Reviews from Across the Pond - WWF Royal Rumble 1997

Posted by Jack Stevenson on 01.14.2012

In which Shawn Michaels returns home to challenge for the WWF Championship, the Royal Rumble is tainted by controversy and cookie cutter luchadors, and no-one is disqualified, even though many should have been.

WWF ROYAL RUMBLE 1997

In the past few weeks on Shotgun we’ve seen build-up for HHH-Goldust, Ahmed Johnson-Faarooq, and the 1997 Royal Rumble. Joining those matches on the card for this one are Undertaker-Vader, a lucha trios match, and Shawn Michaels-Psycho Sid for the WWF Championship. This was also the first wrestling event I ever saw! I loved it at the time, but I had nothing to compare it to, and I’ve got strong suspicions that it won’t be holding up this time around…

It is worth mentioning that the opening video package for this, highlighting the Michaels-Sid main event, is absolutely superb.

MATCH 1- WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP- HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY VS GOLDUST

This one is spawned by Helmsley’s obsession with Marlena, which I don’t understand. I mean, she’s good looking and all, but she’s no Katie Vick. Helmsley is accompanied to the ring by Curtis Hughes, to the surprise of the commentary team.

Goldust meets Hunter in the aisle and bulldozes him to the ground before firing off some punches. To ringside, and the Bizarre one drops his foe across the guardrail. And now into the ring, where Goldie tries for the ten punches in the corner. Helmsley counters with an inverted atomic drop though. Goldust trips HHH to counter the Pedigree, and slingshots him back out to the floor. The challenger picks up the steel steps, and just dumps them on Hunter’s back! The champion buys some time by jacking Goldust’s jaw across the top rope. Back into the ring, and a clothesline by the Bizarre One gets a two count. HHH kicks Goldust in the gut, sending him back out to the floor. Helmsley flies out onto him with a Savage-esque flying axe-handle! Well executed as well. Hunter sends his enemy into the ringpost, and then leans him against the guardrail. He tries for the flying knee, but misses and crashes into it himself, before Goldust drops the steps back on his knee! Surely Goldust should have been disqualified by now? After a frenetic start, nothing much happens for a while, as Goldust tenaciously pursues the injured knee. He locks in a figure-four to add to the pain. Back to the floor, where we continue the red-hot, X-rated, steps on knee action. Even the commentators think Goldust should have been disqualified by now.

In ring, Goldust tries for a crossbody, but HHH ducks and the momentum takes the challenger out to the floor. Again. Now it’s time for Hunter to get some revenge, as he whips Goldust into the guard rail and rams his head into the steel steps. Now Trips wants to use a steel chair, but the referee prevents him, so he has to rely on the guardrail again. We interrupt to hear Colin Ray sing a line from one of his litany of smash-hits. A worthwhile intervention indeed! Back to the action, and Goldust starts a fight-back with a flying clothesline. Baaaaaaaaaaaack body drop! He heads up top, but Helmsley pushes the official into the ropes, crotching the challenger. Hunter opts to join him and try for a superplex, but Goldust headbutts him to the mat and tries for a flying elbow. It doesn’t work. Curtis Hughes throws the IC Championship to Hunter, and distracts the referee so he can use it, but the champion is too distracted with snatching Marlena and forcing a kiss on her. A presumably unhappy Goldust uses the championship belt instead, smacking Hunter right in the head with it! Referee turns around in time to count to two, but Hughes saves Helmsley by dragging him from the ring. Goldust scuffles with the bodyguard, and that’s the distraction needed for HHH to clothesline the Bizarre One down, before dropping him with the Pedigree for the three count!

Rating- ** ¾- The crowd weren’t hugely into it, but I thought this was a solid brawl. It would have helped if the pace had been quicker and they hadn’t relied so heavily on fighting on the floor, but without the smoke and mirrors this could have been a lot, lot worse.

PRE-RECORDED COMMENTS! Bret Hart knows that he’s going to be a huge target in the Royal Rumble, but nothing can stop the Excellence of Execution tonight. The curiously adorable Mankind is looking forward to hurting lots of people.

