CHIKARA Review: Face With A View
Posted by Kevin Ford on 05.25.2009
Super Fun Times Over-the-Top- Rope Elimination Style No-Holds-Barred Masked-Dudes-Welcome Battle Royal of Doom [and Honor]~!
Easton, PA - 12.12.2008
CHIKARA makes it return to Pennsylvania for its final weekend of shows in 2008. CHIKARA stops tonight in Easton with the event “Face With A View”. The new formed group known as The Future Is Now (Equinox, Lince Dorado, & Helios) will take on their arch nemesis, The UnStable, in the main event. Mike Quackenbush also puts his NWA World Jr. Heavyweight Championship on the line against the dastardly Buck Hawke. The Sea Donsters also look to put the Order to rest, as Tim Donst and Hydra take on Ultramantis Black and Crossbones in tag action. All this and a whole lot more awaits, so let’s get to steppin’!
Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Louden Noxious, Buck Hawke, Larry Sweeney, Amasis, Leonard F. Chikarason, and Ultramantis Black.
Super Fun Times Over-the-Top- Rope Elimination Style No-Holds-Barred Masked-Dudes-Welcome Battle Royal of Doom [and Honor]
This battle royal was set up in order to bring back some of the beloved former CHIKARA wrestlers for one night only. Speculation and anticipation was high for this match; will it live up to the hype?
Grizzly Redwood is backstage and says that his corduroy path of success has brought him to CHIKARA. He says he is the most lumberjacked guy in the locker room, and he’ll have no problem making an impact. Amasis hobbles in on a crutch, and asks Grizzly to come with him if he wants to make an impact.
Just like the Cibernetico, I’ll provide the entrants and eliminations, but not a whole lot more detail to the actual match itself. As of note however, former CHIKARA announcer Carolina Jim is in attendance to introduce the participants! The fans in attendance love to see him again, and I can’t blame them. Entrants enter in 42 second intervals (such an awesomely random number), and the match is contested under your basic battle royal rules.
Entrants (in order) are: Rorschach, USApe, Darkness Crabtree (!!), Shun the Kabuki Kid, Jervis Cottonbelly (!!!!!!!), Pinkie Sanchez, Dragon Dragon, Dragonfly, Retail Dragon (who switched his allegiance from Wal-Mart to Target), Worker Ant, Love Bug, Dr. Cheung, Larry Sweeney, Grizzly Redwood, and Sara Del Ray
Order of Elimination
- USApe by Rorschach
- Darkness Crabtree by Worker Ant and Dragonfly
- Dragonfly by Worker Ant
- Retail Dragon by Rorschach
- Dragon Dragon by Rorschach, Love Bug, Shun The Kabuki Kid, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Worker Ant
- Jervis Cottonbelly by Shun The Kabuki Kid
- Love Bug by Rorschach and Shun The Kabuki Kid
- Rorschach by Pinkie Sanchez
- Shun the Kabuki Kid by Larry Sweeney
- Dr. Cheung by Sara Del Ray
- Larry Sweeney by Grizzly Redwood
- Pinkie Sanchez by Grizzly Redwood
- Worker Ant by Grizzly Redwood, with an assist from Sara Del Ray
- Sara Del Ray by Grizzly Redwood, making Grizzly the winner of the Battle Royal!
In other notes, Grizzly Redwood immediately targeted Worker Ant’s knee as soon as he got into the match. Even after Grizzly won the match, he continued attacking Worker Ant on the floor! Clearly, Amasis got into his ear and made some sort of deal involving Grizzly taking out Worker Ant. Remember, Fire Ant & Soldier Ant have earned a shot at The Osirian Portal’s tag titles somewhere down the line, so this attack must be related.
This match was unpredictable, exciting, and most importantly, fun. When this match was first announced, I, like many, was very excited. However, I thought to myself “this match is all well and good for the long time followers of CHIKARA, but what about the new fans who don’t know these guys that well?” Fortunately, CHIKARA thought the same thing. Not only did they include plenty of participants the current fans would know, but also tied in a very relevant and current storyline plot at the end. I really loved everything about this Battle Royal. I feel weird rating it, so I won’t. Rest assured though that it was awesome.
