411’s WWE Raw Report 02.16.09

-Welcome back to another week of 411’s Raw Report. Well last nights absolutely phenomenal No Way Out certainly turned the Road to Wrestlemania on its ear. Raw is left without a World Champion as Edge snuck into the Elimination Chamber and stole the title from former Champion John Cena. Now a cloud of uncertainty hovers over the main event scene as both Randy Orton, holding the automatic title shot by virtue of winning the Royal Rumble, and John Cena, holding the rematch clause by virtue of losing his title, have claims to face the top guys from Smackdown at WWE’s premier event. Also we must find out if Edge’s victory will even stand. All of this combined with Shawn being emancipated and Orton hospitializing Shane McMahon makes tonight one of the most anticipated Raw’s in recent memory. So without further adieu let’s get this night underway and start to clear things up as we head towards Houston

-Live from Spokane Arena in Spokane, WA

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-Smackdown General Manager Vickie Guerrero opens the show on the stage to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion Edge. The first couple of Smackdown head to the ring for the opening promo. Lawler confirms that the decision from last night does stand. Edge asks if we want to know what the R in rated R superstar. He says it stands for remarkable since he’s a Smackdown superstar as the Raw Champion. It also could stand for resplendent or really, really smart. Edge says after he lost his WWE Championship he could have went home and looked for sympathy, but that’s something that the fans would have done. He calls the fans “failure turtles” and says they would have curled up in their shells of disappointment. But for Edge that’s not an option, and he took matters into his own hands. He says the fans all called him a loser and thought he was done as was leaving. He says the fans were wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Edge says last night he competed in not one but two chamber matches, and he is a living breathing walking miracle. He says Jesus turned water into wine, and he turned the WWE Title into the World Heavyweight Championship. Vickie explains that since Stephanie accompanied Shane to the hospital she became the highest-ranking official in charge. She states when Kofi Kingston became physically unable to compete she had to find a replacement. She said no one was more deserving of that spot than Edge. Vickie states that after conferring with the WWE Board of Directors she can officially state that Edge is in fact the World Heavyweight Champion. Vickie says the fans may not like it, but they will accept it. The two exchange a vomit-inducing kiss in mid ring, which is thankfully broken up by John Cena. Cena congratulates Edge on winning the title. He says no one could have thought he would pull it off, but he did it. Cena says a lot of guys would have come out and threw a fit and tried to sue the company. Cena says however he got in the match was irrelevant, the fact that he got in the match and won fair and square is the point. Cena says the R does stands for many things. Remarkable, Really really lucky, right place right time, and Cena’s favorite; rematch. Edge tells Cena that he not only competed in one, but two Elimination Chamber matches last night and he is not competing tonight. Edge tells Cena if he wants to see him and his lovely wife they’ll be on Smackdown. Cena says he’s right, and he doesn’t want Edge to have any excuses. He tells Edge to go to Smackdown and tell Funaki and Festus he said hi, and do whatever it is they do together. Cena says regardless he’s still the World Champion, and Cena still has a rematch. Edge says Cena needs a history lesson. Edge reminds Cena of their history together. The money in the bank, and Edge breaking into Cena’s old man’s home. Edge says Cena can talk rematch all he wants but it doesn’t change the fact that the Champ is here. Cena tells Edge if he tries to hide he’ll find him, and if he tries to run he’ll catch him. Cena promises that they will fight and he will hurt him. Sounds like that’s one half of your Wrestlemania main event folks. Tremendous promos from both guys as the old rivals pick right up where they left off two and a half years ago. This was a super intense promo from Cena without the toilet humor or anything that many give him hell for. Great job all around

-Shane McMahon is in the back, and asks Randy Orton to meet him in the ring tonight for an unsanctioned fight. No Legacy, no referee. Just the two of them settling things in the ring tonight.