MATCH 2- FAAROOQ VS AHMED JOHNSON

Oh my, this is not going to be good.

Johnson tackles Faarooq right from the outset and pummels him into the mat. To the floor we go, where the Nation of Domination leader is sent head first into the ringpost. Back in the ring, and a flying clothesline from Johnson flattens Faarooq! And now Ahmed beats his nemesis black and blue with a belt! The referee decides to cut him some slack. Back to the floor we go, where Faarooq goes into the steel steps- twice! OK, surely Johnson should have been disqualified? Faarooq sacrifices an N.O.D lackey so he can finally mount some offense on Ahmed. He hoists Johnson up, and drops him kidney first on the top of a folding chair! He then folds it, and brings it down across a prone Ahmed Johnson! Why are the officials being so lenient tonight? Back in the ring, Faarooq indulges in some tedious offense. He gets overconfident though, allowing Ahmed to drop him with an Electric Chair. This brings a stalemate.

Faarooq is up first and opts to head to the top rope, but he leaps right into a powerslam! Johnson then returns the favour by flying right into a spinebuster. The Nation leader foolishly stops to brag, allowing Ahmed to land a spinebuster of his own. The Nation of Domination decide to flood the ring, but Johnson methodically dispatches them all. And now the referee calls for the disqualification? Because whipping someone with a belt and assaulting their injured kidney with a steel chair is fine, but some ineffective interference from a bunch of lackeys is unacceptable? Where’s Gorilla Monsoon when you need him? Anyway, Johnson destroys everyone, as I alluded to, press slamming a PG-13 member over the top rope and onto a crowd of bodies. He then stalks an unsuspecting Faarooq up the top rope, only to get jumped by another unnamed N.O.D member before he can make an attack. A fuming Ahmed follows him all the way back to ringside, and then sends him crashing through the French announce table with a Pearl River Plunge! Ahmed has made an impact tonight! Will he continue to do so in the Royal Rumble later on?

Rating- * ½- A surprisingly watchable battle. This had the potential to be an insomniac’s dream, but they kept it short, tight and sweet. Plus, that Pearl River Plunge post match on the random N.O.D pawn was pretty spectacular. I’m pleasantly surprised with this show so far.

Terry Funk reminds everyone that he was born to rumble! Meanwhile, Faarooq berates a pair of cowardly N.O.D members, and promises to put Ahmed Johnson down in the Royal Rumble!

MATCH 3- VADER VS THE UNDERTAKER

This has the potential to be really good, but the opening two matches could have been really bad and ended up overachieving admirably. Will this one do the opposite? Jim Cornette is conspicuously absent from his client’s corner.

Vader charges right at the Undertaker but meets turnbuckle instead. The Deadman slugs away and narrowly gets the better of the Mastodon in the exchange. Vader clotheslines Taker down twice, but both times the Phenom just sits right back up. Even a big body block doesn’t do the trick, so he bails to the floor in frustration. UT eventually opts to follow him with a double axe handle off the ring apron. Vader finally gains some traction by dropping Taker’s jaw across the top rope. Back in the ring, he sends Undertaker off the ropes, but the Deadman soars at him with a leg drop to the back of the head. Body slam, and a regular leg drop gets two. He tries to go Old School, but Vader has it scouted, and crotches Taker across the top rope. This reaches a stalemate with both men down, but Vader ensures control is retained by clipping the knee (or possibly the groin?) Stinger Splash in the corner! The Rocky Mountain Monster heads up top, and crushes the Undertaker with a flying clothesline for two. Taker, at last, ends the Vader barrage with a colossal back suplex, but any momentum is immediately quashed by a missed flying elbow.

