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Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts; January 19, 2003Commentators: Raw, Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler SmackDown, Michael Cole and Tazz
This is the first Brand Extension Royal Rumble and it is also the first WWE Royal Rumble. I have the brand championships pigmented in that brand's colors since the titles have jumped from brand to brand since this PPV.
Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show (w/Paul Heyman) winner gets spot in Royal Rumble: Paul Heyman cost Lesnar the WWE championship to Big Show back at the Survivor Series. Big Show pushes him around but Lesnar drives shoulders in the corner. Lesnar tires a belly-to-belly but Show blocks so Lesnar kicks his knee a few times and hits the belly-to-belly… twice. Impressive. Show counters a third one and LAUNCHES Lesnar over the top rope. Show dominates with chops and tosses him across the ring. Show misses a charge and Lesnar release German suplexes him. Heyman grabs Lesnar’s leg that allows the Big Show to big boot and sidewalk slam him. Chokeslam is countered into am arm drag roll for two; Lesnar hits another belly-to-belly. Heyman pops up on the apron again so Lesnar flings him in the ring. He is about to F5 him but Big Show saves with a chokeslam… for two! Show is astonished. Show goes for another countered into an F5 for three! Lesnar is in the Rumble! 5.5/10 Good solid match, smartly kept short; Big Show/Lesnar matches are always entertaining because Lesnar is the only one mongoloid enough to toss Big Show around like a cruiserweight.
Terri Runnels talks with Chris Jericho who is going to regain his world title at WrestleMania XIX (full review, click here).
World Tag Team Championship Lance Storm & William Regal vs. Dudley Boyz: Referee Nick Patrick checks over Regal for brass knuckles. Storm and Regal looked, on paper, to be an awesome team but I remember them being tremendously boring. Storm and Bubba Ray Dudley start off; this was Bubba’s “little boy shorts” phase. Bubba beats on Storm and hits a powerbomb followed by the rarely seen figure-four toe-hold. D-Von comes in and hits a spinning back elbow. Storm tags Regal; and D-Von works over him with a slam. D-Von works over Regal in the corner but Storm pulls him away from a charge and the champs double clothesline D-Von. Regal adds an exploder suplex and Storm tags in and adds a back elbow. Storm drop-toe holds D-Von into a Regal knee. Regal monkey flips D-Von into his corner and Storm adds a side headlock; D-Von comes back so Storm segues into a sleeper. D-Von escapes and tags Bubba who explodes on everyone. Bubba screams “bloody wankah” as he double avalanches both Storm and Regal. He tosses Regal over the top and side slams Lance Storm for two. Bubba hits a release German suplex. Bubba this two Bionic elbows and lands the Bubba Bomb on Storm; Regal breaks the three count. D-Von tags in and the Dudleyz hit the Wazzup spot followed by a double-flapjack for two. Dudleyz set up for the 3-D as Chief Morley (Val Venis), Raw GM Eric Bishoff’s Chief of Staff, heads to the ring and argues with the referee allowing Regal to commandeer brass knuckles. The Dudleyz hit the 3-D on Regal as Morley gets nailed by Bubba. D-Von grabs the knuckles and clobbers Storm with them. Referee counts three and gives the Dudleyz the titles. 6/10 Fun match actually; Regal and Storm’s offense wasn’t all chinlocks this time so it was fun and the Dudleyz had just reformed after being split up by the Brand Extension mid-way through 2002, so they were new and fresh again.
Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie: This is a step-mother versus step-daughter match brought on when Dawn Marie married Al Wilson, Torrie’s father, and banged him to death on the Honeymoon. This led to a slap-fest the public viewing; God, this is why people make fun of wrestling. Dawn slaps Torrie; she stomps away. Torrie straddles Marie and slugs away. Torrie slingshots Dawn Marie on her face; Dawn counters a German suplex into a Fujiwara armbar. Marie elbows and punches and flapjacks Torrie. Double KO leads to a backslide for Torrie followed by a few nice arm drags. Dawn hits a springboard rebound clothesline. Torrie connects with a swinging neckbreaker for three. 3/10 The angle was painful; the match was okay and mercifully kept short.
Stephanie McMahon interrupts Eric Bishoff and a really young looking Randy Orton; funny to hear the same voice coming out of that body, it looks like a dub-over. Steph discusses the “thirty days to turn around Raw” threat from Vince McMahon. They try to out promote each other.
