100 Percent Fordified: CHIKARA Under The Hood
Posted by Kevin Ford on 01.09.2013
Philadelphia, PA – 12.2.2012
Commentary is provided by Leonard F. Chikarason, Bryce Remsburg, Gavin Loudspeaker, and Wink Vavasseur.
Shane Matthews says they have been the underdogs their entire careers, but somehow they have made it here tonight. Jagged says they have fought F.I.S.T. more times than they can count. However, Act 1 and Act 2 don’t matter, but Act 3 does. He says tonight is their Act 3 and their last step towards once again reaching the Promised Land.
3.0 (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews) vs. F.I.S.T. (Chuck Taylor & Johnny Gargano)
Both teams have two points, meaning the winners will earn a shot at Los Campeonatos de Parejas. This is also a rematch from "The Contaminated Cowl." Gargano boots Matthews in the stomach instead of locking up with him. Matthews comes back and clotheslines him to the floor. Taylor pitches Matthews to the floor and Jagged sends Taylor out with a leg lariat. When Taylor comes back in, Matthews catches him with a dropkick. He drop toe holds him into Jagged’s elbow drop. 3.0 make some quick tags to do some damage to Taylor. They send him out with a double side Russian leg sweep. Gargano runs in and is taken out backbreaker and a knee to the head. Gargano enzuigiri’s Jagged as he goes to the top rope. Taylor throws Matthews to the floor and trips Jagged off the second rope. He gets ganged up on by F.I.S.T. in their corner. Jagged manages to escape the Boogie Boots and dropkick both Taylor and Gargano down. Matthews gets the tag. Clotheslines and headscissors for all! He goes for the Boston Crab on Taylor but Gargano stops him. Matthews gives Gargano a spinebuster and heads up top. Taylor tries stopping him. Jagged knocks Taylor off the apron, knocks Gargano down, then dives onto Taylor. Matthews comes off the top with an elbow drop for two on Gargano. Gargano rolls out. Taylor goes for Sole Food. Matthews blocks and again tries the Boston Crab. Gargano enzuigiri’s him. He lawn darts Jagged to the corner. Taylor tosses him into Gargano’s Ace Crusher. Matthews makes the save. He clotheslines both F.I.S.T. members. He tries a double suplex but it backfires. He takes F.I.S.T. Kicks right after but kicks out. F.I.S.T. try mocking 3.0 by going for their finisher, The Sweet Taste of Professionalism, which they used to win the belts back in April. Jagged trips Taylor and Matthews puts Gragano in the Boston Crab. Taylor saves his partner. Gargano slingshot spears Jagged and suicide dives onto Matthews. Taylor puts Jagged in the Cross Crab. Matthews pounces Taylor to stop him. Gargano fails to hit the Hurts Donut. Matthews knees Taylor to the floor. Jagged pops Gargano up for Matthews’ spear. The Sweet Taste of Professionalism puts Gargano away at 13:19, and 3.0 enter the next season with a tag title shot. This was reminiscent of the “High Noon” opener between The Colony and Young Bucks – a lot of fun, energetic, and a great way to get the crowd riled up for the rest of the night. ***
Dasher Hatfield vs. Icarus
This is a rematch from “The Cibernetico Rises.” Sugar Dunkerton is in Icarus’ corner. Hatfield goes after Icarus since he was attacked post match. Icarus is chased around the ring but gets the first strike in. Hatfield quickly makes a comeback and dropkicks Icarus to the floor. Icarus whips Hatfield to the guardrails, but Dunkerton saves him! Icarus comes off the apron with a somersault senton. He admonishes Dunkerton for saving his former partner. In the ring Hatfield uses his feet to ram Icarus’ head into the second rope. He gets two with a backslide. Icarus dropkicks Hatfield when he gets up. He suplexes him into a front chancery. Icarus gets some water from Dunkerton. Hatfield locks on the Duke Snyder Special. Icarus turns it over and ends up releasing it. Hatfield drops him with a Jackhammer for two. He reapplies the Duke Snyder Special. Icarus gets the ropes. Hatfield brings him up top for the Grand Slam. Icarus elbows him in the face and throws him to the mat by his mask. He follows with a frog splash for two. Icarus rolls back and gets caught with a gut buster. On the floor Icarus runs Hatfield into the guardrail with the Blu-Ray! He brings Hatfield back in the ring for a pin. Dunkerton places Hatfield’s foot on the bottom rope! Hatfield picks him up for the Suicide Squeeze. Icarus slips off. He has a hand full