The Armageddon 2008 Breakdown

Armageddon 2008 by J.D. Dunn December 14, 2008 Live from Buffalo, N.Y.. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Todd Grisham and Matt Striker. Opening Match, Non-Title: Matt Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov. Striker explains that Kozlov doesn’t get a title shot because he’s never officially wrestled in ECW. Kozlov takes over pretty quickly with his sambo skills. Apparently, he learned sambo when tigers threatened to eat him if he didn’t give up his fancy clothes. Kozlov posts him once. Armwork follows, which makes sense but bores the crowd. Matt makes his miracle comeback, sending Kozlov to the floor and sending him into the post. Back in, Kozlov blocks the Twist of Fate and finishes with the uranage at 9:02. Remarkably clean finish for a heel. Not sure if this finishes the feud or if Matt now has to figure out how to compete with the big Russian. If it’s the former, the ECW Title is now as meaningless as the European title. ** In the back, Vickie Guerrero, Edge and Chavo laugh at Matt. Chavo wants to know how Vickie and Edge took out Jeff Hardy, but Vickie denies any wrongdoing. I’m not sure what the mystery would be there. Elsewhere, Fit Finlay introduces Eve to his uncontrollable Irish midget son. He tells Hornswoggle to stay behind so he doesn’t get gurt. Intercontinental Tournament Contender Finals: Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk. William Regal and Layla are at ringside to observe. The crowd dies except for the one fan in the audience trying to start a chant. The match isn’t bad, but the fans are hesitant to take sides. Punk hits a pescado on Rey near Regal’s throne. Cole: Punk and Regal have a long, rich history? Not really. Back in, Punk works the arm and even busts out the Windy City Stretch. Rey makes the ropes, though, and tilt-o-whirls down into a reverse armbar of his own. Rey dropkicks Punk to the floor and flies out on top of him. The seated senton gets two, and they exchange rollups. The high knee misses on the first attempt, but the second attempt puts Rey down for two. The 619 misses, and Punk goes for the Go2Sleep. Rey counters and hits the 619. The Dime Drop misses, but Rey crucifixes him for two. Rey tries the spinning huracanrana, but Punk throws him off and hits the Go2Sleep at 12:17. They got the match over by sheer force of will, dragging the fans into it through hard work. *** Jeff Hardy cuts a promo in the dark, apparently after a barium swallow. Recap of JBL turning Shawn Michaels into his Virgil. Okay, the angle is stupid, but JBL stealing the Slammy that Shawn received after being chosen as *the* guy to end Flair’s career was a great dick move. JBL comes out to introduce his newest employee — Shawn Michaels. Strange moment as JBL is on his way to the ring, and a fan pats him on the shoulder and JBL goes down like a ton of bricks! Well, okay, no he doesn’t. But if Joey Styles can do it… The economy has hit Shawn hard, and he lost all his money. Too bad he doesn’t have a Connecticut blueblood friend who has multiple world title reigns to help him out. Oh, and if only the DX merchandise was selling well. Shawn admits to selling out, but says he’s not going to be one of those broken down wrestlers hobbling into high school gyms. Given that we have a well-trained Russian killer destroying champion and a well-respected former champion losing all his money through bad investments, can we assume the WWE writers just sat around watching the Rocky movies one day? And we meet at camera three for an interview with The Legacy. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Batista is not on their level. Belfast Brawl: Fit Finlay vs. Mark Henry (w/Tony Atlas). Finlay knocks Henry to the floor, but Henry SWEEPS THE LEG. Finlay tosses in a bunch of plunder but gets distracted by Atlas, allowing Henry to split his wig. Henry slowly destroys Finlay (and most of the plunder in the process). He grabs Finlay in a bearhug, and that brings out Hornswoggle to help. Henry shoves Finlay, knocking Hornswoggle to the floor. Horny crawls under the ring to get away from Tony Atlas as Henry grabs the ring steps. Finlay avoids the steps, grabs the shillelagh from Hornswoggle, and splits Henry’s wig at 9:40. Didn’t really belong on PPV, but it was a good time-waster. Henry makes a great monster in this role. **1/2 In the back, Santa Haas hits on the Divas, prompting Santino Marella to come in with his Diva of the Year Award and mock them. That leads all of the wacky comedy acts to come in and carol to us. New rule: Guys have to stop hitting on women at Christmas time by saying “Have you been naughty or nice?” It’s right up there with “What’s your sign?” Mr. Kennedy plugs his movie and invites us to enjoy our holidays responsibly. Responsibly. Batista vs. Randy Orton (w/Manu & Cody Rhodes). Orton actually does a good job outwrestling Batista, but he decides to cheat anyway and sends Batista to the floor for Cody and Manu to get their cheapshots in. The ref catches