CHIKARA Review: If The Airplane Is Snowed In, Put Your Bloody Skis On And Get Going!
Posted by Kevin Ford on 06.21.2009
R.I.P. Worker Ant; October 28th, 2006 - February 20th, 2009
Reading, PA – 2.20.2009
CHIKARA returns to the Reading Coliseum after a six month absence with "If The Airplane Is Snowed In, Put Your Bloody Skis On And Get Going!". Tonight’s main event is a clash between two of CHIKARA’s titans: “The Swiss Aristocrat” Claudio Castagnoli will take on the large bodyguard of the Osirian Portal, Escorpion Egipcio. In addition, the heated rivalry between The Colony and F.I.S.T. will reignite as the two trios will lock horns in the semi-main. This is much bigger than a simple rubber match, as the winning trio gets a coveted spot in the 2009 King of Trios tournament. All this and much, much more lies ahead, so let’s get crackin’!
Commentary is provided by Leonard F. Chikarason, Chuck Taylor, Bryce Remsburg, Louden Noxious, Ultramantis Black, and Mike Quackenbush.
It Came From The Sea (Cheech Hernandez, KC “Cloudy” Day, & Hydra) vs. The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black & Crossbones) and Pinkie Sanchez
The partner for the Order tonight was teased in a special Podcast update at the end by Crossbones In addition, Ultramantis Black mentions that one Sami Callihan will be tagging with them tomorrow night in Easton. Watch that here!
And of course, these three had to cut a fantastic promo before the match, in which Ultramantis wears a SWEET sweater vest and Crossbones beat boxes. Watch THAT here!
The Order and Pinkie attack It Came From The Sea pre-bell. It Came From The Sea stretch and triple dropkick Crossbones out of the ring. Mantis gets a double armdrag from Cheech & Cloudy, then an assisted moonsault on Mantis. Then Cheech & Cloudy stretch Pinkie in a double Boston Crab while Hydra poses. Mantis tells Pinkie to stop dancing, but Pinkie refuses and dances while music plays! The Order and Pinkie then attack It Came From The Sea. The Order lands a double spinebuster on Cloudy. Pinkie follows up with a springboard whoopee cushion, but only gets the two count. Pinkie then steps over Cloudy and slams his posterior into Cloudy’s face. Pinkie dances some more, but Mantis steps in and stops him. Cloudy gets pushed over to the corner of the Order where he gets choked by Mantis’ foot. Cloudy comes back with a rana, sending Mantis to the floor. Hydra and Pinkie come in with Hydra plowing down Pinkie. Hydra attempts a sunset flip, but gets a whoopee cushion for his troubles. Crossbones splashes Hydra in the corner then follows up with a Vader Bomb into a Senton for the two! Mantis comes in and continues the beat down on Hydra. Pinkie comes in, and again continues the buttocks related offense with a dropkick then a Shiney Hiney! Hydra comes back with a jaw breaker and a takedown. Hydra tags in Cheech who comes in a house of fire. Cheech elbows down Pinkie and catches him with a slam. Cheech puts up Pinkie in the electric chair, and Hydra comes off the top with the Doomsday Device! Hydra pins him but Mantis breaks it up. The Order double team Hydra and go for the pin. Cheech breaks it up. Crossbones gets sent to the floor, and Cheech & Cloudy hit a double Hero’s Welcome type move on Mantis. Cloudy gets on Cheech’s shoulders and is slammed down in a Senton to Mantis. Pinkie comes in and Enzugiri’s Cheech while Crossbones hits a big Urinagi slam on little Cloudy. Crossbones hooks a Full Nelson on Cheech while Pinkie goes to the apron. Pinkie goes for the Whoopee Cushion. Cheech moves and Pinkie hits it on Crossbones. An angry Crossbones pushes Pinkie to Cheech. Cheech picks him up and lays him out with the deluxe Go To Cheech for the win! A very fun six-man opening contest, with the Order getting duped once more. Mantis and Crossbones leave Pinkie laying as they head to the back. I like the trio combination of It Came From The Sea, and hopefully we’ll see them together some more. As long as Hydra continues wearing his matching swim trunks. **1/2
Create-A-Wrestler vs. Grizzly Redwood
