A Brace For Impact 10.30.08

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 10.31.2008

A complete lack of ghouls, ghosts and goblins reminds us that some wrestling companies still focus on wrestling. Sort of. At least we have Westerfeld to up the creepy quotient.

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to A Brace for Impact, where two 411mania writers give you their real-time thoughts on the show as it happens. I'm your host Chris Lansdell, and each week a special guest will be joining me. Before we get to the guest, I've noticed from the comments section that some people don't seem to get the column, while some love it. Let me explain a few things about A Brace for Impact:

This is not a play-by-play report. El Jefe Csonka does a fine job of that. This is more along the lines of the multi-person Instant Analysis we do for PPVs, but more spontaneous.

This is not meant to be a non-stop laugh-fest. It's to give you some insight into the thought process of the writers, which is especially important when it comes to a show like Impact which is often maligned.

It's still a work in progress. The format is getting better each week and I'm still tweaking it. However, it's not going to change much from what you see today. It's not for everyone, but then no column is. Except the awesome Lansdell's Sunday Brunch, of course.

With that out of the way, allow me to bring in this week's guest, a man known for his strong opinions, fondness for pink and YouTube shoot vids…Scripted Through Sin's Jerrod Westerfeld!

Westerfeld: Blah, where do I even start? At least this show looks prettier.
Lansdell:What is it with you people and terse introductions? You all SUCK! BANNER!



AJ and Joe Speak!

Westerfeld: Could Joe look like he cares even less?
Lansdell: It's his gimmick, he's too cool for...umm...something
Westerfeld: Who directs these cameramen, Stevie Wonder?
Lansdell: Someone with ADD
Westerfeld: You know, at first I was with this promo...now I can't wait for Styles to stop talking.
Lansdell: He's way better than he used to be...not hard though
Westerfeld: It's like trying to sit through a Sarah Palin interview - you hear her talking but you can't follow her "logic". The real question should be do these fans have the balls to cross the line and demand better of this product.
Lansdell: At least Palin is easier to look at
Westerfeld: Wait, Eric Young still exists in a world where Super Eric is getting more air time?
Lansdell: Wait, someone WANTS ODB on their side?
Westerfeld: Well, I know a guy from Tennessee who wants her on his side...but that's probably more to do with sexual positioning.
Lansdell: Oh man is that Main Event Mafia entrance ever the most fucking awesome entrance I've seen in a long-ass time. Everything about it oozed coolness and money.
Westerfeld: Yeah, it was nice. It was just confusing, and the announcers didn't help by trying to act like they know what's going on.
Lansdell: No Kevin, Scott Hall didn't mention a rub. He said where's my bottle of rum. I know old age starts to mess with your hearing though, so you get a pass.
Westerfeld: Scott chasing rum rather than a paycheck and an opportunity to work and remain relevant in the eyes of wrestling fans? No...certainly he has more...uhm...fuck it. Anyway, yeah, I'm just reading too much into that comment from Booker - after all, he was the one talking about a 5th member while Sting remained silent. I figured that him talking about it was a double reference; 5th member and his history as a 5 time WCW champion.
Lansdell: You could be right, but I just don't see the point. Surely they don't think we're that stupid? I tell you what though, I wish they would stop shunting Sting to the back of that group. HE'S YOUR FUCKING WORLD CHAMPION! I mean yeah, you got a group of 4 guys who can all talk and Sting is probably low on that totem pole, but why is he standing in the back, and why is Kurt blocking the view of the belt?
Westerfeld: No idea. That's a problem. If Kurt was going to overshadow Sting like this, Kurt might as well be champion.