of powder which he accidentally throws into referee Dan Yost’s eyes. Icarus grabs his fanny pack. Dunkerton gets in a tug of war match with him. Dunkerton wins, and his force causes him to swing around. He almost hits Hatfield but Hatfield ducks in time. Icarus then shoves Dunkerton into Hatfield, causing the fanny pack to hit Hatfield in the face. Icarus hits the Pedigree just in time for Yost to recover and make the count at 11:04. Icarus drags Dunkerton to the back so that he can’t stick around and explain to Dasher what happened. This was a nice follow up to their match from a couple weeks ago. This time around they had a reason to wrestle, picked up the intensity, and had Dunkerton around to make things more interesting. This was a great way to follow up their issue and the previous bout. ***
Mike Quackenbush, The Colony (Fire Ant & Green Ant) & assailANT vs. Jigsaw, The Shard, Soldier Ant & deviANT
Wink Vavasseur is watching on next to the Commentation Station. assailANT convinces his team that he should start off with Soldier Ant, who has a bandage where his one antennae used to be (Mr. Touchdown ripped it off at “The Cibernetico Rises”). He snaps off an armdrag, but Soldier Ant knocks him down with a dropkick and rolling, saluting forearm. Fire Ant is tagged in. He and Soldier Ant hesitantly trade holds. No strikes are thrown, though they do go through some Lucha. They almost shake hands when they reach a stalemate, but deviANT tosses both of them out before that can happen. Green Ant chops him in the corner. Fire Ant dropkicks deviANT to the second rope where Green Ant dropkicks him in the head. He gets two with a top rope splash thanks to the Shard breaking the count. Green Ant puts him in an STF. deviANT saves his partner. Quackenbush fights off deviANT and Shard by himself. Thing sbreak down with all eight participants. The classic Colony and Quackenbush are left standing. All four men dive onto Jigsaw, the GEKIDO and assailANT. In the ring, Jigsaw tells The Colony he has no problem with them and wants to face Quackenbush. Then he kicks out Fire Ant’s injured leg! Soldier Ant is not happy with this, but is forced to watch Jigsaw, the Shard and deviANT do considerable damage to Fire Ant’s leg. Jigsaw looks at Quackenbush as he goes for a brainbuster. Fire Ant escapes it by Burning Down the House. Green Ant tags in. He gives Shard a Michinoku Driver. deviANT runs in and takes an Ace Crusher. He and Fire Ant invite assailANT in to hit the Ants Marching dropkick on deviANT! They set up for the Ant Hill. Soldier Ant wants to join, but Jigsaw knocks them all down to stop it. Soldier Ant knocks down Jigsaw. assailANT gives Soldier Ant assailANT’s Cross (a Death Valley Driver). deviANT gives him an enzuigiri. Fire Ant knocks deviANT down and nails the Yahtzee Kick. Shard drops him with a modified EVO. Green Ant gives him a Gord Buster. Jigsaw lifts him up for a German suplex. Quackenbush comes in but can’t bring himself to palm strike Jigsaw. Jigsaw however has no problem giving him a sole butt. He drops him with a brainbuster for two. Soldier Ant shoves Jigsaw off the top rope to stop a double stomp. The new Colony pulls off the Ant Hill. Shard breaks their cover. Jigsaw sets up for a superkick on Quackenbush. assailANT dives in the way and takes the kick for him! Quackenbush blocks a second superkick and palm strikes Jigsaw. deviANT drags Quackenbush to the floor. The Shard gives assailANT the Gory Special and a top rope double stomp. Quackenbush breaks the pin! deviANT dropkicks him out. He then pins assailANT at 16:49. This was a brilliantly woven tapestry of everything going on between these teams. I am really impressed at how well they were able to blend all the allegiances together. Jigsaw is now firmly in the Rudo/GEKIDO camp while assailANT was not only accepted by the Colony (Fire Ant and Green Ant anyways) but the CHIKARMY as well. I am really anxious to see how things shake out going into the new year. All eight people in this match deserve huge props for putting in a great effort and making lemonade out of lemons. assailANT especially deserves props for his work. ***1/2
ACH reminds us that last time he was in CHIKARA at “The Ring of Wax”, Angelosetti defeated him to win the Young Lions Cup tournament. He says it’s easy to dream a dream, but it’s much harder to live it. He plans to awaken Angelosetti tonight and introduce him to his nightmare.