It’s a damn shame we don’t have Ultimo Breakfast anymore; the flapjacks vs. lumberjack concept would’ve been tremendous. A lock up starts, and CAW is confused as he is much stronger than Grizzly. Grizzly punches CAW then hits him with some forearms. CAW hops off the ropes into a cross body for two. Grizzly kicks out his leg and continues to clubber him with double axe handles. CAW tries to fight up, but Grizzly stays on him. Grizzly chokes CAW on the ropes. CAW tosses Grizzly into the corner then hits a snap power slam. Grizzly quickly recovers with a jawbreaker, then a couple of axe handles to the mid-section of CAW. Grizzly brings down the straps and sets up for a powerbomb. CAW turns him over and almost falls, but Grizzly grabs the ropes. Grizzly kicks him away, but CAW catches him with a big spinebuster. CAW hits a couple clotheslines, a reverse heel kick, then a spear for the two count. CAW rolls out of the ring and comes back with a plate of flapjacks! CAW slams Grizzly down, but Grizzly counters. Then CAW hits a flapjack into the flapjacks!!! CAW small packages for the two. The fans chant “C-A-DUB”. Grizzly hits a power bomb for the two count. CAW goes to the second rope and Grizzly catches him. CAW comes back with a sunset flip, but Grizzly reverses and holds the trunks for the victory. Well, that was something else. The flapjack spot RULED and the fans loved this match. They were FURIOUS when Grizzly won and went nuts for the flapjack spot. This was a damn fun match, and the crowd made it awesome. **
Delirious vs. Sami Callihan
Before getting a chance to join The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (and a spot in the 2009 King of Trios) in Easton, Sami gets an opportunity to shine against Delirious right here tonight.
Delirious does his usual schtick and Sami stops him off telling him he’s bad. Sami hits a shoulder block and Delirious doesn’t go down. Sami takes out his leg but Delirious trips Sami as he comes off the ropes. Delirious speaks to Sami, but Sami just kicks him in the gut. Delirious pushes Sami into the ropes and schoolyard trips him once more. Sami smacks Delirious and tells him to stop it. Delirious slaps back, and hits Sami on the head. Delirious blocks Sami’s hands and makes Sami slap himself. A drop toe hold from Delirious and Sami turns him over. Delirious gets tossed to the outside. These men exchange some real hard blows on the outside. Delirious wins the battle of the blows and tosses Sami back into the ring. Sami cuts him off with a stomp to the back. Sami has a wedge in his tights, and he tries to get the referee to fix his wedge. Delirious headbutts Sami who just kicks Delirious again. Sami fixes the wedge then kicks out Delirious’ leg. Delirious comes back with an elbow and leg lariat. Delirious delivers the ten punches in the corner to Sami. Sami drops him down then hits a whoopee cushion of his own. Lots of anus related offense tonight. Sami stretches Delirious and chokes Delirious with his own tassles. Sami threatens to bite the referee’s fingers off. Sami stretches Delirious once again. Delirious works out, ducks a couple lariats and crucifixes Delirious for two. A seated lariat from Sami gets him the two count. Some JYD style headbutts from Sami gets a response in kind from Delirious, leading to a headbutt battle. Sami pokes the eyes of Delirious to end it. Sami continues his offense in the corner. Sami comes off the ropes and is met with a headbutt from Delirious in the gut. Delirious delivers some more blows till Sami applies a headlock. Sami gets tossed to the ropes and a big knee to the gut. Delirious drops Sami and hits a trifecta of Sentons for the two count. Delirious continues to work Sami’s tender tummy with shoulders in the corner. Sami hung up in the Tree of Joey Lawrence (whoa!) and gets a Panic Attack to the gut. He goes for another, but Sami hops out of the corner with a Lariat. Sami locks on the Koji Clutch but Delirious gets his foot on the bottom rope. Sami goes for a Back Drop Driver. Delirious turns over and gets a two. Back to their feet Delirious locks for a backfist. Sami ducks and mows Delirious down with a clothesline. Sami fires up and picks up Delirious. Delirious turns things around with a face plant. Delirious locks on the Cobra Stretch and Sami taps. This was a nice, hard-hitting contest from these two. The working over of Sami’s mid-section worked well with the finish. Ultramantis Black, who was shown at the commentation station, shook his head upset at Sami for losing. A fine delivery between these two, and Sami didn’t disappoint in his return. **3/4
Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, and Tim Donst vs. The UnStable (Vin Gerard, STIGMA, & Colin Delaney)
STIGMA comes out carrying Tim Donst’s amateur wrestling headgear he stole back at “Duel & Duality” in December. STIGMA and Donst have to be held back from one another before the bell rings.
