The Name on the Marquee: WWF Spectrum Wrestling (03.14.87)

Posted by Adam Nedeff on 06.17.2009

Roddy Piper says goodbye to Philadelphia.

We're on the road to Wrestlemania, before they started calling it that...so it's more like the dirt path to Wrestlemania. Let's go to the ring in Philadelphia.

-Your hosts are Ken Resnick and WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Dick Graham.

PAUL ROMA vs. STEVE LOMBARDI
-This is the inexplicable jobber vs. jobber feud that got some build on the weekend TV shows for a while. My theory is they decided they wanted to push Roma, but he was SO low on the totem pole that they could only get him started by pitting him against Lombardi.

-Roma outmuscles Lombardi on the lock-up. Leapfrog and a slam to follow and Lombardi retreats to the corner. Drop toehold by Roma and he applies a side headlock on the mat from there. Lombardi gets to his feet and breaks free with shoulders to the gut, but Roma catches him in a bodypress for two. Wristlock by Roma; he switches to an armbar. Lombardi gets to the ropes but Roma yanks him all the way back to the middle of the ring and wrings the arm, then goes back to the wristlock. Shoulderblock and an armdrag as Resnick talks with a straight face about how much Roma learned from Special Delivery Jones. Hey, in reality, it might be true, but reputation in the fans’ eyes just makes it hilarious.

-A fan in the Spectrum is stepping up his game tonight with a “BORING” sign, although I don’t quite feel the same way about this match yet. Lombardi gets the upper hand and snapmares Roma into a side headlock. Roma fights out, but Lombardi yanks him down into a side headlock again. Roma fights with elbows but gets caught off the ropes with an elbow from Lombardi. Shots to the throat and Lombardi goes to the eyes for good measure. Shoulderblock by Roma to start the comeback mounting. Roma clotheslines him down, but Lombardi blocks a monkeyflip with an inverted atomic drop. Suplex by Lombardi gets two. Lombardi sends Roma into the turnbuckle, but Roma reverses an Irish whip and shoulder meets post. Roma beel throws him and a dropkick has Lombardi begging for mercy. Clothesline gets two. Powerslam gets two. Sunset flip off the top rope gets three. Not a BAD match by any means, just not interesting. 0 for 1.

DICK “The Rebel” SLATER vs. “The Natural” BUTCH REED (with Slick)
-Black guy vs. a guy who likes to wave the Confederate flag. Pick the face. Lock-up goes nowhere and Slater just heads to the floor to chase Slick for no reason. Back in the ring Slater dodges a punch and throws a series of rights at Reed. Hammerlock by Slater, but Reed makes the ropes. Reed takes advantage with a slam and a side headlock. Reed does an impressive job of throwing punches and pulling hair out of view of the referee while hanging onto the hold. Slater backs into the corner to break the hold and Reed Irish whips him, then snapmares him down. Slater starts to mount a comeback with a hard punch off the ropes. A snapmare and another elbow by Slater get two. Reed backdrops out of an attempted piledriver and puts the boots to Slater. Slater comes back with more fists and rolls up Reed for two. Neckbreaker (“snap suplex”???) by Slater, but he misses an elbow and Reed piledrives him. Slater rolls out to the apron to recover and Reed simply puts him out to the floor and rams him into the railing. Slater rams Reed into the post and throws a flurry of chops and a headbutt. They go back into the ring simultaneously and Slater tries to finish with an elbow from the top rope, but Slick puts Reed’s boot on the bottom rope. Slater goes to the floor and chases Slick into the ring, where Reed is waiting with a stomp. Slater recovers quickly and keeps taking the fight to Reed, but Reed backs into the corner and rolls Slater up with a Flair pin for the victory. 1 for 2. Pretty good see-saw action.

-Kal Rudman is backstage with the debuting Outback Jack. Well, I’ll be damned. Funny genuine moment as Rudman nervously keeps interrupting Jack’s promo until Jack finally tells him to settle down. Jack thanks Hulk Hogan for “teaching me all sorts of vitamin tricks.” For example, telling a federal agent, “Those are vitamins.” You know what, as much as we rag on Outback Jack, I’ll say this about his entrance gear: the crocodile head sewn to the back of his vest is rather badass.

OUTBACK JACK vs. FRENCHY MARTIN
-I have a friend named Nate back in West Virginia who is a diehard-old school NWA fan, and one of the things I love about watching these 80s WWF cards is seeing a graphic onscreen that says, for example, “Outback Jack vs. Frenchy Martin,” and picturing the spit take he would do if he was watching this with me.