them and throws them out, making it mano-a-mano. A decent but sluggish match follows. Randy controls through most of it, even after taking a tumble to the floor. It was just a suckerjob, though, because he jumps Batista and gives him the rope-assisted DDT. Batista counters the RKO to a Killswitch for two. Batista mounts him in the corner for punches, and when Randy tries to counter, he inadvertently winds up in position for the Demonbomb at 16:40. Nothing wrong with the wrestling necessarily, but it just felt so slow with a long stretch of Randy working over Batista without it going anywhere. **1/4 8-Diva Tag: Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly, Maria & Mickie James vs. Maryse, Victoria, Natalya & Jillian. Maryse’s music is pretty catchy, actually. She is soooo the Chris Hargensen of the Divas. In fact, she’s probably the best heel Diva since Trish Stratus. Nothing notable happens in the match, but the commentary is pretty good. We learn that Kelly Kelly is Jewish, Maria wears John Nord-like boots, and Michelle watches AJ Styles. She tags herself in and finishes Jillian with a Styles Clash at 4:34. Nothing to see here. Movin’ on. * The Great Khali comes out to offer a kiss from the Punjabi Playboy. He picks Michelle, but she ducks out and runs away. That leaves three ladies, but they’re reluctant to kiss him too. Ranjin Singh has a backup plan. Well, I think we all know where this is going. Mae Young comes out, allowing Lawler to run through his old jokes. Young and Khali do, indeed, kiss, but did she have to wrap her legs around him? Ewwww! World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho. Cena tackles Jericho down, but Jericho picks his spot and comes back with a sleeper. Cena throws him off and catches Jericho on the apron. Jericho slips off and bulldogs him into the steps in a nice spot. Back in, Jericho locks in the shinni no make. I know that these moves “work the neck” in theory, but would it really be easier to knock someone out because they had neck surgery? Cena hulks up and makes the comeback, but Jericho keeps reversing his FUs. The second time, he hits the Codebreaker but only gets two. A frustrated Jericho runs right into the FU, but Cena can’t cover and only gets two. Jericho squirms away from the STFU and reverses it to the Walls of Jericho. Cena powers out and reverses to the STFU at 12:42. They cut out most of the fat from their last match, and it was addition by subtraction. Jericho had to carry so much of the match that I’m not sure Cena’s really ready to be back at this level, but he was serviceable enough to put on a good match. *** WWE Heavyweight Title: Edge vs. Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy. A significant majority think Edge attacked Jeff, according to the WWE’s poll. Jeff goes after him early but winds up brawling with HHH on the floor. HHH eliminates Jeff for a bit so that he can brawl with Edge. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Jeff charges back in and breaks it up with the Whisper in the Wind. Edge breaks up another Whisper in the Wind, but Hunter jumps him from behind and the challengers team up for a Doomsday Whisper in the Wind. Edge tries to spear Jeff, but Jeff leapfrogs, sending Edge into HHH. There goes Edge. That sets up the Twist of Fate and Swanton on HHH! ONE, TWO, THRE-Edge pulls Jeff to the floor. To the floor, HHH and Jeff brawl to the announce table. Jeff blocks the Pedigree on the table, but HHH pays him back by sidestepping an Edge spear. Edge spears Jeff through the far table! Back in, Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Edge reverses to the Impaler! Edge charges right into a spinebuster, and HHH nails the Pedigree. ONE…NO! Here’s Vladimir Kozlov to yank HHH to the floor and toss him into the steps. Matt Hardy runs down to jump Kozlov, but Kozlov shrugs him off long enough to shove Jeff to the floor. That leaves Hunter and Edge. HHH struggles into the ring only to get speared by Edge. Edge goes nuts and prepares for the Conchairto. Oh, but Jeff returns and grabs the chair from him! WHACK! Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but HHH crotches him. Pedigree to Edge. But wait! Jeff comes off the top with a Swanton to take out HHH. Cover on Edge. ONE, TWO, THREE! Jeff finally wins the title after multiple false starts in his career! (17:20). Good for Jeff. I’m not sure why they didn’t just have him win at Survivor Series – a bigger named PPV – and have Edge attack him to spoil the victory. A fine match as triple-threats go, with Jeff seemingly about to get screwed again only to have him pull it out in the end. ***1/2

The 411: Kind of a middling show as far as wrestling is concerned. Nothing blow-away, spectacular like they were doing earlier in the year, but most of the matches were in the solid range. If you’re a big Jeff Hardy fan, obviously this is a must-buy. I can’t help but think it would have felt like a bigger moment on a show that isn’t in the “dead zone” of PPV buys, though. Marginal thumbs up.