Jigsaw and Vin start off. The two feel each other out looking for the advantage. The long process ends with Jigsaw taking Vin down with an arm drag and Senton to the back. Vin looks for the STF and Jig kicks him away. Vin ducks the superkick, but Jigsaw takes him down anyway. Mike Quackenbush leaps in with a senton to Vin, and Vin rolls outside. Colin hops in to tag in. Mike locks his knuckles and monkey flips Colin over. Quack then takes him over and lands a Manhattan Drop. Mike works on Colin’s ankle. Colin rolls out and arm drags Quackenbush. Colin lands some hard blows and a side suplex on Mike. Mike drops down right on the back of Colin’s head, which definitely looked like a mis-timed move. Mike locks on a Camel Clutch. Colin tosses Quack to the corner, where Quack drops drown over Colin, but doesn’t land on his head. Quack rolls back, and Jigsaw comes flying off the top rope with a cross body onto Colin. Colin kicks out. An assist from Quack allows Jig to headscissors Colin to the outside. Vin runs in and is caught by Mike Quackenbush. Tim Donst comes off the top rope with a clothesline to Vin. Quack dives onto Vin. Donst and STIGMA go at it on the mat delivering hard blows to one another. This continues on their feet, with each man trading the advantage. STIGMA gets sent to the ring apron. Donst dives through with a kick. STIGMA holds onto the leg allowing Colin to get a shot in. Donst now becomes the UnStable’s prey, keeping Donst in their corner. Each man gets their shots in, using the numbers game to their advantage. Vin mocks Donst’s attempts to tag in his partners, and the crowd gets behind Donst the more beat he gets. As STIGMA face washes him, Donst grabs the boot and pushes him away. He sends Vin and Colin to the floor, and then pushes STIGMA outside to brawl with him. Jigsaw hits the ropes but Vin Gerard trips him. Vin and Jigsaw go at it, and Vin grabs Jigsaw so he can’t move. Jigsaw is now kept in the corner of the UnStable. Jigsaw avoids some attacks, getting the UnStable to accidentally attack one another. Jigsaw takes out the entire UnStable and tags in Quack. Quack comes in hits a reverse cannonball on Vin. He takes out the rest of the UnStable, including a twisting face plant on Vin once more. Quack locks on the Texas Cloverleaf which is broken up with a knee from STIGMA off the ropes. Donst comes in a suplexes Colin down. Donst goes to STIGMA but can’t get him over. Vin comes over and gets suplexed from Donst. Donst tries again on STIGMA who rams him into the corner. STIGMA fights back. Donst fights the entire UnStable who prove to be too much for him to handle solo. They hit a triple team powerbomb on Donst and Jig breaks up the pin. Jigsaw fights out of the Attitude Adujuster but gets taken down with an STO. Vin locks the STF on Jigsaw. Donst throws STIGMA on top to break the submission. The straps come down as Donst attacks STIGMA. Colin comes from behind, and he and STIGMA deliver forearms to Donst. Donst fights back muscling both men to the corner. Quack comes in and misses a palm strike. However, he and Jigsaw land a double superkick. They look for a Jig N’ Tonic/top rope double stomp combination. Colin cuts it off, turning the Jig N’ Tonic over into a Yoshi Tonic. STIGMA attacks Quack, but Quack hits a cross body onto Colin on the outside. Donst gets back in with STIGMA. Donst tries a couple pins but STIGMA kicks out. STIGMA hits the Stigmata (tombstone piledriver) for the three count. This was slow at parts, though the end of the match from the hot tag to Quack forward really picked up. It dragged at times, but it was fine overall. **1/2
The Future Is Now (Equinox & Lince Dorado) vs. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian)
Amasis challenges Equinox for his Young Lions Cup tomorrow night in Easton, so keep that in mind when you’re reading this review. This match was also SUPPOSED to happen last year at “Armdrags to Riches”, but Amasis’ injury the night before prevented that match from occurring.
