100 Percent Fordified: CHIKARA Caught in the Spider's Den
Posted by Kevin Ford on 03.29.2012
Delirious can talk?!?!
Long Island, NY – 2.26.2012
Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Colt Cabana, Gavin Loudspeaker, Leonard F. Chikarason, and UltraMantis Black.
Francis Kipland Stevens introduces himself. He calls himself a hip hop nerd. He plans to show everyone that it’s hip to be Kip.
Francis Kipland Stevens vs. Kobald
Stevens using “Hypnotize” as his theme makes my day. He switches to goggles from glasses for the match. Stevens tries to get Kobald to dance. Kobald instead trips Stevens and bites on his arm. Stevens bites Kobald’s hand in response. Stevens trips and armdrags Kobald. He schoolyard trips Kobald for two. He gets two with a backslide as well. Kobald prevents being tripped again. Stevens manages to take him down anyway. He slingshots into a Gedo clutch for two. Kobald evades an armdrag and slaps Stevens across the face. Kobald puts on Stevens’ goggles. Stevens accidentally spears his head into the second turnbuckle. Kobald delivers a spear of his own. Stevens rolls Kobald up for two. Kobald knee strikes him in the face for two. Kobald drops an elbow as the fans cheer for Stevens’ argyle socks. Stevens ducks a spear. He takes his goggles back and delivers a chinbreaker. Stevens bulldogs Kobald out of the corner for two. Stevens head up to the top rope. Kobald ducks his crossbody attempt and hits a powerbomb for two. Kobald also goes up top, but Stevens headbutts him in the mid-section. Kobald shoves Stevens off and hits the Demon’s Toilet (top rope seated senton) for the pin at 7:23. I liked what I saw from Stevens. In no way does he portray the typical nerd gimmick outside of his appearance. He had a good showing and I can see him coming back for the Young Lions Cup tournament. Kobald is steadily improving over time. *3/4
3.0. complain about being hot (temperature wise) backstage. Matthews says they go way back with Dasher Hatfield since they would sometimes say at his house and his mother would make breakfast for them. They have no clue who Mr. Touchdown is. Jagged says they will use the energy from Hatfield’s mothers breakfast to win tonight and earn their third point. They plan to cash in their points in their homeland of Canada where they will throw a parade when they win the titles.
3.0. (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews) vs. The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield & Mark Angelosetti)
Angelosetti is hot at 3.0. because they further destroyed the banner he ran through out of the entrance set. Angelosetti shoulder tackles Jagged out of a headlock. Angelosetti averts a few of Jagged’s clotheslines. He palm strikes Jagged and rejoices. Jagged sends him out with a leg lariat. Hatfield blocks a hip toss. He lands an armdrag and a wind-up chop. Jagged clobbers him with a forearm. Hatfield calls his shot and sets up for a swing. Jagged rolls under the shot three times. Hatfield however does hit him in the stomach with a double sledge which Bryce calls a pop fly on commentary. Angelosetti gets fired up when Matthews slaps his chest. Matthews back elbows Hatfield. This leads to Hatfield and Matthews exchanging insults with the help of their partners. Hatfield takes out Matthews when Matthews claims he plays baseball like a girl. Angelosetti and Jagged cool their partners down. Angelosetti shoulder tackles 3.0. in the corner. He shoulder blocks Jagged thrice before snapmaring him. He runs some drills into splashes and a knee drop to Jagged. Angelosetti calls for a time out when Matthews forearms him from behind. Hatfield comes in to keep Jagged trapped on his side of the ring. Jagged backdrops Angelosetti so he can roll out and bring in Matthews. He dropkicks Angelosetti. Jagged helps Matthews out with some tandem offense on both Hatfield and Angelosetti. Jagged pops Angelosetti up into a spear from Matthews for the pin at 10:23, giving them their third point. The result was obvious considering CHIKARA will be running shows in Canada next month but the bout was still quite fun. Hatfield and Matthews’ insult was possibly the best part of the entire bout. Fun stuff but nothing exceptional. Angelosetti is in no mood to shake hands after the bout. **1/2
Archibald Peck vs. Ophidian
Veronica is in Peck's corner and still in pain from being Koppu kicked by Sara Del Rey last night. Veronica happens to run into Angelosetti who is still recovering from his match. They each give each other a flirtatious look before Peck pulls her away. Veronica is quite angry at Peck for doing so. They argue with each other as Ophidian makes his way to the ring.