-Fans chant “greaseball” at Frenchy and the lock-up doesn’t go anywhere. Another one and Jack shoves him right down to the mat. Armdrag by “Outjack Back” Lock-up and Jack shoves him down to the mat, then armdrags him. Did I accidentally rewind this?

-Frenchy goes to the floor to regroup and comes back with a boot and a front facelock. Outback counters by lifting Frenchy and placing him on the top turnbuckle, and Frenchy goes outside again. Frenchy re-enters and offers a handshake, and naturally he turns it into a cheapshot and throws chops. Front facelock by Frenchy and he chops Jack down, but Jack gets pissed and knocks him over with a forearm. Elbow and a very gentle splash get two. Boomerang finishes off the Frenchman. 1 for 3.

TAG TEAM TITLE: HART FOUNDATION (Champions, with Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis) vs. ISLANDERS
-Davis is the most over heel of the night so far, as the Harts get a pretty standard “You are heels—Boo!” reaction, but they just go ballistic when Danny is introduced. If it’s not already obvious, I’m going to go ahead and call it, Harts win and Danny figures into the finish. Your crack commentary team for tonight’s bout is, in fact, a commentary team on crack, as Dick Graham refers to Haku as “Tama” and Tama as “Afa.” Ken Resnick gets their names right, but reverses them.

-Anvil and Haku (and yes, I mean Haku) start and Haku throws chops and kicks until Anvil bails out for a rest. Test of strength is won by Haku and he follows with a dropkick. Tama headbutts him from the corner and Bret tags in. He locks in a side headlock, but gets tossed in the ropes and grounded with a thrust kick by Haku. Atomic drop by Bret and he retreats to the ropes, but Haku London Bridges him and the Islanders make a wish with him. Sitdown splash by Tama and he locks in a side headlock. Bret shoves him off but gets shoulderblocked back down and Bret gets chopped out to the floor. What’s funny is that at this point in the match, they’re STILL calling the Islanders by the wrong name. You’d think somebody would have jotted down a note for them by now.

-Haku comes back in and Anvil gets headbutted back down. Islanders work the arm. Harts mount a comeback with double-teaming in the corner and Bret drops the leg on Tama. Anvil returns and chokes Tama out until Haku comes into complain, at which point Bret applies the choke. Anvil drops Tama throat-first onto the rope and Haku takes things into his own hands with chops. Anvil sends Tama to the floor and Danny Davis takes a few cheap shots until Haku comes over to put a stop to it. Back in the ring, Bret dropkicks Tama for two, but Tama gets a sudden sunset flip. Bret makes the tag while in the pin, which is spiffy, and Anvil applies a chinlock. Tama elbows free but gets knocked all the way to the floor. Haku tries to help Tama get a breather, but Anvil yanks him back in and Bret re-enters to keep dishing it out.

-Backbreaker looks to finish but Haku makes the save. Anvil comes back in, but it’s a double-shoulderblock to take out both men. Tama attempts a slam, but Bret dropkicks Anvil on top of him. Tama rolls through for a pin and the crowd almost loses it, but Anvil is able to kick out and makes the tag. Bret tries a corner charge, but Tama meets him with a knee and Haku finally tags in. Chops and a backdrop get the first “Woo!” of the night. Harts are whipped into each other. Haku slams Bret and turns his attention to kicking Danny Davis’ ass. Flying bodypress by Tama onto Bret and he rolls up to finish, but the referee is trying to break up a Haku/Anvil brawl and Danny Davis sneaks in to reverse the roll-up, and Bret comes out on top to retain the belts. A little slow at first, but it definitely picked up steam, and the Harts brought their A-game tonight. 2 for 4.

-Kal Rudman brings in the Can-Am Connection, introducing Martel as “the champion.” Okay, Kal. Martel talks about what a change in battle plans it will be for both of them to wrestle singles matches tonight. Zenk goes on a long, rambling tirade about what an asshole Gorilla Monsoon is and puts himself over for saving lives as a paramedic.

TOM ZENK vs. GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE
-Lock-up leads to an obvious spot-discussion the corner. Zenk goes down quickly, but Valentine misses an elbowdrop and they go to the corner again. Chop by the Hammer, but Zenk reverses an Irish whip and wrings the arm. Valentine goes to the ropes to break, and they apparently catch the referee napping, as Valentine actually steps out of the ring before the referee snaps out of it and starts putting the count to it.

