A Brace for Impact 11.20.08

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 11.21.2008

Sometimes TNA leaves me liking the show but not knowing why. Like this week. See if my guest Michael Bauer shares my opinions inside!

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to A Brace for Impact, where two 411mania writers give you their real-time thoughts on the show as it happens. I'm your host Chris Lansdell, and each week a special guest will be joining me. Before we get to the guest, I've noticed from the comments section that some people don't seem to get the column, while some love it. Let me explain a few things about A Brace for Impact:

This is not a play-by-play report. El Jefe Csonka does a fine job of that. This is more along the lines of the multi-person Instant Analysis we do for PPVs, but more spontaneous.

This is not meant to be a non-stop laugh-fest. It's to give you some insight into the thought process of the writers, which is especially important when it comes to a show like Impact which is often maligned.

We're pretty close to getting the format finalised. The chat comments will be genuine, off-the-cuff remarks around the match. At the end we talk ABOUT the match. It's working well so far and we're enjoying the feedback, so please keep it coming. With that said, here's this week's co-host...

Michael Bauer!

Lansdell: Ready to rock?
Bauer: Yeah, time to watch runs-in-R-us
Lansdell: No, actually it's time for the new...

BANNER!



Big ups to Jarrod Westerfeld for that one. Good sweet Jesus I cannot believe I just said that.

MEM Bury Christian

Lansdell: Right. A casket. Of course. Because that won't make anyone think of WWE
Bauer: Now we just need Kevin Nash to roll his eyes behind his head
Lansdell: Don't say stuff like that, you'll make people ask me if Nash was the fake Taker. The insider "bury" reference is vintage Russo though.
Bauer: And just mentioning WWE equals zero buys for TNA.
Lansdell: What the hell do they hope to accomplish by telling all Christian's fans that he's going to WWE? It will only make them watch WWE. Do they think everyone reads the fine sites like 411mania?
Bauer: I don't need Christian in WWE for me to watch them over TNA.
Lansdell: I'd say, from the ratings, that many people share that opinion. I wonder how many people share the opinion that Rhyno actually doesn't sound horrible on the mic
Bauer: Is that the minority?
Lansdell: I hope not, because he's not doing badly. Of course every IWC fan watching this is expecting Rhyno to join the MEM at some point after this.
Bauer: But he has no World Titles.
Lansdell: Sure he does, NWA and ECW.
Bauer: By the way, where is Booker T's suit?
Lansdell: Same place as his talent?
Bauer: Ouch.
Lansdell: I used to like the guy, but he has not aged well.

Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt and Hiroshi Tanahashi

Lansdell: Stop! GURU TIME
Bauer: Forget the guru. SO CAL VAL TIME
Lansdell: Ew. Sarah Jessica Parker's younger sister.
Bauer: I swear, I have no idea what to make of Creed.
Lansdell: He's got talent, but I'd prefer less dancing and more of the good stuff he's shown he can do. Just what is doing the splits and getting up supposed to add to a punch?
Bauer: Glad to see Tenay do something smart and mention the old love triangle.
Lansdell: Like we could forget? We're up to 8 PPVs in a row where Lethal and Dutt have faced off
Lansdell: Wait, what? It's over?
Bauer: Yeah, I blinked and missed half the match.

Winners: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal via pinfall (Creed on Dutt, TKO which Dutt sold like it was WWE stock)

Lansdell: Oh TNA. Will you never learn? You bring over Tanahashi, who is blindingly good. You have 3 other very talented guys in the ring who have worked their asses off for the last few months. I know! Let's give them 3 minutes tops! I mean there wasn't even any time to do anything here. No story, no feud development, no run-in, nothing. Just a few moves and a finish. It's ** because it was good while it lasted, but I lament for what could have been.
Bauer: Geez Chris, when did you get generous? No three minute match can ever mean anything. It's * because blinking means you missed everything. But what I did see was good.

Lansdell: You know what it is Mike? I want it to be good. I really, REALLY do. TNA every now and then blows me away, far more often than WWE does. Their average match quality in PPVs has far surpassed WWE. But they just can't carry that over to a consistently good Impact match.
Bauer: Oh, no question about it. And that is why I tend to watch WWE more than TNA. Because the TV matches are often much better overall. ECW is the perfect example.

