411's WWE Smackdown Report 03.06.09
Posted by Steve Cook on 03.06.2009
It's Triple H vs. Umaga, it's the Hardys in MITB qualifiers...and most importantly it's Cook & the Penguin! You gotta click on this stuff!
Welcome to 411's Smackdown Recap! I'm Steve Cook, and I'm not even supposed to be here today. But with JP II out of town and the rest of the 411 staff busy with actual lives (theoretically), Csonka's enlisted me to waste away another Friday night watching WWE's B-show. I'd rather be at the bar getting my drink on or even watching Dollhouse (I've had a crush on Eliza Dushku for almost a decade...what about it?), but instead I'm at home drinking bourbon and watching wrestling. And people wonder why I'm so gosh-darned negative.
But it's all good, my friends. Because for this episode I am joined by none other than my best Internet friend, the Voodoo Penguin! So let's kick back, drink a beer, and watch some Smackdown!
Cook: Last week it seems that Big Show beat John Cena. I was at the bar getting drunk at the time, so I'll take their word for it.
Penguin: I already don't remember if I watched last week's smackdown or not...probably not a good sign.
Cook : And then there was a Cena/Edge match on Raw with a shocking DQ finish and no pop for the Big Show being announced #1 contender. Not that either of those two developments were too shocking.
Penguin: Am I the only one who really despises the smackdown opening video and song?
Cook: I'm torn on it...some parts are cool, some are kinda lame. Live from the Mohegan Sun Casino it's JR & Tazz and a contract signing with Edge & Big Show!
Penguin: I wonder if contract shenanigans ensue?
Cook: Quite possibly. Here comes the Undertaker!
Undertaker Promo!
Cook:So how much of a chance do you give HBK against Taker at WM?
Penguin: Not a whole freaking lot.
Cook: I agree. Undertaker seems impressed that HBK would fight to face him, since usually people try not to do such things. Or maybe not.
Penguin: Undertaker is angry, and HBK won't like him when he's angry.
Cook: He chooses WM as the night to show people who he is and what he represents. That's the definition of a big-game player. Big shock: UT accepts the challenge. Hey, it's a highlight video!
Penguin: I didn't even realize it was a challenge that needed accepting.
Cook: Well, when you think about it, it was never really set in stone.....JBL made the challenge, HBK came out and said he wanted to make the challenge, they fought over who would challenge Taker, then Kozlov wanted to challenge Taker. I guess they all just assumed Taker would accept, which was a safe assumption.
Penguin: Kinda hard to be a zombie who runs from challenges. Nice video documenting HBK's history at Wrestlemania there. Even though his win/loss record isn't the best.
Cook: Taker says Shawn is clever, but he's chosen the wrong person to play mind games with. HBK is an icon, but Taker points out that he's still 16-0. The time for prayer has just begun! Good line.
UT says sometimes it's hell trying to get to heaven, and then they play his music. Taker's a pretty underrated promo guy, I'd say. Probably because he spent a long time not talking much.
Penguin: When he talks it actually seems more important that way. I approve.
Cook: I think a lot of people would benefit from that strategy.
Penguin: Hey look, the Hardys will both be in action trying to get into Money in the Bank tonight! Isn't that spiffy
Cook: But not with each other, which is either good or bad...I'd like to think they can do better stuff now than they did the one time they faced each other many moons ago.
Penguin: I've blocked that from my memory.
Cook: Can't say that I blame you. Vickie Guerrero is backstage and talking on the phone to...somebody. Vickie asks Jeff not to interfere in Matt's match while trying to plant the idea in his head that he should. Or at least that's how I'm seeing it.
Penguin: Jeff won't fight his brother. It's like Undertaker and Kane minus a couple feet.
Cook: Pretty much. It's the controversial Matt Hardy, and he's got something to say. This could be a very bad thing. He says Jeff is running from his problems but can't run from him. He plans on getting his hands on Jeff at WrestleMania and destroying him and six others on the way to winning a briefcase. He'll cash it in and become a world champion. And then I'll become the Queen of England.
Penguin: Matt's got it all planned out...but it looks like MVP might have other plans for him.
Cook: Yeah, MVP's pretty popular with the crowd these days. I'll tell you what, either of these guys would be a step up from Kane & Henry.
Match 1: Money In The Bank Qualifier
Matt Hardy vs. MVP
Cook: Some mat wrestling to start. It does say wrestling on the marquee, I think.
Penguin: MVP gives a clean break, becaues he's a face now.
Cook: Hardy with a nice right hand....clothesline in the corner, MVP with a drop toe hold...tried his finisher, way too early for that, but MVP does some taunting as we go to a commercial! I hope this match doesn't get neutered as badly by the commercial as Impact's matches typically do.
Penguin:I love how instead of seeing MVP and Matt Hardy we instead get treated to an Enzyte commercial.
Cook: You lucky dog, I got no Enzyte commercials! But during the break, Matt gained the advantage with some rope related moves. Matt's working the headlock now...to a front chancery...MVP with a very brief flurry but Matt responds. Honestly, I probably shouldn't bother as much with the play by play, Dunn does very little and he's over huge. MVP comes back while JR plugs his BBQ restaurant.