-Hammer snapmares Zenk for a two-count. Chops are exchanged and Zenk goes back to the arm wringer. Hammer sends Zenk into the ropes and then ducks the flying bodypress so Zenk hits the mat. Valentine rams Zenk into the corner and pounds him down to the mat. Valentine stands on top of Zenk to hurt him while resting up. Resnick puts over the severity of such a move by noting that “the Orientals have been known to walk on the back for a massage.” Nerve hold by Valentine and he pulls the arms back. Resnick hypes Wrestlemania III by wondering how many names Bob Uecker will butcher as guest ring announcer. Okay, Ken, that last match ran 15 minutes, and neither Islander was referred to by the correct name ONCE.

-Valentine gets a really half-assed powerslam for two. Zenk catches him with a boot and it turns into a fistfight. Valentine wins that with a hard chop and drops Zenk over the top rope. It looked like he was going for a springboard suplex but misjudged the drop for Zenk. Figure four by Valentine, but Zenk makes the ropes. Valentine kicks Zenk out to the floor and won’t let him back in the ring. Zenk hobbles around and yanks Valentine out and we have another fistfight. Back in the ring, Zenk knocks Valentine…well, back out of the ring. It turns into a chase on the floor and Valentine makes it back in the ring and stomps Zenk down. Zenk gets tossed back out to the floor. Valentine tries to suplex him back in, but Zenk lands on his feet and rolls up Valentine for two. Dropkicks get two. Faceplant gets two. Valentine gets fed up and drops Zenk crotch-first on the top rope, and that gets a DQ. 2 for 5. These two showed a surprising lack of chemistry together and they blew a handful of spots that took you out of the match.

RICK MARTEL vs. BRUTUS BEEFCAKE
-Beefcake is sporting the odd-looking haircut accidentally given to him by Adrian Adonis, so the seeds have been sown for his face turn. Besides that, Zenk went over in the last match, so I’m calling a Beefcake win here.

-Beefcake struts to start and does it again for good measure. He slaps Martel and backs off for extra heat. Okay, nowwwwwwwww….wrestle! Side headlock by Beefcake and he takes a cheap shot to the throat, then celebrates. Lock-up into a side headlock and he takes another shot to the throat. Then he ducks into the ropes to force Martel to retreat. Then he tells the fans to shut up.

-Beefcake finally seems to get rolling with a series of punches in the corner, but Martel fights free and chops the hell out of him. Side headlock and a shot by Martel to return the favor, and Beefcake heads to the floor. Beefcake demands a DQ win because of the throat shot and then hides in the corner again. Then he complains to the referee about an ear injury for some reason.

-Side headlock by Beefcake, but Martel throws elbows and backs him into the corner to break it. Beefcake takes a free shot between the eyes. Martel goes to an arm wringer, but Beefcake backs him into the corner and gives him a series of knees. Irish whip and Beefcake attempts a corner charge, but Martel moves and Beefcake hurts his leg. Martel capitalizes and applies a toehold. Beefcake kicks him into the ropes and meets him on the rebound with a monkeyflip. Martel kicks him away and goes back to work on the leg. Chops by Beefcake but Martel has no problem firing back. He goes off the ropes but Beefcake catches him in a bearhug and drops him throat-first on the top rope and starts choking him. Forearm to the stomach by Beefcake and he follows with a headbutt to the stomach. Beefcake tries to pin but Martel bridges and raises the knees to catch Beefcake. Atomic drop looks to be the start of a comeback, but Beefcake kicks him away and follows with a backbreaker for two.

-Beefcake goes to the eyes and rakes the back, but Martel chops and kicks him to stay alive. Beefcake drags Martel’s face across the top rope and applies the bearhug. Martel fights free and Beefcake goes up top, only to get caught with a shot to the midsection. Beefcake calls for a time-out but gets rammed into the turnbuckles for a two-count. Abdominal stretch by Martel, but Beefcake hiptosses free. He misses an elbow and goes for a slam, but Martel wriggles free and applies a sleeper, of all moves. Beefcake breaks free by launching himself and Martel out to the floor, and they brawl halfheartedly until Beefcake re-enters and wins by count-out. 3 for 6. I didn’t expect this to be the better of the tag team split matches, but by golly, once Beefcake finished his stall clinic, it was enjoyable.

PIPER’S PIT
-The ring announcer REEEEAALLLY gets into the introduction for this one. Piper talks about hockey teams for a cheap pop, foreshadowing the incredibly shitty promos he would cut ten years later while feuding with the nWo (“Hogan thinks he’s an icon, but this is the city of LOCAL SPORTS TEAM, and those guys are icons, brother!”)