An Osirian Assembly
All three members of the Osirian Portal are standing by. Amasis says Osiris can be a vengeful God, with him causing them to lose the Tag World Grand Prix and allow Amasis to be injured. However, he adds that Osiris can be a generous God, as he opened up the clouds and gave the Escorpion. Ophidian adds that the Colony will suffer tonight. Amasis cleverly says that Fire Ant will be extinguished and Soldier Ant will be a casualty of war.
Fire Ant vs. Escorpion Egipcio
Amasis comes to the ring with Escorpion. Fire Ant kicks and chops away at Egipcio to start the match off. He ducks a few elbow and clothesline attempts, but gets caught in a slam position by Egipcio. Fire Ant rolls around and rolls up Egipcio in a crucifix for the two. Fire Ant hits the ropes and hits a series of kicks. Fire Ant wheelbarrows up, but gets thrown over into a huge German suplex! Fire Ant fights back out of the corner and goes for a monkey flip. Egipcio doesn’t budge however. After Egipcio jumps out of the way of a kick from Fire Ant, he mows down Fire Ant with a clothesline. Egipcio follows up with a big time back suplex. Egipcio slams Fire Ant in the corner and gets a two count. Egipcio continues to dominate, living Fire Ant from a sunset flip into a tree slam. Egipcio mares Fire Ant and lands a running dropkick to the face. Fire Ant ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Egipcio. Fire Ant tries to take him down with a couple clotheslines but fails. Egipcio ducks a third and looks for a chokeslam. Fire Ant turns it into the wheelbarrow stunner! Fire Ant lands two Antzugiri’s, but Egipcio stays on his feet. Fire Ant nails an Antzugiri off the top rope and still Egipcio stays standing! Fire Ant kicks out Egipcio’s knee. Egipcio is sent outside with a low bridge of the ropes. Fire Ant pescado’s right into Egipcio’s arms. Egipcio throws Fire Ant back in. Fire Ant rolls through and comes back with a plancha onto Egipcio! The referee on the outside checks on Egipcio, allowing Amasis to come into the ring and attack Fire Ant with his crutch! Escorpion lands a big TKO, then the Plancha de Cairo for the victory. A good, short match-up that advanced the story of the Colony/Osirian Portal feud. **1/4
2.0 (Jagged & Shane Matthews) vs. Cheech Hernandez & KC “Cloudy” Day
Shane Matthews says he hasn’t slept, bathed, or eaten in six weeks. Jagged doesn’t believe that he hasn’t eaten, and Shane wants to knows if that’s a fat joke. All that aside, Shane says he is going to kill Cloudy because he thinks he is so cute, which he doesn’t agree with. Jagged says they are killing papa bear (Shane), and therefore mama bear (Jagged), he is going to attack them. Jagged says tonight they finally get their first point towards title contention. He adds in a timid “boo ya” to end. How can anyone not love 2.0?