Penguin: I say just do it however you feel the best
Cook: Funky clothesline by MVP gets 2 Man, Matt's punches are looking good tonight. BALLIN ELBOW!
Penguin: MVP is ballin!
Cook: rollup by MVP gets 2...Side effect by Matt. Looks like he's calling for his finisher...but MVP rolls thorough for a 3 count! Nice!
Winner: MVP
Penguin: Matt looks stunned!
Cook: As he should be, MVP had a really long losing streak, but he's pulled it together in the last 10 games and now he's in the NCAA Tournament! Oh, wait a minute, I'm mixing up my sports. Jeff vs. Shelton later, that should be a good one
Penguin:Yeah, Jeff and Shelton should deliver. I just wonder if there will be any shenanigans involved from the elder Hardy.
Cook: Well, he's certainly gotta be in a bad mood after losing to MVP, so I would be shocked if there weren't some shenanigans. After all, he did say he wanted to get his hands on Jeff at WM...
Match 2:
Maryse vs. Eve (w/boobs)
Cook: Michelle is none too impressed with Eve. Tazz puts over Michelle's finisher.
Penguin: Mrs. Penguin is not a fan or Maryse.
Cook: Neither is Eve, it seems, as they stumble through some moves but Eve finally hits something and Maryse goes outside.
Penguin: It's like it's in slow motion...and i'm wishing I had a fast forward button.
Cook: Pretty much. I'm a fan of women's wrestling, but this is...not the best example of women's wrestling. Maryse with the camel clutch! MAKE HER HUMBLE!
Penguin:Eve attempts to break the hold by throwing elbows to the knee. Not exactly a brilliant idea.
Cook: Well, she's trying. Elbow in the corner, Eve up top, misses a cross body...DDT by Maryse and it's over!
Your Winner: Maryse!
Melina runs down and attacks, waking up the crowd! McCool goes to work on Melina now...way to put over the Raw champion
Penguin: Sorry I nodded off there. Didn't miss anything did I? Oh contract signing is NEXT!
Cook: Gee, I can't imagine why the segment would end with Michelle McCool standing tall over the two women champions. *whistles and twiddles thumbs*
Penguin: Because her bangs are on the creative team?
Cook: Well, it's got something to do with banging...I've said too much. You think I wanna piss off Undertaker?
Contract Signing!
Cook: Shoot to Thrill is not on the Black Ice album, you nincompoops. We come back, and Vickie is in the ring to present the contract signing.
Penguin: Vickie's got hella heat.
Cook: I can't deny that. Here comes the Rated PG Superstar! I miss his beard.
Penguin: His beard was rockin the house, for sure.
Cook: He's not going to sign the contract. He thinks Vickie & Big Show have a deal. That would be the most disturbing mental image of all time, wouldn't it?
Penguin: That would require extra bracing for the bed.
Cook: Well, that's what Edge is claiming happened. That would have to be one big bed, that's for damn sure. He asks why Vickie chose the Big Show, so of course he comes out.
Penguin: Big Show's looking very dapper tonight.
Cook: Yeah, it's like he's out on a date or something. Wait a minute..I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Big Show says Edge isn't a good champion because he's the ultimate opportunist. Wait a minute, did Michael Cole grow two feet? Big Show has no problem signing the contract, for the record.
Penguin: Decent sized "We want Cena" chant going.
Cook: Can you blame them? Edge puts over his accomplishments, says he's faster, smarter and more talented than Show. Tough to argue that. He's more of a man that Show could ever be. But before Edge can sign the contract......
Penguin: YABBA DABBA DOO or whatever it says...
Cook: THE FORMER CHAMP IS HERE! And he's going to town on Show & Edge! He hits Edge with the table!
Penguin: Commerce is increasing!
Cook: Indeed! Vickie cowers in the corner...Cena whispers in her ear...is it a careless whisper? Well business has definitely picked up in any event
Penguin: Vickie looks distraught. Perhaps John told her about MyNetworkTV's woes.
Cook: Wow, I actually laughed out loud on that one.
Penguin: Hall of fame announcement following yet ANOTHER commercial!
Cook: Yeah, and it's a hall of fame announcement we already saw. But I definitely support the induction of Cowboy Bill Watts, no doubt about it. Moments ago, things happened! So far we have Austin, Steamboat & the Funks...and here's Watts
Penguin:I don't think I've ever watched a Watt's match. I remember him in authority roles, but never in ring.
Cook: Yeah, I've never seen him wrestle in his prime, but I support him based on his promoting abilities alone. I've been trying to get him in the 411 HOF for years. JR got his start thanks to Watts, so of course he'd induct him.
Penguin: I'll lean on Larry for you. Meanwhile, in Vickie's office, Edge is not happy with John Cena.
Cook: Vickie says the contract will be signed on Raw. Um, why can't Edge find the contract and sign it right now?
