The Dope on Smackdown 9.26.08

Posted by Michael O on 09.26.2008

New champions and a widow's comeuppance, but is it enough to not make me wish I'd watched the debate instead? Could I write an awkwarder opening sentence? Is "awkwarder" a word? Find out the answer to one of these questions inside...





We were LIVE from uhh...I missed it, actually, and I don't feel like looking it up, with Jim Ross & Tazz.

We kick off the final CW installment of Smackdown with Chavo and Vickie Guerrero in the back, where we learn that Chavo is a now a messenger...FOR THE UNDEAD. He tells Vickie that the Undertaker is coming for her soul tonight, which she probably already knew 'cause he's always coming for her soul.
Jeff Hardy shows up to unsuccessfully demand a match against Vladimir Kozlov, and then the Big Show comes in to demand a hug.


HHH and Jeff Hardy vs MVP and THE Brian Kendrick w/Zeke

JR notes that Jeff Hardy loves life. Yeah, "loving life" is certainly how I'd describe most of the recovering drug addicts I know. Though, to be fair, none of them have an upcoming PPV world championship match to take away the sting of no longer being able to abuse crystal meth on a daily basis.

Jeff and Montel start out, fighting over the arm. Jeff tags in Hunter, who keeps up the arm assault before Jeff tags back in and comes off the top with an axehandle. Montel gets a knee to the tummy and stomps Jeff down before tagging out. Jeff fights off Kendrick and puts him down with a shoulderblock but Brian avoids the fancy corner dropkick and takes a powder on the outside. Jeff follows, and, like an idiot, stops to check out Zeke and gets pearl harbored upon re-entry. MVP tags in and Jeff manages to avoid a clothesline. Hunter is in now and clotheslines both MVP and Brian to the outside as I head to the outside myself to grab a smoke during the commercials.

Back from, with MVP taking it to Hunter and tagging out to Brian for a little two-on-one action. Brian gets his weird dragon sleeper/ camel clutch/ arm lock thingy. Hunter fights out of it and makes the tag, allowing Jeff to come in and do the house of fire thing. Or would that be "trailer of fire"? (too soon?)

Jeff hits the TOF on Kendrick and goes up, but Zeke causes him to take a tumble. Jeff kicks out of Brian's pin attempt and Montel tags in, who sends Jeff hard to the turnbuckle and follows that with some forearms to the back. Kendrick tags in hits a top rope stomp. Camel clutch!
Tag out! Seated abdominal stretch from MVP, which Jeff eventually struggles out of. Porter cheapshots him before he can make the tag and Brian comes in to keep up the face-in-peril stuff. Jeff hits a Whisper in the Wind and gets the hot tag. Helmsley takes it Porter with his usual. Spinebuster! Another one on Kendrick! Hunter goes for the Pedigree on MVP but Brian stops it with a kick to the head. Montel misses the Drive By but Hunter doesn't miss the Pedigree and it's game over.

Fun li'l tag match, but nothing I'll remember by the end of the night.
Hunter pinned MVP


We get a package for the Great Khali, who will be taking Kozlov's challenge tonight.
I may have to turn in my smark membership for saying this, but I haven't looked forward to a Smackdown match as much as I have this one in quite some time.

We take a look at a classic tag match between Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Ric Flair and Sid Justice courtesy of WWE 24/7. Hogan pinned Flair with a clothesline? Maybe I'm reading a bit much into the showing of this footage, but I'm thinking the message was twofold: "Suck it, NWA boy" and "Welcome back, yet again, Huckster"


Shelton Benjamin comes out to deliver a rote, by the numbers heel promo directed at R-Truth. R-Truth comes out and says "What's Up?" 427 times (Yeah, I counted). Shelton, who is apparently no match for the linguistic wizardry of R-Truth, drops the mic and leaves. Ron gets back on the mic and says "What's Up?" 200 more times.

Metallica have a song called "All Nightmare Long"? Hahaha...that's funny. That's a funny song title. What a silly bunch of old men.


Maria and Brie Bella vs Natalya and Victoria

Maria and Victoria start. Vic tosses her around and slaps on a full nelson. Maria flips out of it and tags in Brie, who makes a splashy entrance with a sunset flip for 2. Victoria picks her up and takes her to the heel corner for the tag out. Natalya wears her down with a bearhug and makes with some slaps and shoves 'cause she's mean like that. Snap Suplex! Lateral Press! 1!!

Brie gets a monkey flip but Natalya maintains control and punishes her with some forearms to the face. Victoria tags in and forces her into a seated full nelson but gets bored and slams her down to the mat. Hangwoman's chokehold! Vic sends Brie to the corner, where Brie attempts a head scissors but gets dumped to the outside. I think I know where this is going..."Brie" comes back in and hits a facebuster for 2. Maria tags in and comes off the top with a crossbody for the win.

Meh. Okay match, buoyed by the fact that the two best wrestlers dominated most of the action, but not exactly the stuff of anybody's future highlight reel.
Maria pinned Victoria


Vladimir Kozlov vs The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh

Go behind by Kozlov begats an elbow to the mush from Khali. Vlad goes low and tries to take him off his feet but is unsuccessful so he hooks the arms and starts headbutting. Khali retaliates with a chop and boots him out of the ring. The two brawl on the outside and Vlad sends Khali to the steel before getting back into the ring.

