Views from the Hawke’s Nest: WWE Elimination Chamber 2012 Review

February 19, 2012
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, and Jerry “The King” Lawler

Raw Elimination Chamber
CM Punk© vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston vs. R-Truth vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler
Everyone in this match but Jericho and Punk was seemingly buried on TV going into this match. The WWE has never really been able to build this match up so as to convince us that more than two people truly had a chance to win. The commentators tried to get over the fact that this was the last chance for these men to have a chance to main event Wrestlemania. Considering what happened on Raw 24 hours later, that statement seems awfully manipulative.

Kofi and Punk are starting the match, which is interesting to me for some reason. These two were once tag team champions together, and Cole actually mentioned that. They went back and forth for a while with neither man doing any real damage until Kofi backdropped Punk on the steel. Punk immediately came back and sent Kofi into a pod, and he then suplexed Kofi onto the steel. Shortly after that, Dolph Ziggler entered the match and went right after Punk. Dolph climbed the cage and started doing some crunches. Awesome. He turned that into a fameasser on Punk. The babyfaces came back on Dolph and stopped his momentum. Punk and Kofi set Dolph up for a sandwich springboard clotheslines, but Dolph fell down so that Punk and Kofi collided with each other. That was cool. All 3 men were down, and then Ron Killings entered the match. 3 babyfaces and 1 heel. Killings immediately hip tossed Dolph onto the steel, and he followed that with a slingshot splash onto Dolph. Killings then hit a scissors kick on Dolph, which got him a two count. Punk hit a superplex on Killings for another nearfall. Punk then hit the Uncoordinated Elbow onto Killings: 1…2…3! Ron Killings’s face turn has made him so much less interesting. Kofi then hit Trouble in Paradise, but Dolph distracted Kofi, so Punk was able to recover and kick out at 2. Kofi tried to hit a springboard move to the outside, but had to do the Spiderman spot on the cage when Dolph avoided him. Kofi then jumped off and hit a tornado DDT on Dolph onto the steel, which hurt both men. All three men were down and The Miz entered the match. The Miz ran through everybody and gave Dolph his umpteenth bump on the steel this evening. The Miz was the only fresh man in the match, but he couldn’t finish anybody. Punk managed to hit a snap powerslam on Miz and then locked in the Anaconda Vice. Punk released the hold as Chris Jericho entered the match. Jericho almost locked in Walls of Jericho, but Punk escaped only to eat the bulldog/Lionsault combo for a nearfall. Dolph rolled up Jericho, but Jericho escaped and hit a Codebreaker: 1…2…3. Dolph’s out. Punk then catapulted Jericho onto the steel. Jericho tried to hide in a pod, but Punk got in and trapped Jericho into the pod. Jericho got the advantage and attacked Punk’s shoulder with the pod door. The Miz was still selling the Anaconda Vice at this point. Kofi hit the SOS on Jericho on the steel. Miz finally recovered and picked the bones of his injured opponents. Punk gave Miz a massive powerbomb for a nearfall. Kofi went to the top of the pod and hit a crossbody on Punk and Miz. Jericho then locked in the Liontamer (yes) on Kofi and Kofi almost immediately tapped. Jericho attacked Kofi some more after the match. Punk then kicked Jericho out of the chamber with a kick to the head. Jericho sold it like he was knocked out. The refs quickly determined that Jericho couldn’t continue and that he was eliminated as a result. They focused on this for a while until Miz attacked Punk from behind. Punk got a nearfall after a high kick to the head. Punk went for a springboard clothesline, but Miz caught him and hit the Skull Crushing Finale: 1…2…NO! Crowd only somewhat bought that, which tells you how not over Miz is at the moment. Miz was trying to maul Punk after that, but the crowd didn’t react much. Miz did the Kurt Angle-run into the turnbuckle/pod spot, and then Punk promptly hit the GTS: 1…2…3

I thought this match was really entertaining, but it definitely failed to reach the heights of past versions of this match. The only matchup that the crowd was really invested in was Punk vs. Jericho, but that matchup never got a finish. Considering that is a match at Wrestlemania, it doesn’t really make sense for Punk to pin Jericho, but that pretty much exposes the weakness of doing this PPV in between the Rumble and Wrestlemania.
Match Rating: ***1/2

Backstage Segment #1: Santino is doing a Rocky parody and drinking some raw eggs. He vomits off screen, and then tries to pretend that he didn’t. Oh boy.

Video Package: We see John Cena’s private gym where he, his friends, and FCW guys train. Seth Rollins (aka Tyler Black) and Xavier Woods (aka Consequences Creed) put over the gym and Cena. Cena came across as humble, generous, and all that good babyface stuff. More packages like this please. Even if Cena is going to have to work a little heelish in the Wrestlemania match, videos like this may help to make fans forgive him for beating Rock at Wrestlemania.

Beth Phoenix© vs. Tamina Snuka [Divas Title]
If Beth isn’t facing Natalya or Kharma at Wrestlemania then I don’t want a Divas match at Wrestlemania.