Young Lions Cup
"Mr. Touchdown" Mark Angelosetti (Champion) vs. ACH
Veronica, in a prom dress, is in Angelosetti’s corner. ACH puts on a side headlock. Angelosetti shoots him to the ropes and knocks him down with a shoulder block. After a full nelson, ACH brings Angelosetti back to the mat in that headlock. ACH fakes out Angelosetti and trips him.ACH snaps off a trifecta of armdrags. He misses an axe kick, but does dropkick Angelosetti to the floor. He lands on his feet when Angelosetti evades a split-legged moonsault. He gets sent into the crowd, but then hops over for a huracanrana. Angelosetti catches him and swings ACH head first into the guardrails! Angelosetti slingshots back in the ring with an elbow drop for two. Veronica sneaks in a choke behind referee Jon Barber’s back. Angelosetti drops a few splashes before striking the Tebow pose. ACH clotheslines him in the corner. He misses a slide through clothesline and lands on the floor. ACH enzuigiri’s Angelosetti to the floor however and suicide dives after him. In the ring Angelosetti evades a top rope attack and tackles ACH into a backdrop. ACH still manages to kick out. Angelosetti applies a bodyscissors with a chin lock. He fights out and headscissors Angelosetti to the second rope. He gamengiri’s Angelosetti from the floor. He tries a springboard Ace Crusher. Angelosetti brings him to the corner, but ACH rolls back and hits it anyways for two. Angelosetti catches ACH coming in from the apron and drives him into the canvas hard with a spinebuster. ACH throws some forearms after blocking a back suplex. Angelosetti chops his back. ACH throws a couple rolling forearms. He drops Angelosetti with a Tiger Driver for two. Angelosetti ascends the top rope. ACH hits a back flip kick to his face! He follows Angelosetti up and brings him down with a super huracanrana! He hits a frog splash for two. He goes for it a second time. Angelosetti gets his knees up and cradles ACH for two. Veronica tosses Angelosetti her baton. ACH avoids getting hit with it and tries a sunset flip. Angelosetti sits down on it and Veronica holds onto the baton, giving him some extra leverage and the pin at 15:50. That was an incredibly hard-fought match. I think that it was on the same level as their initial encounter, and might have been better with a clean finish. I think they trimmed the fat out of the first match and made for a more compact, and competitive bout. Match of the Night for sure. ***3/4
Gavin Loudspeaker says it’s now time to crown the CHIKARA Homecoming King and Queen. Referee Dan Yost, STILL with hurt eyes from the second bout, comes out with the crowns/flowers. Veronica is your Queen. Angelosetti grabs the microphone and says it’s obvious he won, so Gavin shouldn’t even waste his time announcing him. Gavin however corrects Angelosetti and says he did not win. The showdown tune from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” plays and The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger appears. He has won the crown. He forearms Angelosetti back into the ring and comes in with a springboard shoulder block. Angelosetti fights back but ends up being clotheslined to the floor. Veronica and Stranger stare each other down. They slow dance to some music that is played throughout the Trocadero. Veronica begins to peel off Stranger’s mask for a kiss. The Stranger stops her and asks that she turns around and closes her eyes. While she’s doing that, the Stranger brings out a pocket of slop from under the ring. He has Veronica turn around and the Stranger pours the contents of the bucket onto her head! He takes of his mask…it’s Archibald Peck! Who knew?! The fans clear did not, as they chant “we had no clue.” Condor Security, Wink’s security team, come in and drag Peck out of the building. Veronica screams in anger. Angelosetti tries to console her, only to find that she is inconsolable. They end up heading to the back in a foul mood. This was incredible.