Vader decides to head up top again, but this time Taker turns him over with a powerslam. Vader shrugs it off and lands a powerbomb (sort of) for a two count. Taker in turn shrugs that off and lands a flying clothesline for two. Old School! But here comes Paul Bearer! The Undertaker’s estranged manager! Meanwhile, Undi’ dumps Vader with a chokeslam, but spies Percy Pringle and goes out to the floor to punch his lights out. In ring, Taker tries to dump him with a chokeslam, but an impending Vader forces him to settle for another punch. Undertaker clotheslines the Mastodon so hard they both fly out to the floor! He leans Vader across the guardrail and tries to crush him with a big splash, but at the last second Bearer drags the Mastodon out the way, sending the Deadman into the barricade hard. And then an urn shot for good measure! I don’t know if the referee saw that, but if he did it would only continue the disgraceful officiating we have seen tonight. Back in, Vader crushes Taker with the Vaderbomb, and that will do it!

Post match, an infuriated Undertaker chokeslams the apparently insolent referee, and then destroys the ringside area for good measure.

Rating- ** ¾- A decent match, though a little lacking in energy. It did feel a little samey when you consider that it followed the template of the first two matches; brawl to start, fight on the floor for a bit, then interference leading to the finish, and finally some post match shenanigans.

More pre-recorded comments! Steve Austin refuses to talk to anyone until he has won the Royal Rumble! Infamously, The British Bulldog promises to win because he’s bizarre! And the ironic thing is, he isn’t really.

MATCH 4- HEAVY METAL, JERRY ESTRADA & FUERZA GUERRERA VS PERRO AGUAYO, HECTOR GARZA & EL CANEK

Well, this should be a change of pace at least, and I’m always up for lucha libre, even if I don’t know much about it. Perro Aguayo looks absolutely ancient.

It’s Garza and Heavy Metal starting things off, not Jerry Estrada as McMahon claims. They pull off some nice chain wrestling, with Garza hitting a back suplex. In come Aguayo and Estrada, Aguayo very much the elder statesman of the match. Estrada knocks him across the ring but gets back dropped out to the floor, allowing El Canek and Fuerza Guerrera to come in. Canek hits a hip toss but gets caught with a clothesline in the corner. He whips Canek into the buckle but it backfires on Fuerza, the man in red leaping onto the second turnbuckle and hitting a crossbody. Soon the match is back in the favour of Guerra, but he misses a swanton off the top rope. Canek hits a high crossbody for two. Heavy Metal and Hector Garza return to the ring, Garza landing a spinning wheel kick and a springboard back elbow (kind of.) There’s lots of backflips, and then Hector hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker.

It’s now El Canek and Estrada, who trade monkey flips like there’s no tomorrow. Canek then dominates with dropkicks and arm drags. Estrada pulls out a roll up for two, and we now get Fuerza Guerrera and Perro Aguayo. They exchange strikes until Fuerza misses a dropkick and falls to the floor. In come Canek and Metal, and the latter gets decapitated by a clothesline. Canek starts to work the leg and tags in Hector Garza, who slingshots right onto the leg of Heavy Metal. Irish whip, and a flying forearm floors Garza’s foe. Samoan Drop and a Senton. Tag to Perro Aguayo, who snapmares Metal down and makes the tag to Canek. Metal is able to dodge a Canek dropkick and looks to have turned the tide, holding him for a double team with Guerrera. However, Canek dodges out the way, and Fuerza dropkicks his own partner. Military press to Guerrera! It starts to break down as Aguayo and Fuerza flop to the floor, and Canek presses Estrada down. That gets no sold, but Jerry still gets sent to the floor by Garza, who then flies out with a high crossbody. El Canek press slams Heavy Metal in the ring, and Perro comes off the top rope with a flying double-stomp (ish) to pick up the victory!

Rating- ** ¼- Sloppy in places, and McMahon’s constant inability to correctly identify the wrestlers was annoying, but there were some fun moments in there. Shame the crowd was so dead.

It’s Rumble time! Yeah!