Beautiful People (Dat Azz Squared) with Cute Kip vs Christy Hemme and ODB

Westerfeld: ...Angelina making references to plastic enhancements and usage of botox...is she trying to cut this promo in front of a mirror?
Lansdell: Sorry, I was distracted by Velvet for a moment.
Westerfeld: Maybe it's just me being queer, but Velvet looked like she over dosed on eye shadow tonight. A bit too much there, honey.
Lansdell: Round these parts we do not speak ill of Velvet Sky. Such is punishable by being forced to read all of Hubbard's columns on a loop.
Westerfeld: Round these parts we curse at the clearly homosexual camera man refusing to tighten in on Velvet's one good talent - shaking dat ass!
Lansdell: Please don't tighten in on ODB's ass. I don't like cottage cheese.
Westerfeld: It's times like this I wonder if ODB and Terry Taylor are possibly too close to one another.
Lansdell: Gave you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?
Westerfeld: You know...you may have killed any fantasies I may have ever had about ODB by bringing up that logical point. *Shudders*
Lansdell: You're welcome
Westerfeld: Didn't we already try a face Christy Hemme like 2 years ago only for that to flop and fail as she ended up taking on the naked, oily fat guy?
Lansdell: Naked Oily Fat Guy...Randle was in TNA? The real question here is, with ODB teaming with Hemme, have we seen the last of Team Fugly?
Westerfeld: Wait, Rhaka Khan actually works for this company still?
Lansdell: Yup.
Westerfeld: Shit, could've fooled me.

Winner: ODBvia pinfall (on Sky, Sitout Uranage with wedgie hereafter called the Wedgie Bottom)

Westerfeld: Uhm, I couldn't even recall what of any importance happened in that match. It was the typical ladies who can't wrestle match, so fit right on television where no one can feel cheated. I'll go about * 1/2.
Lansdell: You know, that wasn't half-bad. Hemme took her bumps well, ODB was less offensive than usual and did less boob-slapping than normal, Velvet stayed where she's best (shaking her ass on the apron) and took the fall to semi-protect the one who can actually wrestle. I'll go with ** because, at the end of the day it still wasn't good.

Average Rating: *3/4

James Storm vs Non-Super Eric Young

Westerfeld: I'm protesting Beer Money tonight. No kegger chain means they're not as awesome!
Lansdell: They remain awesome.
Westerfeld: Did Young just no sell his pyro?!
Lansdell: That's a nice touch, but then he ruined it by looking back. A no-sell stops being a no-sell when you acknowledge the non-selling.
Westerfeld: That is a nice touch. Maybe someone realized they need to evolve his character. So does this mean that the Prince Justice Brotherhood is dead now?
Lansdell: I doubt it. We're not that lucky.
Westerfeld: I really thought Storm hitting that leaping knee would result in a Pedigree, followed by banging Dixie Carter.
Lansdell: Or a sledgehammer attack

Winner: Eric Young by pinfall (schoolboy following Roode-ference)

Lansdell: Well they went out, had a 3-minute match, the right person went over if they are rebuilding EY, and Beer Money retained their heat with the post-match beatdown, followed by MCMG earning trust and probably a title shot with the save. Could they have done this whole segment right? Well, it was only 3 minutes but it worked. It gets ** because it was still only 3 minutes.

Westerfeld: Well, that actually made sense. Where was this last week? Anyway, it was fine in the time constraints as we're talking about the tag champions here, and you can't have Eric Young look too dominant over one half of them, even with the other half on the outside tipping the odds in their favor. Anyway, for what it was worth, I'd agree with Chris's ** if only for the fact that this was booked fine for what it was.

Seriously? A Suicide vignette?

Westerfeld: I do have to admit, this set looks so much better...it's so colorful and professional looking.
Lansdell: I especially like the big…Oh fuck, they remembered him.
Westerfeld: And then they kill my praise by showing me Suicide...Perfect.
Lansdell: 3 more months of vignettes!
Westerfeld: 3 more months of reason to hate TNA.
Lansdell: There is speculation that they will debut Suicide before Kaz comes back and then let Kaz take over the role. Are they that smart?
Westerfeld: If that means no 3 months of vignettes, I'm all for it.
Lansdell: The vignettes are not that bad...it's just stupid of them
Westerfeld: I just hate the idea of bringing to life a character from their video game that has no realistic history in the company, but yet comes up as if he does.
Lansdell: Months after the game came out. Mind you, considering how bad the game is they're probably smart not to tie him in to it.

Hiroshi Tanahashi and Volador vs Motor City Machine Guns

Lansdell: This should be fucking AWESOME
Westerfeld: TANAHASHI?! YES! I almost forgot they had him. If this doesn't get about 7 minutes, I'm crying.
Lansdell: Smark Heaven. At least the Wrestler of the Week haters will have a clue who these guys are now.
Westerfeld: Please, TNA. Heaven and lord above guide them. Make this a proper television wrestling match that goes just over 5 minutes! PLEASE!
Lansdell: Imma just sit back and enjoy this one.
Westerfeld: Of course Rhino had to come in and lay out his Dunkin' Donut laden justice across Bashir there.
Lansdell: I don't even know why Bashir needed to be out there. He added nothing to the commentary and somehow I just can't see him fighting Tanahashi or Volador. I have no problem with him levelling Bashir, it just seemed weird to tack it on to this match.