Sufra-vignette City

Lansdell: Hey look, another Kaz vignette. I mean Suicide. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK The man is out for months. By the time he debuts, we'll all be sick of him. Just stop.
Bauer: Oh come on, not another Feast or Famine match
Lansdell: WHO ASKED FOR THIS????? Although, I will say that Feast or Famine did give us some good stories last time around
Bauer: Good stories or overdrawn stories?
Lansdell: Well you got the Petey beating Jay thing, which was well done. You got the Steiner-Petey thing, which was well done. And it broke up VKM.
Bauer: Thank god for that last one.

The Beautiful People (Dat Azz Squared) vs. Christy Hemme and Sojourner Bolt

Lansdell: So if it's Lance Rock and Jimmy Rave, does that make Hemme the infection? And haven't I done that one before?
Bauer: No, that would be her voice when singing.
Lansdell: And what the hell kind of name is Sojourner Bolt?
Bauer: Probably from the same mind as Dolph Ziggler or whatever the hell it is.
Lansdell: At least Dolph has a gimmick attached. They seem to have just saddled this poor bitch with the name to give people something to mock.
Bauer: When did Christy learn to actually hit moves?
Lansdell: No idea, but she actually didn't suck!
Bauer: Agreed. A long way from her cover-girl days.

Winners: The Beautiful People via pinfall (Love on Hemme, elevated Flatliner)

Lansdell: Well this was a pleasant surprise. Bolt is actually pretty good, despite her name sounding like a conglomeration of Disney movies. Hemme learned to suck less. Velvet Sky did very little and showed a lot of ass while doing it. Hemme getting pinned makes the storyline a cinch to continue. As acceptable as the match was, and despite being longer than the last one, it really wasn't long enough and it didn't have the pace and flash of the last match, so it's ** as well.
Bauer: Hemme looking like she belonged in the ring was a shock, there is no question. Bolt definitly looked good and The Beautiful People did what they should... keep me from turning my head. It was alright for what it was given. I'll go with *3/4.

ODB's Angle with Sharmin Sharmell

Lansdell: Oh good lord. Please get her off my screen.
Bauer: Which one?
Lansdell: ODB, though Sharmell is only slightly better.
Bauer: This is hilarious.
Lansdell: Jesus Christ this is numerous purchases! I normally hate ODB but calling Sharmell toilet paper and saying she had Dom Perignon last night and he was not that good is just fabulous. I was ready to hate this but this might be the best thing since imperHaasnations and the Honk-a-Meter. I mean she's uglier than a bulldog licking warm piss off poison ivy, but lord God did that ever rule.
Bauer: I agree, but let me ask a serious question. How many members of the Main Event Mafia wre in TNA on the television debut of TNA?
Lansdell: That's an excellent question. Someone should send that in to Ask 411.
Bauer: I know the answer, so I'll save you the trouble. None of them. I though about this because of what Sharmell said.
Lansdell: I imagine they will mention that at some point
Bauer: She said the Main Event Mafia made TNA. But none of them were in TNA before television, when TNA was truly made.
Lansdell: Some would argue that it has yet to be made.
Bauer: It's possible, but if TNA was yet to be made it would mean I'd still have to pay to watch it once a week.

The Motor City Machineguns vs. Samoa Joe and AJ Styles

Bauer: And time for a match I am REALLY looking forward to.
Lansdell: If it gets enough time.
Lansdell: I am not a fan of matches that start balls to the wall like that, since it means they don't really have anywhere to go, but HOLY CRAP would be a fairly appropriate exclamation right now.
Bauer: HOLY CRAP!
Lansdell: Are...are they...are they getting TIME???
Bauer: It looks that way.
Lansdell: We'll have to see if it lasts.
Bauer: I'm just enjoying this.
Lansdell: I didn't want to look away long enough to type. These four guys all know each other of course, so it SHOULD be flowing this well.

Winners: Samoa Joe and AJ Styles via pinfall (AJ on Shelley, Styles Clash)

Lansdell: OK so we got a sensibly long match with non-stop action, a ton of flash and a good reason to have the match. The Machine Guns lost but looked relatively strong in doing so, which is as it should be. And although I enjoyed watching the match immensely, looking back I can't help but think that it lacked something. Probably another 5 minutes. The camerawork at the end of the MEM beatdown was perfect in my mind; it showed their domination in the best way. As much as I want to, I can't go over ***¼ for this, because it was just...not right. Sure it flowed and everyone got a chance to show off, but…I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it is just the time. Also, Shelley eating the pin makes sense in the story they're portraying.
Bauer: This match was everything I would expect from these four men. They are the absolute best the TNA has in terms of the original X-Division style and that is what we saw. I also have to agree that I would have loved another few minutes, The beatdown was kinda obvious and the camera view was indeed perfect. I'll give it ***1/2 for a very solid match.