World Heavyweight Championship Triple H (w/Ric Flair) vs. Scott Steiner: A series of silly muscleman contests lead to this match. For some unknown reason, I enjoy the Booty Daddy’s police siren music. Triple H in his “honor Ric Flair” phase has on red trunks. Earl Hebner LAYS DOWN THE LAW pre-match. They slug it out on the beginning and Steiner knocks down HHH and clubs in the corner. Steiner press-slams the Game; Steinerline on the floor. Steiner posts HHH a few times and suplexes HHH back into the ring. Steiner keeps working over Triple H’s back and whips him into the corner again. Steiner applies a Boston Crab. Triple H makes the ropes but Steiner gets a facebuster that he no-sells and bearhugs Triple H and turns it into a belly-to-belly; Flair saves HHH from the Steiner Recliner. Steiner charges right into a big boot of Triple H who takes it to the floor and whips Steiner into the steps. Back in the ring HHH hits a neckbreaker. Flair chokes while Triple H distracts the referee then HHH lands another neckbreaker. More referee distraction allows more Flair choking; Steiner counters the Pedigree and slingshots him. Steiner with an exploder suplex and goes for a Tombstone but HHH reverses it and then hits a cutter-like move; Triple H with a vertical suplex. HHH goes to the top but jumps into a belly-to-belly suplex. Shocking. Steiner starts hitting Steinerlines and another belly-to-belly; again, three times. Steiner hits a twisting belly-to-belly this time; Steiner tries a butterfly suplex and barely gets Triple H over. HHH tries to go to the top but Steiner catches him and superplexes him. Triple H and Flair take a hike; Steiner runs them down and almost gets into it with Flair. Steiner counters a title shot and HHH is bleeding; Steiner tosses him into the post. Back in the ring, Steiner hits another belly-to-belly and the fans have totally turned on the match. Triple H tries to escape into the crowd; why does not HHH just call for the finish here? Clearly Steiner is lost here. Back in the ring Steiner does pushups. Triple H flings the referee out of the ring hoping for a DQ; Hebner refuses to DQ him though and Steiner hits another belly-to-belly for two. Triple H kicks Steiner in the balls and rolls him up for two. The fans are begging for it to end. HHH retrieves the sledgehammer and rams it into Steiner’s gut THAT FINALLY draws a DQ. Post-match Steiner abuses HHH and Flair with the sledgehammer then applies the Steiner Recliner on Triple H. 1.5/10 Painful, boring match; Scott Steiner looked totally lost out there past the five or six minute mark. Felt bad for the live crowd and Triple H.
So, Paul Heyman cost Brock Lesnar the WWE title to Big Show so Brock cost Show the WWE title to Kurt Angle but Angle soon revealed that Paul Heyman was his manager as well and introduced Team Angle. Chris Benoit beat Big Show to become the #1 contender.
WWE Heavyweight Championship Kurt Angle (w/ Team Angle) vs. Chris Benoit: This is the genesis of the “Wrestling Machine” Kurt Angle; Team Angle, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas, interferes immediately so referee Mike Chioda ejects them from ringside. Benoit goes for a Sharpshooter but Angle retreats. Side headlock by Benoit; Angle tries to hiplock, Benoit blocks and Angle tries a dragon screw but Benoit dropkicks him. Angle locks in a sleeper but Benoit arm drags out and dragon screws into another Sharpshooter attempt. Angle posts Benoit’s shoulder and clubs the surgically repaired neck. Angle lands a vertical suplex and they chop each other. Benoit boots Angle to counter a corner charge and clotheslines the back of his head and then knees him in the gut; more Benoit STIFF chops. Kurt counters and hangs Benoit off the top rope via vertical suplex; Benoit counters the follow-up with a hangman’s clothesline off the top. Benoit DDTs Angle off the ring apron… for two. Benoit MISSES the diving head-butt; Angle goes for the Olympic Slam but Benoit flips over into a Sharpshooter. Angle makes the ropes. Benoit lands a nice backdrop suplex and gets a two count. Angle reverses a whip and flings Benoit with a fine belly-to-belly suplex. Angle flings Benoit to the floor and rams him into the barricade. Back in the ring, Angle applies a rear chinlock with a body scissors. Benoit arm drags out but walks into