Peck angrily throws strikes and boots to Ophidian. Peck looks to Veronica to argue and try to gain approval. Ophidian throws his mask collection at Peck to distract him. Ophidian takes control on the mat. Peck boots Ophidian. Ophidian goes for a crucifix driver. Peck turns it into a gut buster for two. He headbutts Ophidian in his lower abdomen for two. He gets two with a gutwrench suplex as well. Ophidian gives Peck a neckbreaker in the ropes. Ophidian flies in with double knees for two. Ophidian headbutts Peck in his chest. Ophidian puts on a legged full nelson. Peck folds him back for a one count. Peck flapjacks Ophidian. He eats a chinbreaker when Peck tries to pick him up. Ophidian headstands into a headbutt for two. Ophidian digs him thumbs into Peck’s trapezius muscles. Peck bites Ophidian’s ribs to escape. He spins Ophidian into a gut buster. Peck German suplxes Ophidian and gives him a gord buster. He Oklahoma rolls Ophidian for a two count. Another gut buster leads to Peck going to the second rope. He hits an elbow off the second rope for two. Ophidian trips Peck head first onto the top turnbuckle. Ophidian drives his knees to Peck in the corner. Bryce and Gavin are out of control with the Billy Joel references and I love it. Peck ducks an enzuigiri. Ophidian grabs the trapezes muscles again. Ophidian steps on his knee. Peck fights off Ophidian’s Death Grip. He spins Ophidian out of the Quackendriver I position for two. Peck goes for the Unchained Melody, but takes his time thanking the crowd before hitting it. This allows Ophidian to small package Peck for the pin at 11:35, causing Veronica to immediately stomp backstage. This to me was the best Ophidian has done so far in his new incarnation. He and Peck had a straight up wrestling match while keeping their shtick to a minimum, but not ignoring it completely. This made Peck look really credible and portrayed his desire to win and get back into Veronica’s good graces. His loud mouth ended up him costing the match and perhaps his woman. ***
Delirious makes his way out to the ring. Last night, he interfered in UltraMantis Black and Hallowicked’s match against F.I.S.T. to cost them their opportunity to win Los Campeonatos de Parejas. Delirious gets the microphone. He speaks clearly, but in Japanese. He then switches over to plain English. He says “every man has a right to choose his own path” and “I remember everything”. He spouts off “two years” and “Eye of Tyr” over and over and claims his life was stolen. Delirious says the smashing of the Eye of Tyr has created a collective consciousness inside of him. He believes Mantis’ greed has clouded his true mental prowess. He hates the fans for cheering and bowing to Mantis. In due time, he will expose Mantis for the false prophet he is and will make him suffer slowly for two years just like Mantis did to him. Mantis cannot escape what Delirious has planned for him. "Bah Bah Bah” is still his war cry. Delirious says 2014 will be Mantis’ end.
Gran Akuma’s trial series begins tonight. He thinks it is appropriate that Chuck Taylor, his former stablemate, is the first guy in that series. They used to be the most dominant trio in CHIKARA, but Taylor and Icarus took him out a year and a half ago. Akuma says Taylor will be the first to see what the new Gran Akuma is all about.