Penguin: Keep your dirty logic out of my rasstlin!
Cook: I'm just saying...I don't remember them televising the contract signing for the Jeff vs. Shelton match coming up next.
Match 3: Money In The Bank Qualifier
U.S. Champion Shelton Benjamin vs. Jeff Hardy
Cook: We go back to WM 21, which had an ungodly high buyrate for reasons I'm still not sure of. And they probably won't show much of the highlight of the show, Angle vs. Michaels. While I'm thinking about it, isn't it insane how good a run Angle's had in TNA despite everybody thinking he was on his deathbed when he left WWE?
Penguin: Not a big fan of Angle. Just doesn't tickle my pickle the way he does everyone else. JEFF HARDY IS WALKING!
Cook: I like Angle, not gonna lie...but let's talk about this match...on paper, this should easily be match of the night
Penguin: I hope they get some time before the inevitable shenanigans ensuee.
Cook: I've always been a Shelton fan, and Jeff's picked up his game since his comeback. How long has he been US Champion?...seems like Shelton's had that belt forever
Penguin: Good luck with the play by play...this could be fast.
Cook: yeah, that's going out the window...suplex by Shelton gets 2, northern lights for 2!
Penguin: And shelton has had the belt 228 days according to Wikipedia. Nice northern lights!
Cook: Shelton is the Human Suplex Machine! Jeff misses and lands outside. JR is implying that Shelton would not be content with a countout win and wants to beat Jeff in the ring. But after that Air Hardy on the outside, I think Shelton should be content with any kind of win he can get.
Penguin: Amazing how both men just happen to be down on the outside as we have to go to ANOTHER FREAKING COMMERCIAL.
Cook: Yeah, as Peter Griffin would say, it really grinds my gears. Shelton working over Jeff as we come back...he got the advantage with a turnbuckle powerbomb...Shelton working over the back now...He's picked a body part, like the Andersons used to do...Hardy with the wishbone...basement dropkick gets 2...Uh oh, here comes Matt! Whisper in the Wind! Matt distracting the referee...Twist of Fate, but Jeff pauses as Matt has entered the ring
Penguin: Matt just wanders into the ring. Can you do that?
Cook: Well.....apparently, as Matt punches Shelton and causes a DQ!
Penguin: In a brilliant move, Matt attacks Benjamin, costing his brother the match. Jesse Ventura would approve.
Cook: Indeed he would. I do not approve of that suit jacket. Blake Griffin had a similar one on as he watched OU lose to somebody, and I thought it looked ridiculous. Raw Rebound!
Penguin: I love how the assault charges are dropped because Orton decided to have a match.
Cook: Yeah, I'm not sure that's how the American legal system works in most cases. I mean, I only have a bachelor's degree in political science and only took a few law courses, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it usually works
Penguin: The old no touchy rule is in effect for the HHH and Orton feud.
Cook: Well, I don't like Orton's chances in any event, they actually played BOW DOWN TO THE KING, which I like
Penguin: He does have his legacy, that's about is best chance. HHH and UMANGA are up next!
Match 4:
WWE Champion Triple H vs. Umaga
Cook: Indeed they are there's actually still a bit of time in this show , which both intrigues and worries me
Penguin: You've still got entrances to deal with. We won't have any action until fifteen til, I betcha.
Cook: Is it really worth bragging about breaking the ratings record on MyNetwork? Honestly?
Penguin: Those "did you know" things are annoying.
Cook: They are.
Penguin: 12 rounds preview, good, my beverage could use refreshing.
Cook: And I also didn't account for movie plugging...so the main event will probably get five minutes...TIME TO PLAY THE GAME
Penguin: 'bout time they realized that a star like Umaga should always come out last.
Cook: Or they realized that the best time for a commercial would be during a HHH entrance
Penguin: Also very possible
Cook: remember when we saw him vs. Chris Benoit live and in person? I know we're supposed to forget that Benoit existed, but he was in the match
Penguin: I do remember that. We were the only people there cheering HHH.
Cook: Yeah, and it turns out that we were right, by cracky! I knew something was wrong with Benoit when he wouldn't slap my hand after the match
Penguin: Defiinitely an early warning sign.
Cook: yeah, I still feel bad to this day, I should have made a bigger deal of it in my TWTF recap. Maybe people would have gotten the message.
Penguin: You can't keep blaming yourself you know.:
Cook: You know I can't help it
Penguin: and we're finally back with yet another recap of RAW.
Cook: Amazing. I blame Autozone. You know, it's sad, but TNA has made me like Umaga more than Samoa Joe. How sad is that?
Penguin: Not sad at all. You like the better wrestler.
Cook: Well, we never saw Umaga in ROH, so I guess we'll never know for sure. HHH working over Umaga early
Penguin: ROH fears Umaga
Cook: but Umaga with the upperhand, HHH with a clothesline, side kick to HHH, headbutt to the shoulder.
Penguin: This is turning into a donneybrook.
