On the Marc Reviews: 2010 Royal Rumble

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Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia; January 31, 2010

Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry “The King” Lawler and Matt Striker

ECW Heavyweight Championship Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson (w/William Regal):   Jackson won a battle royal to get the title shot. Jackson uses his power to toss Christian around. Christian slaps Ezekiel and runs; Jackson gives chase and Christian knocks him back while he is trying to reenter the ring; Christian hits his springboard plancha on Jackson. Christian uses his quickness running the ropes but runs into a big slam. Jackson begins to whip Christian from post to post; he presses Christian but he slips off. Christian drop-toe holds Ezekiel into the ropes and chokes him there. Christian tries to come off the ropes and Jackson trips him up. Regal goes to attack Christian and the referee catches him and ejects him from ringside. On the floor, Ezekiel tosses Christian’s back into the steps. Back in the ring Ezekiel applies a neck crank and drops Christian on his head with a one-handed chokeslam. Ezekiel traps Christian in the ropes and clubs him. Christian tries a second-rope sunset flip but Big Zeke Tree Slams him out. Christian uses the fans’ cheers to comeback but a clothesline to the back of the head puts Christian down again. Ezekiel applies a double-wings armlock and then props Christian on the top rope; superplex avoided into a flying European uppercut. Missile dropkicks gets two for Christian; Killswitch avoided by Jackson. Christian goes up but MISSES the Superfly splash; Ezekiel comes back with a huge lariat. Christian fights out of the Book of Ezekiel; Killswitch countered again this time into a backbreaker for two. Christian avoids a corner clothesline and hits a rope-assisted pendulum kick into a tornado DDT for two. Jackson bulldozes through Christian, he counters into another Killswitch attempt; Jackson counters but Christian flips off into a sleeper. Ezekiel counters into an Oklahoma; Christian re-counters into the Killswitch for three. 5.5/10 Not too bad of a match; I was certain Jackson was winning here but Christian used his veteran instinct to eke out a win.

In the back SmackDown GM Teddy Long and ECW GM Tiffany talk when Cryme Tyme arrive to plan on taking the Great Khali’s spot if he gets to kiss Tiffany. Ranjin Singh arrives to translate to Khali what they really mean. He declines. The Miz arrives to thankfully end this awfulness. Teddy Long puts Miz in a US title match against MVP.

Elsewhere, Cody Rhodes talks to Randy Orton about the possible dissolution of Legacy. He tries to buddy-buddy up with Orton via throwing Ted Dibiase under the bus.

They promote the Royal Rumble theme song, Hero by a band called “The Big Show’s Hands”… or Skillet

WWE United States Championship The Miz vs. M.V.P.:   It is really funny hearing Michael Cole criticize the Miz. Miz slugs away but MVP floats over on a corner counter and nails a clothesline for two; snap suplex by MVP. Porter charges into a big boot in the corner but he backdrops Miz on the rebound; back suplex by MVP. They brawl on the floor where MVP hotshots him off the ring barrier. Miz knocks MVP off the apron into the announce table. Back to the ring, Miz stomps away and drops a leg. In the corner Miz hits the corner clothesline and climbs to the top for a double axe handle for two. Reverse chinlock by Miz trying to wear MVP out. Cole calls Miz pretentious, who is this… this babyface Michael Cole? They slug it out and MVP lands a backdrop; jumping knee buster for MVP sets up the Ballin’ elbow. Miz counters the Playmaker but runs into a Yakuza kick. Miz uses the ropes to get the advantage but MVP comes back with the Pounce for two. MVP misses the Drive By kick; Miz tries the Skull-Crushing Finale but MVP counters into a roll-up for two. Backslide gets two and a jackknife cover gets two for MVP as well. Miz rolls to the floor; MVP gives chase, as MVP is reentering the ring Miz sneaks up on him with an inside cradle for three. Post-match the spoil sport MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz. 5/10 Perfectly acceptable wrestling match. Miz was well on his way to the WWE title although you NEVER would have thought of that at this point.

Big Show runs into Chris Jericho; in the back Jericho feels sorry for Show tagging with the Miz. Show plans on throwing everyone in his path out. R-Truth arrives to say he is going to toss Jericho. Elsewhere Randy Orton runs into Ted Dibiase who does the exact same thing with Orton that Cody Rhodes did earlier. Orton does not want any help in his WWE title match tonight.