MATCH 5- THE 30 MAN ROYAL RUMBLE

The first two entrants will be Crush and Ahmed Johnson. What an astonishing coincidence. The N.O.D’s muscle attacks Johnson as he enters the ring, and here we go! Crush is all over Ahmed in the early going, but Ahmed soon comes back with a big clothesline. Number three is Fake Razor Ramon as the Royal Rumble countdown clock fails to get going. And neither does Razor Ramon, as Johnson immediately dumps him out of the ring to become the first elimination. He very nearly does the same to Crush, but the big man is able to haul himself back in. Faarooq appears in the aisle as a distraction, and Johnson eliminates himself to chase him to the back, leaving Crush all alone in the ring. But not for long, as here comes Phineas Godwinn! He nearly has Crush out almost immediately, but once again the Convict holds on bravely. Interminable punching and kicking follows, but here comes someone bound to liven things up- Stone Cold Steve Austin! Godwinn slams into the Rattlesnake with a clothesline, and then Crush attacks the pig farmer to slow the pace down again. Austin and Crush try to form an alliance, but Stone Cold’s flying clothesline ends up nailing the N.O.D member, who was restraining Godwinn! Phineas then eliminates Crush, only to walk into the Stunner! And now Phineas is out! And Austin is alone! For about 10 seconds! Because Bart Gunn is here!

Gunn crushes Austin with a nice leg drop to the back of the head, but that’s pretty much all he has time to do, as Steve quickly clotheslines him to the floor. Austin staring at his imaginary wristwatch atop the turnbuckle always makes me smile. Jake Roberts is number seven, and you know there will be some bad blood here! Roberts slugs Austin down and wrenches in an arm-bar as San Antonio cries for a DDT. However, this hold goes on long enough for us to see a new entrant- the British Bulldog! As he enters, Roberts exits, over the top rope by Austin. Bulldog stomps the Rattlesnake down in the corner, as Stone Cold himself was prone to do. He connects full force with his trademark running powerslam! Could Austin be in trouble for the first time? Forgettable luchador Pierroth is next in. He actually has some success against the British Bulldog, but gets caught by a double axe handle by Austin. The Sultan is number ten. Bob Backlund is nowhere to be seen, but the Iron Sheik is out to accompany the masked Rikishi. Bulldog nearly eliminates Stone Cold, Sultan nearly eliminates Pierroth, but both men survive. Sultan dumps Pierroth with a hard body slam.

Number 11 is the legendary Mil Mascaras! He clocks Sultan with a flying forearm, but soon gets squashed by the same man with a belly to back suplex. Next up, Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The British Bulldog sends the Sultan head over heels over the top rope. Austin almost does the same to Hunter, but the Blueblood pulls himself back in. His reward for his perseverance is a Flying Elbow from the Redneck. Unlucky number 13 is Owen Hart as the luchadors start to go at it. He and his tag partner Bulldog try to take out Austin, but as it turns out, it’s the Bulldog that tumbles down to the floor! Davey Boy is not happy, despite Owen’s insistence that it was an accident. Number 14 is Goldust, but an immediate Austin assault means he can’t get at HHH. A Slam and a kneedrop will add to the Bizarre One’s frustrations. Mil Mascaras almost enters Owen Hart. Number 15 is another luchador, Cibernetico. I doubt he’ll be as good as the match type is. Halfway through now as Hunter Hearst Helmsley is nearly sent flying out. Cibernetico actually is, as is Pierroth by Mil Mascaras. And then the legend decides to clock Pierroth with a flying crossbody to the floor. Mascaras must leave. It was a good crossbody though, probably the best of the whole Rumble, so really he’s the winner in spirit.

16 is Marc Mero as Goldust clotheslines Triple H out of the match. Hart smacks Austin with an enzuiguri as Mero works at eliminating the Wildman. Number 17 is the Latin Lover, a maskless luchador. He decks Owen Hart with a stiff kick, then drops him with a bodyslam. Owen Hart skins the cat back in after Goldust tries to eliminate him, and then, to rub salt into the wounds, sends Goldust out the ring. 18 is Faarooq, the second Nation of Domination member of the match. He backdrops LL out to the floor, only to engage in a fierce slugfest with Steve Austin. Just to make things worse, Ahmed Johnson storms down to ringside to wallop Faarooq with a 2x4. The former Ron Simmons flees, and Austin takes out Owen Hart and Marc Mero off camera, giving him a brief respite. But only a brief one, because we’ve soon got our 19th entrant, and it’s perennial Austin rival Savio Vega! Vega slingshots Austin and catches him with a spinning heel kick. He tries to continue his good run, but gets dropped throat first across the top rope by Steve, and staggers back into a clothesline over the top rope. Best single sequence of the match so far. Number 20 is Jesse James, who runs right into a world of hurt. He comes back with some funky punches and a strut, only to be thrown right back over the top rope.