Cook: Big headbutt, legdrop gets 1, SUCK IT HULK! HHH coming back, but Umaga with a thrust to the throat, Umaga over the top! He's holding that knee... IT'S THE LEGACY, UH OH. It's HHH on 3
Penguin: That "no touchy" rule is out the window already.
Cook: Apparently so. Let's throw storyline continuity out the window, it's HHH vs Legacy right now. Man, the crowd pops whenver HHH gets some offense
Penguin: Shouldn't HHH be going down sometime soon? This is about ridiculous.
Cook: He's going down. You have to remember, Orton's minions are rookies
Penguin: I guess that's true..
Cook: Their offense isn't nearly as good as other people's. The only way Orton can make friends is through these rookkies that happen to have famous fathers. Uh oh THAT was a punt, now he's calling off the troops.
Penguin: Orton tells his buddies to take a hike and now it's just him and Hunter in the ring.
Cook: Well, that's what he wants, theoretically. You know, I'm not too sure about this whole IED thing, to tell you the truth he's measuring him...
Penguin: HHH drools for added effect
Cook: Orton decides otherwise
Cook: So, what did you think of that whole show?
Penguin: Pretty lackluster show really. We got some Hardy build and and the Jeff and Shelton match was good for what they were given with. Pretty obvious that HHH and Orton is the big thing going on at the moment.
Cook: You know, I gotta agree with that
Penguin: I am happy that we get a tag team rematch next week. that match was pretty awesome.
Cook :So they might have a better show next week? Well that pisses me off. Excuse me while I break a guitar over some people's heads
Penguin: At least there might be a better recap to go with it:
Cook: Fair enough. For the Penguin, I'm Steve Cook. Good night America!
Why cant you just review the show like a normal person?
Posted By: JG (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:12 PM
The most uplifting ending to a show ever. We need to see HHH getting the shit beat out of him much more often.
Posted By: Guest#7648 (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:19 PM
Crush on Eliza Dushku for a decade... that means...
Yep, we all watched Bring It On and havent been able to get her out of my head since then.
Posted By: Brad (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:20 PM
I read two words of this garbage and clicked right out. Then came back to tell you how terrible this is, and now I'm leaving again.
Posted By: Michelle (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:24 PM
I gave my fat clothes to Umaga
Posted By: Bowflex (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:26 PM
Probably the worst Match Matt Hardy Vs MVP Match ever it was really dull for whatever reason. Jeff Hardy Vs Benjamin was better but not as good as expected. Maryse Vs Eve was terrible and seemed to be necerending. Speaking of neverending boy that Legacy attack on HHH seemed to go on forever and imo he fought back too long. I llike Miz and Morrison but boy for the most part they aren't funny at all. Beer Money is much more entertaining imo. Plus they face a bunch of good tag teams while Miz and Morrison are stuck facing the Colons week after week. Tonight's show was rather flat and did nothing for me.
Posted By: graves9 (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:31 PM
bring back other guy
Posted By: Guest#1659 (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:31 PM
If you dont want to watch wrestling. PLEASE FUCK OFF.
Posted By: Matt P (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:31 PM
Pretty bad week for Wrestling fans all 4 shows sucked.
Posted By: Guest#1480 (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:32 PM
What's this?
Brace for SMackdown?
Posted By: emperor koslov (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:36 PM
this review of smackdown was by far the worst in the history of smackdown reviews
Posted By: shibby shammers (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:39 PM
And yes Matt Hardy has no fashion sense, he is just screwed either way - No charisma and cant dress properly, fail.
Posted By: Brad (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:40 PM
Not to crap on a new format or anything, but this was the worst report I ever read. If I wanted opinions, I would go and read a breakdown on it, NOT a report. I just want to know what the moves and stuff were, with maybe a little opinion on the side
Posted By: Anthony (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:43 PM
brace for impact, this certainly aint.
no offence, Cook...but you aint DVDR enough to pull off the penguin skit.
Wasnt a fun read and a disappointment considering how much fun the usual Smackdown report used to be.
Posted By: christy (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:45 PM
you said last week's impact was pretty ok. You're negative, my foot. You're just biased towards TNA, dude.
Posted By: christy (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:47 PM
so big show wins the world championship that means hes the only person in wwe history to hold the wwe championship world championship wwecw championship
Posted By: Guest#7582 (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:57 PM
Well this was a horrible report. Could you be anymore lazier?
Posted By: JJ (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:08 AM
JG: Anyone who's read my work knows that I'm not a normal person.
Posted By: Socko (Registered) on March 07, 2009 at 12:08 AM
i thought you guys were pretty funny and a good take on the normal recaps anyway. besides, just read the finish, thats all you need to know anyway.
Posted By: andi (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:12 AM
Worst review ever, I couldn't read after the Matt Hardy/MVP match. In the words of Our Savior "DO YOUR FUCKING JOB"
Posted By: Guest#1979 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:42 AM
Worst. Review. Ever.
Posted By: RW (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:46 AM
terrible review style. please quite or 411 let him go. just terrible. unreadable.
Posted By: andrew (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:54 AM
Prologue.............Cook and Penquin drink some Zima and then spoon.Fags.
