CHIKARA Review: Cibernetico Begins
Posted by Kevin Ford on 05.13.2009
In the cold New England Autumn, things heat up with the 5th Annual Torneo Cibernetico!
Framingham, MA - 11.15.2008
CHIKARA returns to the New England area tonight after a six month absence. Tonight, another CHIKARA tradition takes place, as CHIKARA presents “Cibernetico Begins”. Squadrons of 8 men, captained by rivals Vin Gerard and Equinox (Jimmy Olsen) will square off in the main event: a Torneo Cibernetico match. In addition, Claudio Castagnoli seeks revenge on The Fabulous Two. All this and a lot more is in store for tonight, so what are we waiting for?
Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Leonard F. Chikarason, Louden Noxious and Larry Sweeney.
F.I.S.T. (Icarus & Gran Akuma) vs. Larry Sweeney & Robbie Ellis
Sweeney and Ellis come out “Don’t Bring Me Down” by E.L.O, which is a big time victory. Sweeney and Icarus start off. Sweeney says he likes his new music, and doesn’t want to wrestle yet, so he challenges Icarus to a strut off. Both men dance with Icarus looking like a total goof. Robbie comes in and dances, and after Sweeney makes him, Akuma dances too! This strut off was a big time win. Sweeney and Akuma start the actual match off. Sweeney stomps on Akuma’s foot. Icarus kisses it to make it feel better. Akuma kicks at the back of Sweeney’s leg. Sweeney tries to the kicks himself, and does some air kung-fu to try and intimidate him. Akuma kicks Sweeney in his gut to stop him, then tags in Icarus. Icarus applies a stretch, and he and Sweeney roll around on the mat. Akuma tags in and kicks away at Sweeney on the mat. He ties Sweeney’s legs up, then applies a single Crab. Icarus chokes Sweeney on the ropes. F.I.S.T does a great job isolating Sweeney and taking out his legs. Sweeney works of out a headlock on the mat, and Icarus gets in a back and forth punch fest with he and Sweeney. Akuma comes in to try and break it up, but Akuma gets caught in the crossfire. Sweeney collides their heads and tags in Ellis. Ellis delivers hard blows to Icarus till Akuma cuts him off. Ellis catches Akuma with a spinning headscissors, then lands a Shiranui on Icarus! Ellis covers but Icarus manages to kick out. Akuma throws Sweeney into Icarus, who sunset flips Ellis for the three! This was a very fun opening contest. Between the strut off and Sweeney’s antics during the match, this was a real good time. **
The Osirian Portal becomes a trio
Ultimo Breakfast comes out with no known opponent. The Osirian Portal of Amasis and Ophidian come out to the ring wearing their Campeonatos de Parejas belts. Amasis grabs the microphone and says after they won the belts, they have a bullseye on their back. Amasis says they need a third person to serve as a bodyguard. Amasis says he went to the Sahara Desert and asked Osiris to send someone worthy enough to watch their backs. Amasis says Osiris delivered, sending them Escorpion Egipcio, the newest member of the Osirian Portal.