Rhyno owns it some more

Lansdell: Man Rhyno is just owning that mic tonight
Bauer: No shit. This is the Rhyno we need to see.
Lansdell: I wonder if he was originally meant for this role or if it's Cage's. I also wonder if they can possibly avoid the swerve just this once. The Young Lions need a semi-veteran like Rhyno to yell at them and prove his point in the ring
Bauer: Cage is not good being intense, so I can't see it being his. And Rhyno just doesn't fit with the MEM like Cage did.
Lansdell: I dunno, he could carry the suit pretty well.

TNA Legend's Title Match: Booker T © vs. Eric Young

Lansdell: So do we really think that EY has a hope here?
Bauer: Um... about as much as Nigel does of losing the RoH Title before facing Danielson on Saturday?
Lansdell: That's going to be an awesome match. If anyone has a hope of being the first 2-time champ in RoH, it's Danielson
Bauer: I was talking about the triple threat the night before. No way he loses it then.
Lansdell: Well obviously. To get things back on track, before we get nuked in the comments...did you notice a lack of ridiculous fake African accent in Booker earlier?
Bauer: He had one when he wasn't King Booka?
Lansdell: You haven't been watching huh? He's been Bookah Zulu for weeks.
Bauer: Never noticed.
Lansdell: It was horrible. Painful. However, this is what Booker CAN still do: Manage a match and put young guys over by letting them get offence. He's always been a good ring general and he won't lose that with age.
Bauer: That is what he should be doing.
Lansdell: Even in losing Eric looked strong
Bauer: Is it just me or did Booker look worse than Eric did?

Winner: Booker T by pinfall (Axe kick following Sharmell-terference)

Lansdell: Let me get this out of the way. A lot of people have completely missed the point of the MEM dominating all the early exchanges in this feud. If they don't win early, and beat the shit out of everyone in the process, then they come off either as faces or as useless old guys. They need wins to build up the anticipation of the younger guys breaking through, and when does he will be a star overnight. As it stands, this match continued the story well as EY was able to avoid Booker's finisher and some of his trademark moves. He lost, but he didn't get squashed. THIS IS MUCH RIGHT and must continue. However, **½ because it wasn't really that great.
Bauer: Here is my complaint. Booker T vs. Eric Young should be a match that Booker T dominates. I have no problems with EY getting in offense and nearly getting a win. I have a huge problem with Sharmell getting involved in the match. It was good match though.I'll go with ** 3/4.

Team 3D backstage

Lansdell: I really don't know why Devon never did the talking for those guys before.
Bauer: Like Ray said... Obama wins. He was talking before that though.
Lansdell: I've said for a while that 3D should be in MEM, but if they want to use tag titles as world titles, then Booker and Steiner are going to push that number through the roof .
Bauer: I think they would hit triple digits overall, before Team 3D.
Lansdell: 31 world titles between them right now. Booker has at least 10 tag runs, Nash has 3 or 4, Steiner has several…
Bauer: Angle has a few, I think
Lansdell: OK fans, your assignment is as follows: how many singles and tag world titles do the MEM have?
Bauer: Aw... I can't have fun finding out?
Lansdell: Well you could, but then how would we make the column interactive?
Bauer: Good point

Kevin Nash and Kurt Angle vs. Abyss and Matt Morgan

Bauer: Angle and Nash just feels weird as a team.
Lansdell: But they have cool music. That's very important.
Bauer: Fair enough.
Lansdell: How long until Matt Morgan beats Randy Couture for the UFC title?
Bauer: Never. Brock Lesnar won it already.
Lansdell: They're not the same person?
Bauer: I don't think so. I see why you think that though. How long before Abyss joins the originals?
Lansdell: There's an awkward fit.
Bauer: But it makes as much sense as Rhyno.
Lansdell: They did the right thing early here: keep Angle in the ring as long as possible.
Bauer: Great start to the match.
Lansdell: Very much so. Although...Carbon Footprint? Stupid name is stupid.
Bauer: Yeah. Another Trivia Question: There are 10 possible tag team combos in the Main Event Mafia. Name the only 2 to hold the Tag team Titles.
Lansdell: Oooh I know that one. It's not as easy as it looks.
Bauer: Well, one should be kinda easy. The 2nd I didn't even know until looking up the last trivia question answer.
Lansdell: Nash and Morgan facing off really is a case of Past vs Present
Bauer: McMahon failed pet project vs. Pet Project that bailed on McMahon
Lansdell: I've been a big critic of Nash being retained by TNA, but he's been acceptable in the way he's been used and if you're going to tag Morgan as the guy he elevates (or should that be Hellevates?) then it probably works even better. Maybe they're not completely clueless. He's got the ability to make Morgan a star.
Bauer: That he has. And he looks better than before when he fought a match, missed a year, fought a match, missed a year...