Winners: The Motor City Machine Guns via pinfall (Sabin on Volador, Double Stomp by Shelley into Cradle Shock)

Lansdell: Man was that ever fast. I'm also shocked that the Guns got the win and that the match was more than 2 minutes. With the Guns first standing up to Joe, then beating down the tag champs, then winning a match it seems like they might be emerging from the dog house. I did enjoy this ubt I've seen much better from all 4 (especially Tanahashi) and that saddens me greatly. Of course it's likely the best match we'll see tonight. ***

Westerfeld: It was a fun, small match, but didn't really get the Impact zone seals as hyped up as they usually tend to be for X Division action. This was far too short considering this is a 2 hour show and we've seen about 3 matches all totally about 10 minutes of action - or at least that's how it feels. For what it was, they worked well so I'll just jump on Chris's rating again. *** Clearly the MOTN, which isn't saying a whole lot unfortunately.
Lansdell: We do have an hour and two main events to go, but I expect it to hold up.

Cage Responds to the challenge

Lansdell: Cage has felt like he's phoning it in recently
Westerfeld: Face Christian always feels like he's phoning it in...
Lansdell: That or he's biding his time until uncle Vinny calls
Westerfeld: And sadly, his promo work is still better than 85% of the rest of this roster.

Booker T and Kevin Nash vs AJ Styles and Samoa Joe

Lansdell: Is it me or does the building sound empty tonight?
Westerfeld: I guess TNA didn't tell them they'd get free crap for making noise, so they don't feel compelled to act like they give a shit
Lansdell: I was hoping they were becoming jaded.
Westerfeld: Note to TNA: this is your big feud, stop giving us these matches on free TV and demand we pay to see them. Oh well, at least the first hour was passable enough for me to forget that I missed the Rachael Maddow show.
Lansdell: That would make sense, so it won't happen. I'd rather see singles matches on PPV anyway. Random tags like this are fine on TV.
Lansdell: Are they seriously dumb enough that they can't figure out what THE Five means? My daughter could figure that out, and I don't have one!
Westerfeld: Mike Tenay, the angry beaver, and Don "flamboyant pig" West are always the last ones to piece together all of the clues. Could you imagine them running their own detective agency?
Lansdell:Wow. Random.
Westerfeld: Is it possible that tonight's crowd actually doesn't give a shit about what they're seeing?
Lansdell:TNA have been worried that the crowd were getting quieter and more jaded, so this could be what they meant.
Westerfeld: I loved that Booker actually stopped and thought about whether it was worth standing in the middle of the ring doing nothing or helping Nash out of Joe's clutches.
Lansdell:Awkward moment. Nice touch having the young lions come out and celebrate the win though.
Westerfeld: That was very nice. Now if only they had a cool name for their unit.

Winners: AJ Styles and Samoa Joe via pinfall (AJ on Booker, Pele)

Lansdell:Good quality match here, which is what I expected. AJ getting the pin with the Pele was a good out of nowhere moment, and it's a strong move that doesn't look cheap as a finish. Not really much more to say about this one, we'll be seeing various combinations of the two factions facing off for a good while I believe. **3/4, but that's mostly because of the awkward spacing in the finish. Otherwise this would have been much better.

Westerfeld: Match analysis: okay, that was good. A bit awkward at some points, but over all very good. We got to see the formula unfold and we had a reason to care for the faces to make their comeback. I'd say this actually worked enough for me to change my opinion on MOTN: *** ¼. Now having said that, I can't justify voting Tanahashi, Volador Jr. and MCMG's in the number one spot for WOTW.
Lansdell:No, but you can put them on there just to make K-Money's head implode
Westerfeld: If only we could obtain actual footage of that happening.