Ultimo Breakfast vs. Escorpion Egipcio
Egipcio pounds on Breakfast. Egipcio ducks a clothesline from Ultimo and hits a big clothesline of his own. Egipcio stomps away at Breakfast, then lands a big back body drop. Egipcio and Ultimo get into a headbutt battle. Escorpion works on Breakfast’s leg, then chokes him in the corner. Ultimo blocks a few charges with some boots, and lands a headscissors on Ultimo. Breakfast kicks Escorpion’s knee out from under him, and gets a two count. Escorpion smacks Ultimo in the face, much to the delight of Amasis. Escorpion hits a big scoop slam but only gets a two count. Ultimo lands a wheelbarrow arm drag. Ultimo puts Escorpion in the corner and goes for a splash. Escorpion catches him and tosses him overhead with a belly to belly suplex. Egipcio goes for the pin, but pulls up Ultimo before the 3. Escorpion bites Ultimo in the ropes. Amasis distracts Ultimo, and Escorpion slams his head into the top turnbuckle. Like a Samoan, Breakfast goes crazy and slams his own head into the turnbuckle! Ultimo goes up top and senton’s onto Escorpion Egipcio! Ultimo sunset flips Egipcio in the ring for the two count. Escorpion misses a splash, but puts Ultimo on the top rope and slaps him. Breakfast lands the Cereal Killer on Escorpion, but Escorpion kicks out. Ultimo lands a diving headbutt and again only gets two. Ultimo headbutts Egipcio in the stomach a few times, then sets up for the He’s Toast Razor’s Edge. Escorpion powers him up and lands a big time TKO. Escorpion heads to the top rope and hits a big splash and gets the victory. This should have been more of a squash, with Egipcio killing Breakfast. But the match overall was pretty good anyways. Escorpion definitely has potential. *3/4
The Super Smash Bros. (Player Uno & Player Dos) vs. 2.0 (Jagged & Shane Matthews)
Jagged says he and Shane Matthews are in a very familiar position with zero points to their name. Jagged says since the SSB just lost their Campeones de Parejas they’re in the same boat as 2.0. Jagged flubs up, but they continue on with a very goofy and awesome promo.
Dos and Shane lock up, and Shane shoves Dos down to the mat. Dos and Shane go back and forth each man trying to gain the advantage. Dos’ speed allows him to get the advantage with a spinning headscissors. Uno and Jagged tag in after their partners leave the ring. Uno applaudes Jagged for evading a hip toss, but Uno then delivers a couple vicious chops. Uno goes for a sunset flip, and Jagged stops him. Jagged looks to apply the CHIKARA Special, but is clueless as to how to apply it. Jagged asks Dos how to apply, and Dos helps him apply it. Dos then pushes Uno over for a two count pin. The fans applaud and laugh. The Super Smash Bros. double team Jagged after he chastises them. Shane comes in as the legal man after Jagged slides out. The SSB duck a clothesline attempt, then hit him with a clothesline/619 to the back combo. Jagged and Shane recoup on the outside. Uno fakes them out with a dive, but then Dos leaps up for a springboard tope! The fans chant for Dos as he tosses Shane to Uno. Uno pins Shane for the two. The SSB hit a fist drop/moonsault double team for another two count. Shane catches Dos in the corner and slams him down. Jagged goes up top teasing a move, but walks down from the top rope to hit a head butt instead. Jagged stretches Dos on the mat, while twisting his mask out of place and biting his fingers in the process. 2.0 continue their beat down on Dos, relentlessly looking for the victory. Luckily for Dos, Uno continues to break up 2.0’s pinfall attempts. Jagged pulls Uno off the apron when Dos is close enough to attempt a tag. Dos turns a double clothesline into a backflip, kicking both members of 2.0 in the head. Dos then rolls under a double clothesline to make the Ricky Morton tag! Uno comes in a house of fire taking down both members of 2.0. Uno lands a Michinoku Driver on Jagged for the two after Shane breaks it up. Uno pushes Jagged into Shane, forcing Shane to give him a stunner. He throws Shane into Jagged, forcing Shane to land a DDT while Uno hits a Shiranui on Jagged! 2.0 send Dos to the outside and hit a tandem STO on Uno. They hit a double DDT, but Dos breaks up the pinfall attempt. Jagged ducks an attack from Dos and launches him in the air. Dos is caught in a spear from Shane, and Shane covers for the two! The SSB hit a sunset flip/suplex combination on Jagged, then follow up with the Pac Man Fever for the win! The SSB earn their first point on their quest to regain the titles. This match was so much fun; both teams looked awesome and put on a great match. 2.0 were hilarious through out the entire match, and the crowd ate it up. ***1/4
Hallowicked vs. Brodie Lee
Brodie mentions that he’s been pinned two matches in a row (Claudio Castagnoli and Daisuke Sekimoto), and that he wants to get back on track by beating Hallowicked. Eddie Kingston comes up and asks Brodie why he’s sweating Hallowicked. Eddie asks him tot take a walk with him, and they leave together. Remember, Kingston and Hallowicked had a hellacious rivalry in 2007.