-Hot Rod asks Danny why he’s such a jerk, and Danny gets fed up and leaves immediately. Piper questions how a referee could have such a hard time handling criticism, and that’s enough to bring Danny back into the ring. Piper calls him a cheat and a thief, and just to really drive the message home, he brings Joey Marella into the ring, and Joey tells Danny that as referees go, he sucks. Adrian Adonis arrives at ringside with a pair of scissors to taunt Piper. Piper teases attacking Davis to lure Adrian into the ring, then backdrops him over the top rope, where Gorilla Monsoon appears out of nowhere to drag him away from ringside. With Adrian gone, Danny boldly tries to intimidate Piper, but Piper KOs him with one punch and walks away. Not a Pit classic, but it made me want to watch the Wrestlemania III undercard. 4 for 7.

DINO BRAVO vs. SPECIAL DELIVERY JONES
-Bravo attacks before the bell and punches away at Jones. Slamming and stomping from Dino. Elbows by Dino as Jones struggles to take off his jacket. Jones reverses an Irish whip and goes on the offensive with slams and a headbutt. Punches and an eyerake by Jones. He attempts a corner charge but Bravo drops him with a reverse atomic drop. Kneelift by Bravo and he hits a Boston crab, but Jones butt-thrusts his way to freedom. Bravo tries an elbow drop but misses. Backdrop by Jones and he goes back to the headbutt. Corner charge misses and the side suplex gets the win. I think crowd reaction dictated this one, because the fans were DEAD and they went to the finish quickly. 4 for 8.

HULK HOGAN & ROWDY RODDY PIPER vs. “Mister Wonderful” PAUL ORNDORFF & KAMALA (with Wizard & Kimchee)
-Camera shows a pro-Orndorff sign, which never happens. Camera also gives us a shot that they really should use more often, following Hogan & Piper from backstage and staying on a continuous shot as they arrive in the arena, so one moment you see bare walls and the next moment, they’re surrounded by fans. It’s a great visual.

-Brawl to start and the heels are Irish-whipped into each other. Hogan sends Kamala over the top rope and Piper takes care of Orndorff as we establish that they’re the legal men to start. Piper works the arm and Hogan comes off the second rope to do his part. Piper does likewise and they keep working on the arm. Orndorff backs Hogan into the corner and Kamala attacks from the outside, but Piper dashes in and knocks him off the apron. Kamala comes into the ring and Hogan takes care of both of them, then atomic drops Orndorff into Piper’s knee. Kamala tags in and gets poked in the eyes. Piper with his flurry of fists and a rare dropkick. Chops by Piper and Hogan tags in for a double-boot to knock down the big man. Bodyslam and an elbow as Kamala is being uncharacteristically dominated tonight.

-Kimchee takes his bump for good measure and Piper tags in, only to get caught in the heel corner and double-teamed. Orndorff chokes out Piper with the tag rope, and the uncivilized savage Kamala learns by doing and finds that, yes, he enjoys using the tag ropes for choking too. Kamala & Orndorff switch without a tag and Orndorff drops a whole mess of elbows onto Piper.

-Sleeper by Orndorff and Kamala actually distracts the referee to prevent a hot tag. Kamala is showing a level of awareness here that seems to fly in the face of all that “I don’t know which side of my opponent to lay on for a pin” crap that he did years later. Kamala comes in and chops Piper, then rams him into Orndorff’s knee. Piper tries to crawl to his corner, but Kamala grabs his legs to stop him. Splash by Kamala, but Hogan just rolls Kamala off to stop the pin. Orndorff tags in and applies a nerve hold. Kamala again distracts the referee to prevent the hot tag. Piper finally dives between Orndorff;’s legs and crawls quickly to Hogan for the tag and Hogan unloads on everybody with punches. Four-man brawl erupts and Hogan gets taken out quickly. Kamala & Orndorff double-team Piper, but he fights back with a Polish hammer and Hogan dives over to pin Orndorff for an abrupt win. Fun match, but I would have preferred just about anything else for that finish. 5 for 9.

And now, as all of Philadelphia heads home to see a bunch of the same guys on NBC, we turn it over to the Game Show Utopia plug.

The 411: Piper's contributions to the evening were fun and there were a few good matches here. And hey, it's Outback Jack vs. the least memorable manager of the 80s, so it's like a cookie for a Wrestlecrap fans.

Final Score:  5.6   [ Not So Good ]