Cryme Tyme & CM Punk vs. William Regal, Cody Rhodes, & Ted Dibiase (w. Layla)
Rhodes starts with Punk. They trade armbars before Punk answers a slap with a spin kick to the head. GTS hits on Rhodes, but Regal is in quickly before a pin attempt can be made. Dibiase pulls Rhodes to the floor as we head to break. Punk and Dibiase are in as we return. Punk kicks Regal off the apron, but the distraction allows Dibiase to send Punk to the floor. Regal delivers a few blows before sending Punk back in. Dibiase delivers some shots and tags out to Regal. A series of knee strikes from Regal gets a two count. A half-nelson chinlock is locked in, but Punk gets out. Regal regains control and tags in to Rhodes. Bodyslam connects from Rhodes and a knee drop gets two. Tag made to Dibiase who is in with a series of stomps and knees. Snap mare sets up a boot to the face, which gets two. Rhodes makes a tag, and is in to get hit with an enzaguri. Rhodes tags Dibiase but the hot tag is made to JTG. Shoulderblock and dropkick is delivered to Dibiase. JTG sends Regal to the floor. Regal comes back in but is met by Shad. JTG is left in the ring with both Priceless members and after getting tied up with Rhodes turns into Dibiase who delivers his Million Dollar Dream slam now called “The Dream Street” which picks up the win.
Winners: William Regal, Cody Rhodes, & Ted Dibiase (Dibiase pins JTG-Dream Street **)

-Stephanie is in the back yelling at Shane for being insane fighting Orton tonight. Steph begs him not to do this, because he’s not thinking clearly. Shane says the fight will happen tonight whether Orton wants to or not.

-Chris Jericho joins us in the ring for a promo. He says the Academy Awards are this Sunday, and implores the members of the Academy not to vote for Mickey Rourke. He says if Rourke wins it will send a message to the washed up has been losers in the business that they have one more run in them. He says that won’t happen because he won’t allow it. He says he knows why the fans love the legends, and it’s because they’re just like them. Weak, shallow, and insecure. He says if the fans boo that’s fine, but they’re booing an honest man. Drums and bagpipes interrupt and that means only one man. Rowdy Roddy Piper is out to join the festivities. Piper says if Jericho wants the truth he’s gonna shoot with him. Piper says he has watched him his entire career and he like him. Piper says Jericho said what was on his mind, and then he had the guts to get in the ring and back up. Piper says it reminds him of someone he knew. He says now he gets on TV and has the nerve to call the legends out. Piper says Jericho used to be entertaining, he says he judges us, he patronizes us, he tells us what we should and shouldn’t be doing. Piper says he’s gonna take one of Jericho’s quotes and tells him to shut the hell up. Jericho tells Piper to dance like a puppet on a string and make the fans cheer for him. Piper puts a stop to that saying he’s not finished yet. Piper says Mickey Rourke is his friend, and he watched the movie, and he cried. Piper says the movie is not about a bunch of old timers who want another run. Piper says the movie is about the honor and respect they have for everyone. Piper says its about the pain physically and emotionally, and most of all why they do what they do and that’s the thrill of performing. Piper says Flair was right. They live for this. Piper says people come up to him and say they remember when he slapped Mr. T. He says people come up to him and say when their granddad was alive they watched him shave Adrian Adonis’ head. Piper says Jericho wants to bury these moments. He says they are to be celebrated. Piper says last year he was in the Royal Rumble, and when he came out 24,000 people jumped to their feet. He says for just one moment he felt like it was Wrestlemania I. Piper says it was the thrill of a lifetime for him. Piper says he has one hip and he hurts all the time, but as long as the people say so he will crawl down to the ring on his hands and knees to give them one more memorable moment, because old school is cool. Jericho takes a cheapshot at Piper kicking his leg out from under him and kicking him in the gut. Jericho yells at Piper to crawl if he wants respect, and kicks him once more for good measure. Jericho leaves to amazing heat. Absolutely tremendous promo from Piper that actually one-upped Flair from a week ago.

-Todd Grisham is with Randy Orton. Randy says he has no problem fighting Shane tonight. He says he does have a problem with the implication that he needs Rhodes and Dibiase. He says they weren’t there when he punted Vince, and they weren’t there when he RKO’d Shane last night. He says they won’t be here tonight. Randy says if Shane wants this to be over once someone isn’t moving he can make that happen.

