Views from the Hawke’s Nest: ISW Slamtasia 2010

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April 3, 2010
Danbury, CT

The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) vs. Zombified
Izzie Deadyet is nowhere to be seen, so it looks like it’s now a handicap match. Ophidian hypnotized Zombified, but it didn’t work, because I guess a zombie can’t really be hypnotized. Zombified worked over Ophidian over for a while. Eventually, Ophidian managed to tag in Amasis, who ran wild for a bit, before being cut off with a big boot from Zombified. Zombified worked over Amasis for a bit. At one point, Zombified ripped off his own nipple and then ate it. Luckily, he spat it back out. Amasis managed to tag back out, and Ophidian ran wild for a bit. Zombified managed to send Ophidian to the floor, but Amasis then hit a FameAsser: 1…2…NO! Ophidian got back in the ring and hit a tornado DDT. Amasis then hit a spinebuster and Ophidian hit a standing shooting star press: 1…2…NO! Zombified avoided a double team move and then hit a Stereotypical Dead Guy Double Chokeslam: 1…2…NO! Best name for a move ever. The Portal made a comeback. They hit their double team leg sweep slam and then the Osirian Sacrament: 1…2…3!

The dynamic of this match was weird, but the crowd was clearly into it so the dynamic didn’t really harm my enjoyment of the match. This made me miss the Osirian Portal a lot, as Amasis was pretty much retired by the time I started to become heavily invested in Chikara. I also really do enjoy the zombie gimmicks here. It’s certainly cooler to have a zombie gimmick then just having ‘zombie’ as a part of your nickname.
Match Rating: **1/2

Vin Badd & GLAAD Badd vs. The Badd Boys (Brad Badd & Chad Badd)
Apparently these four men are all brothers. The Badd Boys are homophobes, GLAAD Badd is dressed like a stereotypical gay man. Story writes itself.

The story was that the Badd Boys kept beating GLAAD down, but GLAAD liked the punishment. The crowd chanted “Faggot” in support of GLAAD. GLAAD tagged out and then got tossed out of the ring. One of the Badd boys then hit Vin Badd in the head with a bottle of Zema: 1…2…3

On the surface, this segment/match made me very uneasy. At first, it seems like GLAAD Badd is another in a long line of archaic and stereotypical homosexual heels designed to make babyfaces uncomfortable, which is obviously very problematic. However, it was very clear (if not at first) that GLAAD Badd is actually the babyface in the situation, and that the homophobic nature of the Badd Boys is essentially being called out as wrong. While it would be nice if there was a babyface in wrestling who just happened to be gay, instead of his sexuality defining him as a character, I don’t think I can deny that GLAAD Badd is in fact progress. It would be nice if the commentators didn’t say “faggot” though.
Match Rating: *

Addy Starr vs. Beef Wellington
Beef gets on the microphone before the match. He runs down Addy for being a woman. He says he will beat her in 2-3 minutes, and he will then fuck her in 2-3 holes. Well now.

Addy immediately rolled him up: 1…2…3!

Beef gets on the microphone and claims it was a practice round. The match restarts and Addy once again immediately rolls him up: 1…2…3.

Beef once again claims that it was a practice round. Another restart. Addy hit a shoulder tackle: 1…2…3.

Beef gets the match restarted again, and once again, Addy quickly wins. Ok, this is getting a little tiring.

Match restarts, and Addy makes him tap out to an arm wringer.

Match restarts, and Beef accidentally pushes the referee, so he gets disqualified. Addy wins.

The match restarts again again again, and Beef jumps Addy from behind so that he doesn’t actually lose right away. Addy came back with a tornado DDT. Beef cut her off with a big boot to the face. Addy comes back again and hits a Dudley Dog: 1…2…3! So, Addy officially defeated Beef seven times in this one match. Beef got on the microphone and quit the company afterwards.