The two titans lock up to kick things off. Brodie goes for the Liger Bomb early, but Wicked escapes. Brodie chops and thrusts at Hallowicked’s face in the corner. Hallowicked turns it around and delivers some hard shots of his own. Brodie elbows his way out of it and delivers a stern uppercut. Wicked again comes back but Brodie is un-phased. Brodie and Wicked continue to brutalize one another till Hallowicked sends Brodie to the floor. Wicked tries a pescado, but Brodie moves. Brodie then pushes Hallowicked through the emergency exit door to the outside! Brodie brings Wicked back into the ring and pins him for a two count. Brodie pulls at Wicked’s mask as he lay on the ropes. Brodie continues his beat down. Wicked comes back with a flurry of offense. Brodie avoids the step-up Frankensteiner, and catches Wicked with a release belly to belly suplex. Brodie and Wicked go back to the floor and exchange blows. Back in the ring, Brodie hits a slingshot suplex for the two. Brodie lights up Hallowicked with some vicious knife edge chops in the corner. Hallowicked tries a splash, but Brodie moves. Brodie hits the Big Boot and a spin kick in the corner. Brodie lands the Black Hole Slam for the two count. Hallowicked slides out of the Liger Bomb and hits a running Big Boot! Each man continues to lay in the shots to one another. Hallowicked catches Brodie with a back body drop, and small packages him for the two. Hallowicked then hits the step-up Frankensteiner and follows up with the Rydeen Bomb. All these only get Hallowicked a two. Brodie fights back with some elbows, then a discuss clothesline out of the corner. Uncharacteristic of Brodie, he heads up to the top rope. Hallowicked catches him with an Enzugiri, then hits the Go To Sleepy Hollow! Brodie ducks a Big Boot and hits two Big Boots on Hallowicked! That’s enough to get Brodie the win. Wow; this was also good times. Both men just battered the living daylights out of each other for our amusement. Isn’t that was wrestling is all about? Seriously though, these two put on a hell of a fight. ***1/4
Claudio Castagnoli vs. The Fabulous Two (Mitch Ryder & Buck Hawke)
Mitch recalls that at last year’s Cibernetico Claudio made two big mistakes: brought down the Kings of Wrestling and pinned Mitch Ryder with the Ricola Bomb in the Torneo Cibernetico. Mitch says The Fabulous Two formed because of Claudio, and that tonight they will destroy him. Mitch asks what Buck is going to do to Claudio in order to make him happy. Buck says he will make Claudio regret every single action that ever hurt Mitch in the past.
Claudio races into the ring, and The Fabulous Two jump to the floor. Claudio pushes Buck hard into the corner to kick things off. Claudio tosses Buck aside, and attempts to grab Mitch in the corner. Buck keeps interfering and stopping Claudio. Claudio bullies Buck around, slamming him to the mat. Claudio walks the middle rope, and Mitch trips him up. Mitch comes in and takes Claudio down with an elbow to the face. Mitch gives a few shots, but the first shot Claudio makes, Buck comes in for the save. Claudio hits Buck with a European Uppercut. Buck comes back with a shot, and Mitch races back in to beat down on Claudio. The Fabulous Two double team Claudio, but fail to get the pin. Mitch refuses to tag in until Buck brings Claudio over to him. The Fabulous Two start to make frequent tags continuing to beat on Claudio. Claudio fights out of a headlock from Mitch, but Mitch rakes his eyes to keep control. Claudio is able to catch Mitch with a big power slam as Mitch comes off the ropes. Mitch rolls to the floor, tagging in Buck. Claudio hits some European uppercuts, then press slams Buck down. Mitch attacks from behind, but Claudio feels no effect. As Buck tries to make the save, he is caught with another European. Claudio gives Buck the Big Swing for his efforts. Mitch doesn’t even attempt to save his partner. Mitch comes in and kicks Claudio in the groin while the referee is distracted by Buck leaving the ring. Mitch rolls up Claudio and gets the win! This was a very well told story by these guys, and the match was good as well. **1/4
Larry Sweeney, whose been campaigning to be Claudio’s new tag partner since early September, comes out to the ring. Sweeney tries to talk to Claudio, but Claudio leaves without listening to what he has to say. What a dick.
