The Name on the Marquee: Jake The Snake Roberts (1987)

Posted by Adam Nedeff on 08.31.2009

Coliseum Video brings us the best of Jake trying to succeed and coming up short a bunch of times.

-Your hosts are Craig DeGeorge and, for some reason, Johnny V.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. SCOTT MCGHEE
-This is Jake’s MSG debut. Jake throws punches and rams McGhee into the turnbuckle. Hard Irish whip and a right hand by Jake and he goes over to the bag. The referee stops him, so Jake refocuses and hits a stomachbreaker on McGhee. He faceplants McGhee a few times, then slaps him a few times just to give himself a breather. McGhee gets in some offense with a dropkick and a gutwrench suplex. Jake kicks out and slides out of the ring for a break. McGhee follows him and connects with a forearm, so Jake goes back into the ring and gets hiptossed by McGhee. Legdrop gets two and Jake demands a time-out. He makes another go for the bag, but McGhee drags him back to the middle of the ring and yanks him down by the hair, dropping him on the occipital protuberance. Kneedrop misses and Jake drops him with the short clothesline. Jake hasn’t settled on a formula though, so the match keeps going. McGhee tries a sunset flip, but Jake grabs the ropes to block it, then hits the DDT to finish. Damien makes his MSG debut after the bell (and he’s GIGANTIC here) and the MSG crowd is freaked. Howard Finkel adds a great little bit, yanking the MSG hanging microphone over to the corner, doing the announcement from there, and then running the hell away. Total squash. 0 for 1.

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS
-From Saturday Night's Main Event. Before the bell even rings, Jake clotheslines the Dragon off the apron, and follows with a DDT onto the concrete. Steamboat lands with a sick, audible thump, and according to Jake’s DVD, that was a legitimate KO in the name of getting the angle over. Jake drags Steamboat in the ring and drags Damien all over him, and even rubs Steamboats mouth to really drive home the evil. At ringside, Bonnie Steamboat gets up and runs backstage as her husband is loaded onto a stretcher. No match here, obviously, but an AWESOME angle. 1 for 2. Despite no backstage “invisible camera” skits or scripted promos, this angle somehow drew money.

JAKE ON “TNT”
-Gene Okerlund interviews Jake, who brings his collection of snakes into the studio. Funny bit as Gene asks how long it would take for the poison from a diamondback to kill a man, and Jake gives an indecisive answer and pokes the snake with a stick. Jake actually comes across as incredibly knowledgeable on the subject matter, and it makes for an interesting segment. Jake shows a baby cobra along with its mother & father. “Life goes on…for SOME.” 2 for 3.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT
-From Boston Garden. Lock-up goes back & forth and Steamboat tries a series of chops, but Jake blocks every one of them. Shoulder to the abdomen by Jake, and fists & chops are traded until Jake backs off. Steamboat tries a go-behind and Jake counters it with a hammerlock and an arm wringer. Steamboat breaks it by throwing chops, and Steamboat again blocks all of them. Jake suckers Steamboat into a test of strength, then kicks him down. Attempted slam sees Steamboat land on his feet and throw chops, and Jake again blocks every chop. Steamboat tries another go-behind and Jake goes for the arm again. Armbar is clamped on. Steamboat gets out and Jake bounces off the ropes until he sees Steamboat in position to throw a big chop, and then he slides out of the ring.

-Back in the ring, Jake tries a side headlock and Steamboat breaks it with headscissors. Steamboat finally connects with chops (and the crowd pops HUGE for them because they were getting blocked for the entire match), and he chops Jake hard enough to send him tumbling out of the ring. Jake tells the camera that Steamboat is a “no-good son of a bitch” before heading back inside.

-Lock-up and Steamboat goes into the ropes and comes off with more and more chops. Jake goes to the floor again and Steamboat goes after him, throwing more chops and ramming Jake into the apron. More chops on the floor, then on the apron. Jake ducks a chop and Steamboat’s arm hits the post. Jake uses the barricade and the post to work it over more. Back in, Jake drops knees across the wrist. Steamboat kicks him away and throws a chop with his good arm. He snapmares Jake, but Jake grabs the bad arm and goes back to work on it with a wristlock. Jake stomps on the hand and grinds it. Steamboat tries charging Jake, but Jake is ready for him and elbows him. Neat sequence sees Steamboat, over and over again, getting a single offensive move, only for Jake to fight back by just destroying his arm somehow. Jake sends Steamboat over the top rope and simply takes a breather. Steamboat starts to go back in, so Jake snaps his neck over the top rope.