another belly-to-belly and followed by a backdrop suplex and returns to the rear chinlock. Benoit gets to his feet, they charge and knock head-to-head. Benoit punches and chops back; Benoit delivers the triple Germans but Angle standing switches the third one and goes into HIS triple Germans. Benoit counters the third one and lands his final one. Benoit goes up for the head-butt again but Angle pops up and belly-to-belly superplexes him. Benoit avoids another Olympic Slam into a Crippler Crossface; Angle BARELY makes the ropes. Benoit applies an ankle lock on Benoit; Angle reverses it into his own ankle lock. Benoit one-ups the awesome reversing the ankle lock into another Crossface. Kurt segues into a cradle for two but runs right back into the Crossface. Angle, not to be out awesomed, Peterson rolls out of the Crossface and into the Olympic Slam for two. Angle PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS and applies the ankle lock; Benoit rolls through and counters a German into roll up for two. Benoit goes for more German suplexes; Angle counters into one then Benoit two-ups him reverse tossing him in a 270 degree release German suplex. Benoit ascends the buckles and flies three-quarters across the ring with the diving head-butt… FOR TWO! Benoit tries another Crossface but Angle reverses into an Alley-oop, face-first, into the top turnbuckle; OLYMPIC SLAM… for two!!! Benoit pops up and locks in another Crossface; Angle rolls through again into an ankle lock. Benoit fights and fights but Angle doggedly maintains the hold, eventually grapevining the leg, and FINALLY Benoit taps out. Post-match the crowd gives Benoit a standing ovation (in the loss). 9.5/10 Obscenely, obesely outstanding match; this proved that Benoit had what it took to get the crowd behind him through sheer ring work despite the average microphone skills. This was the exact opposite of the previous match.
In the back, Kane and Rob Van Dam agree that it is every man for himself in the Rumble tonight.
The Royal Rumble: In a slightly rigged drawing #1 Shawn Michaels and #2 Chris Jericho kicks off the Rumble this year. Jericho’s buddy Christian fakes Shawn out during his entrance allowing the real Y2J to come through the crowd and low blow him from behind. Jericho retrieves a chair on the floor and clobbers HBK with it busting him open. It’s time for #3 Christopher Nowiniski, who looks a little like Jack Swagger, to run down but not get in and leaves Jericho to finish Shawn by himself. Y2J works the cut on Shawn and eventually ELIMINATES him. #4 Rey Mysterio flies to the ring and dropkicks Jericho followed by a springboard hurracanrana. Nowiniski still has not gotten in the ring yet. Jericho tries to counter the pop-up hurracanrana but Mysterio turns it into an X-Factor. Jericho tries to press-slam Rey but he counters… and runs into a boot in the corner. Jericho tosses him into the buckle upside-down; Jericho tosses him over the top but he hangs on and springboard missile dropkicks him as Nowiniski finally enters the ring just in time for #5 Edge to run in. Edge spears Nowiniski and Jericho; Rey adds a top rope head scissor take down on Y2J. They team up to post Jericho and then they go at it. Edge avoids a 619 and he and Edge go over the top and (nearly) eliminate each other. Rey tries another springboard… right into a powerbomb. Here is #6 Christian who hugs Edge trying to reconcile. Rey slides through his legs and Edge spears him. Edge and Rey try a double team move but Nowiniski tries to dump both of them. He thinks he has done it and celebrates; meanwhile Rey and Edge double missile dropkick him. Edge is a little late and his boots grind up Nowiniski’s nose. Rey Bronco Busters Nowiniski as #7 Chavo Guerrero heads out. He and Rey do a brief Luchadore series ending with a 619 to Chavo. Rey nails Christian with one as well; he springboards back in and lands on Nowiniski’s shoulders and hurracanranas him over the top ELIMINATING Chris Nowiniski. Jericho returns and clotheslines Mysterio over ELIMINATING him. #8 Tajiri heads in and kicks Jericho and Christian; he then spins Chavo in the octopus stretch. Everyone tries to eliminate each other on the ropes. #9 Bill DeMott charges in and kills Chavo with an avalanche. Jericho and DeMott go at it and then stretches Edge in the ropes.