Sidney Bakabella makes his way to the ring. He found out from Toots Mondt that in CHIKARA, it takes three points to get a title shot. By his math the Devastation Corporation have 27 ½ points, but by CHIKARA’s rules they only have two. So, he found two competitors from South of the Border to challenge his team. This prompts Los Ice Creams to come out. The Devastation Corporation make their way out, but they have a third member with them! He heads to the back , leaving Smashmaster and McMassive to take care of business.
The Devastation Corporation (Max Smashmaster & Blaster McMassive) vs. Los Ice Creams (El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr.)
McMassive shoulder blocks Jr. to the floor. Hijo pinches Smashmaster in the buttocks. He is not amused. McMassive screams, sending Hijo running into Smashmaster’s shoulders. He splashes both Ice Creams into the corner. He tosses Jr. into McMassive’s arms. McMassive falllaway slams Jr. so hard that he rolls to the floor. Hijo falls victim to the Death Blow, giving the Devastation Corporation the win and their third point at 1:42. I’m curious to see how these guys will do in longer matches but I’m not entirely anxious to see it happen. I hope it’s a long while before they cash I because they definitely need more seasoning. ½*
The Spectral Envoy (UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, Frightmare, Crossbones & Blind Rage) vs. Delirious, Ophidian, & The Batiri (Obariyon, Kodama & Kobald)
Ophidian has AWESOME new gear. It looks sort of like his old gear, but green and black like the Cobra Commander. It’s a thing of beauty. As expected, a giant brawl takes place outside the ring. Numerous fans in the crowd are wearing Amasis masks. In the ring Crossbones absorbs Delirious’ clotheslines. Delirious drop toe holds him into the corner and hits the Panic Attack. Kodama prevents Mantis from attacking Delirious. Mantis gives him a butterfly suplex and a DDT. Kodama sends him out with a neckbreaker. Hallowicked super snapmares Kobald and follows with a Swanton Bomb. Kobald clobbers Hallowicked with a foreign object behind Bryce Remsburg’s back. Rage throws strikes at Ophidian. Ophidian spits red mist into his eyes! Frightmare comes in with a high crossbody. He huracanrana’s Obariyon to the corner and boots him in the face. Obariyon kicks out Frightmare’s historically bad knee. The Rudo quintet target Frightmare in their corner. Mantis gets tagged in after Frightmare avoided Kobald’s Demon’s Toilet. He knocks down everyone before Delirious gives him a double choke bomb. Ophidian delivers double knees to Mantis in the corner. All of a sudden, the real Amasis appears in the crowd! Ophidian is in disbelief. Amasis tells Ophidian that his nightmare is here and then leaves. Mantis avoids the Batiri’s onslaught in the corner and sends Delirious to the floor. He suplexes Ophidian onto his head and tags in Hallowicked. He immediately dive onto the Batiri and Delirious. Frightmare does the same. Rage dragonscrews Ophidian’s leg. Crossbones sends Ophidian chest first to the corner and kicks him in the shoulders. Rage reverse suplexes Obariyon, then gives him a modified Falcon Arrow for two. Kobald suplexes Rage. He rolls out. Frightmare gives Kobald the Friggin’ Sweet Driver. Ophidian breaks the cover. He gives Frightmare the Egyptian Destroyer. Hallowicked tries Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. Ophidian turns it into the Death Grip. Hallowicked escapes with the Graveyard Smash. Delirious chop blocks his knee and delivers a Complete Shot. The Batiri attack Mantis when he sets up Delirious for the Praying Mantis Bomb. Kodama tosses Frightmare to Obariyon for the Seventh Circle. Mantis breaks the cover. Ophidian brings down Crossbones with double knees. Kobald follows with the Demon’s Toilet and Rage is there to break the count. Frightmare spikes Ophidian with a huracanrana. Obariyon gets triple chokeslammed and somehow kicks out. He falls to the Catacombs of Abbadon twice. Kobald makes the save. His spear on Crossbones does nothing. He crossbody’s Kobald to the floor onto his partners. Delirious ends up in the ring with Mantis. Mantis Mongolian Chops him in the corner. Delirious hits the Panic Attack and Shadows Over Hell for two. Mantis kicks out of his own finisher, the Praying Mantis Bomb. They exchange blows whilst on their knees. Mantis fires up, throwing a flurry of Mongolian Chops. Finally he puts Delirious away with Cosmic Doom at 23:27. There was a lot going on here and at times it was tough to follow. Amasis’ return didn’t seem like as big of a deal as it should have, especially since his involvement really had no direct impact on the outcome of the match. The action was pretty good throughout though there were a couple sloppy moments. All in all it was nice to see Rage and Crossbones back, as well as Delirious back in action in what seems like forever, but this didn’t have as epic a feel as you would think it could have. Maybe that’s because it’s not the end of the feud. After all, it’s still awhile until 2014. ***
The Young Bucks are backstage. Matt Jackson says that Marty Jannetty was one of their idols as a kid. They saw him live, they had his action figure, but that was twenty years ago. They claim that they would have taken Jannetty and the 1-2-3 Kid’s money and spots were they around at that time. They think that they will be starstruck by what they can do. Matt wants to see them at their best, because they are the best team TODAY, not twenty years ago.
