rant about who should be doing what during the go-home promo for a PPV title match and chastises the two of them for breaking the formula.

THE Brian Kendrick attacks HHH from behind, or tries to, but runs into a fist. Hunter stops to have a staredown with Zeke, allowing Brian to recoup and nail him with a kick on the second attempt. MVP and Shelton join in the fracas but Jeff Hardy soon comes to the rescue, sending everybody packing and nailing Shelton with the Twist of Fate. He goes up for the Swanton but Zeke shoves him off the top. Hunter comes in with a chair and gets his whack on, but Zeke displays his immunity to chair shots before retreating with his charge to the back.

Hey, is it too late to change my Roundtable prediction to Big Show running down and pinning somebody at the end of the Scramble and vacating the WWE title? Is it too late to ask questions I already know the answer too?


R-Truth vs Bam Kneely w/Chavo Guererro

The Truthy one enters through the crowd, rapping all the way. Well, that certainly gets the crowd going more than they were last week, though post-production may have offered an assist in that department.

Truth goes old-school with a headlock, followed by an armdrag and a drop-toe-hold. Bam uses his strength to take over and tries to pull Ron's head off but Ron keeps his head and gets back in the game with a fancy kick. Bam charges but runs into a boot and gets missile dropkicked. Truthiness (or a scissors kick, if you like) finishes it.

Obviously this was an attempt at putting R-Truth over a little stronger than his tepid debut against Kenny last week, and I'd say it was more or less successful. Match itself, was, you know, a 90 second nothing.
R-Truth pinned Bam


The commercial break I just fast-forwarded didn't seem like it was 15 minutes, but with The Undertaker already in the ring and his music winding down I guess it must've been.

He'll be leaving Unforgiven with Vickie Guerrero's soul, but in the meantime, he wants her to think about his hand, squeezing her throat. He also wants her to think about being in a coffin. Furthermore, he wants her to think about what it's like to be in a flaming coffin. Maybe 'Taker has developed a crush and all this coffin talk is the undead wrestler equivalent to playground pig-tail pulling. You never know. He says she'll join her accursed husband in hell...*gulp*. Oh, he means Edge. Phew. The lights are *GONG*ed out and when they're *GONG*ed back on, he's nowhere to be seen. Creepy!


MVP vs Shelton Benjamin

MVP, in true Hidden Highlight fashion, is freaked out by his own pyro thanks to all that 'Taker weirdness.

Both spend the early part struggling for the advantage. Shelton gets what is becoming his patented corner beatdown and MVP takes a walk. Shelton tries to bring him back to the ring and MVP decks him, before rolling him in for a 2. Porter slaps on a neck vice and does some grounding and pounding. Shelton battles out of a camel clutch and hits a backbreaker for 2. Shelton goes up, but comes down upon realizing MVP has rolled well out of the firing range and eats a big running boot. Benjamin hits Paydirt moments later out of absolutely nowhere for the win.

Well that was certainly...abrupt. Since he's fast becoming one of my favorites, I hadn't wanted to believe that Porter had heat on him when I read about it a few days ago, but I guess I kind of have to now. The match was like the first 4 minutes of a really good 15 minute match, and a finishing move.
Benjamin pinned MVP


Maryse gives some constructive, albeit bitchy, fashion criticism to Maria in the back.

Maryse vs Maria

Maria with a shitty Lou Thesz press followed by even shittier punches to start. The action spills to the floor and Maria brings it back in for a crossbody. Maria "charges" and runs into a knee, followed by a backbreaker and a camel toe clutch. Maria comes back with some headscissors but misses some sort of terrible looking crossbody off the top which allows Marsye to hit the DDT for the pin.

Pretty brutal, and not in a good way.
Maryse pinned Maria


Jeff Hardy vs THE Brian Kendrick w/Zeke

Jeff dominates early with shoulderblocks and a big back body drop, but Kendrick rebounds with kicks and stomps. Brian telegraphs a jumping heel kick for 2 and gets crazy with the chinlock. Jeff makes it to the ropes but gets stomped down. Brian misses a corner charge and gets fancy corner-dropkicked for 2. Brian gets a knee smash, but Jeff comes back with a lariat and a facebuster. Alleyoop powerbomb! Tazz mentions that he's never seen that move from Jeff. Well, duh, has he ever fought against somebody substantially smaller than him in the WWE? Jeff brings Brian over to the ropes so he can counter his Twist of Fate attempt. Brian does, and rolls to the outside, but gets hit by a fancy, between the ropes dropkick and a plancha. Jeff rolls him back in but gets slammed into the barricade by Zeke behind the ref's back. Hary comes back inside and Brian hits The Kendrick for...the win!

Another match that was much shorter than we'd probably like, but Brian finally gets in the ring with a big name and leaves with his winning streak intact, so it's hard to complain too much. Unless you have a strong dislike for Brian Kendrick, which you should keep to yourself for fear of getting called a douche bag by people like me.
Just kidding, dislike whoever you want...douchebag!
Kendrick pinned Hardy


Vickie arrives in a limo and starts yelling at people.