Akuma Trial Series
Gran Akuma vs. Chuck Taylor
Icarus is the special ring announcer for this match. Akuma and Taylor fight for control on the mat. Akuma stretches Taylor out in a bow and arrow. Akuma delivers a pair of armdrags. He puts Taylor in an Octopus stretch. Taylor rolls out. Akuma rolls up and gives Taylor a satellite headscissors. Akuma stalks Icarus when Icarus hops up on the apron. Taylor baseball slides Akuma and chokes him against the guardrail. Taylor applies a Camel Clutch back in the ring. Taylor stomps on his chest for two. Akuma tries to kick out Taylor’s legs. He gives him Taylor a twisting neckbreaker. Akuma enzuigiri’s Taylro from the apron. He comes in with a huracanrana and a rolling clothesline. Akuma hits a Death Valley Driver and a frog splash for two. Taylor knees Akuma to block a corner attack. Taylor superkicks Akuma for two. Akuma shoves Taylor to the corner. Taylor kicks him leg out and stomps on his back. He powerbombs Akuma and gets two with a jackknife pin. Taylor calls for the Awfule Waffle. Akuma instead gives him a fallaway kick. Taylor hits Sole Food to block an Irish whip. Akuma German suplexes Taylor off the ropes. Akuma gets two with the Falcon Arrow. Akuma misses a moonsault. Taylor uranage slams Akuma. A low superkick leads to an Awful Waffle attempt. Akuma rolls through and hooks Taylor’s tights in a roll up for the pin at 9:46. Akuma seems a lot more fresh now that he’s changed up his arsenal. Although he’s much less timid in his approach, it’s still apparent at times. Taylor also had a solid outing. Icarus and Taylor attack Akuma after the bout. **3/4
Sara Del Rey vs. Saturyne
A wristlock exchange kicks off the bout. Saturyne armdrags Sara to the ropes. Sara headbutts her after Saturyne flubs an attack. Sara breaks an arm hold in the corner. They each go after the arm again. Sara knee lifts Saturyne in the stomach three times. Saturyne boots Sara from the corner. She delivers three dropkicks but takes a big boot from Sara in response. Sara gets two with a backbreaker. Sara goes for a second backbreaker but Saturyne headscissors her to the corner. Sara clotheslines her and drives her knee into her ribs. Sara throws Saturyne across the ring. Sara wheelbarrows her up from the canvas. Saturyne bulldogs her way out of it. She hits a couple knee strikes and a spinwheel kick in the corner. Saturyne springboards in with a crossbody for two. Saturyne attempts a huracanrana but gets powerbombed instead. Sara axe kicks her before delivering a German suplex for two. Saturyne slips out of the Royal Butterfly and goes for a crossbody. Sara catches her and hits the Royal Butterfly suplec for the pin at 7:15. Saturyne got the snot kicked out of her, but by doing so earned Sara’s respect. I think that will go a long way for Saturyne as she continues to climb CHIKARA’s ranks. Although this was essentially a squash this did nothing but good for Saturyne’s reputation. **1/2
Colt Cabana’s goal for tonight was to challenge Sugar Dunkerton. Since Dunkerton is not in CHIKARA right now, he decided to challenge the second best black CHIKARA wrestler: UltraMantis Black. He knows Mantis is the most power hungry man in CHIKARA, but Cabana says his Jewish heritage makes him even more power hungry. He plans to do what he does best tonight, and that’s wrestle.