WWE Heavyweight Championship Sheamus vs. Randy Orton:   This is Sheamus’ first title run that people says was a huge mistake because he was neither established nor over. Orton was beginning to elicit a lot of babyface reactions at this point; kind of like the Rock towards the end of his heel run. The following babyface run for Orton was successful because he did not alter his character from heel to face; people just started cheering for him. Those are the babyface runs that always seem to work out for the better. Steve Austin and John Cena went through similar face turns as well. Orton tries a side headlock; Sheamus fires him off and Orton hits a dropkick and slithers away. Orton uses trunks to get the advantage on the ropes; Sheamus comes back with an Irish Hammer and follows up with an arm breaker off the knee. Sheamus European uppercuts Orton on the floor and sends the injured arm into the steel steps. Back in the ring Sheamus works the arm and arm wringer drops it, smart move by Sheamus working the arm of Orton neutralizing the RKO. Sheamus tries a running powerslam but Orton slides off and clips the knee. Orton stomps away and drops a knee he segues into a spinning toehold. Sheamus posts the bad arm and shoulder twice. Sheamus shoulderblocks a few times in the corner but eventually charges into a knee. Orton works the leg slamming it against the ring apron. The fans begin to try to get behind Orton with a “Randy” chant. Sheamus wakes up and drops a single-arm DDT then applies a reverse armbar. Orton begins to force his way out with clubbing blows to the back; he finally frees himself and we have a “boo/yay” spot. Sheamus reverses a whip into the Irish Curse [backbreaker]. Orton counters the (unnamed) High Cross by kicking at knee; Sheamus goes to the floor allowing Orton the hangman’s DDT upon his reentry. With Sheamus down Orton preps for the Punt Kick but Sheamus rolls to the floor where Orton meets him; it does not go well for Orton as he gets posted. Cody Rhodes hops the ring barrier, out of nowhere, to nail Sheamus on the floor. Referee yells at him instead of calling for the bell, allowing Orton to hit the RKO and THEN he announces the DQ. Post-match Cody tries to apologize to Orton; Randy clobbers him. Ted Dibiase runs in to break it up and gets nailed by Orton as well. Sheamus returns to Brogue Kick (also unnamed) Orton’s head off. 3/10 Bland boring cookie-cutter type match that was an even more disappointing ending. Orton was at the apex of his major roll as a babyface here; Sheamus did not have enough entertaining maneuvers to keep the crowd interested until the end… or perhaps they did not buy Sheamus as a credible champion?

WWE Diva’s Championship Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James:   They make more fun of Mickie as Layla is dressed in a fat suit pretending to be “Piggy” James. This is a really good storyline for all young impressible girls; you have to look like a twig. The real Mickie destroys her on the floor and slides in and drops the Mickie-DDT for three. Post-match all of the rest of the divas dump a huge cake on Laycool. 2/10 A squash and an entertaining one; Laycool would come back and dominate the division shortly after.

World Heavyweight Championship Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio:   Rey managed (somehow) to beat a newly turned heel Batista, in a cage, for the title shot. Undertaker told Rey he will not show mercy and he will do to him what he has done to all of the others who tried to make a name for themselves against him… not… put… them… over! Rey uses some speed and rolling to avoid the Undertaker. Taker just grabs him and flings him over-the-top to the floor. Rey tries to reenter via a springboard and gets punched back down; Taker joins him this time and tosses him back in. Mysterio rolls out of the way on the apron guillotine legdrop but Taker was prepared for that and lands on his feet on the floor. He grabs Rey and drills him and THEN lands the apron legdrop. Taker goozles Mysterio but Rey counters into a head scissors and places Undertaker in the 619 position. Taker catches Rey as he spins around the ropes and tries a Tombstone but Rey knees out. Undertaker misses an elbow; Mysterio tries a springboard crossbody but Undertaker boots him out of the sky. To the floor, Undertaker stalks Mysterio and kicks Rey in the head. Taker tries another but Rey rolls out of the way and Undertaker kicks the ringpost. Rey works the leg with a baseball slide. Mysterio tries to run off the apron into a hurracanrana but Taker blocks it mid move and hoists Rey up for a Last Ride; Mysterio slides off onto the ring apron where he hits an Asai moonsault. Undertaker avoids another baseball slide and goozle tosses Rey into the ring barricade. Back in the ring Undertaker destroys Mysterio with an armbar lift and then hotshots him off the top rope. Undertaker appears to have a broken nose. Mysterio looks to have pissed off the Undertaker tonight as he lands a hard sidewalk slam. Rey tries to kick his way back but one right hand puts him right back on his ass again. Mysterio hits a desperation jawjacker, blocks a corner charge and jumps into a reverse DDT on Taker. Undertaker sits up and Rey basement dropkicks him again and drops a springboard legdrop for two. Mysterio tries to run the ropes and Taker takes his head off with a diving clothesline. Rey counters the Last Ride into a pair of 619s; he tries to springboard into the West Coast Pop but Undertaker catches him and drops the Last Ride for three. 6/10 Undertaker beat the crap out of Rey for ten minutes; Mysterio was game but Undertaker is near impossible to defeat. Taker is like wine, better with age, and has improved dramatically from his debut, even from the Biker-taker version. The MMA-taker is much more entertaining.