Jamie Noble vs. Kane
Jamie, who is randomly back on Raw, says when his Wrestlemania moment comes he will not fumble. He says Chavo only made it nine seconds last year, but he will make it more than nine seconds. That brings out Kane who chokeslams Noble and just like that picks up the victory. Noble did outlast Chavo. He lasted 16 seconds.
Winner: Kane (Chokeslam-Pinfall DUD)

-JBL sporting a shiner is heading to the ring to make a “historic announcement”

-As promised JBL heads to the ring for what is promised to be a historic announcement. JBL says as of last night Shawn Michaels is no longer his employee. JBL says his people wrote Shawn a very large check and is now paid in full, and he keeps his likeness. Shawn is now financially stable, but JBL could care less. JBL says while Shawn may be rich he is wealthy. JBL says he hired Shawn to help him become World Champion because he believed he had a date with destiny to return to Texas a conquering hero. JBL said last night he had an epiphany and his goals are now much higher. JBL says he will do something no one has ever done, and that is end the streak. JBL says his date with destiny is to go to Wrestlemania and defeat The Undertaker and end streak. He says when he does he will prove he is the greatest wrestler of all time. That brings out Shawn who has found his smile. Shawn says last night he had an epiphany too. Shawn says he is no longer Shawn Michaels employee of the month. Shawn is no longer struggling conflicted family man. He says he’s once again the showstopper, the headliner, the main event, and most importantly Mr. Wrestlemania. He channels MLK with the free at lasts. Shawn says a month ago Undertaker told him its hell getting to heaven, and he says he knows he’s right. Shawn says now that he’s out from under JBL he’s living in heaven. Shawn says there’s no one better to face Undertaker than him and goes through his list of Wrestlemania accomplishments. Shawn says if there is anyone who ought to face Undertaker at Wrestlemania it would be him. JBL says it appears that being able to pay his bills has given Shawn a newfound resurgence in his manhood. JBL says beating Taker at Wrestlemania is his destiny, not Shawn’s. Shawn says in case JBL has forgotten he can’t tell him what to do anymore. Shawn says next week he proposes next week its Shawn vs. JBL and the winner earns the right to challenge Undertaker at Wrestlemania. JBL accepts the challenge. Shawn says it looks like they are doing business one more time. Shawn pokes JBL in the chest as an answer to JBL’s actions from the past few weeks, and says that this time things are going to be a little bit different. Shawn says when JBL pushes him he will push back. Shawn says when its all said and done it will HBK and Undertaker on the Grandest Stage of them all, and JBL will be lucky if he even makes it to Wrestlemania. So we’re getting the Taker-HBK match at Wrestlemania after all. Tremendous!

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox
Rey sells the effects of the Elimination Chamber by slowly walking to the ring, as Cole and Lawler put him over as the shining star of the match. Knox attacks with a boot to take control early. Knox picks him up for a powerslam, but Rey slides down the back end. Rey hits the ropes, but runs into a clothesline getting two. Kneedrop from Knox misses and Mysterio hits a spin kick. Knox charges into the corner, but runs into a boot. Rey hits the ropes, but runs into a flapjack from Knox. He fires Mysterio to the floor as we head to break. Back from break is Mysterio hits the ropes and runs into Knox and is back down. Legdrop from Knox gets two, and from there he hits a chinlock. Rey tries to fight up but gets blasted right back down. Knox tries a corner charge, but Rey moves and tries a few kicks to the legs. Again off the ropes and this time he runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, which gets two. Rey bails to the floor, and Knox follows him all the way back in the ring. Rey attacks back in the ring, but only shortly as Knox again blasts him back to the mat. Hard whip to the corner puts Rey down again. Rey tries to kick away, but Knox grabs the boot and stomps Rey in the chest. That picks up two with just the boot to the chest. Knox puts Mysterio in a bearhug, but Rey fights out and counters with a hurracanrana. Bulldog from Rey connects, and is followed by an enzaguri which sets Knox up for the 619 which connects. Rey springboards in with the seated senton attempt but Knox ducks that. A second springboard attempt, this time a moonsault, is caught by Knox who ties up Rey in the tree of woe. Headbutt in the corner is followed by a knee. Knox goes for a third charge, but Rey sneaks out of the corner and rolls up Knox for the victory
Winner: Rey Mysterio (Pinfall-Rollup **3/4)

-Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendez head to the ring with a very metrosexual looking Santino in tow. Clean-shaven and sporting two earrings. She gives instructions to Rosa, then smacks Santino to ensure he was listening. The Women’s title match is up next.