-Jake tries to use his wrist tape, but the referee takes it away from him, and that’s enough of a distraction for Steamboat to snap Jake’s neck over the top rope and take it to the floor. Jake goes into the barricade, then into the broadcast table. Back in the ring, Steamboat chops with the good arm and faceplants Jake. More chops get a two count. He goes to the top rope and hits a chop between the eyes. Jake has enough presence of mind left to shove Steamboat into the referee, however, and all three men are out cold.

-Jake gets to his feet and hits the short clothesline and gets a visual three, but no referee. Stomachbreaker gets another visual three (I’m noticing that Steamboat was pretty generous about those) and Jake gets fed up and wakes up the referee…just in time for Steamboat to roll him up and get a three-count. So Steamboat’s fans go home happy, but Jake is perfectly justified in demanding a rematch so the feud can be stretched out. Beautiful booking. 3 for 4. Jake attacks Steamboat from behind after the bell. He DDTs Steamboat, but Dick Slater & Ted Arcidi stop him from draping Damien across Steamboat’s remains.

COLISEUM VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS
-Gene Okerlund recaps the matches we’ve seen so far and Jake cuts a really generic promo (given the nature of the video, he doesn’t have much of a choice). It was years before somebody figured out that a better use of this kind of time was compiling the best quotes from old promos. 3 for 5.

“DARK MATCH EXCLUSIVE”: JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. JUNKYARD DOG
-JYD knocks Jake off his feet immediately with a punch. Jake charges and gets dropped right on his face. Arm wringer by JYD, and right hands drop Jake down. Diving headbutt by JYD and he drops another headbutt. Jake tries a shoulderblock and JYD no-sells. Hiptoss by JYD, but Jake eludes the rolling headbutts. JYD goads Jake into trying an elbowdrop. Jake misses and JYD headbutts him out of the ring. Jake gets back into the ring and hits a high knee. He chops the throat and takes JYD down for a two-count.

Side headlock by Jake with the ropes for some added leverage. JYD gets back to his feet and throws punches and headbutts, and Jake calls for time-out. JYD goes after him and hits a series of bodyslams. Craig observes that “Jake looks like he’s had a few too many.” Fistfight erupts on the floor and Jake gets desperate and goes for Damien, but JYD slides back in while he’s doing that and takes the win by count-out. Neither guy seemed to be in the mood tonight. 3 for 6.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. KING KONG BUNDY (with Bobby Heenan)
-Jimmy Hart sits in on commentary to scout Jake for Wrestlemania III. There’s a giant hole in Damien’s bag and he sticks his head out of it before the match, which is a hell of a visual.

-Jake starts with a few corner shoulderblocks and a series of punches that takes Bundy off his feet. Test of strength takes Jake down, but he kicks Bundy off. Heenan calls Bundy over for a small conference, and then Bundy walks right into a side headlock. He sends Jake into the ropes, but Jake stops himself so Bundy can’t do anything. Bundy slams Jake down hard and drops an elbow. Series of elbows as Bobby Heenan comes over to complain about Damien’s presence. Headlock by Bundy is broken with a shot to the eyes. Kneelift by Jake and he goes for the DDT, but Bundy backdrops out. Bundy tries to follow with an elbow, but Jake avoids it. Bundy gets back up and rams Jake into the corner. Jake goes tumbling out of the ring and Bundy goes after him and puts the hurt on him, then throws Jake back into the ring, right as the referee counts to ten. Giving Jake the win by count-out. Slow as hell and a bad finish. 3 for 7.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. KING KONG BUNDY (with Bobby Heenan)
-A few weeks later, from Saturday Night’s Main Event. Snake tries an arm wringer, but Bundy swats him off. Bundy gets a little too close to Damien’s bag and backs away. Bundy attempts a clothesline, but Jake holds onto the ropes and makes him look a little foolish. Lock-up and Bundy wrings the arm. Jake gets him to let go by kicking the legs. Jake tries a test of strength and Jesse doesn’t know what the hell he’s thinking. Bundy takes him down to the mat, but Jake kicks him away. Bundy pounds him down and sends him into the turnbuckle. Front facelock by Bundy and Jake won’t die, so Bundy tries a backdrop. Jake counters it with a kneelift and a series of right hands that drops Bundy. Jake goes for Damien, but Bundy pulls him away and Heenan takes off with Damien’s bag. Jake chases him back to the locker room, and we’ll be right back.