Los Campeonatos de Parejas
The Young Bucks (Matt & Nick Jackson) (Campeones) vs. The 1-2-3 Kid & Marty Jannetty
Matt celebrates snapping off an armdrag on Jannetty. He knocks Jannetty down with a back elbow too. Kid shoulder blocks Nick and then hip tosses him to the corner. Nick enzuigiri’s him from the ring apron. He stomps Kid down and mockingly signals for the Bronco Buster. He ends up crotching himself in the middle turnbuckle. Kid kicks him down. He goes for the Bronco Buster but Nick gets his foot up right into Kid’s crotch. The Bucks hit their tandem spike piledriver to pick up the first fall at 6:06. Jannetty throws punches at both Bucks to start off the second fall. Matt throws some superkicks to get things back in their favor. Jannetty escapes their grasp by suplexing them simultaneously. The Bucks go for their tandem tombstone piledriver. Jannetty slides off Matt’s shoulders as Kid brings Nick to the floor. He then gives Matt the X-Factor to tie things up at one fall a piece at 10:14. Kid tope con hilo’s onto the Bucks to begin the third and final fall. Jannetty dives after them as well. The Bucks crotch Kid onto the ring post. Kid gets beaten down in the Bucks corner for awhile. Kid is dragged to the floor, so Jannetty comes in, but he gets tossed to the floor. The Bucks then dropkick Kid back to the floor and work over Jannetty. By work over, I mean beat him like crazy. He somehow manages to whip Nick into Matt and tag in Kid. He spinwheel kicks both Bucks. He trips Nick face first into Matt’s crotch before successfully hitting the Bronco Buster. Nick hits him with a slingshot X-Factor. He huracanrana’s Kid off the top rope for two. Nick tries for a 450 splash and gets caught with an X-Factor on the way down. Matt breaks the cover. He slingshot DDT’s Kid onto the ring apron! Jannetty is superkicked to the floor. More Bang For Your Buck on Kid gives the Bucks the third fall and the win at 23:28. Kid and Jannetty tried really hard to keep up with the Bucks, but there is only so much they could do. It actually became a little sad to watch at a certain point. I give them a lot of credit for their effort, but the crowd really was not buying them to win (sans Kid catching a 450 splash and turning it into an X-Factor). **3/4
Jakob Hammermeier seems to finally realize that Donst may not care for him the same way he cares for Donst. He knows Donst hasn’t been the same since losing to Hallowicked, but he wishes things could go back to the way they were. He’s at his wits end. Even with all that said, he wishes Tim Donst good luck in his match tonight.