WWE Women’s Championship: Beth Phoenix (w. Santino Marella & Rosa Mendes) vs. Melina ©
Not only is Santino sporting two earrings, but also a shaved up unibrow and frosted tips. Beth slams Melina into the corner, and after a few punches covers for two. A double axe handle from Beth gets another two count as she is quick on the offense. Beth fires Melina into the corner, and then hits a slingshot suplex which gets another two count. Beth puts Melina into a half nelson stretch submission hold, but Melina is able to punch her way out. Melina goes for a bulldog, but Beth counters into a backbreaker for two. Beth fires Melina into the corner again and kicks her to the floor. Rosa and Santino put the boots to Melina on the floor and that brings out the face divas, Kelly, Mickie, and Candice to even the odds. Beth gets a small package from Melina on the way back in which finishes things off and Melina retains.
Winner: STILL WWE Women’s Champion-Melina (Pinfall-Small Package *1/2)

-Terry and Dory Funk, Jr are introduced as the next inductees for the WWE Hall of Fame. Predictable given the site, but still VERY deserving. Jimmy Jack and Flash Funk will have to wait for another year however.

-Stephanie is on the phone with “someone.” She asks them to hurry as fast as they can because the fight is up next. The call is then dropped. Gee, I wonder who that could have been. Probably just the babysitter.

Unsanctioned Street Fight: Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton
Randy Orton is out in his wrestling trunks. I think he wears those things to the grocery store. It’s a street fight Randy, come dressed as you are. Shane attacks in the aisle and they just trade punches. Shane sends Orton over the guardrail and dives off with a clothesline into the crowd. Shane fires Randy into the hockey boards as the fight continues through the crowd. Shane gets HARDCORE by blasting Orton with the plastic water bottle of certain death. Orton fires back with a European Upper Cut and then sends Shane into the hockey boards. Back to the ringside area as Orton dumps Shane over the rail. Into the announce table goes Shane and then he’s fired into the steps. Orton is in complete control now as he just continues the beatdown. Back into the ring, and Orton rakes Shane in the eyes with the boot laces. Again Shane is blasted to the floor, and Orton is again out after him. Orton drives him into the ring apron twice as the announcer plead with Orton that its enough. Shane gets a second wind and attacks Orton sending him over the announce table. Shane grabs the ring bell and measures Orton with it and unloads with a shot putting Orton down. Shane drags him back into the ring and sets Orton up for the coast to coast. This time Shane chooses to go for the old fashioned version using a steel chair. Rhodes and Dibiase run in to put a stop to that and put the boots to Shane. Rhodes delivers the Cross Rhodes to Shane putting him down as Randy slithers back to Shane. Orton lines up for the punt and delivers it. Stephanie runs out to Shane’s aid and Orton begins to get a look on his face as if he’s gonna measure her up as well. Orton’s sick twisted look on his face is brilliant. Orton looks down on Shane with a demented look as Stephanie pleas with him to stop what he’s doing. Out of nowhere Orton delivers the FUCKING RKO TO STEPHANIE!!! Triple H runs out with no entrance music in street clothes to chase off Legacy. Triple H looks at Orton with the most evil look possible as Orton watches in horror. And that is YOUR Wrestlemania 25 main event folks. Absolutely fucking tremendous ending. Triple H not making the save and coming out with none of the bullshit fanfare entrance music crap adds to this so much. I can’t praise this segment enough. Fucking brilliant.
No Decision

-So we’re getting Cena-Edge and HHH-Orton at Wrestlemania almost assuredly. I’ve heard the complaints about HHH-Orton being done to death, and they certainly have some merit. But this is a new story, and brand new twist. A deeply, deeply personal feud that will have the title as a mere afterthought. This will absolutely work as a money match. As for the show as a whole tonight, what it lacked in wrestling it more than delivered in promos. The road to Wrestlemania is off to a raucous start.