Jagged and Cheech start off with Cheech putting Jagged in an arm ringer. Cheech and Cloudy make a couple frequent tags early, punishing Jagged’s arm. They hit a few sweet tandem maneuvers on Jagged, but only get a two count each time they go for a pin. Cheech delivers some shots to Jagged’s chest. Shane catches Cheech with a knee when he hits the ropes, and Jagged follows up with an STO. Shane tags in with a headbutt to Cheech’s shoulder. Cheech turns the tide avoiding a few moves from 2.0. Jagged comes out with an elbow drop, giving 2.0 the advantage. 2.0 continues to inflict damage on Cheech, especially on his back. Cheech turns a drop down from Jagged into a back slide, then lands an atomic drop. Cheech sent Jagged to the floor and almost made the tag, but Shane Matthews jumps in and knocks Cheech down. Shane locks on a Boston Crab, and pulls Cheech to his corner. He releases, noting that he was “getting tired.” Cheech catches Jagged off the ropes with a snap power slam and finally tags in Cloudy! Cloudy comes in with Shane Matthews and hits a beautiful dropkick. Cheech misses a leaping Enzugiri, but comes back after cutting off Shane Matthews. Cloudy turns Jagged into an ace crusher for the two! Cloudy chops away at Jagged then trips him on the second rope. The surfers hit the Partly Cloudy with a chance of Cheech! Cloudy comes off the top with a tornado DDT on Shane Matthews, who was trying to save his partner Jagged from Cheech. Jagged throws Cheech to the floor. Jagged takes out Cloudy with a clothesline then an impressive Gordy Special! This only gets him the two count. Cloudy is popped up by Jagged and Shane spears him! Cloudy breaks up before Cheech breaks it up. Cheech escapes a double team effort from 2.0, and instead drops Shane onto Jagged. They hit a double Hero’s Welcome, then Cheech tosses Cloudy off the top onto Jagged. Cloudy only gets the two count. Cloudy elbows Shane off the apron then lands a pescado! Jagged goes for a jackknife pin, but Cheech reverses into the Go To Cheech! Cheech rolls him up for the three! Cheech and Cloudy collect a point in their name. An excellent tag contest here with both teams giving it their all. There were a couple sloppy moments, but nothing substantial enough to take away from the match. ***
Soldier Ant vs. Ophidian
Amasis comes out with Ophidian. An aggressive lock up starts things off, leading to Ophidian getting in the ropes to break it up. Soldier mares Ophidian down and stretches out Ophidian’s arms. Ophidian walks into the ropes to break up the submission. Soldier Ant takes him back down with a waist lock. Ophidian reverses, and Soldier reverses into a shoulder lock. Ophidian runs up the ropes into an arm bar. An angry Soldier Ant locks the hands and rolls over into a pin. Ophidian kicks out. Soldier mares Ophidian down. Ophidian wheelbarrows up into a sunset flip for a two. Ophidian rolls into another pinning combo, but again gets two. Soldier Ant hurts the arm and rolls him up for the two. Soldier Ant pops up Ophidian, causing Ophidian to splat against the mat. Ophidian trips Soldier Ant face first into the second turnbuckle. Ophidian delivers a series of head butts and chops to the militant mat mite. Ophidian ducks under a saluting headbutt attack, and uses the ropes to pull up into a spinning headscissors. Ophidian lands the double knees to the chest for a two count. He hooks on a full nelson with his legs, and Soldier Ant refuses to quit. Ophidian puts Soldier’s shoulders on the mat but Soldier Ant kicks out. Ophidian goes for the Death Grip. Soldier Ant runs him into the corner. Ophidian lands in a tree of woe, so Soldier lands a diving saluting headbutt! Soldier hits some saluting elbows. After a salute Soldier drops Ophidian down in a brain buster. Soldier Ant is only able to get a two count, so he goes up top. Ophidian cuts him off and throws him down. Soldier Ant rolls up and catches Ophidian in a spine buster! Soldier Ant looks for the TKO, but Ophidian hooks him in a pinning combination for the two! Ophidian heads up top himself. He misses the double knees, which looks awfully painful. Ophidian lays on the floor outside the ring. Amasis comes in and tries to nail Soldier with the crutch, but he moves and the crutch ricochet’s off the ropes into Amasis’ face. Soldier Ant plays possum, and catches Ophidian with a big TKO for the pin! A pretty good match that had nice clever finish. The fans were quiet most of the time, but popped for the end, so well done to all the men involved in that. **1/2
The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black & Crossbones) vs. The Sea Donsters (Tim Donst & Hydra)
Hydra is playing with his hands when Donst comes in to ask if he’s ready. Donst says The Order better be ready, because tonight is payback for many things: dropping Donst on his head, beating up Hydra, and costing them the Campeonatos de Parejas. Donst says he doesn’t know why Mantis ever wanted to know the reversal to the CHIKARA Special. Hydra says he knows why and writes it down. Donst looks at it and says he has no idea what it means. Donst continues and says they’ll win tonight. The camera zooms in on the paper which reads “Eye of Tyr.” To say the least, this isn’t the last we’ll hear of the Eye.