Posted By: Randy Mulkey (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:11 AM
seriously stop this gay way of reviewing the show... its funny as hell but there's no goddamned way 2 know what the fuck is going on...
seriously...
Posted By: garrh (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:23 AM
I think Cook has earned the right to "fill in" anyway he chooses.
Nice change of pace. I hate reviewing and I would much rather be part of a dialogue between you and the Penguin.
Mrs. Penguin?
Posted By: thegunisgood (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:42 AM
So, is Umaga going to have anything to do at Wrestlemania or are they just gonna have him win some off camera battle royale this year? I mean, wouldn't it have made more sense to throw him in MITB than Mark Henry? Oh well, lost opportunities.
Posted By: Bob Loblaw (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:56 AM
Epic Fail called, it said you reached a new level with this review.
Posted By: Drew (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:02 AM
What happened to the paragraph style review? I didn't come here to see tweedledumb and tweedledoofus trade stupid comments. I call shenanigans!
Posted By: Kyle (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:22 AM
like at least give a star rating don't make a joke of reviewing pro wres tling that just condradicts the whole process of making a site that has Pro wrestling "reports" . and if you want to try and be funny go and do some stand up somewhere your a fucking disgrace . pro wrestling is an art so report it with the respect it deserves you bitch . just because of this i'm bogarting this site no that it matters Steve Cook you sorry excuse for a wrestling fan .. Or in fact you soory excuse for a piece of shit !!!!!
I just hope you realize how terrible this report really is and you apoligize .. Fuck You and everyone like you!!!!
Posted By: taylorkd (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:39 AM
Come on. I found a lot of the comments funny and all, but that could be saved as an afterthought for actually letting people know what happened during the show. Most of the time I don't get to see Smackdown! so I have to fall back on the SD Report. I guess I'll have to look for video on the net... ugh.
Posted By: Guest#9986 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:46 AM
another vote for it being a crappy crappy report...
Posted By: JL (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 03:29 AM
Lansdell > Cook
Posted By: TAT (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 03:39 AM
dont know whats wrong with all these fags but actually enjoyed reading this.....guess some people dont feel right unless the bitch about something
Posted By: Guest#1554 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 04:40 AM
VOODOO PENGUIN=EPIC FAIL
Posted By: crunchie (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 04:40 AM
I agree with most here. The re-cap style is ass. I like witty banter as much as the next guy but a full article of is dull and dried out. I just wanted a re-cap of what happened to see if it was worth my while finding the matches online somewhere. After reading this I have no idea what the fuck really happened on this show
Posted By: Zakk (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 04:59 AM
I hate having to wait for someone else to review smackdown so I can actually find out what happened. Just give me the damn results in a non-retarded way!! Pay attention to Dunn.
Posted By: RufioRush (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 05:03 AM
This is the most horrible review I've read. I purposely avoid the back and forth dialogue crap...give me a real review and quit this stupid BULL SHIT before I have to go to another site for my Smackdown reviews.
Posted By: Carnivore (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 06:02 AM
Steve, not the best review, but I loved the YABBA DABBA DOO bit.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 06:31 AM
Actually enjoyed the review... though wouldn't wana read that style everyday.
Smackdown sucked this week, HHH botched that beatdown he just dominated Legacy.... its taking away the element of realism they had at the beginning of this feud.
Posted By: Andrew Barbarash (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 06:48 AM
What the hell is this? I came to see a report because I can't watch the show. Can somebody please post a proper report or am I going to have to find another wrestling website the recaps shows properly?
Posted By: WTF (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 07:25 AM
My MOM could do better.
Posted By: qwerty (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 07:52 AM
Very good performance by Shelton and Jeff played his part well. Matt vs MVP was slow. Maryse couldn't carry the green Eve but that's not her fault. Train your women wrestlers better. HHH and Orton suck. Cena beat up Edge and Big Show like he was the Silver Surfer annoyed with the X-Men.
Posted By: James (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 08:11 AM
Steve, you forgot to color code your names and make them bold, it only works if you do that!
Posted By: Guest#2071 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 08:20 AM
LOL @ Umaga being better than Joe.
Yeah right!
Posted By: Guest#1597 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 08:23 AM
Format didn't work. Sorry.
Posted By: Maffew (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 08:34 AM
You didn't even review anything.....
Posted By: Ryan (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 08:37 AM
WTF is this mess? C'mon, post the real Smackdown review please.
Posted By: EdgeHead (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 08:48 AM
I really couldn't read this...What was wrong with the normal style report?
Posted By: Molly Hayes (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 09:06 AM
Why cant you just review the show like a normal person?
Posted By: JG (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:12 PM
I just laughed out so loud, yes dudes this gets annoying. Atleast the matches do a normal review
Posted By: Ahm (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 11:12 AM
What happened to the paragraph style review? I didn't come here to see tweedledumb and tweedledoofus trade stupid comments. I call shenanigans!
