The Name on the Marquee: The Best of the WWF Volume Ten

Posted by Adam Nedeff on 07.01.2009

Screw the World Series, Boston was a fun place to be in 1986.

-Welcome to the halfway point in the “Best of” series from the 80s.

-Your host is Gene Okerlund.

RICKY STEAMBOAT, JUNKYARD DOG, & HAITI KID vs. HOSS FUNK, JIMMY JACK FUNK, & JIMMY HART
-Ricky Steamboat wears a cowboy hat with his gi during the intros, which would have made him an awesome buddy for Walker, Texas Ranger. Steamboat gets backed into the corner by JJ, but he fights off both Funks and sends JJ into JYD. Sunset flip by Steamboat gets two. Funks take turns getting bodyslammed by Steamboat and JYD comes in to add rolling headbutts. Hart nearly gets his share of the assault, but gets rescued and pulled out to the floor for a breather.

-Back in, still with Steamboat vs. JJ. Steamboat applies a side headlock and chops JJ down. JYD slams Haiti Kid on top for a two-count as Gorilla says that JYD “literally harpooned Haiti Kid into him.” JYD & Hoss Funk tag into the match and Hoss gets bitten on the ass and headbutted down. Steamboat chops Hoss and snapmares him into a facelock. Steamboat clears the ring with dropkicks again.

-Integrity preservation leads to Steamboat chopping JJ, but JJ reverses an Irish whip and clotheslines him down. Snapmare by JJ and he drops fists. Hoss tags in and connects with forearms for a two-count. He tries for a piledriver, but Steamboat turns it into a backdrop. Steamboat then reverses a suplex and both men are out of it. Small package by Steamboat gets two and in comes JJ. Steamboat attempts a slam but collapses from exhaustion and JJ lands on top for two. High knee and a fistdrop by JJ for two. Hoss steps in and throws more forearms as Steamboat tries to fight back with chops. He sweeps the leg and tags in JYD as JJ re-enters. Clothesline and a falling headbutt by JYD nearly finish, but Jimmy Hart stops the count. Russian legsweep by JYD gets a two-count. JYD is exhausted from the Russian legsweep for some reason and can barely move. He manages to hit JJ with another clothesline and Jimmy Hart breaks the pin again. High knee by JJ and Jimmy Hart tags in. He puts the boots to JYD, but Jimmy is such a wimp that JYD is actually re-energized by it. Atomic drop by JYD, and in comes the Haiti Kid with chops for a two count. Brawl erupts and Hart & Haiti go to the floor as their partners fight it out in the ring. Hart re-enters the ring and gets punched out by JYD. Hoss Funk KOs JYD with the megaphone and slams Haiti Kid down, then drags Hart across the midget for the three-count. 1 for 1. For what it was, it was pretty good.

TITO SANTANA vs. COWBOY BOB ORTON
-Gene Okerlund says that Orton certainly deserves the nickname “The Mechanic.” That would explain why his son is a robot. Both men jockey for position but it keeps turning into a stand-off. Drop toehold by Orton, but Tito wriggles out of it. Armdrag by Tito as Gorilla says that Orton reminds him a lot of Bret Hart. Apt comparison but incredibly random.

-Irish whip and a clothesline by Tito for two. Armdrag into an armbar by Tito, but Orton slithers out of the ring for a break. Back in, Orton backs Santana into the corner and rams his stomach. High hiptoss and flying headscissors by Orton, and the Boston crowd is actually popping for the Cowboy a little bit. Kneedrop across the throat by Orton for a two-count. Hiptoss by Orton, but he misses a corner charge and straddles himself on the top rope. Tito throws punches and sends Orton over the top rope and over the barricade. Tito sends him back into the ring and connects with a non-flying forearm for two. Armbar by Tito, but Orton punches out. Orton attempts a backdrop, but Tito counters with a backslide for two. Back to the armbar and Tito turns it into a particularly painful looking wristlock. Inverted atomic drop by Orton breaks the hold. He sends Tito into the corner, but misses another charge and hits the post shoulder-first. Tito snaps the arm over the top turnbuckle. Orton goes to the eyes and launches Tito out to the floor. Orton rams Tito into the barricade, collapsing it, and I think the rent-a-cops are starting to get a little annoyed with these guys.