Beth offers Tamina the opportunity to leave the match. Tamina opts not to. Tamina was in control early. Tamina started to go to the top rope, but Beth sent her to the floor to cut her off. Beth was looking for a countout win. Tamina crawled back in the ring, and Beth started to work her over. Tamina escaped and slammed Beth to the ground. Tamina went to the top rope, but Beth cut her off again and hit a superplex. The crowd does not care about this match at all. Tamina came back with some strikes and a corner splash. Superkick! The crowd finally reacted after that. Tamina went to the top rope again and hit the Superfly Splash: 1…2…NO! Beth rolled to the outside to avoid further damage and then hit a Glam Slam out of nowhere: 1…2…3

This was the best worked Divas match that I have seen in months. In fact, I honestly can’t remember a time when the WWE produced a match with the women that looked so crisp and professional. That being said, the crowd didn’t give a fuck, which reflects how the women are portrayed on TV.
Match Rating: **1/2

Backstage Segment #2: Santino is punching a very small package of meat. Santino pulled out the Cobra and struck the meat again. Wow.

Josh Matthews popped up saying that Jericho was too concussed to talk to him, as we saw doctors attending to him in the background.

Marty Funkhouser and David Otunga came out for a Raw segment on PPV. I love these men. Funkhouser brings up that Teddy Long is going to be investigated by the Board of Directors, just like he was. Out of nowhere, ALBERTO DEL RIO RETURNED! YAY! Del Rio ran down Teddy Long and then put over Funkhouser as someone who should be the GM of Raw and Smackdown. Mark Henry then came out next. Henry ran down Long as a bully and as someone who physically assaulted him. This is the makings of the greatest stable ever. Henry says that Funkhouser has never been a bully. Henry also wants Funkhouser to be the GM of Raw and Smackdown. Christian then came out. He and Funkhouser shared an awesomely awkward hug; Christian put Funkhouser over as well. Otunga says they should all take a picture. Otunga then takes a picture of Funkhouser, Christian, Henry, and Del Rio. Fantastic. Otunga then took another photograph where he photobombed his own photo. More Fantastic. I support @WWERawGM

Backstage Segment #3: Santino ran up some steps in sweatpants. He then did the Trombone Dance at the top of the stairs.

Smackdown Elimination Chamber
Daniel Bryan© vs. The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes vs. The Great Khali vs. Santino Marella
This match has been built up terribly. That’s all I have to say about this match going into it.

Wade Barrett and The Big Show start the match. That’s not a good sign for the quality of the first 5 minutes of the match. Show dominated to start the match, but Barrett cut him off after diving at his leg. Barrett worked over Show’s leg after that. It was boring. Show was able to come back with a suplex. Show was in control of the match as Cody Rhodes entered the match. Show easily dominated Cody and Wade. Wade avoided a chokeslam and then took Show down again by taking out his injured leg. Wade and Cody then started to double team Big Show successfully. Wade then stupidly attacked Cody. What an idiot. Also, what a boring match this has been. Cody came back on Wade, as Santino entered the match. Santino took down Barrett, but the Big Show attacked him and easily took him down. Cody assaulted Show’s injured leg again, which probably saved Santino. Wade and Cody gave Big Show a double suplex on the steel. Ouch. Cody and Wade couldn’t drag Big Show back into the ring, so Cody just attacked Wade and got a nearfall with a Moonsault. Cody then went after Santino and attacked his cobra arm: “Stupid Ass Cobra!” The Great Khali entered the match and was greeted with “You Can’t Wrestle” chants. Khali killed everyone but Big Show who took the Punjabi Giant down with a spear: 1…2…3! Glad to see Khali earn that PPV payday. Everyone was selling injuries as Big Show just stood and stared at Daniel Bryan. Big Show ripped through the roof of Bryan’s pod and tried to draw Bryan out early. Big Show kicked his way through the ceiling and they were both trapped in the pod. That was awesome. The pod was finally opened and Bryan tried to run away, but Big Show sent him through the “bulletproof pod.” Big Show chokeslammed Bryan, but Barrett attacked Show. Santino rolled up Barrett for a nearfall, as Cody hit a pair of Beautiful Disasters on Big Show. Barrett followed that up with a middle rope elbow: 1…2…3! Big Show is eliminated! Santino immediately rolled up Cody: 1…2…3! Cody then gave Santino Cross Rhodes. Wow, they managed to make Santino so sympathetic. This match was perfectly laid out in that regard. Barrett attacked Santino as the crowd rallied behind the Milan Miracle. Barrett went after Bryan and Bryan botched his run up the turnbuckle spot. Bryan went for the LeBell Lock, but Barrett escaped. Barrett crotched Bryan on the ropes and then hit a McGuinness Lariat off the middle turnbuckle. Barrett was attacking Bryan and Santino until Bryan hit a diving knee off the top rope to the steel. Wade ended up on the top rope and went for a diving elbow on Santino, but Santino rolled out of the way. Bryan then pounced and hit Barrett with a diving headbutt: 1…2…3! Santino vs. Bryan! Santino avoided a corner dropkick and rolled up Bryan for a great nearfall. Santino hit the Cobra! 1…2…NO! Bryan got the LeBell Lock! Santino is FIGHTING! THE CROWD IS ELECTRIC! BUT NO! SANTINO TAPS!