Posted By: Kyle (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:22 AM
MUAHAHAHAHA! This review smells of russo-rific. The antics were less than stellar and the review could have been better if you just followed the example of previous reviews. Cook and Penguin stick to what you know best and leave the review to professionals, gawd you are a couple of clowns of the rear end variety!
Posted By: guest1228 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 11:17 AM
90% of the comment section are losers. Quit crying over an internet wrestling recap.
"Yowza!"
Posted By: W. Axl Rose (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 11:25 AM
This was not a report at all this was an embarrassment. I can't believe you actually posted this trying pass it off as a recap. Just terrible.
-****1/2
Posted By: (Disappointed) (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 11:52 AM
I usually come here to read this review since i always miss smackdown.. but this review is horrible. It's not even a review. Guess I'll have to find an actual review from another website.
Posted By: Jim (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 11:53 AM
Um... right, this is what I would expect a show review article to be like if it was put together by Vince Russo. Packed with annoying gimmickness that just makes you not want to read the whole thing.
Please stop this and just, like, review the shit. Okay?
Posted By: Fenris (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:08 PM
Like Axl Rose has any right calling other people loosers. Let alone someone pretending to be him.
Posted By: Saul Hudson (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:10 PM
90% of the comment section are losers. Quit crying over an internet wrestling recap.
"Yowza!"
Posted By: W. Axl Rose (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 11:25 AM
"Yowza!"
Posted By: Guest#2262 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:16 PM
Wow! I can't believe the people out there. This was a FREE recap you got from someone who DOES NOT get paid to do this shit! And you have expectations of exactly how and what he should write?
Actually a decent enough recap.
P.S. Now someone will probably say I work for 411. :)
Posted By: kk (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:19 PM
Please never review these shows in this format again.
Posted By: Suggestion Box Rex (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:20 PM
Mr. Cook, I loved your work on Ask 411, but this review is whack.
Posted By: the other ryan (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:47 PM
Allow me to paraphrase the comments up to this point:
"AAAAAAH I'M FREAKING OUT SOMEBODY PLEASE POST ASTERISKS SO I KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT THIS SHOW. I CANNOT GET FROM POINT A TO POINT B ON MY OWN."
Posted By: The REAL MP (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:48 PM
the show was ten times worse than the review.
Posted By: Guest#3687 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 12:58 PM
The Penguin thing was kinda distracting.
I thought Orton said on RAW that if any of them physically attacks the other the match gets canceled? I know they probably had to change the ending of the show due to Umaga's injury, but still...
Posted By: lilwayne1 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:18 PM
This review is horrible. I, like others, will now have to find another site to find out what happened.
Posted By: BulkHogan (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:33 PM
This is like a Brace for Impact, just done really really badly
Posted By: Jeremy from Palmdale (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:48 PM
I couldn't even read this. I want a review, not a script.
Posted By: saneiac (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:49 PM
Probably the worst Match Matt Hardy Vs MVP Match ever it was really dull for whatever reason. Jeff Hardy Vs Benjamin was better but not as good as expected. Maryse Vs Eve was terrible and seemed to be necerending. Speaking of neverending boy that Legacy attack on HHH seemed to go on forever and imo he fought back too long. I llike Miz and Morrison but boy for the most part they aren't funny at all. Beer Money is much more entertaining imo. Plus they face a bunch of good tag teams while Miz and Morrison are stuck facing the Colons week after week. Tonight's show was rather flat and did nothing for me.
Posted By: graves9 (Guest) on March 06, 2009 at 11:31 PM
Proper spelling and grammer didnt do anything for you either i see.
Prologue.............Cook and Penquin drink some Zima and then spoon.Fags.
Posted By: Randy Mulkey (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:11 AM
Comment of the week by far
Jesus where to start,oh yea,i am a big Al Snow fan from old ecw also but i dont feel the need to steal his gimmick and post commentary for it,poorly i might add.
Please refrain from doing this again.
All in all it is surely not the worst i have read on this sight,but the Urban show is getting weaker with every screwjob main event.
Is this three weeks running the ME has ended in Russo esc booking?
I do like the WM build for the most part,and i really do hope Orton goes over clean,say what you want about the guy but HHH is know for doing the J.O.B. in the Big Show(Gay joke har har)
and far more then Super Cena,Ortan need's the clean win to cement him as The Tweener of the post attitude era.
Who wants to take bet's the tag titles will not be defended at WM but the womens title will?
Any takers?
HBK vs Taker? really?
Why not Flair vs Steamboat at wm 25?
The match would have as much intrest.
Anyone really into this match has to have some sort of masochistic streak,when they last face'd and HBK was set to be The Man,he could not get the clean W,it took that Dastardly Kane to get the W for HBK.
This time will be no diffrent(Should be no diffrent at least)Shawn doesnt need the W,and as much as i dont like taker's character anymore,he should not drop his streak untill it is to someone that can both use and capitolize on the rub(i.e. not Kennedy,or Shelton ect)
While Umanga has indeed grown on me like a fungus,he is no Joe,so please dont encourage TNA and make the compairison.