Shawn Michaels is in the back watching; Kane approaches him and cautions him not to be obsessed with the Undertaker. D-X brethren, Triple H arrives; Shawn apologizes for his recent actions. Triple H tells him to go another direction to get to Taker at WrestleMania XXVI (full review, click here) since HHH is winning the Royal Rumble.

The Royal Rumble:   #1 Dolph Ziggler and #2 Evan Bourne start us off in 2010; the early entrant showcase still holds true as Ziggler would go on to be more prevalent in storylines in the coming year. Matt Striker finally mentions that #1 and #2 both have shitty draws as everyone always says #1 is the unluckiest draw. They both gaze at the large WrestleMania XXVI (full review, click here) logo and Bourne kicks away. Bourne drops Ziggler on his head on a nifty hurracanrana. Ziggler counters a turnbuckle strike and almost eliminates Bourne. Bourne counters a backdrop with a double knee drop. They both fly over the top and save themselves; Ziggler hits the Zigzag. Bourne recovers and drops Air Bourne as #3 CM Punk heads out, speaking of early draws featuring future pushes. Punk clobbers both of them and quickly tosses them together and ELIMINATES Bourne and clotheslines Ziggler out, ELIMINATING him. Punk grabs a microphone and preaches the Straight Edge Society lifestyle. He cuts a promo saying how he can save people as #4 JTG from Cryme Tyme heads out. JTG slides in and punches away and hits a flipping clothesline. Punk is in the corner so JTG tries to drop the Mug Shot but Punk counters and tosses him over the top, ELIMINATING him. Back to the microphone for Punk and he continues where he left off in his last sentence. #5 Great Khali heads out; this should be interesting. Punk tries to talk his way out of getting his ass kicked promising to make him greater. He asks him to raise his hand to accept Straight Edge into his life… you do not want Khali with his hand in that position. Head chop to Punk! Khali applies the Khali Vise as #6 Beth Phoenix, becoming the second woman to compete in a Rumble, runs down. Khali nicely props her over the top but she kisses Khali over the top, ELIMINATING him. Phoenix attacks Punk and almost eliminates him. Punk clobbers her with the Go2Sleep and ELIMINATES her for #7 Zack Ryder to head out. Punk: “you… you have potential, how would you like to be a member of the Straight Edge…” CLUNK! He clobbers him with the microphone and ELIMINATES him. Punk is getting babyface pops for this. Punk declares he is better than everyone and better than #8 Triple H. Punk readies himself for this. Triple H floors Punk and goes to work on him. Punk manages the knee in the corner but HHH pushes him off of the bulldog and spinebusters him. #9 Drew McIntyre, the current Intercontinental Champion (with awful generic music), walks as slow as humanly possible to get to the ring. HHH dominates McIntyre and then tries to Pedigree Punk who counters into the Go2Sleep… caught by HHH and he ELIMINATES Punk. Bummer. Drew gets HHH from behind and works him over in the corner.