#10 Tommy Dreamer heads to the ring with a trash can full of weapons. Dreamer kills everyone with a kendo stick. He and Edge team up to kendo stick DeMott over the top ELIMINATING him. Jericho and Christian con-chair-to Dreamer with two trashcan lids and kendo stick him and ELIMINATE him. Christian and Chavo try to double whip Tajiri but he handspring elbows both of them. Tajiri tries a Tarantula on Jericho but he just flings him over ELIMINATING Tajiri just as #11 “B-Squared” Bull Buchanan fresh off a beat down from former running buddy John Cena, Bull attacks everyone and charges Edge and gets ELIMINATED. Chavo goes over the top and lands on the apron; Edge spears him off ELIMINATING him. Edge tosses Jericho over for about the tenth time. Jericho regains his composure and dumps Edge and Christian ELIMINATING both of them. Jericho collapses in the ring, alone with a really nasty knot on his forehead, presumably from a Tommy Dreamer ECW-style kendo stick shot. Speaking of ECW here is #12 Rob Van Dam. He attacks Jericho and superkicks him and punches away in the corner; springboard side kick into Rolling Thunder. RVD avoids a hurracanrana and slingshots Jericho over the top but not out. #13 Matt Hardy, Version 1.0 is next. He attacks RVD immediately and he and Jericho double team him. RVD flips over a Jericho on a double team whip and spin kicks Matt Hardy. Y2J reverses a whip and bulldogs RVD but misses the Lionsault. RVD goes up and lands the Five-Star Frogsplash. #14 Eddie Guerrero heads to the ring and attacks RVD and Matt Hardy. RVD monkey flips Eddie across the ring. Matt sets up Guerrero for a frogsplash of his own on RVD then Matt delivers a Twist of Fate to Eddie. #15 Jeff Hardy runs out and he and his brother go at it. Jeff flying clotheslines, split-legged jawbreakers and drops two legs in Matt’s crotch; he tosses him over the top but Matt’s “Mattitude Follower” Shannon Moore holds him in a Virgil-like fashion to save off elimination. Jeff hits the Twist of Fate on Matt and goes for the Swanton Bomb but Shannon Moore gets in the ring and lies on Matt to stop Jeff so Jeff Swanton Bombs both of them. #16 Rosey, from 3-Minute Warning, heads out. Rosey attacks RVD as the Hardys try to eliminate each other. RVD tries to monkey flip Rosey and gets pushed off then charges into a Rosey spin kick. Matt almost goes out again. Here comes #17 Test with Stacey Keibler during the Test fans are called “Testicles” phase; he clotheslines everyone and spinning sidewalk slams Eddie and pump-handle slam for Matt. Test and Jericho go at it and Y2J almost goes out again. Chris Jericho, feuding with Shawn Michaels, is emulating his near elimination style that HBK used in the 1995 Royal Rumble (full review, click here) when Shawn won it. Test chokes out Matt with his boot in the corner as #18 John Cena, making his Rumble debut, raps all the way down to the ring; early heel Cena was so entertaining. Everyone brawls in the ring as Cena keeps rapping around the ring. RVD goes out to retrieve him just as #19 Charlie Haas, who went to my Alma mater Seton Hall University, runs down and beats on Matt Hardy. Cena and Eddie go at it; everyone else battles on the ropes. Jeff tries a Whisper in the Wind and RVD pushes him to the floor, ELIMINATING him. Eddie hits that awesome ropewalk into a hurracanrana of his on Jericho.