Hunter and Motorhead (in spirit) make their way down to the ring. Hunter takes his shirt off and Vlad is all "I don't go for these backdoor shenanigans" and hightails it. Khali comes back in and Hunter starts punching him. Vlad comes in and the two stomp the shit out of Hunter until Jeff shows up and gets booted down before he can do anything. The two monsters turn their attention to him, allowing Hunter to retrieve his trusty sledgehammer. Kozlov takes off but Khali does not and takes the business end of the sledgehammer as a result.

So...Vlad wins by count-out? No, it would appear that the match was cancelled the moment Hunter's music hit. I know WWE does stuff like this from time to time, but I really hate that shit. How fucking hard would it have been to just declare Kozlov the winner by count out and then proceed with the brouhaha?
Uhhh...no contest, I guess


We take a depressing look at the No Mercy card. Why depressing? 'Cause I totally could've gone but at the time tickets went on sale I wasn't expecting such a non-sucky card.

Chavo, Vickie and Big are shootin' the shit in the back. Show isn't too impressed with Chavo's cowardice and brings up his knocking out of the Undertaker, which leads to a convenient video package of said knocking out. Chavo then brings up the fact that Undertaker has handed his ass to him in every single one of their previous encounters. Actually, he didn't. But I just did. Vickie tells Chavo to go play with his Wang.

Chavo Guerrero vs Jimmy Wang Yang

The two lock up, and Yang dropkicks Chavo out of the ring and follows him with a splash. Back in, Chavo gets the drop on him and kicks him around. Chavo slams him face first into the corner, hits a snapmare and slaps on an armlock. Jimmy battles out of it and nails an enzuguiri but Chavo dumps him to the outside and brings him back in after a stiff kick to the midsection. Guerrero goes back to the armbar but Yang fights out again and hits a fancy kick to the back of the head. Missile Dropkick! Flying crossbody! 2! Yang goes up for a moonsault but Chavo crotches him and goes up for a backsuplex. Yang elbows him back down but misses his moonsault. Chavo goes for the three amigoes but Yang gets a small package on the third one. That only gets two though, and Chavo hits the rolling Lyger kick for the win.

The lights go out during Chavo's music, which freaks him out but good. Fine little match.
Chavo pinned Jimmy


WWE Tag Team Title match: Primo and Carlito Colon vs (Champions) Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins

Primo and Curt start, and Colon puts him down with a flying headscissors. Carlito tags in and hits a dropkick and a bodyslam, before tagging his brother back in and slamming him down on the co-champ. Carlito tags back in for the corner 10 punch but Curt shoves it off and tags in Zack, who proceeds to stomp him down and kick off the face-in-peril segment of the match (in case you were wondering, it featured a whole lot of armwork, with liberal doses of kicking and stomping). Carlito gets dumped to the floor as we get dumped to a commercial break.

Back from, with Carlito still very much your face-in-peril. Carlito eventually gets the "hot" tag and Primo gets crazy with the dropkicks. He monkeyflips Ryder and follows that up with a missile dropkick for 2. Ryder gets a rollup with a handful of tights for 2. Carlito gets the sneaky tag and runs in to hit the backstabber for the win and the titles.

Not an awful match per se, but a pretty standard tag bout marred by a lengthy face-in-peril segment and bad flow due to the commercial break. It was basically two minutes of action to start, Carlito getting beat on for the next 50 minutes (I know, but that's what it felt like), a commercial break, a hot tag and then the finish. Whatever.
Carlito pinned Zack


Chavo is freaking out about what they're all going to do about the Undertaker. Big Show, in an obvious reference (or reeference) to this column, says they're going to smoke him out and tells a reluctant Chavo to get ready 'cause they're all going out to the ring...next!

We learn where Ryan Braddock and Kenny Dykstra have been...taped up in the back of Jesse and Festus's van. Yep. That's where they've been this whole time. Remarkably they're both alive, and still struggling, so if they haven't succumbed to hunger or the toxicity of living in eachother's filth, I guess we'll see them next week for the CW debut.


As expected, Vickie and her boys come out to ring, where Vickie brags about the fact that she still has a soul and shows yet another video package of what happened at Unforgiven.

Show blathers on about how the Undertaker will not be here tonight because he's decided to suspend his quest to capture Vickie's soul until he can get the economy back on track. Then the lights gong out. When they come back on, Chavo is gone and we see Undertaker choking him in the back on the Titan tron. Big Show runs to the back to make the save as Tazz decides to take it upon himself to get Vickie's reaction, but the lights gong out again and when they come back on this time, 'Taker is standing right behind her. Undertaker stalks her before puttin' the throat squeeze on and delivering a tombstone piledriver, much to the crowd's delight, who apparently have as much of a beef with moochin' war widows as I do. Say no to proposition 305!


The Dope:

A pretty weak effort this time around, with no great matches to pick up the usual slack, an unspectacular title change, and some just plain dumb shit thrown in for bad measure. I'm not bitter about it though, as it sounds like we have a fairly stacked show on the horizon for next week's big debut on the MYTV network. It's my understanding that a lot of folks don't get this network, so it's a shame that this is the last Smackdown they'll see for a while, but such is life. I hate to do it to you Smackdown, 'cause you've been pretty good lately, but you leave me no choice...1.5

4= At a bar
3= At home
2= At an airport
1= During a piss test

C U Next Time