Ryan Braddock vs Super Crazy

Ryan bashes Super around a bit, but Crazy rebounds with a flying back kick. Braddock nails him with a clothesline to the back of the head for 2, but it's not enough to stop his Craziness from hitting a moonsault moments later for the win.
Crazy pinned Braddock

Vladimir Kozlov marches down to literally boot Crazy out of the ring and say a bunch of stuff, mostly in his native Russian. He demands a big challenge, so Big Show comes out to provide him with one. Show offers up a "right here-right now" style proposal which Vlad seems to accept but Vickie barges out and shrieks at Vlad, causing him to reluctantly depart. Then she rips into Show and threatens him with strong reprisal should he interrupt any more matches. Technically, he didn't do that tonight so I think Vickie is in the wrong here.

Vickie, barely audible through the chorus of boos, goes on to call Undertaker a jerk for not accepting her apology and says she will not be intimidated and that she's heard hell is actually kind of nice this year. She's says she'll get what she wants at Unforgiven...an apology from The Undertaker! Yeah, good luck with that one.


Victoria vs Brie Bella

Victoria gets a headlock and keeps it, until Brie manages to armdrag her way out of it and transitioning to a surfboard type deal. Victoria rolls to the outside and Brie meets her with a clothesline off the apron. The two duke it out and Victoria gets the better of it, rolling Brie into the ring for a torture rack backbreaker. Vic dumps her to the outside, where Brie rolls under the ring and pops out on another side with renewed vigor. Back inside, Victoria is rolled up for the pin.

Basically the same deal as last week, with Brie dusting off the old Killer Bees/ Doink the Clown switcheroo with her twin sister for a sexy update on a classic angle. I can dig that. As for the match, well...one out two ain't bad and though Brie looks almost comically disproportionate to Victoria in size and strength, she/they is/are already wrestling circles around the two participants from our earlier Divas match.
Brie pinned Victoria


We take a look at the Republican National Convention where I am mercifully spared any footage of Shawn Michael's involvement, making it much easier for me to try and forget altogether that my 2nd favorite wrestler of all time is stumping for the darkside.


Some Chick talks to Triple H about tonight's lumberjack match and asks him what his greatest concern is. He says global warming, the economy and divorce. Maybe not that last one, but you know he's thinking it. Jeff Hardy interrupts, only to be reminded that he's had two strikes if there's a third, it'll be time to get Mick Foley to put in a good word for him. I'm kind of surprised he didn't dedicate his match tonight to Kowalski, his trainer, but I guess he's saving that for a match that has a shot at being good.


Lumberjack Match: WWE Champion HHH vs The Great Khali (non-title)

The lumberjacks are of course comprised of Hunter's Unforgiven opponents.
Hunter makes with the punchy-punchy but gets tossed into the corner. Khali flattens him with a clothesline and punts him out of the ring where everybody but Jeff lays the boots to him before a commercial break lays the boots to us

Back from, with Hunter in the grips of the dreaded Punjabi nerve hold. HHH powers out of it, only to eat some elbows in the corner.Khali misses a shot and Hunter tries to take over but runs into a boot and once again gets deposited to the outside. Jeff makes the save this time but MVP and Shelton work together to send him crashing into the barricade.

Back inside, Hunter gets Khali bombed for 2 and stomped down in the corner. Khali sends him to the ropes but Hunter comes back with a knee smash and a flying clothesline off the top. MVP grabs Hunter's boot and pulls him outside where all the bad guys gang up but Jeff launches himself onto all of them, breaking it up. Kendrick and Helmsley duke it out, until Brian gets sent face first to the steel steps. Back in, Hunter ducks a punch and hits Khali with a spinebuster but the Great one backbody drops out of a pedigree and slaps on the head vice. Hunter gets fed up with having his head squeezed and fights out of it but Khali headbutts him back down. Khali swings and misses and the Hunter hits the Pedigree for the win.
Hunter pinned Khali

Post match, Jeff comes into the ring and makes nice with Hunter before nailing him with the Twist of Fate and that's that.


The Dope:

Okay show, with heavy focus on Smackdown's Unforgiven scramble match, but somebody forgot to include the quality rasslin' and beyond said build, and the fact that Brian Kendrick scored his first really big win, little of note occurred. Undertaker is still mad and has a hankerin' for some soul food, Hunter is still better than everybody, Big Show is still pissing off Vickie and MVP has apparently pissed off somebody.

I know I'm not the only who expected more from a few of these match ups, especially Shelton/Montel, but I guess we can't have 15 minute mini classics every week. We'd become spoiled and even more petulant than we already are. The WWE knows this and will do what it takes to keep us in line. It's for our own good, and we know this. 2

4=Vince
3=Shane
2=Stephanie
1=Linda

C U Next Time