UltraMantis Black vs. Colt Cabana
Cabana asks for some advice from the fans. Cabana and Mantis’ lock up leads to dancing. This makes Colt mad but Mantis is okay with it. A little dancing leads to Cabana putting on a headlock. Mantis turns it into a hammerlock which Cabana rolls out of. Cabana also rolls out of a wristlock. Cabana tells Mantis to stay out of his Colt Zone, referencing NYWC wrestler The Big O who has moderate success as a part of Zack Ryder’s internet show and tells people to stay out of his O Zone. Cabana and Mantis criss cross the ropes. He slaps Mantis after telling him to look at the ceiling. They criss cross again. Cabana tries it again but it does not work. Bryce does fall for it however. Cabana can’t help himself and slaps Bryce. Bryce looks offended. Mantis leg sweeps Cabana into a submission. Cabana grabs the ropes to escape. Bryce slaps both men while they’re in the hold. Both men seem mad at first but end up making amends with Bryce. Cabana baits Mantis into many punches. Mantis ducks the Bionic Elbow many times. Cabana slaps Mantis again when he sees the opening. Cabana twists on Mantis’ left leg. Cabana tries a kneeling frog press for two. Cabana twists Mantis’ arm until Mantis backs to the corner. Mantis Mongolian chops Cabana. He comes off the ropes with an armdrag into a pin attempt. Cabana and Mantis roll into multiple pinning combinations but can’t secure the victory. They end up rolling around so much that the dizziness causes them and Bryce to fall down. The fans begin to count, but all three men make it up to their feet before they get to ten. Mantis full nelson slams Cabana for two. Cabana finally hits the Bionic elbow. Cabana tornado suplexes Mantis for two. Cabana’s hip attack gets him two as well. Mantis double underhook suplexes Cabana off the top rope for two. He hits the Cosmic Disaster for two. Cabana gets his feet up to block Mantis’ top rope attack. Mantis O’Conner rolls Cabana to counter the Flying Asshole, giving him the victory at 14:57. For those of you looking forward to this match, you will get exactly what you wanted and expected. I stand by the fact that I wish Cabana would have something more to seek his teeth into in CHIKARA but I can’t complain with the fun matches he has produced in CHIKARA lately. ***
Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, & The Colony (Fire Ant & Soldier Ant) vs. Die Brüderschaft des Kreuzes (Tim Donst & Jakob Hammermeier) & The Batiri (Obariyon & Kodama)
Quack puts Hammermeier in a headlock. Hammermeier’s attempts to escape are futile, as Quack reapplies the headlock each time. Quack pops out of a headscissors and gets poked in the eyes. Hammermeier puts on a chinlock. Quack baits Hammermeier into an arm hold. Quack sits down to block an Irish whip. He forearms Hammermeier, sweeps his legs and drives his knees into his chest. Hammermeier rolls out to bring in Kodama. Soldier Ant also tags in. He controls Kodama’s arms and drives him into the mat. Soldier Ant forces Kodama to salute. Soldier Ant wins a Lucha exchange with a back elbow off the second turnbuckle. The Colony hit Kodama with tandem boots. Donst attacks Fire Ant from behind. Fire Ant slingshots into a splash. Hammermeier comes in. Quack splashes them both. The Batiri join the pile when they try to make the save. This leads to an argument amongst the Rudo teams. Jigsaw crossbody’s onto the BDK. He takes out Obariyon only for Donst to strike from behind. Fire Ant uses the ropes to armdrag Donst to the floor. Soldier Ant slams Hammermeier. Fire Ant hits two sentons before Soldier Ant falls with a headbutt. Donst runs in and bulldogs Fire Ant face first into Hammermeier’s feet. Donst slams Fire Ant’s head into the canvas repeatedly. Fire Ant gets caught in the Rudo corner for quite awhile. Fire Ant is able to dropkick Donst into Hammermeier and tag in Quack. Quack chops up Obariyon before taking him down with a back elbow and a low dropkick. Kodama pitches Quack to the floor. Jigsaw missile dropkicks Kodama to the corner. He catches Kodama coming off the ropes and hits a brainbuster for two. The Tecnico team each attack Kodama in the corner. Fire Ant gets caught and suffers the same fate from the Rudos squadron. Kodama sends Soldier Ant to the floor and slingshots onto him. Jigsaw tope con hilo’s onto both of them. Obariyon suicide dives onto that group. Quack moonsaults onto all of them. Fire Ant fires up but gets hooked in a full nelson from Donst. Fire Ant prawn holds Donst for two. Fire Ant climbs up one of the poles in the