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The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestling Society X Vol. 1

March 14, 2011 | Posted by Arnold Furious
3.5
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The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestling Society X Vol. 1  

The Furious Flashbacks – Wrestling Society X Vol. 1

Where high spots get boring

You asked for it! I’ve heard things about WSX but until this point I’ve not seen any of it. So here we go!

You’ll notice this is “vol. 1”. There is a second volume but that is currently unavailable in the UK. This initial release features the first four episodes of the MTV show.

Episode #1

We’re in the WSX Bunker, which is the filthiest place in all of MTV Land. Hosts are Kris Kloss & Bret Ernst. Both guys look normal, which isn’t what I was expecting but I guess they’re playing the VJ part while the wrestlers will be playing the ‘music icon’ parts. Ring announcer is Fabian Kaelin (better known by his wrestling name; GQ Money). For those concerned there are already heavy connections to XPW. Kloss was their commentator and Kaelin one of their in-ring ‘talents’. Kaelin is the most annoying and shoutiest ring announcers, ever. Also XPW is the producer, one Kevin Kleinrock, who is essentially responsible for what’s about to occur so you know who to blame.

Matt Sydal w/Lizzy Valentine v Jack Evans

Sydal is playing the “arrogant” heel although there’s nothing approaching character in the match. For people who complain about Indy wrestling being “all flipping and shit” this is the match you’re talking about. The camerawork is ABYSMAL. Worst camera work I’ve ever seen on any wrestling show, ever. Its like The Bourne Identity. You can’t tell what’s happening. Not that you’d want to as they hit 7 or 8 finishers in a row for near falls right off the bat. Lizzy interferes in front of the ref indicating we won’t be having many rules in this company. 630 Splash finishes for Jack despite Lizzy’s involvement. DUD. I feel dirty. I heard the opener was spotty but this was ridiculous. I would say it’s a bad start to WSX as a wrestling promotion but after seeing the opener I suspect I’m not watching a wrestling promotion. There are people out there who feel the urge to bash promotions like ROH or TNA for putting on a spotty product but frankly that, or even the spottiest 1PW spotfests, is way above and beyond anything any of those promotions have put on. It was spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot, finish. No story, no character, just high spots.

BACKSTAGE Justin Credible takes this way too seriously.

ELSEWHERE New Jack yells at Chris Hamrick. Damn Hamrick looks old in this promotion. I like that they hired someone who knows how to work a match but daaaaamn, its like your Granddad watching MTV and claiming he’s cool before putting his hip out of joint trying to dance to “Single Ladies”.

ELSEWHERE Teddy Hart.

ELSEWHERE Kaos and Aguilera.

They were moving so fast there weren’t even promos going on.

They run through the WSX Rumble rules. The first two wrestlers to grab contracts will wrestle for the WSX title. Presumably next week but forward planning isn’t cool so we’re not doing that.

WSX Rumble

#1 Justin Credible. Crowd generously chants “E-C-Dub” even though while ECW was open everyone hated him. #2 is Teddy Hart. In a company where spots=match Teddy will be set. #3 is Kaos and XPW gets name dropped on commentary. When you’re referencing the worst wrestling company, ever, you should probably not be running a wrestling company, ever. Kaos was one of their better wrestlers but if anything you should probably sweep XPW under the carpet. #4 is Vampiro; my least favourite wrestler, ever. Convoluted spots immediately follow. A couple of extra dudes come in during the break. #7 is 6-Pac. That’d be Sean Waltman. One of the commentators errs by claiming Pac was “one of the original members of DX”. Nope. Try again. He was one of the original members of X-Factor if that helps. #8 is Chris Hamrick but he’s too boring for WSX so New Jack runs in too. They didn’t think New Jack out. While he’s violent he’s really slow and doesn’t suit the companies ‘everything happens at 100mph’ motif. Hamrick gets thrown out and New Jack eliminates himself. New Jack guitar shots the ref. Why was there confetti inside? Who keeps confetti in a guitar? And the spots are STILL happening while they’re getting reaction to that. The electrified thing by ringside comes into play but no one even cares about that because at the same time New Jack dives off the balcony onto Hamrick on a table. #9 is Youth Suicide (trained by Supreme, that’s strike ONE). He goes for the ladder but gets powerbombed onto thumbtacks, which he’d poured out for NO REASON. 6-Pac grabs one contract to get his title match next week. Youth Suicide gets pushed off a ladder onto that electrified bed of electricity, which explodes so much that the camera shakes. Hahaha. Laaaaame! Vampiro then goes up and grabs the other contract. -**. Urrrrrgh. I’m amazed there were so few botches but that has to be the worst use of the word “wrestling” to describe something on TV.

As soon as Vampiro grabs the contract the show is over. There’s not even time for a reaction shot. Or a show recap. Or anything. Just “Vampiro’s got the contractFINISHED”.

