British Optimism: CZW No Excuses 2002

CZW DVD Aug. 10, 2002 No Excuses – Philadelphia, PA

Danny Rose and John House (when he still cared) on commentary.

As is custom for 2002 CZW, there’s an awesome music video recapping the previous show. In this case it’s Deja Vu and the outstanding Zandig vs. Lobo No Rope Barbed Wire match. The match was supposed to be Lobo vs. Wifebeater but ‘Beater re-injured his shoulder a few minutes into the match so tonight…it’s the rematch.

GQ & Chri$ Ca$h vs. Derek Frazier & Sonjay Dutt vs. Towel Boy & Hurricane Kid

Pastor Jim intros the New School. He fits their image as well as Gangrel managing The Hardy Boyz. Dutt made his debut at the previous show and is just another crusier guy at this point. Rick Feinberg is an unsubtle gimmick making fun of Rob Feinstein…and this is before LOL I’LL PRETEND YOU SAID 18. I’m not a fan of gay stereotype gimmicks, but I’d rather see RF get hit with chairs then listen to him commentate.

The bell rings and Rick Feinberg takes a chair-shot from Cash. Match is *** already. Frazier and Towel Boy pretend to wrestle. Dutt comes and gets his career set back a few years by Towel Boy who proceeds to blow everything. Both men do gown and New School get the crowd behind them with claps and pelvic thrusts. Kid has the nerve to bust out Sliced Bread #2 midway through the match. Towel Boy tags in Frazier who isn’t impressed with Cash’s splits and kicks him in the back of the head. Cash relents and tosses him unto the guard-rail giving Hurricane Kid the chance to bust out his awkward Tumbleweed to the outside. Dutt upstages him with a flawless tope, giving a glimpse of how good he’d become. After a figure four leg lock, Towel Boy decides it’s been too long without a blown move so he tags in and botches a spinning kick and an alabama slam. Cash tags out rather than deal with him any more. Dutt slaps him a bit but takes a Back to belly piledriver. Dutt declines to sell it and double-teams Towel with Frazier. Towel Boy teases a Cop Killa (YEAH, MORE OF OTHER GUY’S FINISHERS USED AS TRANSITIONAL MOVES IN THE FIRST MATCH WOOO) but GQ gives him a beatiful powerbomb into a DDT. GQ and Cash team up to kick six shades of fuck out of Frazier’s face and squash him for the pin.

Winners: New School (1/2*)

More of an exhibition for Cash and GQ and it worked in that aspect as they looked like the future of the business compared to everyone else (apart from Dutt). Shame that didn’t happen but that’s wrestling I guess.

Robbie Mireno and Pastor Jim verbally spar afterwards but this is 2002 and you can’t understand a word they’re saying. It would take them YEARS to sort that issue out for the home releases. Long story short, Pastor Jim is taking over announcing duties tonight. Pastor Jim is getting angles?

Z-Barr vs. Ruckus

Before The Miz made being a crap wrestler with lots of fans an art-form…there was Z-Barr. The women are all over him during his intro AND there’s signs for him. Ruckus is still fat at this point. Fat Ruckus is best Ruckus.

Ruckus fakes a dive to the outside and clotheslines Barr. Ruckus goes for a Swanton Bomb off the top already and misses it…but it was supposed to hit so everyone just casually whistles and moves on. Barr kicks Ruckus to the outside and follows with something resembling a dive. Slingshot elbow and a facefucker pin gets two. Barr locks in a Bearhug and follows with a chinbreaker. He signals for The Worst Moonsault Ever but botches it. I’m guessing that was deliberate but it’s hard to tell with The Barr. Ruckus tries to pin him while he’s sulking but they start the Malenko/Guerrero pin sequence instead. Bit out of place. Barr gives Ruckus Angels Wings and manages to hit The Worst Moonsault Ever, which I guess means his gimmick is the Ugly Duckling. He starts off shitty and gradually turns into Christopher Daniels as the match progresses. Ruckus blocks the Donkey Punch and lands the Razzle Dazzle. A Standing Shooting Star Press sets up a Corkscrew Senton but Barr avoids it. A Kneeling Powerbomb gets two and this match should be over by now. Ruckus tosses him off the top rope and finishes with the 450 Splash.

Winner: Ruckus (*1/2)

I begrudgingly admit that Z-Barr had some entertainment value. I miss the era of indy wrestling when characters like Z-Barr, Danny Rose etc. could have matches that emphasised their personality and entertainment value rather than everybody trying to have the match of the night by killing each other and boring the crowd in the process.