building and dives onto everyone out on the floor. Fire Ant pulls Fire Ant back into the ring. Donst fights out of a tornado DDT and delivers a Gator Roll. Soldier Ant breaks that pin. Hammermeier sets up Soldier Ant for Donst’s Donst Cap. Hammermeier legdrops Soldier Ant while he’s in the corner. Donst sends Jigsaw to the apron. Donst catches Jigsaw’s elbow attempt. Hammermeier clotheslines him into a German suplex. Kodama gives Jigsaw a back cracker and Obariyon hits his Flying DDT. Quack makes the save just in time. Suddenly, the man in Green Ant’s mask comes to the ring. Green Ant himself comes out to prove to Quack it’s not him. The man in the mask clotheslines Quack ending the match at 18:52. This was just as fun as most of the Atomicos matches CHIKARA has held the past few years. Between this and last night I’m impressed how well The Batiri and BDK worked together. Them making a super Rudo group would actually be pretty sweet. Then again, I think we have a big Rudos group that’s going to make a big impact soon. Like, right now. ***1/2
More masked men come out. One is in a purple and black mask and he attacks Jigsaw. Three men in Ant like masks (one blue, one purple and one yellow) attack the three Colony members. The man in the Green Ant mask takes it off to reveal a blue and gold mask underneath. He is attacking Quackenbush. The man attacking Jigsaw uses a wrench to attack Jigsaw’s knee. UltraMantis Black, The Throwbacks and Steve “The Turtle” Weiner all come out to clear the ring so that the faux ants can’t unmask the Colony. We would find out later the names of the masked men. The guy under the Green Ant mask (and then the blue and gold mask) is known as 17. The guy attacking Jigsaw is called The Shard. The three fake ants are known as combatANT (black and yellow), deviANT (purple and black), and assailANT (blue and black). These five men together are known as Gekido.
Eddie Kingston (Champion) vs. Vin Gerard
If Gerard loses this match, he will retire. Gerard attacks Kingston as he’s coming down the aisle. Kingston throws some vicious headbutts and boots Gerard into the crowd. Kingston chokes Gerard with a t-shirt from the merchandise table. Kingston throws a chair at his head. Gerard suplexes him onto the floor. Kingston chops Gerard but shrugs it off. Gerard kicks at Kingston’s knee, leading to Kingston throwing more chops and headbutts. Kingston brings Gerard into the ring to officially start the match. Gerard kicks the rope into Kingston’s crotch and trips him by his bad knee. Gerard stomps the knee as well. As Gerard chokes Kingston, Bryce reminds him that if he’s disqualified he’s done for good. Gerard fires rapid forearms to Kingston’s face. Gerard kicks away at his bad knee. Gerard puts on a sleeper hold with a bodyscissors. Kingston grabs the ropes to escape. Gerard throws Kingston’s leg into the ring post. Gerard delivers a running knee strike for two. Kingston throws powerful forearms at Gerard’s back. Gerard twists his knee to stop the onslaught. Kingston grabs the ropes in desperation. Gerard Oklahoma rolls him for two. Kingston lights him up with chops in the corner. Kingston chops him on the top rope. Kingston superplexes Gerard which hurts both men. Kingston clotheslines Gerard in the back and chest for two. Kingston’s leg is too hurt for him to deliver the Sliding D. Gerard DDT’s him in a 2k1 position. He then hits the 2k1 Bomb for two. Gerard puts on the STF, locking Kingston’s bad leg. Gerard pulls him to the middle of the ring so he can’t get to the ropes. Gerard lets up when Kingston won’t tap or pass out. He drives Kingston’s knee into the mat over and over. Kingston ends up hitting the Backfist to the Future. He crawls over to Gerard for a two count. Kingston goes for a second Backfist when Gerard gets to his feet. Gerard blocks it and rolls up Kingston. Even with holding the rights he only gets two. Kingston backfists Gerard in the back of the head. He yells into Gerard’s face to get out of his promotion. With that, Kingston hits the Backfist to the Future for the pin at 10:23. This was the exact match these two should have had. Gerard kept on Kingston’s leg taking out one his finishers (the Sliding D). It took multiple Backfist attempts to keep Gerard down which made it seem like Gerard was really fighting for his job and livelihood. The crowd brawling before hand was also a perfect touch to add to the realism of the bout. It sucks that Gerard is gone considering he was just picking up traction again for the first time in a long time. ***1/4