Somehow, this was the most absurd thing on the show so far. At least the misogynist lost handily. ISDub has definitely been consistent so far in making the intolerant into the rudos.
Match Rating: *

Moostafa vs. Flip
Flip is the slave of Moohammad the Terrorist Cow, who is Moostafa’s brother.

Flip cut Moostafa off early by hitting him in the dick. Flip (presumably) accidentally took off Moostafa’s cow mask at one point, and he had to put it back on. The commentators covered for it by explaining that Flip is a vegetarian and has no use for cow skin. Flip continued to work him over for a while. This has been the first match that the crowd hasn’t been into. Moostafa came back with a neckbreaker and a DDT. Moostafa hit a Side Effect. Flip came back with a Brogue Kick. Flip then hit a piledriver. That had Moostafa pinned, but Flip pulled his shoulders up to do more damage. Moostafa then managed to get a jackknife cradle variation: 1…2…3!

The characters and the environment of ISDub shows are their biggest draws (for me at least). While this match had the characters, the environment just didn’t match it at all.
Match Rating: **1/4

Dasher Hatfield vs. Moohammad© (ISW Other Championship)
Moohammad is a terrorist crowd. Dasher wore an American flag as a cape. The story writes itself.

Dasher sent Moohammad to the outside and hit a baseball slide. Dasher then did my favorite spot ever: he held Moohammad and let the fans chop him. The referee chopped him as well. Back in the ring, Moohammad kicked the ring ropes into Dasher’s balls to cut the old timey king of swing off. Moohammad hit a stunner for a nearfall. Moohammad worked him over for a while. Dasher ended up on the apron and hit a slingshot Oklahoma Roll for a nearfall. Back in the ring, Moohammad hit an exploder suplex for a nearfall. They traded submission attempts. Dasher got a crossface chickenwing, but Moohammad managed to make the ropes. Dasher hit a nice superkick: 1…2…NO! Dasher hit a backpack chinbreaker: 1…2…NO! Moohammad came back with a half-nelson suplex: 1…2…NO! Moohammad then hit a diving lariat (or Samoan Spike): 1…2…3!

This has easily been my favorite match so far on the show. Dasher is a great babyface, and the dynamic of the match worked out perfectly. Fun stuff.
Match Rating: ***

Frankie Arion vs. Cecil Nyx
Nyx is the rudo with the crowd because he looks like the Miz. Arion was in control early. Nyx eventually cut him off with a big lariat and a leg drop. Nyx got the heat for a while. The crowd chanted “You Suck Dick!,” because they are wrestling fans and homosexuality is still an insult to them. Arion came back with a stunner and a really nice leg lariat: 1…2…NO! Nyx went to the middle rope, but Arion hit him with a Venus. Arion then got a can of axe and went to the top rope. Arion then simultaneously sprayed himself with axe and hit a Superfly Splash: 1…2…3!

This match came out of nowhere and was a lot of fun. Arion was over and Nyx was easy for the crowd to hate, so a good time was had by all.
Match Rating: **1/2

Giant Tiger© vs. Steve “The Turtle” Weiner [ISW Championship]
Giant Tiger’s tights are made out of duct tape and they are in the style Zack Ryder circa 2009. Tiger made a racist crack about the President of the United States. Thanks Obama. Tiger mentions that he has been doing a lot of coke and that after the show, he’s gonna be the Steve Weiner Sister Fucking Champion.

The crowd seemed pretty hot for this. Weiner hit a dropkick (worst dropkick ever) that sent Tiger to the floor. Back in the ring, Tiger hit a low blow to cut Weiner off. Tiger shoved his crotch in the face of Weiner. That was excessive. The crowd chants “Match of the Year.” Tiger was going for a suplex (or something), but both men just kind of fell over. The crowd loves it. Weiner came back with a Shell Shock and a spike bulldog. The crowd started to turn on Weiner at that point seemingly. Turtle hit a reverse STO for a nearfall. Weiner went to the top rope, but Eddie Kingston ran in and knocked Turtle to the mat. Tiger hit the referee and Weiner with no-hands pedigrees.