Winners: Kurt Angle and Kevin Nash via pinfall (Nash on Abyss, big boot following beer bottle-fu)

Lansdell: I have to say that was disappointing. The match was going well untill Beer Money came down, and then it degenerated into a screwjob with extracurricular activity. I love Beer Money, I'm really starting to enjoy Morgan, and the feud there should be good. Did it really need to happen against MEM? I suppose this is around **3/4, but to be honest that's almost totally arbitrary since I don't know what to make of it.
Bauer: This match flowed really well and the Main Event Mafia looked like the underdogs here because of the sheer size of Abyss. Nash looked good again, which must happen if the feud will work. Beer Money came in to hand the Mafia the win, which really was not needed, yet it was. I liked this match alot and give it ***1/4 for being an overall solid, impressive match.
Lansdell: Your turn to be generous. I don't know man, the match was fine but the ending just felt disjointed and unnecessary.
Bauer: Yeah, but the match is more than just an ending.
Lansdell: Very true, I just have a hard time loving a match when the culmination of all the work in the match, namely the finish, is crap.

Main Event Interview...OF DOOM!

Bauer: Main Event Talky Time! Larry's favorite.
Lansdell: Look, I get that they spent heavily to get Foley. I get that his specialty is talking, since he wrestles like a rusty gate in a snowstorm these days, but really...



and give the opening tag match more time!
Bauer: I almost thought he made a 4 on 2 for Final Resolution until he clarified it.
Lansdell: They're not doing that multi-man match again for the singles title again are they?
Bauer: Yep, they are.
Lansdell: Whyyyyyyyyyyy? Don't they realise that one of the biggest complaints people have is non-sensical clusterfucks?
Bauer: It's TNA. Do they ever need a reason?
Lansdell: It never works. Ever. It ends up as a cluster. And while I'm complaining, why did this need a main event spot?
Bauer: So we can see Kurt Angle's Wellness Policy veins pop out?
Lansdell: We've seen these guys yell at each other in the main event for weeks. Sure they have chemistry, but IT'S A DAMN IN-RING SEGMENT!!! Put it at 10pm and call it happy
Bauer: Ok, can we just bury Rhyno now?
Lansdell: They did that earlier, remember? In the casket?
Bauer: Yeah, but that was figurative. The stipulation makes it literal.
Lansdell: Really, that segment is exactly what you'd expect from those three, so I have a hard time raving over it. Sure it was good and passionate and all, but anything less would have been a major letdown.

Final Thoughts

Bauer: This was a solid TNA show overall. The MEM vs. Originals feud continues to be built as an MEM-dominated feud. But the gap is closing and closing fast. The main event for the next Pay Per View is kinda weak, but it should at least perhaps close the gap more. And adding Rhyno to the originals gives them a nice shot in the arm.

Lansdell: TNA continues to mystify me. If you read through this recap, you will see some negative comments from me, and most of them are comments I've mad before. However if you were to draw from that the conclusion that I did not like this show, you would be wrong. TNA has been able to do something in recent weeks that WWE has not: entertain me while annoying me at the same time. The MEM-Originals angle is being built absolutely perfectly, even to the point that a small part of me is asking if the past 2 years of burying the young guys was in preparation for this. Of course it wasn't, but the writing team are erasing the seams and that's the way it should be. Some parts of it are disjointed and I do wish there hadn't been so many WWE references, but by and large everyone who has touched the mic in this episode did a great job. Major complaints? The matches are still too short, and you would NEVER know by watching this show that Sting is the TNA Champion. He said nothing, did nothing and was very much in the background. Most of the time you couldn't even see the belt. Anyway, if they could shorten some of the talk segments and give each match a minute or two more, we'd be cooking.

That's it for this week boys and girls. Join me Sunday morning for Lansdell's Sunday Brunch, and of course Mr Bauer will be back on Tuesday with the ECW Report.

Lansdellicious – Out.