The Santino/Bryan stuff at the end saved this match from being horrible. In fact, that segment probably made it better than the ECW Extreme Elimination Chamber alone. Overall though, this match was extremely boring, and it really illustrated how poorly the “blue brand” has been booked recently. Khali was needlessly put into this match. Cody and Wade are pretty much the prime examples of the danger of 50/50 booking. Neither man is taken seriously as a possible World champion, because for their entire careers, they have been receiving start and stop pushes. Daniel Bryan continues to be entertaining in his role of the undeserving champion, but it certainly makes the World Title belt feel like a secondary belt. In fact, his reign feels like a very entertaining Intercontinental title reign. With the brand extension seemingly non-existent at this point, they really need to unify the two world titles.
Match Rating: ***

Sheamus shows up at the end and hits the Celtic Cross. Don’t be a bully. Be a Star.

Hornswoggle was backstage eating cheese. Natalya showed up. You can do the math. Justin Gabriel popped up in his wrestling gear. Jack Swagger (also in his gear) showed up with Vickie. Teddy Long showed up and called Vickie ugly. Don’t be a bully. Be a Star. Teddy decided that they will have a match and it will be for the US Title. The crowd popped for some reason.

Jack Swagger© (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Justin Gabriel (w/ Hornswoggle) [US Title]
This match is going to die a death with this crowd.

Swagger got the heat on Gabriel to start the match. Gabriel made a comeback. To say the crowd went ‘mild’ would be too kind. Swagger rolled to the floor and Gabriel hit a slingshot corkscrew plancha. Back in the ring, Swagger tackled Gabriel’s leg, got the ankle lock, and Gabriel immediately tapped.

Terrible, terrible booking. These two didn’t have a chance, but the match was not laid out well, given the circumstances. This was a waste of time, unless Swagger starts to get another push (which doesn’t seem likely this close to Wrestlemania).
Match Rating: ¾*

John Cena vs. Kane [Ambulance Match]
This feud is the WWE at its absolute worst in my eyes. Kane tries hard, but he really doesn’t belong in a main event in 2012.

Lots of punching to start. They ended up on the outside almost immediately. More punching. Kane opened the ambulance door, but Cena fought back with parts of the stretcher. Kane cut him off and started to get the heat. They ended up in the ring for some reason. Cena punched Kane some more, but Kane cut him off with a sidewalk slam. Kane went for a top-rope clothesline but Cena hit a dropkick. Standard John Cena comeback. Kane cut him off with his SUFFOCATING GLOVE! Kane pulled out a WHEELCHAIR from underneath the ring and rolled him to the ambulance. Cena escaped and attacked Kane with the wheelchair. In a candidate for lamest spot of the year, Cena rolled Kane into a table that had a briefcase on it. It was so dastardly that Kane immediately recovered and attacked Cena. Cena used a chair to come back. They did some more crowd brawling. Cena got the advantage after a headshot with a monitor. Cena then used the steel steps. Cena then got a goofy smile on his face, before trying to give Kane a FU through the Spanish announce table. Kane escaped though and chokeslammed Cena through the table. Kane put Cena on a stretcher and rolled him to the ambulance. Kane had Cena in the ambulance, but Cena escaped at the last second. What are the odds. Cena made another comeback. They went to the top of the ambulance. Cena then FUed Kane off the ambulance onto the floor crashpads. Cena then dragged Kane back to the ambulance and locked Kane in. Cena wins.

These two worked hard as they almost always do and crowd was even lively at points, but this was a shit PPV main event. This was a throwback to the shitty brawl all over the arena main events that Austin did well. However, neither of these men are Steve Austin. I’m glad this storyline is over (hopefully) and I hope Kane never has another 1v1 main event on PPV again. Ever.
Match Rating: **

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The 411: This was a bad PPV for the WWE. The three hours were far from a chore to sit through (and I actually gave positive reviews to three of the five matches), but when you think about what the WWE is charging for these PPVs, they should be embarrassed by what they produced here and at the Royal Rumble. WWE has long forgotten what PPVs are supposed to be, and Wrestlemania seems to be the only show that they actually try to build right these days (unless they occasionally get lucky with a hot angle like the second Summer of Punk). The faster the WWE moves to making 75% of their PPVs “Clash of the Champions” style shows, the better, as I think fans have been feeling ripped off for a long time. This show also exemplifies why the Elimination Chamber match is being wasted in the forgotten middle child position between the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. This is an epic gimmick that would be so much better off at a different time of the year. Instead, it has become the middle chapter that the WWE has to get through in order to not ruin their planned main events of Wrestlemania. I was entertained by this show multiple times, but overall, I have to give this a thumbs down.

Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]