Break It Down: CZW Status Update: Fantastic!

Status Update: Fantastic! on March 12th, 2011

Drew Gulak makes his way to the ring with Dewance (Dewey Donovan) to start the show. Before he can say much, Jon Moxley runs into the ring and tosses him to the floor. Moxley says that he has Devon Moore’s back in his title match tonight against Robert Anthony. In fact, Moxley will be the special referee.

Opening Match: tHURTeen vs. Ruckus
tHURTeen blindsides Ruckus during his entrance with a dive to the floor. Ruckus throws him into the guardrail and lands a handspring moonsault on the outside. tHURTeen hits a tornado DDT onto a propped chair. In the ring, tHURTeen lands a slingshot senton and connects with a leg lariat. He takes control until Ruckus comes back with a handspring kick. tHURTeen answers with an enzuigiri and a standing moonsault. Ruckus hits a modified neckbreaker but tHURTeen responds with one of his own. They battle up top and Ruckus hits a gutwrench suplex across the top turnbuckle for a nearfall. tHURTeen sneaks in a low blow behind the referee’s back and rolls up Ruckus for the win at 7:23. They pulled off some impressive spots which successfully drew a reaction from the crowd. However, the action was pretty sloppy for most of the match and the finish was rather underwhelming for an opener. *¾

Match #2: Akuma vs. Ty Hagen
If Hagen wins, he will replace Akuma in Best of the Best. Mia Yim joins commentary for this match. They begin brawling before the bell. Akuma withstands a few chops and hits a lungblower out of the corner. He adds a bucklebomb but Hagen sends him to the floor with a flying knee strike and follows out with a dive. In the ring, Akuma hits his spider german suplex. Hagen pops up and responds with a tiger suplex. A distraction from Kimber Lee allows Akuma to hit a 2k1 bomb for a nearfall. Hagen plants him with a tornado DDT and goes up top. Lee crotches him on the top rope and Akuma nearly kills him with a splash mountain off the middle rope for the victory at 6:09. I don’t know what happened to Akuma but his singles run in CZW simply isn’t working out. This match was noticeably sloppy and they struggled through many of the longer exchanges. The finish was scary and left a bad taste as well. ½*

Staff comes out to check on Hagen. They show slow motion replays of the finish, which I find a bit unnecessary. Hagen needs to be carried out on a stretcher.

Match #3: Ryan Eagles vs. Mark Briscoe
Eagles is replacing Joker, who is a member of the Armed Forces and was called for active duty. They find themselves at a stalemate multiple times. Mark wins a chop exchange but gets dragged to the outside. Eagles sends him into the apron. Back in, Mark hits an overhead suplex. Eagles catches him coming off the middle rope with an axe handle and connects with a northern lariat. Mark answers with a springboard dropkick and a flying elbow drop. Sabian runs into the ring and chop blocks Mark, drawing a disqualification at 6:36. They wrestled a pretty basic match but Eagles looked semi-impressive. It’s clear that the crowd wanted to see Joker and was pretty quiet for this contest as a result. I’m not sure why Mark just couldn’t have beaten Eagles cleanly, especially because they should have been trying to compensate for Joker’s absence. *½

Sabian attacks Mark until Jay makes the save, leading to…

Match #4: Jay Briscoe vs. Sabian
Jay connects with a dropkick and facewash kicks Sabian into the guardrail. Back in, Sabian lands a slingshot crossbody and takes over with strikes. Jay hits a spinebuster and connects with a corner yakuza kick. He follows with a falcon arrow. Sabian blocks a corner flatliner and connects with shotgun knees. He adds a missile dropkick and plants Jay with a tornado DDT. Sabian brings Jay’s title belt into the ring. While the referee takes the belt away, Sabian hits Jay with brass knuckles for the win at 7:04. Considering that these two were in the main event last month, I’m not sure why this match wasn’t given more time and made to seem more important. The screwy finishes are becoming tiring at this point. *½

Match #5: A.R. Fox vs. Ryan McBride vs. Alex Colon
The winner will receive a spot in Best of the Best. Fox snaps off a hurricanrana on Colon. He teases a dive but Colon drapes him across the apron. McBride blocks a dive from Colon with a sick dropkick. McBride lands a dive off the top rope and takes out both of his opponents. In the ring, Fox connects with shotgun knees on Colon but finds himself in a camel clutch. McBride lays out Colon with a missile dropkick to break the hold. Fox hits a standing sliced bread on McBride and leaps off the middle rope into an ace crusher on Colon. He misses a phoenix splash and falls victim to a flipping death valley driver. Colon spikes Fox with an ace crusher but gets caught by a swantan from McBride. All three men are down. Colon traps both of his opponents in a crucifix for a nearfall. McBride connects with a superkick on Colon and lands a handspring moonsault. He follows with a frog splash. Fox takes them out with a flying chinbreaker and lands a dive to the floor onto McBride. Back in, Fox hits an air raid crash on Colon for the victory at 7:51. Fun spotfest to fill the last spot in the tournament. Fox was definitely the right choice and I think that he could make a statement at Best of the Best. **¼

