Nigel McGuiness, and his manly pink shirt, theorizes that they're only throwing a bunch of people at him tonight because no one can beat him one-on-one.
Opening Match: Papadon vs. Bobby Fish.
This match features that largest awesomeness-of-intro-music-to-awesomeness-of-wrestler gap in wrestling history. Well, okay, Vince Russo used to come out to "Iron Man," but that doesn't count. Papadon uses Metallica's "I Disappear" and Fish uses Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower." Actually, neither of these guys are all that bad; it's just that their entrance songs are really good (much too good for them). Papadon works the back for most of the match. Fish gets two off a Falcon Arrow (aren't falcons and fish natural enemies?). He misses a moonsault but suckers Papadon into charging right into a knee strike for the win at 8:40. No emotional connection to either guy from either me or the crowd, but they were serviceable. Given some time to develop more personality (more Fish than Papadon), they could be solid, regular performers. **
Kenny King & Rhett Titus vs. Erick Stevens & Bobby Dempsey.
I'm probably in the minority of liking Rhett's new music. Hey, it worked for Shawn Michaels. No one on the corner has swagger like King and Titus until Bobby gets funky like a monkey on them. The heels take over on Stevens. Man, they have some cool doubleteam spots. Bobby is exceptionally over, especially when he hits the cannonball. Stevens, who I guess is supposed to be the weak link of the team, gets small packaged by King, who puts his feet on the ropes for the win at 12:27. I like King & Titus, but this is a loaded tag division. Hopefully, the team serves to get them over as singles wrestlers. **3/4
Brent Albright vs. Claudio Castagnoli.
This is a rematch from Motor City Madness 2009 where Albright left the Crowbar on Claudio too long while he was in the ropes and got disqualified. Like that match, this one is also solid and enjoyable. Claudio provides the personality, and Brent provides the big moves. Cool sequence as Claudio goes for the springboard European Uppercut but falls right into the Crowbar. Brent segues to the Crossface, and from there, Claudio is able to roll him onto his shoulders for the simultaneous tap out/pinfall finish at 14:00. So we need *another* match between these two. I'm all for indecisive finishes leading up to a bigger blowoff, but that finish kind of stretches credibility. The match was a good back-and-forth exchange, though. ***
Chris Hero & Eddie Edwards (w/Sara Del Ray & Shane Hagadorn) vs. Kevin Steen & Jay Briscoe.
What's with everyone in ROH growing a freaky beard? Has ROH turned into some bizarre Mike Knox-worshipping cult? Jay and Kevin team up to toss Edwards into the crowd early, and Kevin mocks him for not having a ticket. Hey, you know what I want to see – a Kevin Steen vs. Chris Hero feud. I think that would be fun. Sweet 'n' Sour targets Steen's oft-injured knee after a Dragon Screw on the ropes from Edwards. Jay gets the hot tag and cleans house but gets nailed with the Flash kick from Hero. Edwards tries to help out but wipes out his own partner with a suicida. Steen adds a somersault plancha. Back in the ring, Jay sets up for the Springboard Doomsday Device, but his partner is KEVIN STEEN! Not only that, but his partner is KEVIN STEEN WITH A KNEE INJURY! Steen tells him as much, but Mark Briscoe runs down and tells Steen to man up and do the move. Hero slips out and backdrop suplexes Jay. Del Rey tosses in the elbowpad, but Steen nails him before he can use it. That sets up the regular Doomsday Device from Steen and Briscoe at 19:12. I think the dynamic between Steen and the Briscoes could have been really interesting if it had been a focal point. Generico came back soon after, though, and things were back to normal. ***1/4
Bryan Danielson vs. Delirious (w/Jimmy Jacobs).
Danielson has been having a few problems with the Age of the Fall, specifically Jacobs, who has been a thorn in his side. Danielson playfully outwrestles Delirious early on, but the lizard man turns it into "ground and pound." Jacobs spends most of the match barking orders to Delirious. Delirious works Danielson's back and hits a Saving Grace. At Jacobs' instructions, he hits a series of Panic Attacks, but he doesn't hit the last one that Jacobs calls for, and Danielson is able to avoid Shadows Over Hell. Danielson goes for Cattle Mutilation, reversed to the Cobra Stretch, reversed to the small package for the win at 15:50. I don't know what to make of Danielson. He should be kicking ass here or working the injuries sustained from Bison Smith. Instead, he just seems to be going through the motions (characterwise, not wrestlingwise). The match, which served mainly to fuel the Jacobs/Delirious split, told a good story. ***
After the match, Jacobs berates Delirious for not listening to him and then offers a hug when the lizard man threatens mutiny.