Once again, Austin is on his own. Number 21 might provide a stiffer challenge though, because its Bret Hart! The two men have an electrifying slugfest, which the fresher Hart gets the better off. Inverted atomic drop! Hard clothesline! And another! Sharpshooter! Jerry Lawler enters from number 22 to throw a spanner into the works. He leaps in the ring, gets punched in the face by Hart, flips out the ring, and goes right back into commentary. That was genuinely funny. Meanwhile, Bret crashes into Austin with a flying knee, and drops him with a side-backbreaker. In comes Diesel at 23 to slow the pace down. 24 is Terry Funk! Lots of punching and kicking again, with no-one in real jeopardy of elimination. Funk gets the worst piledriver in the history of piledrivers on Bret Hart. 25 is the spunky Rocky Maivia. Funk repeatedly gets entangled in the ropes as the punching and kicking continues.

Here comes number 26, Mankind! As Jim Ross says, business is about to pick up. Predictably, he and Terry Funk becomes fast enemies. Business doesn’t really pick up though. It’s like they’re killing time until everyone is in the ring. Austin does get a nice suplex on Bret Hart though. Number 27 is Flash Funk! The Funkettes are disappointingly absent. Hart drops Austin with a perfectly executed piledriver. Funk is somehow able to take out both Diesel and Terry Funk with a high crossbody off the top rope. 28 is Vader. The Rocky Mountain Monster flattens Austin with a body splash. 29 bucks the trend of big name competitors, as Henry Godwinn enters the fray. He’s impressively able to take down Vader with a huuuuuuuuuuge clothesline. The final man is DAH UNDERTAKAH! He and Vader pick up right off where they left off.

So, one of the men in the ring right now will be winning the Royal Rumble. The Undertaker doles out chokeslams for all! Well, Austin and Vader at least. Out of context wrestling quote- Lawler, to Undertaker; “DO BRET HART, DO BRET HART!” Jim Ross, in response; “Don’t worry, he will.” Vader garners the most spectacular elimination of the night, hurling Flash Funk out to the floor with a fallaway slam. Maivia comes close to an upset by dumping Hart, but Steve Austin inexplicably makes the save, before going into a nasty chop battle with Terry Funk. Taker grabs Godwinn by the throat and tips him out to the floor. Mankind cinches the Mandible Claw in on Rocky Maivia and forces him over the top rope. The wheat is now well and truly being separated from the chaff. Mankind nearly eliminates himself and Funk with a Cactus Clothesline, but both men hold on. The former Cactus Jack is able to get him out at the second attempt with a suplex out to the floor. Taker eliminates Mankind, who decides he isn’t finished for the night, and brawls with Terry Funk. Hart pitches Austin out to the floor, but the officials don’t see it, their efforts concentrated on pulling apart Foley and Funk. So, the Rattlesnake sneaks back in, eliminates the Undertaker and Vader, waits for Hart to push out Diesel, and then takes the Hitman to the floor! And the referees see all of this! Steve Austin has won the 1997 Royal Rumble!

Rating- ***- This was actually quite a sloppily booked Royal Rumble. It seemed like all the WWF cared about was the finishing sequence, and the rest of the match suffered for it, with large stretches of bland punching and kicking punctuated by a brief appearance from some mid-nineties jobber or interminable luchador. However, there were some fun moments in this- Steve Austin continuously finding himself on his own added some story and purpose throughout the tiresome early stages, and his sequence with Savio Vega was brilliant, albeit brief. There were some other neat little spots scattered about as well; Ahmed Johnson and Faarooq eliminating each other despite neither being in the match when the other was; Jerry Lawler entering the ring, getting punched in the face, and then cascading right back out to the floor; and did Owen Hart throw out the British Bulldog on purpose? Add to that a frantic and memorable finish, and this has just enough about it to garner *** stars, but make no mistake- this is one of the weaker Rumbles of all time.