Match #6: Ultraviolent Rules: DJ Hyde vs. Greg Excellent
Hyde slaps Excellent and dares him to take a punch. Hyde connects with a headbutt and throws Excellent through a pane of glass. He spears Excellent through another pane of glass. Hyde uses a piece of glass to open the wounds further. He hits Excellent with a barbed wire chair but Excellent still refuses to attack. Hyde utilizes a water jug and Excellent finally retaliates with a slap. Hyde lays in a few more water jug shots, causing Kylie Pierce to enter the ring and defend Excellent. Hyde walks away and the match is ruled a no contest at 5:28. I understand that this was used for storyline purposes. However, with the way that this show has played out, I was hoping for a heated brawl from a feud that has been building for awhile. Instead, the match was totally one-sided and doesn’t even warrant a rating.

Match #7: Drake Younger, MASADA, and Drew Gulak vs. Homicide, Danny Havoc, and Scotty Vortekz
Everyone starts brawling in the ring and around ringside. Havoc lands a crossbody off the middle rope onto Gulak and clotheslines him to the floor. Homicide sends Younger to the outside but MASADA prevents a dive. Homicide and MASADA stare each other down until Vortekz connects with a missile dropkick on MASADA. Vortekz attempts a tornado DDT but gets overhead suplexed. After a short exchange, Vortekz is able to hit the tornado DDT. Homicide lands a dive to the floor onto his opponents. Gulak comically responds with a double axe handle to the outside. Vortekz adds a moonsault and the contest finally settles down into a normal tag team match. Homicide connects with a facewash kick on Gulak. Vortekz finds himself in the wrong corner and the heels isolate him. He connects with a clothesline on Gulak and makes the tag. Vortekz and Havoc hit a lungblower-tiger suplex combination on MASADA. Younger lays out Havoc with a falcon arrow while MASADA overhead suplexes Homicide. Vortekz gets taken out by a doomsday bulldog. Younger hits a piledriver on Havoc. Homicide and Younger tease finishers. Gulak low bridges Havoc to the floor and panders to the crowd. Homicide hits the Cop Killa on Gulak for the win at 15:48. There were moments when this match was going well and then there were moments when the action was disjointed and random. To be honest, the best thing to come out of this contest was possibility of seeing a future encounter between Homicide and MASADA. Still, this was the best offering from this show thus far and actually made me think that this show meant something for a minute. **½

Match #8: CZW World Heavyweight Title: Robert Anthony © vs. Devon Moore
Jon Moxley is the special referee. Anthony attacks Moore during his entrance. Moore dropkicks Anthony off the apron and lands a dive to the floor. In the ring, Anthony connects with a dropkick of his own and takes control. Moxley stops him from cheating during an abdominal stretch, allowing Moore to escape the hold. Anthony connects with an enzuigiri and regains control. He brings a chair into the ring but Moxley takes it away. Moore hits a saito suplex followed by an STO. He catches Anthony up top with a superplex and both men are down. Moore sneaks in a few quick rollups for nearfalls. Anthony hits a backbreaker and a powerbomb. Moore responds with a michinoku driver and goes up top. Drake Younger runs down to ringside and pushes him off the top rope. Moxley starts brawling with Younger and chases him to the back. Anthony low blows Moore and hits him with the title belt. Moxley runs back into the ring to count the nearfall. Moore connects with a superkick and lands a lionsault for a two count. They exchange boots and Moore hits a suplex. He lands a shooting star press but Moxley refuses to count to three. Moxley hits an ace crusher on Moore followed by the Hook and Ladder. Anthony covers Moore to retain his title at 15:06. The problem with having a special referee turn heel is that it rarely makes sense. I liked how they used Younger as a decoy, but why would Moxley try to immediately neutralize the interference? Additionally, I feel as though this was the worst spot to have an overbooked finish because simply put, this show sucked. A great main event would have went a long way to somewhat salvage this show. Instead, they merely delivered more of the same. **¼

Moxley gets on the microphone and says that Anthony and himself are the only real talent in CZW. They would never let a punk like Moore win the title. The Briscoes come out to confront them. Sabian attacks the Briscoes from behind. They are able to fight back and clear the ring. Jay proposes a six-man tag team match at Best of the Best with all of the titles on the line. Apparently, Joker will be back. Moore and the Briscoes stand tall to end the show.

The 411: I cannot foresee anybody buying this show and being happy with their purchase. The first six matches all are under ten minutes and leave a lot to be desired as far as finishes are concerned. The final two matches don’t even come close to salvaging this show and the conclusion to the main event is sure to leave a bad taste. To be honest, I would avoid this show like the plague. There is absolutely nothing to see here.

Final Score:  3.0   [ Bad ]