The UnStable (Vin Gerard (Captain) & STIGMA), The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian), The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black & Crossbones), Eddie Kingston, and Lince Dorado vs. Equinox (Jimmy Olsen; Captain), Mike Quackenbush, Helios, The Sea Donsters (Tim Donst & Hydra), and The Colony (Fire Ant, Soldier Ant, & Worker Ant)
Lince Dorado is sitting down, thinking about how he has been forced to be on the same team as his enemies, and can’t be with his friend and partner Equinox. Equinox comes up and asks him if he is ready to go. Lince asks what if he and Equinox have to fight. Olsen says that its just mind games that Vin is playing, and that whatever has to happen has to happen. He just wants to make sure that tomorrow night they’ll be on the same page for their shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas.
If you think I am going to do a move by move analysis of this match, you’re crazy. I’ll list the eliminations (in order) and other interesting/important notes of the match.
The batting orders are:
• Squad A: Vin Gerard, STIGMA, Lince Dorado, Amasis, Ophidian, Ultramantis Black, Crossbones, and Eddie Kingston
• Squad B: Equinox, Worker Ant, Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst, Helios, Soldier Ant, Hydra, and Fire Ant
- Tim Donst is eliminated first after Mantis rolls him up with a crucifix. Donst had Mantis on his shoulders, so Crossbones hopped to the apron to make the distraction. That was all that was needed for Donst to get pinned.
- In a surprising moment, Helios pinned Crossbones. Crossbones came in and obliterated Helios. Crossbones went up top looking to capitalize, but missed a big splash. One standing moonsault later, Crossbones was finished.
- Hydra is the next one eliminated, getting pinned by STIGMA. Hydra took it to STIGMA, and kept looking to apply the Hydra Lock. Once Hydra was able to get the move applied, it seemed elementary that STIGMA would succumb to Hydra’s strength. Unfortunately for the man monster, STIGMA hoisted Hydra onto his shoulders and landed the Stigmata (tombstone piledriver) which was enough to eliminate Hydra.
- Helios is eliminated by Ultramantis Black. Mantis and Helios were going back and forth hitting big moves on one another, getting frustrated with their inability to send the other man packing. After a Rubix Cube type drop and the Cosmic Disaster, Ultramantis had done enough to pin Helios. These two meet in singles competition tomorrow night
- Amasis is next eliminated after being pinned by Mike Quackenbuch. Amasis tries for a school boy, but Quack rolls over and kneels on Amasis’ shoulders. Amasis was unable to get up and was pinned.
- Soldier Ant is eliminated after Ophidian forces him to pass out. Ophidian swung out of a TKO into the Ophidian Death Grip for the elimination.
- Ultramantis Black is eliminated by Fire Ant via pinfall. Ultramantis attempted to hit the Praying Mantis Bomb, but Fire Ant reversed the momentum into the Beach Break for the three count.
- Vin Gerard is eliminated by Worker Ant via pinfall. Equinox and Vin finally were able to square off. Vin was obsessed with ripping Equinox’s mask off, so Equinox rolled to the floor to escape. While Vin was distracted, Worker Ant came in and rolled him up for the three. Worker Ant faces Vin Gerard tomorrow night for his Young Lions Cup; foreshadowing?