Tiger brought Weiner’s sister in the ring and shoved his crotch in her face. Tiger said Kingston and Turtle’s sister are the newest members of the league of extraordinary gentlemen. The crowd was hot for all of this, so at least ISW understands their audience.
Match Rating: Wacky

Pinkie Sanchez vs. Twiggy vs. Stinky the Homeless Guy vs. El Hijo del Bamboo
Bamboo is a panda. He’s very adorable. This is an elimination match.

Pinkie and Twiggy ended up on the floor early. Pinkie kicked Bamboo in his panda balls. Pinkie hit a running senton from the stage outside the ring. That was cool. Twiggy and Pinkie traded some strikes. Twiggy hit a tornado bulldog and tagged in Stinky. Stinky dominated Pinkie for a bit. Stinky hit a World’s Strongest Slam: 1…2…NO! Stinky had Pinkie up for a DVD, but Twiggy popped back up and hit Shitty with a superkick. Shitty fell over and accidentally gave Pinkie a Samoan Drop. Twiggy then hit Pinkie with a Togo senton: 1…2…3! Pinkie Sanchez is eliminated. Bamboo hit Twiggy with an Ace Crusher for a nearfall. Twiggy came back with a tornado DDT for a nearfall of his own. Bamboo came back with a palm strike and a super ass stomp: 1…2…3! Twiggy is eliminated. The match comes down to El Hijo del Bamboo and Stinky. Bamboo avoided a spear and hit a running ass smash in the corner. Stinky managed to hit a huge scoop slam and then hit a big powerbomb: 1…2…3! WOW!

Another fun match. I don’t have much else to say, other than that I really love El Hijo del Bamboo. Twiggy is also really underappreciated, and I really want to watch Twiggy vs. Bamboo now.
Match Rating: **3/4

Eddie Kingston vs. Player Uno
They brawl through the crowd right away, and they quickly end up in the bathroom. The door was closed for the bathroom brawl. When they came back out, Kingston had some toilet paper in various places. They ended up on the stage where they brawled some more. Eddie threw him off the stage, and they ended up in the parking lot. They made their way back to the ringside area. Both men shoved each other’s faces in a woman’s ample cleavage. Wrestling. They made their way into the ring and the bell finally rang to start the match. Kingston was in control. Uno came back with some lariats and a DDT. Uno hit a Hadouken for a nearfall. Kingston came right back with a Backfist from the Future and a huge back suplex that caused Uno to roll to the fall. Uno just made it back to the ring before the ‘20’ count. Uno got a small package for a nearfall. Uno hit a backfist, a pair of Falcon Punches and an enzuigiri. Uno hit another Falcon Punch: 1…2…3!!!

Giant Tiger came out and the two rudos beat Uno down. Turtle’s sister comes back to the ring too. Kingston tells her to sit on Uno’s face, and she does just that. Kingston says fuck the fans and ISW, because the league is all that matters now.

This was a fun brawl to end the show. I don’t get to see much of Kingston outside of Chikara (or ROH), so it’s always interesting to see the “rated R” version of the King of Diamonds. I like Player Uno a lot, but I think he is better off in his tag team.
Match Rating: **3/4

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The 411: This wasn’t a great show by any means, but I definitely had fun watching it (or at least most of it). One of my frustrations with independent wrestling right now is that too many promotions feel exactly the same. While ISDub doesn’t always tickle my funny bone, I truly appreciate the fact that they produce a unique product that you can’t get anywhere else. They understand what their fans want and cater to that very specific niche. My main problem with ISDub right now is that they no longer book anyone from the Chikara roster, as they really added a lot to all the shows they were on. Sure, you can watch this show for free on Youtube, but you can also buy this DVD at Smart Mark Video. If you want to sample some more ISDub for free, head over to the ISDub section of FreeProWrestling.com. Finally, for an organized list of links of every show that I've reviewed for 411mania, check out my Views from the Hawke's Nest blog.

Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]