The Irish Drinking Team vs. VD

Eddie and Dahmer nearly immediately come to blows. Dahmer accidentally strikes Styles whilst trying to hit Eddie. After a two-count following a top rope elbow, Styles decides to NO SELL STRONG STYLE AHHH and give Dahmer a Boston Crab. He tries an Enziguri but Dahmer just kicks him in the dick. Powerbomb double-team falls on it’s face and Vaentine and Dahmer start to argue. Styles no-sells ALL JAPAN AHHH and they give Valentine a Decapitation Elbow to finish.

Winners: Drunks (N/R)

More angle than match.

Valentine ain’t happy and challenges one of Irish Drinking Team to a singles match. If he wins, they have to not drink for six months. Knoxx accepts on the condition that Valentine leaves if he loses. Although this was inaduible, Knox sounded good on the mic.

Ian Knoxx vs. Eddie Valentine (Loser Leaves vs. No Booze)
Leapfrogs to start and Knox press slams Valentine. Valentine shows his apprecation by going low. Valentine chokes with his shirt and gives Knox THE PRAYING ROPEWALK BULLDOG. Valentine gives Knox an Enziguri which is a nice ”FUCK YOU” to the previous match. Knox comes back with a Side Effect off the top rope as Chris Styles rallies the crowd behind him. A fallaway slam/moonsault combo gives Knox the chance to set up some chairs. Valentine counters a powerbomb with a PALM STRIKE. Valentine’s move list is just weird. Valentine simply picks him up and slams him face-first into the chairs but it only gets two. Valentine sets up two tables and in one of those accidental nice moments, it takes him ages as he has to do it by himself with no tag partner. Valentine sets them up on top of each other, then knocks them over trying to out Knoxx through them. With both men on top of them, Knoxx gives Valentine the Drunken Driver through both tables for the win and booze!

Winner: Ian Knoxx (**3/4)

Some nice little moments, a visually impressive finish and an end of an era for one guy. Good job and Knoxx was another guy who looked like The Future. Again, sadly that was not the case and the last I heard about him he’d shot himself in the chest. And that really was it for Valentine, who would return for a match at the 2011 Trent Acid Memorial Show and that was it.

Rainman vs. ‘Sick’ Nick Mondo

I still don’t understand why you’d call yourself Rain Man and not act like either Travolta or Hoffman. This Rainman (spelt as one word and looking silly) is a MOTHERFUCKING GANGSTA and informs the front row of this. He’s such a gangsta he comes out to P.O.D. This was supposed to be Mondo vs. The Messiah but was a few days after the infamous attack at his home that would result in the loss of his thumb.

Rainman’s manager mumbles some insults, the only one that’s audible is ”molested child.” He sends Rain to the outside and Topes over the turnbuckle. Running Tornado DDT by Rain is countered into a Sky High for two. Rope-assisted Blue Thunder Driver by Mondo and Rain has nice facial expressions. Rain botches something in the corner, resulting in Mondo simply falling on top of him. I couldn’t even guess what was supposed to occur there. Spinning Sidewalk Slam gets two. Lots of chops and a Bubba Bomb gets two. Everybody’s offence in 2002 was odd looking. It’s all weird looking slams and variants rather than ‘normal’ moves. Rain falls before Mondo gets a chance to land his kick so he kicks him again. Van Daminator gets two. Rain dives outside and lands ON the guard-rail. Back in Rain shows no sign on pain and gives Mondo a Sky High for two. Another odd-looking slam onto a chair for two. Rain takes too long getting a chair so Mondo throws another one at him. He asks a fan to hold a chair for him and he delivers the M.Bison headstomp to the outside for the win!

Winner: ‘Sick’ Nick Mondo. (**)

Styles clash, but the crowd loved Mondo so they didn’t care. Mondo retired after nearly dying at Tournament of Death II and Rainman changed his name to Kory Chavis and got a hell of a lot better.