- Worker Ant is eliminated by STIGMA via pinfall. Avenging his fallen UnStable ally, STIGMA makes short work of Worker Ant eliminating him with the Stigmata.
- Mike Quackenbush is eliminated by STIGMA via pinfall. Quack took it to STIGMA, even locking him in the CHIKARA Special. STIGMA was able to escape, so Quack called for the Quackendriver II. STIGMA turned this over into another Stigmata which was enough to eliminate the Master of A Thousand Holds.
- STIGMA is eliminated by Fire Ant via pinfall. Barely twenty seconds after STIGMA eliminates two members of Squad B, Fire Ant rolls a Stigmata attempt into a Prawn Hold for the pinfall.
- Eddie Kingston is eliminated by Fire Ant via pinfall. Eddie went for the Backfist to the Future, Fire Ant ducked, then wheelbarrowed Eddie into a Prawn Hold for the pinfall.
- Fire Ant is eliminated by Lince Dorado via pinfall. After he was eliminated, Eddie Kingston snapped and hit the Backfist to the Future on Fire Ant, and his partner Lince Dorado. Luckily for Lince, he landed on the knocked out Fire Ant, and the ref counted the pin.
- Lince Dorado is eliminated by Equinox via pinfall. Knowing how devastating Kingston’s Backfist to the Future is, Equinox wisely, yet hesitantly capitalizes on the situation and pins Lince. It should be noted Equinox shook his head while making the cover, showing he was not entirely proud of his actions.
- Ophidian is eliminated via submission, making Equinox the winner of the 2008 Torneo Cibernetico! After surviving two Ophidian Death Grip attempts, Equinox was able to nail the Overbomb and lock on the CHIKARA Special to gain the victory.
- Vin dragged Lince out to the ring by his ear, and Lince looked very apprehensive to be involved.
- This led to a point in the match things imploded and exploded. Lince and Fire Ant were the legal men. Lince was going for a springboard moonsault onto Fire Ant. Vin grabs Fire Ant to help his partner. Of course, Fire Ant moves as Lince comes down causing Lince to moonsault Vin. Vin and STIGMA berate Lince, and Lince retaliates by back dropping STIGMA on the floor. The Osirian Portal and Eddie Kingston come over to yell at Lince, and Equinox came over to help Lince out. This caused both teams to dissolve into a huge brawl on the floor! It ended when Equinox and Amasis (who were next in their respective batting orders anyhow) came into the ring as the legal men.
- After he was eliminated, Amasis tried to attack Quackenbush. Quackenbush sent Amasis to the floor where he awkwardly landed. This caused Amasis to legitimately hurt his ankle, which would end up putting him out of action for the better part of two months. At this moment, the future of the Campeonatos de Parejas were in question.
- After Equinox won, his entire team came out to help him celebrate his victory. His tag team partner, Lince Dorado, stood outside looking none too pleased with Equinox eliminating him earlier. Considering Equinox and Dorado have a shot at the Campones de Parejas tomorrow night, they need to get their stuff together.
I really, really enjoyed this year’s Torneo Cibernetico. The match was the right combination of storyline, action, excitement, anticipation, and surprise. Everyone played their roles perfectly, and I don’t think the eliminations could have gone any better. All the fans seemed to be into it from start to finish, and didn’t mind that it took over a half hour for the first elimination to occur. To be honest, the match was 77 minutes long, but it was so great that you’d have no idea. It was a fun, easy match to watch, and seemed to zoom by quickly. Very good stuff here. ****1/4
The 411: I recommend this show for sure. The Torneo Cibernetico was one of my personal favs that CHIKARA has done. In terms of importance, it did a real good job meshing together all the current feuds CHIKARA has. In addition, you have two great matches in Hallowicked vs. Brodie Lee and The SSB vs. 2.0. The other stuff is inconsequential, but the strut off is pretty fantastic.