The Order and Sea Donsters stand off, with the Order slapping the Donsters. The Donsters attack back, sending the Order to the floor. Crossbones attacks the Donsters from behind, and Mantis comes in to join the fun. The Order throws Donst into Hydra, who is in a tree of woe. Crossbones follows up with a big splash, and Mantis kicks Donst to the floor. The Order mocks The Donsters air guitar/drumming pose, then beat down Hydra in the corner. Mantis drops Hydra on his head for the two count. Mantis slams Hydra, and Crossbones lands a huge back senton. Donst and Mantis end up the legal men, and Donst slams Mantis’ head over and over in the top turnbuckle. Crossbones comes in and back drops Donst for the two. Donst tries for a fireman’s carry but Crossbones is too massive. Crossbones kicks Donst for his troubles and tags in Mantis. Mantis begins working over Donst’s back as it is now weakened. Donst looks to fight back against The Order taking down Mantis. Donst stupidly tries for a fireman’s carry on Crossbones, instantly losing him the advantage. Donst fires up as Crossbones delivers punishment, as Donst lands a neck breaker. Hydra is tagged in and runs roughshod on Mantis. Hydra even delivers a double noggin’ knocker and a double takedown on the Order. Hydra locks the Hydralock on Mantis! Mantis rolls out to the floor, so Crossbones and Donst come in as the legal men. Crossbones takes Donst over with an STO for the two count. Mantis rams Hydra into the arena wall forcing him to break the hold. Hydra and Mantis continue their fight on the floor, with Hydra getting the clear advantage. Crossbones hits a sit-out powerbomb. Donst finally turns Crossbones over with the Donstitution and wins the match for the Sea Donsters! This was surprisingly short, but accomplished what it set out to do. It also did a magnificent job setting up Mantis and Hydra’s singles match in the season finale. **3/4
Brodie Lee walks to the ring for his scheduled match with Hallowicked. Brodie grabs the microphone. He says the good news is that the match isn’t happening tonight. He pulls out Wicked’s mask and in comes Frightmare who jumps on Brodie’s back. The bell rings, signifying an impromptu match!
Frightmare vs. Brodie Lee
Frightmare nails a step-up Frankensteiner, which sends Brodie to the floor, and he follows up with a pescado. Brodie catches Frightmare and slams him on the apron. Frightmare gets a big uppercut and a chop for his troubles. Brodie brutalizes Frightmare on the floor with assorted blows to the head and chest. Frightmare comes back with a palm strike. Brodie slaps Frightmae back down. Brodie scoop slams him for his troubles. Brodie chops Frightmare in the ropes and slaps him around some more. Brodie hits a suplex and mocks the fans applause. Brodie continues his abuse in the corner. Frightmare ducks a big boot in the corner and goes for a cross body. Brodie catches him, but Frightmare spins into a crucifix pin. Brodie gets his feet on the ropes. Frightmare turns away and fires up. Unfortunately, he turns around into Brodie’s massive big boot. Brodie covers and this one is over. Post match, Brodie lands a Running Liger Bomb on Frightmare and holds up Hallowicked’s mask. Again, this was short, but accomplished what it set out to do. At about three minutes it was very short, but not bad whatsoever. The rating is mostly based on length more than match quality. *1/2
The Super Smash Bros. (Player Uno & Player Dos) and Ultimo Breakfast vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus, Gran Akuma, & Chuck Taylor)
Breakfast and Icarus work each over looking for the upper hand. Ultimo gets the upper hand before tagging out to Uno. Akuma comes in with Uno and Uno gets the advantage as well, sending Akuma to the floor. Chuck springboard dropkicks Uno on his way in, sending Uno to the floor. Player Dos hops in and arm drags Chuck. He dropkicks Chuck to the floor and fakes him out. Akuma dropkicks Dos out to the floor for his troubles. Ultimo delivers a series of headbutts to Akuma’s chest. Chuck holds Breakfast’s legs in the corner allowing Akuma to attack. Ultimo ducks the Cheetah Swipe and headbutts Akuma in the chest. Akuma delivers a chin breaker and tags in Uno. Uno comes off the