Team Wildside (The Lost Boys & T-N-T) vs. The Softcore Connection (The Backseat Boyz, Nick Berk & Ty Street) – Wargames Rules

Don’t you hate when a company advertises something as ‘Wargames Rules’ and it ends up being without a cage? I guess ‘Team Take It In Turns Turmoil’ doesn’t have the same impact. Regardless, Gabriel and Kashmere start. This was during the very brief re-unification of The Softcore Connection as a four-man group, possibly intended for the (terrible) feud with Team Georgia alone. Chad Shaft grabs Gabriel on the outside, which results in Shaft taking a dive from the emo. This was before the Shaft bump was well known, so half the crowd is shocked at Gabriel attacking a fan like that. In the ring, Twink vs. Beefcake continues until TNT (looking as generic as indily possible) arrives. Not long after, Ty Street emerges from the back and everybody takes chairs. Gabriel’s punches are hilariously bad, so Street powerbombs him twice and dumps him face-first. Current CZW Tag Team Champion Azriel is out now and he looks awful. He gets no token offence and Kashmere bulldogs him whilst also kicking Gabriel. They’re powering through these time slots. Nick Berk comes out and frog splashes Az. He follows it with an elevated facebuster to Gabriel and administers a Tumbleweed legdrop onto TNT. This is dangerously close to a squash at this point. Todd places Berk on a turnbuckle and jumps from one end of the ring to the other in a valiant attempt to kick him. Not even the crack Smart Mark Video editing team could make that look convincing. Az takes a backbodydrop onto a pile of set-up chairs. Street takes a superkick and a powerslam. Some more moves are used by the NWA Wildside guys that are best described ‘wacky’. A Rube Goldberg submission hold that would take a paragraph to explain gets a positive crowd reaction. Trent Acid emerges from the back and Yakuza Kicks everybody. I noticed he waited a good few more minutes than anybody else and came out last. Either himself or CZW knew how to make him look like a star. Gabriel takes a Reverse Frankensteiner off the top rope which really shouldn’t be used as a throwaway move. Everybody ends up outside in one tidy scrum so TNT dives onto them. Street thinks that’s a good idea and follows with an Asai Moonsault. Nick Berk decides to follow that with a swanton off the top. They brawl to the entrance way where The Backseat Boyz decide to dive off onto everybody…and neither are caught. How the FUCK do six guys (plus security) not catch two guys diving one after the other? In the ring, the members of Softcore without bruised tailbones try for some pins. Gab and Az attempt a suplex onto the outside through some chairs but Kashmere spears them both and they tumble through. Then Rainman comes out with his own referee and gets a fast-count on Berk…for the win? Wha? Rain takes a Yakuza Kick and Roaring Elbow…but the bell sounds and the match is apparently over?

Winners: Team Georgia (*1/2)

Match had all the depth of a Tiger Handheld and the finish was as fun as playing one. Nobody in Team Georgia looked ready to be wrestling for a company with any filmed distribution.

The H8 Club come out to save Softcore from a beat-down and Rainman’s manager takes a quadruple superkick. That was the nicest thing all match.

CZW Champion Justice Pain comes out for some air-time. He argues about the finish of the match last month with referee Rob Harthog and gives him a DDT. He then issues an open challenge to anybody. This was during the time when Pain would take on well-known outsiders like Jerry Lynn and CM Punk. So you can imagine the reaction from the crowd when Billy Fives runs out and Pearl Harbours Pain. John House exclaims ”Is that Billy Fives from Flordia?!” which only he could get away with. House mentions something about him being the IPW Champion as the crowd chants ”He’s a jobber.” After he leaves, Pain asks the crowd ”Who the fuck was that?” causing the commentators to lose their composure.

Every year without fail CZW brings in a new wrestler that nuclear bombs. Although the tradition started in 2001 with Menace, Billy Fives is the most fondly remembered example due to Lobo exclaiming ”Billy Fives was a good idea!” as he was dangling off Viking Hall one time.