-Orton drops Tito onto the top rope to knock the wind out of him, and then he goes to work on the midsection to capitalize. Series of punches by Orton and he plants Tito’s face into the mat. Headlock by Orton, but Tito fights his way to his feet and atomic drops his way out. Both men struggle to get back to their feet, but Orton revives first and re-applies the headlock. Tito slugs free and begins working the leg. “TITO” is blinking on the signs in the arena but the fans aren’t going for it.

-Figure-four by Tito, but Orton makes it to the ropes. Tito brings him back to the middle of the ring and applies a toehold. Orton does some kind of move to knock the wind out of Tito and then walks off the leg injury for a few moments. Orton punches down Tito and drops a forearm. Both men resort to hair-pulling and it turns into a tug-of-war. Fistfight erupts as the bell sounds for 30-minute draw. Excellent, old-school battle from two terribly-underrated masters of their craft. 2 for 2.

BIG & SUPER MACHINE vs. KING KONG BUNDY & BIG JOHN STUDD (with Bobby Heenan)
-Bundy tries an avalanche, but the Machines both dodge it and then whiff an attempted double-bodyslam. Big Machine manages to slam Studd for $15,000 as Heenan takes a few bumps courtesy of Super. Heels have a powwow on the floor and the match proper finally starts with Super and Bundy. Super gets caught in the wrong corner and Bundy pounds him. Studd tags in as Bobby Heenan drops by to do commentary. Heenan is refusing to pay the $15,000 because he didn’t actually see the slam happening, what with getting beat up himself at the time.

-Studd is nearly pinned and Heenan orders Bundy to tag back in as we see more friction brewing in the Heenan Family. Big Machine is in the ring and takes control. Bundy misses another attempted avalanche and Big Machine elbows him down. Knee to the stomach by Bundy and he elbows Big down. Studd re-enters and fists are exchanged. Big Machine gets the upper hand there, but Big Machine stops a backdrop attempt with a kick and Super Machine re-enters. Fists and elbows all around, but Studd takes him down and tags Bundy back in.

-Attempted double-team backfires as Bundy shoulderblocks Studd and that leads to a huge argument. Bobby Heenan steps up to the apron to attempt peacemaking as the Machines stand back and rest. Studd & Bundy finally shake hands and Bundy goes back to work. Machines attempt a double-team but Bundy escapes. Machines are able to stop themselves from colliding, however. Bundy fights back and puts the boots to Super Machine. Studd steps in and turns his attention to pulling the mask away, but Big Machine steps in and stops him.

-Bundy comes back in and punches Super for a two-count. Studd tags back in as the heels are finally getting their collective act together. Slam by Studd, but Bundy misses an elbow. Super makes the tag and Big Machine cleans house with chops. Studd & Bundy are Irish whipped into each other. Big Machine elbows Studd down and goes for the pin, but Bobby Heenan dives on top of the referee to stop it, and we get a cheap DQ. 3 for 3. Good match, but that’s just the worst type of non-finish there is because, it’s…you know…too easy. And it comes out of nowhere.

U.S. EXPRESS vs. DREAM TEAM
-It’s the Rotundo/Spivey incarnation, and this bout’s joined in progress. Dropkick by Rotundo, but Valentine gets right back to his feet and applies a hammerlock. Beefcake steps in to work the arm, but Rotundo kicks him away. Beefcake wrestles him into the corner, but Rotundo reverses an Irish whip and connects with a forearm. Rotundo takes his turn at a hammerlock. Beefcake elbows free and shoulderblocks him down. He goes for another one, but Rotundo hooks his arm and drops him to the mat. Express switches off and Danny Spivey and his comically inappropriate, oversized fur boots take control.

-Valentine tags in and takes Spivey down with an elbow, but the referee makes Valentine leave because he didn’t see the tag. Now, I like that because it gives credibility when they do that spot with the faces. They make the tag again in the referee’s sight, but Rotundo comes right back in to dropkick Valentine out to the floor. We must be missing something really fun in the crowd because all the fans suddenly look to their left, a whole herd of cops runs across in the background, and the commentary team just STOPS.