RoH's taping's went amazing well,Flair's involvement looks like it could be intresting as he will not be climbing into the ring for a match the way it looks.
I fear Umanga will become the next Kane,the transitional big man that never get's what his talent,and dedication deserve.
I mean really,how many people would praise god if he got Show's WM spot?
Posted By: Showster (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:27 PM
I have a more pressing question. Where is Michael O with his Dope? No J.D. Dunn's Raw reca, no bitter Impact Crater, and, alas, we are left without any truly funny reports.
Posted By: Alex (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:32 PM
this is a horrible recap.
Posted By: chevy (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:35 PM
Proper spelling and grammer didnt do anything for you either i see.
Prologue.............Cook and Penquin drink some Zima and then spoon.Fags.
Posted By: Randy Mulkey (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 01:11 AM
Comment of the week by far
Jesus where to start,oh yea,i am a big Al Snow fan from old ecw also but i dont feel the need to steal his gimmick and post commentary for it,poorly i might add.
Please refrain from doing this again.
All in all it is surely not the worst i have read on this sight,but the Urban show is getting weaker with every screwjob main event.
Is this three weeks running the ME has ended in Russo esc booking?
I do like the WM build for the most part,and i really do hope Orton goes over clean,say what you want about the guy but HHH is know for doing the J.O.B. in the Big Show(Gay joke har har)
and far more then Super Cena,Ortan need's the clean win to cement him as The Tweener of the post attitude era.
Who wants to take bet's the tag titles will not be defended at WM but the womens title will?
Any takers?
HBK vs Taker? really?
Why not Flair vs Steamboat at wm 25?
The match would have as much intrest.
Anyone really into this match has to have some sort of masochistic streak,when they last face'd and HBK was set to be The Man,he could not get the clean W,it took that Dastardly Kane to get the W for HBK.
This time will be no diffrent(Should be no diffrent at least)Shawn doesnt need the W,and as much as i dont like taker's character anymore,he should not drop his streak untill it is to someone that can both use and capitolize on the rub(i.e. not Kennedy,or Shelton ect)
While Umanga has indeed grown on me like a fungus,he is no Joe,so please dont encourage TNA and make the compairison.
RoH's taping's went amazing well,Flair's involvement looks like it could be intresting as he will not be climbing into the ring for a match the way it looks.
I fear Umanga will become the next Kane,the transitional big man that never get's what his talent,and dedication deserve.
I mean really,how many people would praise god if he got Show's WM spot?
Posted By: Showster (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Lol making fun of someone else's spelling and grammar and then making a bunch of spelling mistakes and some bad grammer.
Posted By: ted (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 02:56 PM
I love it! Don't listen to the haters, just look at all the comments. That's what is really all about. Bring in the comments! This is the highest commented on Smackdown review since the MyNetworkTV switch!
Posted By: Vince Russo (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 04:01 PM
Are you the same guys that used to do those Mentos commercials in the 90's?
Posted By: Flying Dutchman (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 05:07 PM
This was the most silliest report I have ever read.
Posted By: Joey (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 05:21 PM
i hope this review was a one shot deal
Posted By: Mike from MD (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 05:47 PM
I know you don't get paid for this, but I will pay you NOT to write another smackdown report. This was simply fucking horrible.
Posted By: Guest#6656 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 07:33 PM
I know you don't get paid for this, but I will pay you NOT to write another smackdown report. This was simply fucking horrible.
Posted By: Guest#4548 (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 07:33 PM
This format was ok.
Posted By: Dwayne (Guest) on March 07, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Dude, this was great. No lie, I hope you fill in more often. Does this mean I'm rooting for the heel?
Posted By: RVD 4:20 (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 05:05 AM
This suck-diddely-ucked!
Posted By: Guest#1542 (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 05:24 AM
I prefer recaps that have opinion rather than just straight recap of events, but this report was just terrible and unreadable.
I appreciate you are trying something different, but this did not work. Please take the critism from readers and scrab this style.
Posted By: Johnny Wellies (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 06:51 AM
that was complete crap. can't you just write the report
Posted By: thomas (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 08:04 AM
"Wow! I can't believe the people out there. This was a FREE recap you got from someone who DOES NOT get paid to do this shit! And you have expectations of exactly how and what he should write?"
Um, yes. Last I heard this was a website geared towards the general public. It's not a small collective of buddies. Strangely, people come here for, of all crazy things, information. When that is presented in a confusing, overly long and downright pointless format, of course they feel put out. Why shouldn't they? Because he's not getting paid?
Since when has not being paid for something been a reason to do it badly? If he didn't want to do it properly because he wasn't being paid, he didn't need to do it at all. I would like to think if I was writing an article on a popular wrestling website I would have an amount of pride in my work and not just want to get high and drop some gibberish that completely fails in what it was meant to do.
True sometimes the guys at 411 seem far from professional, but they usually manage to write a show review in their show review section. If you have a regular section called "the Smackdown Report" which regularly reviews Smackdown in a typical review/recap format, it's pretty reasonable for people to expect such things when they click on the link. If they don't get it, firstly it makes 411 look bad, it makes people dislike the author of the offending piece and it makes people give up on the site and go elsewhere for it's review. None of which is positive.