M-Dogg 20 vs. Josh Prohibition
M-Dogg’s CZW run never impressed me, as his matches with Ruckus and Dutt always looked like over-reheared gymnastic exhibitons than wrestling matches. Let’s see if Josh’s submission-based style can tone him down. Some nice looking warm up sequences start the match with Dogg still nursing his leg injury. Josh is sent outside and Dogg DOESN’T dive which is either a good sign for the story of the match or a bad sign for his leg in real life. He busts out a HandSpring Reverse Frankensteiner. In theory he tries to throw Josh to the outside, but in aiming for the apron he misses and lands on the outside but is STILL able to finish the move. Accidental greatness there and it gets a ”Holy shit” chant. Dogg tries his ring post assisted Flag Pole horizontal splash but Josh just rolls out the way. Josh gives him a Reverse powerbomb onto the guard-rail but it gets two. Lance Storm’s roll-up Boston Crab is dusted off by Josh, who then flips Dogg out of the corner into a slam. That spot seemed to happen in every Dogg match, as he’s good at flipping through the air. Josh plans a sleeper but gets bored and plants Dogg with a Cobra Clutch Suplex. Josh takes a DDT on a chair and Dogg delivers the CHAIRSULT to Josh’s legs for another two. Dogg tries to end the match with the 450 Rana but it’s sloppier than a Kebab Sandwich. He makes up for it with a flip to the outside and locks in the Tarantula on the guard-rail! Josh is unimpressed and gives Dogg a piledriver on the concrete. Crowd want another one, showing how desensitised they all were now. Dogg no-sells it (maybe he should have given him another one) and drops Josh’s head on his knee. Dogg flips out of a sunset flip into a piledriver which looks amazing but gets two. Crowd is tiring of these silly kickouts now. Josh evades another dive and gives Dogg a T-Bone Suplex for two. DVD is countered into a Reverse Frankensteiner…for two. Yeah, I’m getting impatient now. Josh pushes the referee into the ropes to crotch Dogg on the top rope and he kills Dogg with the Sobreity Test (Double Underhook Piledriver) for the 1-2-3.

Winner: Josh Prohibition (**1/2)

I used to love matches like this when I was younger, due to the sheer amount of MOVEZ these guys would pull out. Now I look at these matches and am amazed how poorly-executed the moves were. If the match had been shorter and they had a game-plan outside of ”Let’s just hit moves on each other” it would have been a lot better. Half the crowd gives them a standing ovation, but it was to spite the half of the crowd that booed the match throughout.

Josh goes to shake hands with Dogg but T-Bones him instead. The feud continues!

Justice Pain vs. Billy Fives (CZW World Heavyweight Title)

Fives already has Tully Blanchard heat. Pain pounds him to start as House desperately tries to make him sound like a big deal. Fives likes to kick and his dropkick gets polite applause. Pain tries for the Pain Thrilla early but takes an Elevated Powerbomb instead. Fives is a decent heel and responds to the crowd a lot better than most. He’s all ”You don’t want me here? You’re going to hate me being your World Champion then!” which is nice. A flying kick off the top gets two but Pain resumes offence with an overhead belly to back suplex and a backdrop. Fives takes a chair to the face and dives over the guard-rail and onto some women. Pain catapults himself from the ring onto Fives and fans. Fans in general, not Fives’ fans. He’d have nothing to break his fall then. Pain pulls Fives’ hair (I’M A BABYFACE BUT I WRESTLE LIKE A HEEL) and gives him a Blockbuster for two. A weird sequence sees Pain giving Fives a snapmare. They stand toe-to-toe and kick and punch each other until Fives fluffs a kick and the crowd turns on him completely with a ”Kill The Jobber” chant. Pain decides to get them into it by brawling through the crowd and throwing Fives down the bleachers. Or maybe he just wanted to throw water on Green Lantern Fan. He continues his assault by hurling Fives to the other side of the crowd. After some cookie sheet shots, Pain tosses him through a table. These brawling bits seem really forced but back in Fives gives Pain a moonsault and the crowd applaud so Pain obviously had a better understanding of the fans than me. Some pin attempts come and go and Pain simply drops Fives on his neck with the Pain Thrilla for the win.

Winner and still CZW World Heavyweight Champion: Justice Pain (**)

Fives attacks Pain as he’s celebrating and leaves him laying. ”This is not over at all!” says House. It was. The match was not as bad as you’d think from Billy Fives’ reputation, it’s just that no-one knew who he was outside of John House and the crowd were expecting a name. And cookie sheet shots.

The H8 Club (Nick Gage & Nate Hatred) vs. The Rachies (Adam Flash & Doomsday Danny Rose) (CZW World Tag Team Titles)