-Rotundo misses an elbow and Beefcake tags in. Boot to the stomach and a strut to rile up Spivey. Dream Team launches Rotundo out to the floor. Rotundo gets back into the ring and is immediately snapmared down. Beefcake drops a knee for two. Elbow by Beefcake and the Dream Team works Rotundo over in the corner. Valentine snapmares again and goes for a pin, but Rotundo bridges and catches Valentine with a shin to the midsection. Beefcake hurries in and applies a front facelock. He gives up on that and foreshadows himself with a sleeperhold, but Rotundo falls forward and rams him into the turnbuckles to break it. Valentine drops Rotundo throat-first onto the top rope. Valentine starts to go for the figure-four, but decides instead to just slap Rotundo around. That’s a mistake as Rotundo gets riled up and suplexes him down. Spivey re-enters and rams Valentine from turnbuckle to turnbuckle. Dropkick by Spivey and he elbows Valentine down for two. Rotundo comes in with his patented airplane spin. He goes for the pin, but Beefcake runs in to break it. Double tags bring in Spivey & Rotundo. Double clothesline KOs both of them immediately. Rotundo & Valentine come in to brawl and the referee makes Rotundo leave first. Valentine rolls Beefcake on top of Spivey in the meantime, which would have been a great finish, but it only gets two.

-Both guys revive and Spivey rolls up Beefcake, but another brawl erupts. In the midst of it, Beefcake reverses the roll-up and gets the three-count for a shockingly clean pin. 4 for 4. Good match with the weaker partners’ roles kept to a minimum.

BILLY JACK HAYNES vs. BRUTUS BEEFCAKE (with Johnny V)
-Well…okay, Machines vs. Studd & Bundy got a point; let’s give this a chance. Johnny steals Haynes’ hat and Haynes goes after him, allowing Beefcake to sneak up from behind and pummel him. Haynes reverses an Irish whip but collapses immediately, allowing Beefcake to go back to work. Snapmare by Beefcake and he goes to the second rope with a fist, but Haynes rolls away. Sunset flip by Haynes gets two. Beefcake rams Haynes into the turnbuckle and goes for a suplex, but Haynes blocks and reverses. He struggles to recover again and Beefcake goes back to work with a boot and a lot of celebrating.

-Forearms by Beefcake, followed by a back suplex, which Lord Alfred calls a “jackknife” in a weird moment. Beefcake goes for a slam, but collapses and Haynes lands on top for two. Beefcake pounds Haynes and clotheslines him again for two. Haynes tries to mount a comeback with a shot into the turnbuckle, but again, he’s too woozy to do anything and Beefcake attacks again. Haynes clotheslines him down and rips off his wrist tape, which frightens Beefcake and he begs for a time out. Elbow and a backdrop by Haynes. Slam and a legdrop by Haynes. Snapmare by Haynes and he comes off the second rope with a move that clearly makes no contact with any part of Beefcake’s body for two. Haynes bounces off the ropes and Johnny V hooks his leg from the outside. Referee catches him, and that’s a DQ. 4 for 5. Crowd didn’t give a damn about any of this and they weren’t given a reason to.

ISLANDERS vs. MR. X & JIMMY JACK FUNK
-From Boston Garden, October 1986, and we copy-paste…

-What the…Well somebody no-showed for this one. Tama & X start, and the broadcast team isn’t even acknowledging that we’ve already seen X tonight. X gets chopped in the gut and tags Funk in. Slam and a dropkick by Tama. Armdrag and the Islanders work the arm, but Funk goes to Haku’s eyes. He attempts a charge but misses and Haku clotheslines him out of the ring.

-X tags back in and they swap amateur moves until X gets caught in a wristlock, and Tama tags in to work his arm. Double chops by the Islanders and Haku gets two following a backbreaker. Tama backdrops X and Funk returns. Tama & Funk trade arm wringers and Tama gets a backdrop and rolls him up for two. X tags back in and applies a side headlock. Tama reverses it but gets sent into the ropes, where Funk is waiting with a knee to the back. Funk & X put the boots to Tama and Funk drops him throat-first on the top rope, then slingshots him on the bottom rope for a neat visual sequence. Funk tries to finish with a backbreaker, but Haku makes the save. X applies a chokehold and stomps away before going back to the headlock. Gorilla refers to the heels as “a mongrel team,” which is a neat term for this kind of situation. Funk drops a forearm from the second rope for two.