Foley addresses Real Estate Steve

Westerfeld: So does this mean that Foley and Sting get 30 minutes of air time to close out this show?
Lansdell:Pretty close too it, I'm afraid.
Westerfeld: If Sting is the glue that holds TNA, then no wonder this place looks like it's falling apart.
Lansdell:This is better stuff than the last few weeks though. Foley doesn't sound so forced.
Westerfeld: Perhaps TNA going HD was the thing that made them better?
Lansdell:So where was the major revelation?
Westerfeld: Wait, there was a major revelation to be...well, revealed?
Lansdell:Allegedly
Westerfeld: This is a wrestling show, right? So what happened to all of the wrestling for this second hour?
Lansdell:They have a good storyline set up and I can understand them wanting to advance it, but this is too much
Westerfeld: Typical TNA; forget the basics of booking matches to help progress storylines. They do everything through segments which kind of defeats the purpose of them being a wrestling company.
Lansdell:It also seems to be the way McMahon wants to take WWE
Westerfeld: All the more reason I'm not watching WWE these past few weeks.

Kurt Angle vs Abyss and post-match shenanigans

Lansdell:Once again, a free giveaway that should be on PPV
Westerfeld: I'm actually glad this isn't on pay-per-view, because these two don't really drive the crowds crazy.
Lansdell:Abyss is supposed to be a roadblock to Jarrett and yet Angle only has to face him once?
Westerfeld: Now I'm especially proud this isn't on pay-per-view - brawls through the crowd on pay-per-view equate to a bad sense of chaos that detracts to a match, not add to it.
Lansdell:Why couldn't they do Morgan and Abyss vs Angle and Sting?
Westerfeld: Because Mommy Morgan doesn't care enough to take up the fights that Abyss wants to fight, so he leaves him to struggle on his own against Kurt.
Lansdell:Maybe kayfabe, but that doesn't make sense from a booking standpoint
Westerfeld: TNA doesn't care about common sense. They're still feuding with common sense, and losing mind you.
Lansdell:Abyss in that outfit looks like a cross between Kane and an Eye Scream Man, I mean ice cream man
Westerfeld: I can't help but think that of all the characters TNA had play around with rats, how the hell was it not Abyss?
Lansdell:Because he was on the booking team and said no? Let's face it, wouldn't you?
Westerfeld: If Morgan spent less time playing up to the crowd and more time looking like an actual wrestler, I think I'd like him more.
Lansdell:Great point. He certainly has all the tools, he just needs a little work on how to use them.
Westerfeld: I thought we were actually going to get a cool moment where Petey Pump would be questioned by his mentor.
Lansdell:TNA normally handles continuity pretty well, we may get that next week. Steiner is a logical choice for the fifth man though

Westerfeld: The same as all their other matches, they just have a slow build to them that should get more exciting but doesn't. For me these two don't click all that well, and while this match did its job of heading into the final segment, the match was kind of dry. I'll go about ** flat, and call that a show.
Lansdell:It was just getting good when they went with the DQ finish, leading to the beat down and the reveal of Steiner. I had problems with the match anyway, and although we missed most of the crowd brawl I generally don't like it unless they do something with it. This was really just a way to get everyone in the ring for the end of the show, which still annoys me. Matches are meant to be the meat of a feud, not the filler to get to the segments. ** is about all

Final Thoughts:

Westerfeld: As typical, TNA ends the show, leaving me on the note of, "well, that just happened." It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't fantastic either. TNA still has their faults in trying to progress their shows as they focus way too much on filler segments and matches that progress storylines rather than fill us with some matches that give us reason to care about the characters involved in the storyline. They just need to understand how to book their shows better, and stop giving us PPV matches on free television every week.

Lansdell:For the first time in a long time, TNA have put on a show that didn't leave me frustrated with the length of almost every match. Having said that, I still had frustrations, but it almost seems refreshing to be frustrated about something new. As much as I dislike the constant talk segments and matches that lead to segments to enhance the angles, I have to admit to being fascinated with the setup for MEM vs Joe and Co. If they can start sharing out the Knockouts (Kong and Jackie with MEM, maybe find a way to slide Dat Azz Squared in there too) and run the story throughout the show, then it might just work. I hear Gabe Sapolsky is looking for work.

Well folks that brings us to the end of another episode of A Brace for Impact. Next week's guest is another favourite of Wrestler of the Week readers everywhere, ECW reporter Michael Bauer! Until then, Stay Cool and Rock Hard.

Lansdellicious – Out.