One-third of the way through as #10 Ted Dibiase heads out and runs right into a Triple H lariat. Dibiase comes back and slams him and he and Drew mud-hole stomp HHH in the corner. #11 John Morrison who was feuding with McIntyre; he wipes out Dibiase to get to McIntyre and hits a nifty head scissors counter into a DDT. Ted Dibiase attacks from behind and sets up Dream Street countered into a Pelé kick. Morrison drops Starship Pain onto McIntyre. Here comes #12 Kane prepped to destroy everyone. Unusual entry to the ring for Kane this year, climbing to the top and dropping Triple H with a flying clothesline; side suplex to Dibiase and a double chokeslam to Morrison and McIntyre. As per the usual with Kane, he dominates until #13 Cody Rhodes jogs in and hotshots Kane off the top rope, saving Dibiase from elimination. Legacy stomp Kane and then Cody Russian leg sweeps Triple H and short clotheslines Drew McIntyre. Rhodes tries to toss Morrison but he springboards back in… to a Cody dropkick. Legacy tries to toss Kane but Triple H breaks it up. #14 M.V.P. heads out but gets blindsided by The Miz with the US Title. Morrison Flash Kicks McIntyre; here comes #15 Carlito who dropkicks HHH. He counters Legacy with a springboard double back elbow. Drew whips Carlito into a monkey flip on Morrison. Carlito hits the Backstabber on HHH and then McIntyre and then Dibiase. #16 The Miz slide-walks out and lands a Skull-Crushing Finale to Carlito. MVP (who was never officially eliminated) returns to get some of Miz. MVP Cactus clotheslines Miz out ELIMINATING both of them; they brawl back to the locker room. Legacy almost tosses HHH as Morrison almost tosses McIntyre. Now #17 Matt Hardy runs in and hits a Twist of Fate on McIntyre and a Side Effect on Rhodes. He goes to the second rope where Kane pushes him off to the floor, ELIMINATING him; Triple H sneaks up on Kane and ELIMINATES him immediately following. Cody runs into a spinebuster as does everyone else in the ring. Triple H tries a Pedigree on Cody but Drew McIntyre chop blocks him. They pan to a long shot of the aisle so someone big must be coming out… oh, it’s just #18 Shawn Michaels! Carlito charges him giving Shawn his first ELIMINATION. HBK takes out Legacy and then ELIMINATES Cody Rhodes and then immediately ELIMINATES Dibiase. Shawn is on a rampage trying to get to the Undertaker at WrestleMania. Shawn avoids a Flash Kick from Morrison and shakes his finger at him Dikembe Mutombo style. There goes Morrison, ELIMINATED. Drew charges and clotheslines Shawn. D-X team up on Drew; they double clothesline him out, ELIMINATING Drew. This has to be #19 John Cena as he is probably the only one in the WWE who could withstand the (political) onslaught of D-X. This harkens back to Survivor Series 2009. Cena wipes the floor with them; Proto-bomb to HHH and knocks HBK out with Triple H’s feet as he swings him around. Cena drops a double Five-Knuckle Shuffle on D-X. Cena tries to AA Shawn over the top; Triple H saves with a Pedigree. He gets up… right into Sweet Chin Music, ELIMINATING Triple H. Big shock on that one as Shawn’s Undertaker obsession continues.