top and gets caught with a kick. Akuma and Taylor hit a kick then Icarus ends with a back cracker. F.I.S.T. take their turns coming in and beating down on Uno. Uno manages to trick F.I.S.T., making Icarus give Akuma a diamond cutter. Uno lands an Enzugiri on Icarus and fires up. He makes the tag to Ultimo Breakfast, who charges and takes down Chuck Taylor. Akuma and Icarus run into each other, and get a double noggin’ knocker with a headbutt assist from Ultimo. Dos hits a twisting pescado to Icarus and Akuma on the outside. Ultimo lands a spinning flapjack, then goes to the second rope. He yells “IT’S TIME! IT’S TIME! IT’S BREAKFAST TIME!” then hits the Vader Bomb! That was glorious. Breakfast looks for the He’s Toast Razor’s Edge, but Chuck fights out. Chuck puts Ultimo on his shoulders while Icarus goes to the top rope. Ultimo pushes Chuck into the corner causing Icarus to crotch himself on the ropes. Ultimo then lands the He’s Toast Razor’s Edge on Chuck onto Icarus in the corner! Ultimo goes for the pin but Akuma breaks it up. Dos comes in as Breakfast rolls out. After a series of reversals, Dos lands an inverted hurricanrana on Akuma! Dos looks for the Cancun Tornado, but Icarus and Chuck stop him. Chuck and Icarus hit a double stomp/death valley driver combo onto Akuma’s knees! Things break down leaving Icarus and Uno in the ring. Uno hits the arm capture stunner. Icarus banderas Uno to the apron, but Dos is right there to super kick him. Uno lands the M. Bison stomp off the top, and Breakfast from another corner lands a diving headbutt. Both Icarus and Akuma rush in to break up the fall. The SSB double team Chuck Taylor. Chuck hits a flying single kick to Uno, and Akuma and Icarus hit a double Enzugiri on Dos! Akuma and Icarus hop off the corner with moonsaults to Uno and Breakfast on the floor! Chuck hoists Dos up to the top rope. Dos ducks out of the awful waffle and sets up Chuck for the Final Smash. Chuck fights out and lands The Awful Waffle for the win! This reminded me a lot of F.I.S.T. vs. The Order from Young Lions Cup VI, Night I which is a compliment. These trios really had a hell of a contest taking it to one another. I’m so sad the character of Ultimo Breakfast ends tonight, cuz he was awesome over all. A big thumbs up to all six participants. ***1/2
NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship
Mike Quackenbush (Champion) vs. Buck Hawke
This is Mike’s ninth defense of the title since winning it from Tiger Mask IV in May of 2007.
Quack and Buck go back and forth with wrist locks for a long while. Buck eventually breaks when he gets tired of them. Buck pokes Mike in the chest, and Quack responds with a series of chops. Buck goes to the floor, but Quack follows and chops him there too. Quack keeps stopping Buck from getting back in, and slaps him with his each pull out. Buck runs to the other side, so Quack goes under the ring. He comes from behind and slaps Buck in the back. He then holds Buck so audience members can slap him! Quack then tosses Buck by the entrance, but quickly picks him up so the other front row patrons can chop him. Quack lets him go and Buck takes a breather. Buck tries for a double axe handle. Quack trips him and locks Buck’s legs. Buck yells at Quack saying he didn’t come to wrestle the fans, and talks about how he is Mitch’s sidekick. Quack looks very serious as he is saying all this, but just chops Buck in the chest. Quack attacks with a bronco buster to a standing Buck in the corner. Buck whips Quack to the corner and grabs his leg. Quack pushes Buck back and hops over. He comes back with another chop, and is again whipped to the corner. Quack puts his feet up, but Buck throws Quack’s legs into the ropes and hits a back cracker! Buck locks on the Sharpshooter. Buck releases and looks to throw Quack off the ropes. Buck turns a Black Tornado Slam into a roll up. Quack rolls through the school boy. Buck ducks a palm strike, but is able to land a Pearl River Plunge. Quack kicks Buck in the head a few times and hits a second Pearl River Plunge for a two. Buck hits a neck breaker as Quack tries to bring him up. Buck lands a sit-out lariat and then an RKO! All this gets Buck a two count. Buck follows through with a