Ophidian and Equinox start off after Amasis psyches him out. Ophidian goes for a series of quick pins and none of them work. Some quick lucha between these two ends with a punch to the face from Ophidian. Equinox tags in Lince and Ophidian tags in Amasis. They lock up a few times with Lince winning each and every time. Lince pushes Amasis into the corner and serves up some chops. They then hit some shoulder tackles with neither man going down. Lince hops off the ropes with two alitas. Amasis stops Lince with a slap to the jaw. Amasis does a little dancing with Lince. Lince follows with a spinning headscissors, and Amasis gives one of his own. Both men dizzied fall to the mat then hop back up and stare down. Amasis pushes Lince to his corner where Ophidian trips him. Lince armdrags Ophidian down then lands a whoopee cushion time drop. Lince picks up Ophidian into a Mexican catapult into the Manhattan drop. A double biel out of the corner to Ophidian from the luchadores scores them the two count. Equinox looks to dive on Ophidian who is on the floor. Amasis catches him with a Double A type spinebuster. Amasis looks to unmask Equinox which would be a disqualification. Ophidian comes in and begins his attack on Equinox. Equinox hits a jumping Enzugiri and tags in Lince. Lince knocks down both members of the Portal. Lince pops Ophidian up, and Ophidian lands on his shoulders in an Electric Chair. With Amasis distracting the referee, Ophidian unmasked Lince! Lince was able to get the mask back on, but not before Amasis dropkicks his legs out. The Osirian Portal teases Equinox while continuing to beat down Lince. Both of them put on stretches that put a big strain on Lince’s back. Lince hopped over Ophidian and rolled him up for a two. Lince went for a tag, but the wise Ophidian knocked Equinox off the apron. Lince lands a jaw breaker on Amasis. Amasis barely stops Lince from tagging in. Lince ducks out of a double back body drop and bulldogs both members of the Portal. Equinox gets the tag and knocks down both the Protal with thrusts to the chest. Equinox lands his low hurricanrana on Amasis and gets the two count. The Portal go for the back body drop on Equinox, but Lince saves him. Ophidian gets taken down by a superkick from Equinox. Equinox and Lince land a double Hero’s Welcome on Amasis for the two count. Ophidian comes back in with a double cross body. They stop his attack. Ophidian sets up Lince for a powerbomb and gets Enzugiri’d by Equinox. Lince lifts Ophidian up for an Alabama Slam. Ophidian keeps turning and lands the Egyptian Destroyer! Equinox clotheslines Ophidian to the floor. Equinox ‘s dive attempt is stopped by Amasis. Amasis lands a big back body drop on Equinox where Equinox lands on his stomach. Amasis sits down deep with a Camel Clutch on Equinox. In the Camel Clutch, Equinox’s hand drops three times giving The Osirian Portal the win! This was another good tag match, with a good story of dominance being told. It was a nice touch to have the Portal pose with the Campeonatos de Parejas and the Young Lions Cup post match. It made perfect sense for the challenger to pin the champion in the tag match as well. **3/4
Frightmare vs. Brodie Lee
This is a re-match from “Face With A View”. A challenge was sent out from Frightmare to Brodie from this match. Brodie accepted the challenge on a Podcast Update, which can be seen below.