-Neckbreaker by Funk gets two. Funk tries it again, but Tama turns it into a suplex. X distracts the referee to block a tag and the Mongrels double-team Tama to take advantage. Double clothesline leads to the hot tag and the crowd reaction is weird, because they were into the match BEFORE the tag was made, but then Haku gets in there and suddenly they’re quiet. Anyway, Haku beats the crap out of X and Tama finishes with a top rope splash. 5 for 6. Good showing from everybody. Why was Danny Davis so good here and just a punch-and-kick specialist when he lost the mask?

ROWDY RODDY PIPER vs. A.J. PETRUCCI
-Normally, I’d be prone to complaining about a squash match appearing on a best-of tape, but this definitely has its place here. This is Piper’s first match back after disappearing for six months to take his first crack at making a movie. The fans have already turned him face because they hate The Flower Shop so damn much, and the great thing about Piper’s entrance is that when the fans pop and give him a standing ovation, he reacts by looking around as if thinking, “What the hell’s going on?”

-Petrucci slaps Piper across the face, and Piper calmly inserts his left hand in the back of his tights and proceeds to fight Petrucci with, quite literally, one hand behind his back. Series of boots by Piper and he plants Petrucci’s face into the mat. Shot to the turnbuckle and Piper snapmares him. Stomp by Piper sends Petrucci running to the floor, but Piper follows him out and lobs him into the timekeeper’s table, collapsing it. Back in the ring, Petrucci throws punches, but Piper hits a series of kneelifts and slaps Petrucci. Piper throws one of the hardest chops of 1986 and finally takes his hand out of his tights to connect with a Polish hammer. Single boot on the chest is enough for Piper to get the three-count. 6 for 7. Fun times, fun times. I think, though, that I still prefer a Piper squash from early 1990 where the premise was that Piper was telling a joke to the camera as he wrestled. So he’d tell a line, do a move, tell another line, do another move, and so forth, then he pinned the jobber, looked right into the camera, and delivered the punchline.

RODDY PIPER vs. ADRIAN ADONIS FEUD RECAP
-From the Wrestling Challenge 1986 in Review special, we see Piper get his knee destroyed in a triple-assault. Piper takes his anger out on the Flower Shop set, ending the segment forever. Adonis then disappeared for two months, then attacked Piper from behind during a Pit segment. Later, Piper showed up during an Adrian Adonis squash match, a brawl erupted, and the entire locker room emptied to break it up. 6 for 8. Good angle, but it lost something when shown in snippets like this.

ROWDY RODDY PIPER vs. MAGNIFICENT MURACO (with Mr. Fuji)
-Piper tosses his kilt in Muraco’s face and just hammers him down. Muraco goes face-first into the turnbuckle and Piper punches him down. Piper keeps dominating with punches. Eye gouge and a Wattsian dropkick by Piper. He sends Muraco out to the floor and plants his face into the seat of a folding chair. He brings Muraco up to the apron and bites him. Muraco gets himself tangled in the ropes and Piper takes advantage with punches. Chop to the throat by Piper and he bulldogs Muraco. Muraco backs into a corner and gives Piper a hard slap that topples Hot Rod, then kicks him away. Muraco sends Piper to the floor, where Mr. Fuji and his cane are ready and waiting. Muraco goes out, puts Piper on his shoulder, and rams him facefirst into the post. Piper, now bleeding, dives back into the ring, surprising Muraco, and bites Muraco so hard that he bloodies him. Fists are traded and Piper suplexes Muraco for two. Piper punches Muraco out to the apron and tries to slam him back in. Mr. Fuji crackes Piper’s ribs with the cane from the outside, causing Piper to collapse with Muraco landing on top of him for two. Piper goes after Fuji and Muraco attempts to rescue his manager. Piper moves, heels collide, Piper rolls up Muraco for three. 7 for 9.

End of the tape. Check out Game Show Utopia, please.

The 411: Good chunk of stuff, but Haynes vs. Beefcake would have been an EASY sacrifice if they wanted to go into more depth with the Piper-Adonis saga. Recommended viewing this time around.

Final Score:  7.8   [ Good ]