bridging pin for the two once more. Buck goes for a brain buster. Quack rolls through for a two. Quack with a palm strike, but Buck rolls through with the Tomahawke! Buck refuses to pin and instead pulls down the stripes. He then “tunes up the band” in the corner. As Quack slowly gets up, Buck says “I’m sorry, I love you” mockingly as he goes for the Sweet Chin Music. Quack ducks and rolls Buck into the Lightning Lock Beta! Buck taps out giving this one to Quack. At first it started off as being not much, but from the audience chops forward it was excellent. The last three or so minutes were especially excellent. Buck really proved he could hang with Quack, which is not an easy feat. ***1/4
The Future Is Now (Equinox, Lince Dorado, & Helios) vs. The UnStable (Vin Gerard, STIGMA, & Colin Delaney)
Equinox rams Colin head first in between the turn posts. Colin tries to fight back, but Jimmy is too quick and aggressive. Equinox is distracted by the other members of the UnStable, allowing Colin to attack from behind. Vin is tagged in and caught in a scoop slam. Equinox then slams Colin onto Vin, and Colin rolls to the floor. Lince tags in and springboard arm drag’s Vin down. Vin comes back with a shoulder. Vin locks his hands into Lince’s trying for the pin. Lince Mexican catapults into a sunset flip for two. Lince then headscissors into another pin for two. Lince heads up top and jumps off. He eventually arm drags Vin to the floor and fakes a dive. STIGMA and Helios come in. STIGMA chops away at Helios. Helios comes back with an arm drag, then a few pinning combinations. STIGMA ducks an elbow and lays in the forearm shots. Helios comes off with a kick flip in the corner. He goes for the cannonball senton, but Colin moves STIGMA out of the way. Vin flies out of the corner with a clothesline. Vin attacks Equinox and Lince. Vin pulls Helios over to the UnStable’s corner. The UnStable has found their target to isolate. They continue to beat him down with punishing strikes and tandem offense. Of course they manage to mock The Future Is Now in between beat downs. Helios flips over a double back drop attempt and scoots out to the floor. This tags in a member of his team. Equinox and Lince come in and take down all three members of the UnStable. Equinox accidentally hits Lince, but they work it out. Vin catches Equinox with a choke STO, then beats the crap out of Equinox’s head, even ripping at the mask. The UnStable then decide to isolate Equinox and beat him down. The UnStable does a good job cheating whenever Bryce isn’t looking. Vin continues to try and pull of Equinox’s mask, but fails. Equinox ducks a clothesline and spins into an inverted DDT! Lince hops off the apron when Equinox wants a tag, and heads to the UnStable’s corner and pulls them off. Helios comes in as the legal man when Equinox leaves the ring. Helios takes out Vin, then hits a cartwheel moonsault onto STIGMA and Colin Delaney! Lince hops off the top rope onto Vin. Helios follows up with double knees, but is taken out with a big release German suplex. Equinox goes for the Overbomb only for Colin to cut him off. STIGMA and Colin hit a big Electric Chair/lung blower combination on Helios! Vin goes for the pin but Lince breaks it out. STIGMA lands the Stigmata on Lince, and Equinox breaks that up. Colin takes shots at Equinox. STIGMA puts him on his shoulders. Vin looks for the Doomsday Device, but Vin misses and hits Colin on the mat. Equinox flips STIGMA over in a reverse hurricanrana. Equinox throws Colin to the floor, and Lince headscissors Vin to the floor. Equinox lands a tope into a DDT onto Colin, Lince lands an Asai moonsault onto Vin to the floor, and Helios hits a big Shooting Star Press onto STIGMA inside the ring. That’s enough to score Helios the pin! A very good main event here, getting The Future Is Now over as the big new trio. The UnStable did a fine job playing the role of the heels as well. ***1/2
The 411: There’s enough good stuff on here to warrant this show a recommendation. The Battle Royal and final three matches are the best stuff here. It’s not the strongest show of 2008, but certainly worth your time and money. However, if you choose to skip it, you’d still be able to sleep at night.