Frightmare shows no fear going face to face with Brodie. Brodie pushes Frightmare away twice, but he won’t back down. Brodie pulls out Hallowicked’s mask and shows it to Frightmare. He responds by slapping Brodie in the face. Frightmare kicks Brodie a few times then delivers a bunch of slaps. Brodie pushes Frightmare away and thrusts him in the throat. Brodie knocks Frightmare down. Frightmare jumps on Brodie’s back with a sleeper. Brodie tosses Frightmare off his back to the mat. Brodie runs at Frightmare. Frightmare low bridges the rope sending Brodie to the outside. Frightmare runs for a dive and gets met with a forearm from Brodie. Brodie hits a stiff uppercut and puts Frightmare in the corner. Brodie delivers some more strikes before going for the pin. Brodie only gets the two count. Frightmare comes off the ropes and Brodie catches his cross body, turning it into a power slam. Brodie mows down Frightmare with an elbow, making it all look too easy. Frightmare fights back with some strikes and is met with a big Michinoku Driver from Brodie! Brodie goes to the second rope and pulls Frightmare up by the throat! Geez, that was impressive. Brodie puts Frightmare up top and delivers a snapmare off the top, the calling card of Hallowicked. Frightmare’s tossed outside and Brodie follows. Brodie dishes out some more vicious blows around the ring. Frightmare ducks an attack and rushes back in the ring. Frightmare manages to knock down Brodie with a tope con heilo! Brodie comes back in. Frightmare hits a step-up hurricanarana and kicks him in the side of the face. Brodie picks up Frightmare, and Frightmare comes down with a headscissors of sorts. He follows up with an AWESOME moonsault double knee drop for the two. Frightmare heads up top and hits a flying dropkick for the two count. Frightmare wheelbarrows up, and Brodie follows through with a big German suplex! Brodie lands the Big Boot in the corner. He then hits the Running Liger Bomb, and that’s enough to put Frightmare away for the three count. Dang, Frightmare looked real good in this match. Brodie destroyed him and continues to look like a monster. I like this Roughnecks/Incoherence feud quite a bit and expect big things for young Frightmare. **1/4
King of Trios 2009 Qualifying Match
The Colony (Fire Ant, Soldier Ant, & Worker Ant) vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus, Gran Akuma, & Chuck Taylor)
Wasting no time, F.I.S.T. (who entered first) attacks The Colony as they come through the curtain! Worker Ant gets tossed head first into the ring post by Icarus. F.I.S.T. beats down The Colony on the outside and all over the building. Soldier Ant and Chuck officially start the match in the ring. Soldier Ant headscissors Chuck to the floor and pescados him to the floor. Akuma and Fire Ant continue their battle now, with Fire Ant coming at him with an alita and tornado clutch. Fire Ant flips up into an Electric Chair flying mare. Fire Ant gets placed up top and flips down into a fireman’s carry. Worker Ant and Fire Ant hit a double arm drag and leg drop/senton combination on Akuma for the two. Icarus comes in and drops Worker with a DDT as Akuma leapfrogs him. F.I.S.T. all take turns beating on Worker Ant, including some illegal double team beat downs. It’s crucial to not that Worker’s Ant head took a great deal of punishment from F.I.S.T. now, and all match long. Akuma locks on his signature Torture Scorpion Death Lock. Chuck and Icarus hit a pair of slingshot sentons on Worker while he’s being stretched. Akuma goes for the pin which is broken up by Fire Ant. F.I.S.T. continue the destruction of Worker Ant until Icarus’ misses…THE RAM JAM. Soldier Ant gets the tag and takes down Akuma and Icarus. Soldier Ant gets monkey flipped onto Akuma. Soldier Ant sends Akuma to the floor with a headscissors then dives onto him. Chuck and Fire Ant come in. Fire Ant and Chuck go really fast, and Chuck eats the wheelbarrow Stunner. Icarus comes and accidentally hits Chuck twice. Fire Ant hops off Icarus’ back to nail Chuck with the Antzugiri. All three members of F.I.S.T. lay together in the ring. Fire Ant and Soldier Ant lock up all three members in two figure four leg locks! Worker Ant comes in and dropkicks Chuck, who is in the middle. Icarus takes a triple boot, and Akuma gets a triple seated dropkick from The Colony. They set up the Ant Hill. Chuck comes in and lands the Sole Food on Fire Ant from the off the top of the hill! Chuck and Soldier go at it again. Chuck hits a kick and Icarus comes from behind Soldier with a lung blower. Worker Ant comes in and immediately eats the double Enzugiri/kick to the face combination from F.I.S.T. Fire Ant brings in Icarus and kicks him in the face. Fire Ant looks for the Beach Break. Akuma comes from behind and picks him up in the tombstone position. Fire Ant gets dropped on Akuma’s knees, and Icarus comes off with a Senton. Icarus didn’t completely hit it, so Fire Ant was able to kick out. Akum and Icarus each hit a German suplex on Fire Ant. Worker Ant saves Fire Ant from being pinned. Akuma takes a couple of Germans, then a lariat from Worker Ant. Worker covers and Akuma kicks out. Worker locks on the CHIKARA Special while The Colony cuts of Icarus and Chuck are held off. Icarus makes the save and the lands the Pedigree on Worker’s skull. Icarus pins Worker Ant, giving F.I.S.T. the win and the spot in the 2009 King of Trios. Very good and fast paced match. These men all rule, and their feud has been great fun. I look forward to seeing it continue. ***1/2
Icarus throws Worker Ant to the outside. Chuck Taylor picks up Worker Ant and delivers the Awful Waffle to him right on the floor! Worker Ant lays there dead as his fellow teammates check on him. Eventually, he’s taken to the back by The Colony and others, including a mystery Green Ant. This is the last we’ll see of Worker Ant, as he’s been beat to the point of forced retirement.