Its at this point that I hate Jeremy Vengeance for asking for this review. I guess it wasn’t boring at any point but that would because they crammed 3 hours worth of spots into 20 minutes. But they’ve just set up a title match with Vampiro in it and you know he’s going to win. Not even WCW did that.

Episode #2. Still in the WSX Bunker. Still filthy and populated by hot chicks. So its only halfway to being a wrestling show.

Luke Hawx v Human Tornado

Hawx is better known as Altar Boy Luke. Another product of XPW. I find it very hard to hate on H-Tizzle as he brings the breakdancing, the BALLS OF STEEL and the pimp slap, which is all no sold by Hawx. That was everything he does! You know what really bothers me? The mat is filthy. Why is the mat filthy? Is it for effect or were they just too lazy to clean it? While I’m typing that Tornado finishes with a tornado DDT. ¼*.

POST MATCH Aguilera runs in to attack Hawx, who just looked like a jobber, Alcatraz saves only for Kaos to run in. The angle here is that Aguilera doesn’t watch Kaos’ back that well because he’s a bit of a jerk. An angle is usually better than no angle. Usually. Everything is so rushed here though. Like they’ve got Vince Russo Syndrome and they’re scared of boring the audience.

That 70s Team v Team Dragon Gate

Disco Machine & Joey Ryan are the 70s team. Disco, as per usual, has his own disco ball. Team DG are Masato Yoshino and Genki Horiguchi. Both teams make me wish I was watching another promotion. Either PWG or Dragon Gate. Either one. They do a little actual wrestling rather than spots and Yoshino is able to freak out the fans with his speed rather than by flipping. Joey stops off to get his inhaler. Disco’s histrionics are also something different and when you run all this into the high paced craziness from DG you’ve got an actual spectacle worth seeing. Sadly this being WSX as soon as the match gets going its over and Ryan finishes with the superkick. *.

WSX title – 6-Pac v Vampiro

I’ve taken to fast-forwarding or muting Kaelin’s introductions because they grate on my nerves so much. If I was introducing this match I wouldn’t be happy about it, or excited. I’d be borderline depressed. They take this too seriously, which is not the tone of these shows. And yet take much the same approach of hitting a bunch of spots one after another. Except neither guy has a lot of spots. So most of it is kicking or variations of kicking. Pac hits a tornado DDT off the top rope through a table at ringside…for 2. The opening match finished with a tornado DDT. A normal one. In the ring. Pac then hits his finisher for 2. COME ON…its fucking Vampiro! There’s a coffin at ringside, which I’m assuming is because everyone figures these MTV fans won’t know the difference and think Vampiro is the Undertaker. Anyway Vampiro furthers that by giving Pac a Tombstone on it. And it EXPLODES! They should really check the wiring out there. There’s an excess of electricity. Anyway, that’s your finish. The coffin broke too, which would have been a much better finish if we’d been able to see it. Vampiro celebrates his victory by popping a few incredibly insulting blood capsules in his mouth. DUD.

Episode #3. WSX Bunker, you know the drill.

ON TAPE Vampiro cuts a badly edited, badly written promo, which he delivers badly. I would presume he was going for The Crow but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Vampiro its that he’s not good enough to do things like this.

Trailer Park Boyz w/Johnny Webb v The Filth and the Fury

Another XPW connection. TPB are Nate Webb and Josh “Jug” Raymond. Indy fans will know him as Josh Abercrombie. The other team are Teddy Hart & Matt Cross. The commentary team tries to compare this to Bret Hart matches. Which its exactly like only with 1000% more spots, zero psychology and 90000000% more flipping. Teddy is perfectly suited to this company though. It allows him to just flip away to his heart’s content and throw massive pointless moves into the middle of matches like it ain’t no thang. In the middle of this one he slips in a Canadian Destroyer. Just slips it in there. It isn’t even a near fall. Just another spot. Teddy then murders Webb by pulling out an electrical cord and stabbing Spyder with it. Oh dear lord. This is a whole new level of wrestling stupidity. The fans reactions are weird here. Instead of mocking the stupid electricity spots they just react the same to everything. Like it’s a movie to them. I remember reading a fan report saying that the audience didn’t really get it and the vast majority of wrestling fans were removed from the crowd. That doesn’t make sense to me. Not even Vince McMahon goes to those lengths to get the right crowd reactions. Another ridiculous electrocution spot follows, which I think is laughably bad, on a par with the silliest of silly electrocution spots from WCW and TNA but we cut to the crowd reacting like its something serious. I can assure you, WSX crowd members, that when someone is electrocuted there isn’t a big explosion somewhere near them. In the ring Cross finishes with the Shooting Star Legdrop. This sure is a WSX tag team. No mistaking it. ½*. They got what they wanted from this. High spots and, erm, high spots.

LAST WEEK Kaos & Aguilera argue about their shitty storyline. I’m wondering why its shot like a soap opera. Since when does any wrestling backstage promo have a two camera setup? And use those cameras in such a boring way? Just completely unnecessary.