#20 Shelton Benjamin comes out specifically for Shawn to eliminate. Shelton Dragon whips Cena, knocks Shawn down and German suplexes Cena. Benjamin drops HBK with Paydirt; he tries Cena but he catches him and ELIMINATED him.  Shawn’s all, “Shelton’s my Royal Rumble bitch” and backdrop suplexes Cena. Now #21 Yoshi Tatsu runs out and spinning wheel kicks Michaels and roll-through dropkicks him. He tries to kick Cena but he ducks and (barely) ELIMINATES Tatsu. Shawn and Cena go back to their match-up. Clock counts down to #22 Big Show, Cena’s “oh shit” reaction is great; Show books on down and dominates. Shawn tries to Benoit Show over the top but he’s seen that one before and suplexes Shawn onto Cena’s shoulders for another near elimination. Shawn gets tossed but skins-the-cat into a head scissors on Big Show who just tosses him off. #23 Mark Henry comes out next. Show and Henry stare at each other they clubber each other and Henry tries a slam. Cena returns to try to shoulderblock Show; it stuns him enough for Henry to slam him. Cena then lifts Henry up for an AA but collapses under the weight. #24 “Masterpiece” Chris Masters jogs to the ring and runs over Shawn Michaels then flings him into the corner upside-down and press-slams him. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show who stands up and ELIMINATES him. Henry and Show battle against the ropes; Shawn tries to assist. Here is #25 R-Truth running down, he, of all people the smallest guy in the ring, tips over Big Show and Mark Henry and ELIMINATES both of them. Holy crap! Truth is all fired up and drops Cena with the axe kick then hiptosses Shawn. Truth works over Shawn in the corner as #26 Jack Swagger flies to the ring. Swagger clobbers Truth and drops a Swagger Bomb on John Cena in the corner then, Shawn eats one too. Swagger plants R-Truth with an Oklahoma powerslam. HBK goes for Swagger telegraphs a backdrop and gets clotheslined over the top but hangs on with one arm. #27 Kofi Kingston, in his Killer Bees attire, runs to the ring and arrives via the top rope, crossbody onto Swagger. Kingston dropkicks everyone then drops the Boom Drop on Jack Swagger. Kofi dives onto Swagger on the ropes, that’s dangerous, but he uses his “controlled frenzy” to turn into a body scissors and ELIMINATES Jack Swagger. R-Truth attacks Kofi and mounts the buckles on him. Truth jerks him over the top but Kingston hangs on and pendulum body scissors R-Truth out, ELIMINATING him, too. Here is #28 Chris Jericho, as the crowd groans, running to the ring. Jericho attacks John Cena now the crowd cheers him. Cena reverses a whip and Attitude Adjusts Jericho. HBK with a DDT on Cena; he climbs to the top and lands the top rope elbow on old rival Jericho. Shawn tunes up the band and charges… right into Trouble in Paradise; Cena has had enough of this Kofi guy and ELIMINATES him by means of the over-the-top AA. Cena turns right into a Codebreaker; now #29 Edge surprises the world returning from injury. Edge goes right for former tag team partner Chris Jericho and spears him. Shawn and Cena both eat spears as well. Edge gets retribution on Jericho ELIMINATING him. Funny this is Edge would use the Rumble title shot to challenge Jericho at WrestleMania XXVI (full review, click here). Oops, did I spoil it? Shawn tries to sneak up from behind but gets an Edge-O-Matic; Cena tries the AA but Edge counters that into the Impaler DDT. Edge gets a nice ovation. The best draw of the night goes to #30 Batista.

Before we get any further it is my obligation to inform you that the final four for the 2010 Royal Rumble are; John Cena, Edge, Shawn Michaels and of course Batista who just enters the ring and spinebusters Edge. He running clotheslines everyone and spinebusters Cena. Edge then spears Batista and Cena hits the AA on Edge; all four men are down. Shawn and Cena are up and flying forearm lands; nip-up into a few inverted atomic drops. Shawn goes up again and drops the elbow to Cena; enziguri to Batista and he goes up again and drops another elbow on Batista. Shawn tunes the band again and clobbers Cena with the superkick; there is one for Batista as well. Edge Cactus clotheslines Shawn over but they both hang on; Shawn hook-kicks Edge back into the ring. Batista charges over and forearms Shawn out, ELIMINATING him and taking all of the air out of the building. Shawn lays there knowing that his dream of the WrestleMania rematch is gone. Michaels snaps on the floor and superkicks referee Charles Robinson five feet into the air. The remaining three continue to battle in the ring as Shawn walks off dejected, unsure of what to do. Batista tries a Batista Bomb but gets backdropped. Cen tries an AA but Batista slips off; he charges at Cena but gets low-bridged out, ELIMINATED. Edge readies for Cena as he pulls himself up; Edge runs but eats a boot. Cena charges at Edge and he sidesteps him and ELIMINATES Cena to win the 2010 Royal Rumble. 6.5/10 Another surprise return wins another Rumble; two years in a row. The Shawn Michaels storyline pretty much set the tone for the last half of the Rumble and it is the other thing people remember this Rumble for… oh, yeah and CM Punk rules. Pretty good Rumble actually.

The 411: Not the best show in the world but clearly not the worst; the title matches were of mixed bag, one was practically a squash but Undertaker was involved so it’s okay. The other title match was missing something, oh, I know, HEAT. The Rumble itself was the best part of the show and that is a good thing. Everything else was pretty much just… there.
Final Score:  4.5   [ Poor ]