-Jake returns with the bag, but Bobby Heenan is now MIA. Bundy assaults Jake on his way back into the ring and clotheslines him down. Shoulderblock by Bundy. Bundy tries another shoulderblock, but Jake steps aside and shoves him into the turnbuckles. Jake gets to his feet and throws more punches. Clothesline drops Bundy and Jake goes to the bag. The referee tries to stop him, but Jake kicks him for some reason and the referee calls for the DQ. The brawl continues post-match, with Jake coming out on top with the DDT. Bobby Heenan returns and miraculously drags Bundy’s carcass out of the ring before Damien could do his thing. Inexplicable finish to this one, following a rather so-so punch & kick battle. 3 for 8.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS (with Alice Cooper) vs. HONKY TONK MAN (with Jimmy Hart)
-From Wrestlemania III, of course. Honky dances on the apron during his entrance, and Jake attacks him from behind and slingshots him into the ring. Kneelift by Jake sends Honky to the floor and Jake follows him out, punches him down, and yanks his jumpsuit off. He slams Honky on the floor and sends him back into the ring. Irish whip by Jake, but Honky raises a knee and puts the boots to him. He works the arm, but Jake ducks a punch and catches him with a short clothesline and calls for the DDT. Cool shot of Jake’s bag in the corner shows that Damien is going insane in there and wants out. Vibrations from that many people cheering at once will do that to a snake, you know.

-Honky slips out of the DDT and goes to the floor, and Jake follows him out. Jimmy Hart distracts Jake and Honky sends him into the post and the barricade. Alice Cooper comes over to help him back in, but Honky kicks him right back out. Jake makes it to the apron, but Honky knocks him off with force and Jake goes into the barricade again. Slam by Honky as a “Jake” chant erupts. Bodyslam and a fist from the second rope by Honky, and he throws punches instead of going for Shake, Rattle, and Roll, perplexing our commentary team. Elbow by Honky and he drops a forearm across the throat. Shake, Rattle, and Roll is attempted, but Jake backdrops out. Honky recovers quickly and pounds Jake in the corner, but Jake gets free with an inverted atomic drop. Series of punches by Jake and Honky starts begging for mercy. Jake gives him a backdrop instead of mercy. Honky gets tangled in the ropes and does Harley Race’s weeble-wobble spot as Jake punches him. Jimmy Hart comes to the apron and Jake goes after him, and Honky sneaks up and rolls him up, hanging onto the ropes for leverage, and gets the totally-unexpected victory. Longer and better than I remembered. 4 for 9.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. KAMALA (with Mr. Fuji & Kimchee)
-From Saturday Night’s Main Event. Jake opens the bag and unveils Damien right off, and Kamala hauls ass out of the ring. Kimchee talks him into going back inside and as Jake ties the bag back up, Kamala sneaks up with a series of chops. Thrust kick to the stomach by Kamala, but Jake fires back with fists. Kamala takes a shot at the throat and keeps the advantage as Kimchee goes ballistic at ringside. Bearhug by Kamala as Vince notes that Kimchee is very active at ringside. Jake stomps on Kamala’s bare feet to break the hold as we cut to a close-up of Kimchee at ringside. Hey, you think Kimchee might get involved in this match somehow?

-Kamala chokes Jake as Kimchee shouts instructions frantically. Kamala keeps choking and choking. Jake fights back with right hands. Kamala manages to knock him back down. Headbutt by Kamala and Jake goes to the floor to make Kamala chase him. Kamala takes the bait and gets a high knee on his way back into the ring. Jake comes off the rope with another knee that knocks over the big man. He signals for the DDT and Mr. Fuji hops up to the apron to distract the referee. Kimchee runs in and clotheslines Jake from behind, and a splash by Kamala gets the three-count. Post-match, Kimchee removes his safari wear to reveal a familiar glittering jumpsuit…and the mask comes off to reveal that Kimchee is the Honky Tonk Man. He drops a series of elbows and finishes Jake off with Shake, Rattle, and Roll. He takes a moment to thank this beautiful audience before calling it a night. 4 for 10. Match was mediocre at best, but the angle was such a fun twist that it’s hard for me to care.

Slither over to Game Show Utopia now.

The 411: Sort of a weird tape, with Jake being saluted by matches and angles where things didn't work out for him. Skip it and just pick up the DVD collection.

Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]