El Hombre Blanco Enmascarado v Jack Evans

I guess El Generico didn’t want to do it. Quicksilver is under the mask instead. After we get a crazy crowd reaction shot to a knee to the ribs I’m thinking they just paste the best crowd reactions in where ever they like. I hate it when wrestling isn’t just taped live. When you start monkeying around with stuff in post production you lose the magic. Crowd is starting to get this and chant “Jack”, who I think is the babyface. Quicksilver makes a bizarre selling choice of back bumping a knee to the back of the head. 630 Splash finishes. ¼*. Again, just as soon as the match got going it was over.

We get a great vignette on Matt Classic. This is the perfect character for WSX. I love the whole angle of him being in a 40 year coma.

Tables, Ladders & Cerzevas match: Alkatrazz/Luke Hawx v Los Pochos Guapos

LPG are Joey “Kaos” Munoz and Aaron “Jesus” Aguilera. You may remember the latter from WWE when he feuded with John Cena. As per usual Aguilera spends more time flirting with the mamacitas than watching Kaos’ back. I’m not even sure what the rules are. Presumably you finish with a pin but whenever a big move is hit they just go to set something else up. The central point being Aguilera ordering Kaos around and then fucking up. Alkatrazz powerbombs Kaos through a table for the win. ¼*. Really poor match. Typically for WSX it was loud and incoherent. Like having an idiot shout in my face for 20 minutes. Again.

Episode #4.

Matt Sydal w/Lizzy Valentine v Scorpio Sky

Sky gives Lizzy an 8×10 glossy of his portrait. She’s not impressed. Much like Sydal-Evans this is a bunch of spots but less so. Because Sydal is allowed to bring some personality. He even bails out to kill time and Sky doesn’t dive on top of him. This allows Lizzy to get involved in a less obvious manner. Like we started this company retarded and they’re trying to wean people into modern wrestling slowly but surely. After all there’s only so many high spots before you’re repeating yourself. Storyline is everything, ultimately. Whether its in the match or the cause of the match. The match stumbles towards its conclusion and the Cyclorama finishes. ¾*.

POST MATCH Lizzy pulls out some lipstick and writes H8R on Sky’s back.

LAST WEEK Marcus Riot asks Jack Evans to look at his DVD. Evans gives him props before kicking him in the nuts.

BACKSTAGE We get another damn two camera promo. This is not the Real World damn it. Ruckus gets a bling ladder, which has horrible post production diamond shine on it. They head out to the ring and issue and open challenge.

That 70s Team v Ruckus/Baby Slim

I find it funny that the black people in the crowd are the only ones who hate the 70s gimmick and Disco’s mini-Disco ball. Surprise, surprise Ruckus has timing issues. The 70s Team bring a lot of comedy with Disco’s mini ladder, assorted dancing and Joey getting his ass exposed…again. The gangsta team go for the double teaming but Ryan breaks it up with the superkick. As per usual there’s not much selling going on. Joey takes a disco ball to the balls. Ruckus comes off his bling ladder for the win. ¼*.

Human Tornado v El Hombre Blanco

BACKSTAGE Tornado has been laid out. No contest.

6-Pac shows up to lay out El Hombre. Pac wants Vampire out here so he can kick his “motherfucking ass” (bleeped). Vampiro answers the call. I thought they’d forgotten about these guys. Vampiro gets laid out by Banderas. I think he throws a fireball BUT WSX post production the hell out of it in the most embarrassing way possible. I’m not even sure how to describe it.

I’m aware there is WSXtra on the DVD as well but if MTV can’t get anything right in the TV show then I don’t have time for their DVD extras. I went and watched the Matt Classic matches but Cabana has actually done more with the Matt Classic character when he gets time.

The 411: I’m absolutely certain that this whole project was heading in a positive direction. Seriously. You look at some of the talent they had and how the matches were progressing from the initial spotfest to more storyline based wrestling. They were clearly trying insanity to bring viewers in and then hook them on a combination of that and wrestling. Sure, purists will loathe this. But that’s nothing new. I thought it was rough around the edges and had polish in all the wrong places. The creative team behind this was clearly thinking about making an impact with crazy stuff and bringing in silly electrocution gimmicks ahead of putting on something realistically entertaining. But like I said before I could see this going somewhere positive. The better things they were doing on WSXtra included Matt Classic and emo Jimmy Jacobs who doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Which would have brought excellent variety to the show in the long run. And had it been successful there are all manner of daft gimmicks out there, which would have gotten over on WSX. In a way I’m disappointed that all that’s left of WSX is pretty weak. This is a project that had legs and might have gone somewhere in the long run. I’d have gone even more extreme in the use of young talent and ditched the likes of Vampiro, Waltman and New Jack. If you’e going to make it exciting don’t hire major companies cast off’s unless they’ve got something new to offer. Ultimately with this kind of show you don’t need names to sell it because the audience is clueless as to who’s famous in wrestling anyway. File this under; ambitious failures.
 
Final Score:  3.5   [ Bad ]  legend

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