Post-match, Bret Hart understandably throws an absolute fit. Lawler insists he should be suspended for life for his conduct.

Earlier today, a bearded Shawn Michaels admits he is infected with flu, but he is still ready to go to war with Psycho Sid. He might not feel or look well, but he will be good enough to win the WWF Championship.

MAIN EVENT- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP- SHAWN MICHAELS VS PSYCHO SID

Sid shoves Michaels right down a pair of times, before hammering away on him. Michaels quickens the pace with a crossbody and a boot to the chest that sends the champion out to the floor. The brawl continues there, with HBK coming off better. Sid rolls back in, and Michaels tries to knock him down to the mat with a crossbody off the top rope. The Psycho catches him though, and drives him down with a powerslam. That’s the third time I’ve seen that spot in this event. A long camel-clutch slows the match right back down to Sid’s favoured pace. A hard Irish Whip to the buckle sends Shawn head over heels out to the floor. The big man follows, and drives Michaels back first into the ring post! Back in, a cover gets two. Michaels threatens another comeback, fighting out of a rest-hold, but nearly gets decaptitated by a hard clothesline. Sid follows this up with a bear-hug, which Arn Anderson once accurately described as “the most boring move in professional wrestling.” OK, it was a quote from WCW magazine, so he probably didn’t actually say it, but I like to think he did, as it would be further proof of my theory that the Enforcer is the smartest man in the quasi-sport. Shawn once again starts a comeback, landing an inverted atomic drop, but he leaps off the top rope back into the fucking bearhug.

Sid finally decides to release Michaels, and lands a well-executed leg-drop for two. Sid scoops Shawn up for a slam, but HBK slips out the back door, and gets a body slam of his own. To believe that a flu-ridden, match worn Shawn Michaels could slam Psycho Sid with apparent ease requires a suspension of disbelief rarely seen even in professional wrestling. Anyway, flying forearm, kip-up, elbow drop, but the Sweet Chin Music is blocked, and Sid baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack body-drops the challenger out to the floor. Once there, he picks Shawn up, and drops him with a nasty powerbomb. He then decides to target the entire Lothario clan, but Michaels miraculously prevents a massacre. In the ring, the referee gets bumped, Shawn gets choke-slammed, but there’s no referee to count the pin. Mike Chioda races down to do so, but can only get to two. The frustrated champion drops Chioda as well, giving HBK the opportunity to nail Sid with a camera, twice, in retribution for when Sid did the same as Survivor Series. The first referee crawls over, but the cover only gets two. Sweet Chin Music! One! Two! Three! Shawn, as long as his smile remains healthy and intact, is the champion of the world!

Rating- ** ¾- Shawn gave an uncharacteristically poor performance here, slamming Psycho Sid with so much ease you’d think he was a 400 pounder in the first minute of the match, allowing Sid to settle into a pattern of tedious rest-holds, and damn-near no selling a powerbomb onto the floor. Outside of that, the match wasn’t too bad, albeit rather short for a world title match and not a patch on their excellent Survivor Series 1996 war. It could have been a lot, lot worse though.

The 411: Royal Rumbles always tend to capture the zeitgeist, with the majority of the roster making an appearance on the PPV. As such, you really do get a strong feel for what the promotion was like week to week by watching one of these, yet the 1997 one is an exception to the rule. With the emergence of Shotgun Saturday Night and some changes to the product put out on Raw, the WWF was getting more and more adult orientated, yet this PPV was a pure slice of mid-nineties silliness. There were hints of a more mature (or as it turned out, immature) approach with the Johnson-Faarooq feud, Austin’s rumble victory, and Bret Hart’s reaction to it, but that was cancelled out under the weight of bizarre gimmicks and a decidedly tame atmosphere. In terms of in ring action it was consistently watchable but rarely anything more, with the matches at times feeling a bit stale and repetitive. It would make for decent background noise while you’re focusing on something else, but it wasn’t an enthralling start to what would turn about to be a fantastic year for the WWF, critically if not commercially.

Final Score:  5.5   [ Not So Good ]