In the back, Jacobs muses about world domination.
Austin Aries vs. Sami Callihan.
Aries rips the show for being a "b-show" and claims credit for ROH even running there. Aries schools him on the mat until Callihan gets angry. This goes just how a good extended squash should go – Aries dominates throughout, but Callihan keeps putting together combos to keep it interesting. Aries works in his illegal fishhook. Callihan comes back with some fired-up offense, including his little snap stunner thing. A backdrop suplex nearly gets the pin, but Aries is in the ropes. Kick to the head, Brainbuster, and Aries gets the win at 11:42. Callihan looked good again. I'm not sure what role they could put him in outside of maybe making him a member of the Age of the Fall, but he's a good hand in the ring. **1/4
Street Fight: Necro Butcher vs. Brodie Lee.
Utter chaos from the start, of course. You'd think, with two guys so much bigger than the average ROH wrestler, they could build something to have a "clash of the titans" feel. Instead, their matches have been the usual brawls. They rip up the barricades early and use those against each other. There are some chairs. Eventually, Jimmy Jacobs and Delirious run down to interfere. Daizee Haze tries to talk sense into Delirious and is surprisingly unsuccessful. He shoves her down. Jimmy and Delirious set up for something, but Jimmy accidentally spears Delirious. Oops. Necro knocks Jimmy over the top and waffles Brodie with a chair shot for the win at 6:10. Good chair shot for the finish. The brawl was about par for them. Daizee and Necro have a muted celebration. **
ROH World Title, 4-Way Elimination: Nigel McGuinness vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Tyler Black vs. Jimmy Jacobs.
Lots of Tyler Black early, giving Prazak the chance to rip him for not being world champion material. Nigel does a nice job of picking his spots and staying out of trouble on the apron as long as possible. Lynn gets the advantage on him, though. Jacobs tries to jump Lynn from behind, but Lynn sees him coming. Lynn goes for the suplex on Nigel, but Jacobs trips him up from the floor. That puts Nigel on top to eliminate Lynn at 12:33. Lynn gets pissed and gives Nigel the Schwein. Tyler tries to take advantage of that with the splash and God's Last Gift. Jimmy breaks it up and attacks Tyler, though. Jacobs works over Tyler's back and spears him to put a stop to the superkick. Tyler slugs it out with Jimmy and goes for a superplex. Nigel tries to return the favor but gets caught. Jimmy and Nigel get into an argument, allowing Tyler to O'Connor Roll Jimmy. Nigel catches Tyler on the kickout and hits the Tower of London to the floor! Jimmy wipes out Nigel with the suicida and tosses him back in for the End Time. The ref keeps an eye on Nigel in the End Time but keeps a running count on Tyler. Jimmy releases the hold to knock Tyler off the apron, thus ensuring a countout at 22:31. Jimmy turns around into the lariat, though, and that's all she wrote at 23:03. Meh. Not really impressed by any of this. Nigel was good with his evil, stir-em-up strategy, but the rest was just trading moves until the booking (which was disappointing in itself) kicked in at the end. Disappointing for an ROH main event. **1/2
The 411: Austin Aries was right, this was a B-show. Lackluster main event, plus uninspiring matches in the midcard (and very few real feuds, now that I think about it) make for an inoffensive, but nondescript, show.
at least you got to see JIMMY JACOBS twice in the same show!
Posted By: Jimmy Jacobs is my HERO! (Guest) on May 25, 2009 at 02:38 AM
I remember back in 2005-2006 when the shows were filled with ****+ matches, signficant feuds and a sense of "I need to watch every show" because always something important was happening. Those days are LONG gone, my friend.
I stopped watching at the beginning of 2008 right when Gabe started to lose *that* touch, and by the look of those shows I am not really missing much with the new RoH.
Posted By: Julio Moreno (Guest) on May 25, 2009 at 05:11 AM
DAMN, ROH isn't looking too good in these reviews.
When was the last time a show, outside of Final Battle 08, rated above a 7.5??
Posted By: STAYMATIC (Guest) on May 25, 2009 at 12:55 PM
"What's with everyone in ROH growing a freaky beard? Has ROH turned into some bizarre Mike Knox-worshipping cult?"
LMAO! This made me spit iced tea all over my keyboard.
As far as the answer to your question, I don't know, but I sure hope so. I haven't watched ROH in years, but a bunch of tiny white dudes channeling Knox would do the trick. I'm also somewhat intrigued by this new Embassy they put together.
Posted By: Guest#0408 (Guest) on May 27, 2009 at 08:01 PM