Now #20 Rikishi heads out and starts superkicking everyone in sight until he runs into fellow Samoan Rosey; Shannon Moore runs in and Rosie sets them up for a reverse avalanche from Rikishi. Rosey turns on him with a 360-sell clothesline when Rikishi looks for the Stink Face. #21 Jamal (Umaga), Rosey’s 3-Minute Warning tag partner, runs down and superkicks Rikishi; but Rikishi comes back with a reverse avalanche and a Stink Face. The ring is starting to fill up; haven’t seen that in the past few Rumbles. #22 Kane heads out; this should clear the ring a little. Everyone tires him and gets knocked down; Kane chokeslams Rico, 3MW’s manager, from the apron into the ring. Kane ELIMINATES Rosey and chokeslams Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore. He tosses Jericho over for the longest hang-on near elimination thus far for Y2J. Here comes #23 Shelton Benjamin back when he had potential, wait, he always had potential. Team Angle works together on John Cena while Eddie Guerrero tries to sleeper Rikishi down. Everyone tries to eliminate everyone in the corners. Kane gets Shelton on the top; Matt and Jericho renew acquaintances as #24 Booker T comes out and axe kicks Kane then flapjacks Matt Hardy. Royal Rumble spinaroonie; then Booker T backdrops Eddie Guerrero over, ELIMINATING him. Booker knocks Rikishi down and everyone settles into the Rumble on the ropes part waiting for #25 A-Train to head out. A-Train Baldo Bombs John Cena and hits the Derailer on Shelton Benjamin; he drops another Baldo Bomb this time to RVD. A Rikishi superkick stops the A-Train in his tracks. Rikishi tries to toss Jericho. A bloody bandaged Shawn Michaels returns and attacks Jericho that distracts him enough for Test to sneak up and ELIMINATE Chris Jericho. Shawn pescados over onto him and the battle all the way back to the dressing room. #26 Maven heads out and battles John Cena. He then makes the mistake of attacking Kane and gets clobbered. A-Train slams and splashes Haas. More brawling on the ropes for #27 Goldust to head out and take out Team Angle; powerslam to Benjamin. Goldust gives Maven the Shattered Dreams in the corner. Team Angle collects themselves and ELIMINATE Goldust; tag partner Booker T comes over to attack and he gets ELIMINATED by Team Angle as well. Here comes #28 Batista, makes his Rumble debut early on in his WWE career, he looks weird with longer hair. Batista attacks everyone but gets full nelson slammed by Test who tosses him over the top; Batista lands on the apron, Test charges, so Batista low bridges him ELIMINATING Test. Batista spinebusters Rikishi and ELIMINATES him. #29 Brock Lesnar runs down and here comes the pain; he clobbers Team Angle and everyone else in his path. Team Angle tries to double team Lesnar but he ELIMINATES them both; Lesnar then F5s Matt Hardy over the top onto Team Angle, ELIMINATING him as well. Batista whips A-Train into an avalanche on Lesnar then Train turns on Batista with a bicycle kick. The luck of the draw this year goes to #30 Undertaker, making a return after being injured by Big Show. Cena tries him on entry and gets clobbered by the Taker as does everyone else. Undertaker ELIMINATES John Cena and then ELIMINATES Jamal. Maven tries to dropkick him over, like in the 2002 Royal Rumble (full review, click here), does not go as well; Undertaker chokeslams him and ELIMINATES Maven. A-Train stops Taker’s momentum with a Baldo Bomb then goes for RVD. Kane chokeslams Lesnar; RVD feint wheel kicks A-Train. RVD saves Kane from a powerbomb and they both ELIMINATE A-Train. Kane lures RVD into a double team involving a press-slam but fakes him out and ELIMINATES RVD instead. RVD looks up at his tag partner with an “okay, you got me” look as Batista nails him from behind. The final four for the 2003 Royal Rumble are; Kane, Brock Lesnar, Batista and the Undertaker. Batista and Kane double KO each other. Lesnar and Undertaker eyeball each other but Kane and Batista interfere before they battle. Taker wipes the mat with Batista as Kane and Lesnar go back and forth. Batista manages a spinebuster on Undertaker. Lesnar battles back on Kane and Batista. Lesnar gets a nice belly-to-belly on Batista and whirls Kane into an F5. Now Taker and Lesnar battle in the center of the ring. Taker clobbers him with a big boot. Undertaker charges and nearly goes out off a hotshot by Lesnar. Undertaker counters an F5 into a Tombstone. Undertaker clotheslines Batista over ELIMINATING him; Taker helps Kane up and turns on him and ELIMINATES Kane. Batista returns with a chair to try to take out Undertaker; Taker ain’t selling for no one shrugs it off and casually clobbers Batista with it. Lesnar uses the distraction to sneak up and ELIMINATE Undertaker to win the 2003 Royal Rumble. Post-match Undertaker shakes Lesnar’s hand. 7/10 Good Rumble up until the ending. The words “Brock Lesnar” and “sneaks up to eliminate” should never be in the same sentence. Undertaker made Kane, Batista and most importantly Brock Lesnar look like chumps in the final four battle; does not make Lesnar look that impressive on his trip to WrestleMania XIX full review, click here).