And what's with the people whinging about people whinging? How is that constructive? Sure, if you feel this was a great review then say so, but bitching about other people DARING to have opinions is just pathetic. I think it's very sad that there are a few people on the internet that just seem to get so wound up by people complaining about things that they spend half their lives complaining about those people. I have a word for people like that: MUPPETS.
Posted By: The Voice of Reason (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 08:28 AM
even though they are a butload of comments how bad this review is - i'm so pissed off by it i'm still gonna comment... and I never comment on things!
it was a waste of my time reading the first match and a waste of the writters time.
do you not like wrestling? if so, why review it? and why did someone at 411 get u to?
and it wasn't even a funny and clever way of making fun of something - it was just stupid.
next time you feel compelled to write utter shite - go to you tube and find a video to comment on!
Posted By: JJ (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 09:54 AM
Couldn't even read this. Get your act together and stop writing shit
Posted By: Guest#2034 (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 11:15 AM
So what do you guys want to read? That Triple H had Umaga in a rest hold for 45 seconds?
I, for one, find long recaps that detail every move very taxing to read. I just want an overall sense of what happened. This recap cuts the crap and tells you what you need to know: who won, what was said and how the angle advanced. Does it really matter how they got there in the long run? If Shelton Benjamin does a sunset flip at some point during the match, it's not going to have any bearing on his performance in Money in the Bank.
Unless he wins MITB with a sunset flip...in which case, horrible recap Cook. You should be ashamed!
Seriously, if you can pick out any important information that's left out of this recap, please post it or quit piling on some guy you don't even know with personal attacks. Life goes on.
Posted By: BrunoB (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 04:48 PM
"Like Axl Rose has any right calling other people loosers. Let alone someone pretending to be him."
Haha, looser...
I see you standin' there
You think you're so cool
Why don't you just
Fuck off!
"Yowza!"
Posted By: W. Axl Rose (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 06:19 PM
Posted By: Guy Who Thinks He's Slash (Guest) on March 08, 2009 at 06:20 PM
I think Miz and Morrison should totally win both Titles then say fuck the wwetarded and sign with Tnaholes and totally pwn over there. Also Evan Bourne should totally join em.
Posted By: eatmyturd (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 04:52 AM
Oi Loiked it. If some people can get this antsy about a wrestling review maybe they need to take a look at themselves and get a grip.
Posted By: Davey_gravy (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 05:52 AM
"Oi Loiked it. If some people can get this antsy about a wrestling review maybe they need to take a look at themselves and get a grip."
That antsy? What, feeling annoyed enough to write a comment. Hmm, isn't that what you just did? Can you say "hypocrite"?
Yeah, because the choice is between an unreadable gimmick filled unfunny thing here, or the corporate propaganda straight from the company. Cos it's always good to get a *review* from the place that sells the product. Pretty shoddy thinking there.
Posted By: Axl Rose loves the cock. (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 08:36 AM
this just sucked
Posted By: Guest#9399 (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 02:03 PM
"Yeah, because the choice is between an unreadable gimmick filled unfunny thing here, or the corporate propaganda straight from the company. Cos it's always good to get a *review* from the place that sells the product. Pretty shoddy thinking there."
And that would be the case, had you clicked on a "Review." However, you clicked on a link that reads "411's WWE Smackdown Report 03.06.09." This is not a review, it is a report.
Everybody was crying that this was a poorly structured report, so I directed you towards a report that was better structured. It's not my fault you don't know what you want.
As for "corporate propaganda," would you like to direct me to where WWE gives all its matches five stars? I thought what I saw was a standard recap that perhaps focused more on the storylines than the action, but a standard recap none the less. The level of language might be a little bit higher than what you find on 411, but anyone should be able to get the gist of what is going on.
That said, perhaps the shoddy thinking is on your part, not mine. At least I know what I want.
"Yowza!"
Posted By: W. Axl Rose (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 05:21 PM
my rating
matt vs mvp good match but matt lost his first match back.
eve vs myrease eve is getting better good match
shelton vs jeff i feel sorry if you missed it
umaga vs triple dissopointing
Posted By: asheel (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 06:44 PM
ummm, so what happened?
Posted By: buckley (Guest) on March 09, 2009 at 09:37 PM
I love this site, and have never posted... don't feel the need to... After reading this "review" I had to post. There is no way you guys should keep this position after that wretched piece of garbage you put out... absolutely terrible review, format, and attempt at humour... FAIL.
Posted By: Gabdex (Guest) on March 10, 2009 at 12:55 AM
WrestleMania 25
Trish wins 25 Diva Battle Royal
Kofi wins Money In The Bank
Y2J def. Stone Cold
Randy Orton def. HHH
Big Show def. Cena and Edge
Posted By: timisawsome (Guest) on March 12, 2009 at 05:32 PM
wwe is cool
Posted By: bushy (Guest) on March 12, 2009 at 10:10 PM