Realistically the fun-loving Rachies have no chance against the no-selling hardcore demons, but they manage a sneak attack by having imposters come out during their entrance. Little things like that are what made them a fun team. Hatred gets pancaked and isolated for the first part. Flash and Rose bust out the AWA Special and work on Hatred’s legs. Flash has the nerve to give Hatred Bret Hart’s Figure Four Leg Lock via the ring post, but they’re a deliberately daft team so it’s OK. They continue the leg assault until Hatred decides to German Suplex Rose for the hell of it. Flash blindsides him though and they continue working on him. It’s vintage tag team wrestling and it makes for a nice change of pace on this card. Hatred gives Rose another big slammy thing and gets the hot tag to Gage who Roaring Elbows everybody. He decides it’s time to brawl with chairs and stuff. That’s a shame. Rose gives Hatred his back to hit with a chair so Hatred takes out his face instead. Proffesional Nate Hatred, ladies and gentlemen. Flash throws Gage into the entrance way and nearly destorys it in the process. Rose is bleeding and gets thrown into a security guy and some chairs. Gage gives Flash a Brainbuster on the Crow’s Nest. The brawl is working because The H8 Club are actually selling for The Rachies, at least in very short doses. In the ring we go back to normal tag rules, which even the commentators are confused about. Hatred Northen Light Suplexes Flash but takes a Decapitator. Gage murders Rose with a Chokenbreaker and Face Fucks Flash. Rose is set up on a table outside and Gage follows with a Frog Splash. Flash breaks up the pin attempt with a top rope legdrop but Hatred chokeslams him for the win.

Winners and still the CZW Tag Team Champions: The H8 Club (**)

The first five minutes might as well may of not happened but it was a decent brawl in an era when the crowd went crazy for them.

The Wifebeater vs. Lobo (Fans Bring the Weapons Match)

Weird-looking weapons surround the canvas and Big Mack Smack brings a trolley full of stuff with him. He also brings a trash can lid with Messiah’s name on it which the crowd chants for. Lobo tries to make The Rockin’ Rebel the referee like last month but Big Mack Smack takes exception to that so Tough Enough’s Greg Matthews takes his place.

Lobo tears off Beater’s underwear and staples it to his head. That’s a hell of way to start a match. Lobo places a flowerpot over Beater’s head and smashes it with a chair. And the first tube is broken via a crutch. A shovel with light-bulbs is smashed next. The Wiffle Bat with Thumbtacks is next followed by a VCR to the head. It’s been all Lobo so far. Beater decides FUCK YOU I’M THE WIFEBEATER and breaks a dozen or so tubes over Lobo. One Way sign is bent over Lobo’s back. Barbed Wire Tennis Racket to the arse next and another Wiffle Bat with Bulbs is next to be demolished. Wiffle Bat with barbed wire gets raked across Lobo, who is then caught with a fishing net and destroyed with a glass portrait. Lobo tries to make a run for it but he gets head off at the pass and Beater sidewalk slams him on a table which no-sells them both. Rebel helps out by kicking Beater which lets Lobo assault him with a trashcan lid. Pain joins us on commentary as a wheelchair is brought into the ring. Baubles are poured onto the canvas and an Ironing Board with tubes is set up. But never mind that, a THORN BUSH is raked across Lobo. A fucking Thorn Bush. Lobo is powerbombed through the Ironing Board. Matthews grabs Beater and sets up Rebel’s fireball…which misses and takes Matthews out. Angry Beater delivers the Chokenbomb to Rebel but turns around to take a DVD Bomb through a glass pane from Lobo. That was onto Beater’s still bad shoulder too. Lobo just dives in a haphazard fashion through Beater and the table from before. That was Lobo’s appeal to me, he looked and wrestled like a guy who would do anything to win a match but not necessarily know how to do it properly. They brawl to the Crow’s Nest where a table covered in light-tubes is there waiting for them. Lobo sets up for another DVD Bomb but the lights go off…and Zandig is there when they come back on. Zandig Mother F’n Bombs Lobo off the balcony through the tables of shit and death and Beater pins him.

Winner: The Wifebeater (***)

It was pretty much just walking around and hitting each other with stuff, but the ‘stuff’ was exciting to watch and the crowd was so into it that it seemed special. On the negative side, after a non-finish last month they decided to have Zandig interfere to end this one? They fucking loved the ”non-finish to set up next month’s show” ending, which is decent if you watch the end of the storyline (Cage of Death) but not that thrilling if you’re mid-way through it. Still, match delivered in terms of violence.

Zandig hypes up the first Tournament of Death in Dover, Delaware and brags about screwing Lobo. He also promises that TOD would blow this match away. That show has Mondo vs. Wifebeater so he was right. Zandig was a lucky guy.

The 411: An interesting time capsule for 2002 and CZW. It's a B-Show apart from the main event and it knows it. Way too many bad performances from guys prevent it from being recommended though, so just get Deja Vu and be happy.
Final Score:  5.5   [ Not So Good ]