Claudio Castagnoli vs. Escorpion Egipcio
A stand off starts the match off. The two titans lock up with Claudio getting a headlock. Off the ropes goes Claudio, and he knocks Escorpion down. Claudio ducks some offense attempts and lands a hurricanrana on Escorpion. He looks for the Giant Swing, but Escorpion spind Claudio out of it. Claudio ducks an elbow and lands a flying cross body. Claudio armdrags Escorpion into the corner. Claudio gets placed on the apron, then slams Escorpion’s head on the top turnbuckle. Escorpion grabs Claudio and drags im back into the ring. He takes Claudio over with a snapmare, then dropkicks Claudio between the shoulder blades. Claudio’s face is dragged across the top rope. Escorpion works on Claudio’s leg to try and stop him. Claudio uses his European uppercuts to fight back. Off the ropes, Claudio gets mowed down by Escorpion. Escorpion mocks the fans cheers before stomping Claudio. Escorpion takes Claudio to the corner and smacks him right across the face. Escorpion bites Claudio’s face and throws him face first into the corner. Claudio grabs the ropes and kicks Escorpion away. Claudio clotheslines Escorpion, and both men go over the top rope to the floor. The two big men exchange some chops, and Claudio ends it with a European. Claudio dropkicks Escorpion off the apron to the floor. Claudio dives with a big missile tope through the middle ropes into the crowd! Back in the ring, Claudio sunset flips Escorpion for a two count. Claudio catches a dropkick attempt from Escorpion. He sends Escorpion to the corner and Escorpion lands on his feet. A big elbow gets Escorpion the two count. He hits a big Northern Lights Suplex, but again only gets a two count. Escorpion places Claudio on his shoulders. Claudio slides off and looks for the Ricola Bomb. Escorpion flips him over and Claudio lands on his feet. Claudio ducks a clothesline and comes off the ropes with a big European Uppercut. Claudio then gets the Giant Swing and pins Escorpion. Escorpion gets his foot on the ropes to break it. Claudio follows with more signature Europeans. Escorpion turns that over into a straight-jacket Camel Clutch. Claudio escapes and takes to the corner for a breath. It’s not to be, as Escorpion splashes him in the corner and hits a bulldog. Escorpion then applies an inverted figure seven submission hold. Claudio makes it to the ropes to break it up. Escorpion places Claudio up for a TKO. Claudio slides off and European Uppercuts him in the back of the neck. Claudio comes off the ropes with the Sweet Schwinn Music. Finally, Claudio is able to land the Ricola Bomb to secure the victory. This was a fine main event between these two big men. The fans really liked booing Escorpion and cheerinig Claudio, so what the hell? It builds up Claudio and his mystery Team Uppercut for King of Trios as well. ***
A very special message from F.I.S.T.
Oh no my friends, the DVD isn’t over yet. We’re left with this little message from our friends Icarus, Gran Akuma, & Chuck Taylor:
The 411: A fun DVD from CHIKARA. Is this an absolutely crucial DVD to own? Certainly not, but it’s not one to definitely skip over either. I had a lot of fun watching this, and could do it in one sitting. All these guys worked quite hard and put on a really entertaining show. Colony vs. F.I.S.T was damn good, the flapjack spot was GOLD, and I personally enjoyed Sami vs. Delirious quite a bit. I’ll give this one a recommendation, but don’t feel like it’s an absolute must own.