CHIKARA Grand Championship
Eddie Kingston (Champion) vs. Tim Donst
Jakob Hammermeier is in Donst’s corner. Donst slaps Kingston and Kingston slaps him right back. He throws Donst into the barricades. Donst shoves Kingston’s back into the ring post, then goes back into the ring for a suicide dive. He throws Kingston’s back into the barricades before bringing him back into the ring. Donst whips him back first to the corner and hits a clothesline for two. He tries a suplex on the floor but Kingston reverses it. Donst snaps Kingston’s neck across the top rope when he is being dragged back in. Donst gives him a backbreaker off of the ring apron. He slaps Kingston before trapping him in the ropes. He mutters that Kingston is not Hallowicked. Kingston escapes from the ropes, gives Donst a reverse chinbreaker, and then a reverse DDT. He comes off the second rope with a bulldog for two. Donst blocks the Sliding D and puts on From Dusk til Donst. Kingston gets the ropes to break it. He gives Donst a suplex and a short-arm lariat. Donst snapmares Kingston and tries to choke him. Kingston escapes and throws a couple of strikes in the corner. Donst blocks a yakuza kick. Kingston goes for a Hamachan Cutter when Hammermeier distracts him. Donst then brings Kingston down with a Rydeen Bomb for two. They trade shots on their knees. They’re knocked to opposite corners when throwing stereo forearm strikes. Kingston elbows Hammermeier who tries a sneak attack. He charges at Donst but is caught with an STO. Donst locks Kingston in the ropes. He slaps him repeatedly, telling Kingston that he made him hate wrestling. Kingston spits in his face. Donst hits the ropes to send Kingston crashing face first into the canvas. He belly-to-belly suplexes Kingston onto the entrance ramp, hurting his previously worked over back. In the ring however Kingston hits the Royal Flush for two. Donst talks some trash as he recovers. Kingston smacks the crap out of him until Donst cowers in the corner. Donst pulls Bryce in the way of Kingston’s lariat! He then hits the Backfist to the Future and a short-arm lariat on Donst. Donst asks Hammermeier for his black bag, the same one he used to win his last 3 matches including the Cibernetico. Hammermeier does not want to hand it to him, so Donst shoves him down and takes the bag anyways. He clobbers Kingston in the neck with it and drops him with the Gator Roll. Hammermeier revives Bryce. Kingston kicks out at two. Donst pulls up Hammermeier by his hair and yells at him. He turns around into a small package. He kicks out. Kingston gives him the Backfist to the Future twice, one to the face and one to the neck, knocking him down for the pin at 20:01. I enjoyed this quite a bit more on DVD than I did live. The back work Donst did was excellent, and wasn’t the usual leg work we had seen in a lot of Kingston matches this year. Had he done that it would have been acceptable but I do appreciate him trying something new. This may not have been as intense as I wanted, but it was every bit as cerebral as I wanted. Donst saying Kingston wasn’t as good as Hallowicked, his cheating coming to backfire, and Hammermeier showing a moment of hesitation when giving Donst the black bag all were little things that made this great. It appeared that Donst ultimately cost himself the match, so we’ll see how that plays up going into 2013. A fitting end to the year, although I feel they have a superior rematch coming up down the line. ***1/4
Kingston continues to attack Donst post-match. Hammermeier saves him. Kingston turns around and Hammermeier looks ready to accept his punishment. Kingston shows a rare moment of compassion and let’s Hammermeier go. He then grabs his title belt from Wink Vavasseur, ruffles his hair, and smacks him in the bottom.
A couple videos play after the show. One is of a couple of guys in Hazmat suits near the railroad tracks where Delirious smashed the Eye of Tyr. Something is picked up and placed in a bag, per orders from someone talking to the men through an earpiece.
We then see Wink Vavasseur talking to his father. His Dad is disappointed that his Condor Security was used by him in CHIKARA. He tells Wink no more screw ups and then walks away. Wink looks sad.
The 411: The first half of this show was awesome. All the matches were really good and the Archibald Peck reveal was very entertaining. After intermission though things fell apart. Not in a disasterous way, but it certainly deflated my sails to see the show end relatively weakly to the awesome opening half. Calling the show unbalanced seems unfair, but it wasn’t the amazing show to cap off the year you might expect. Still, there’s a lot worth seeing and a lot that will play into the overall tapestry of the company. You can buy this show on DVD, as a digital download, or On Demand at Smart Mark Video.Be sure to check out all of my CHIKARA reviews at my CHIKARA blog; "The CHIKARA Special" and all the CHIKARA news over at "The CHIKARA Special" Tumblr. In addition to that, you can check out a lot of promos from CHIKARA DVDs over at the CHIKARA Special YouTube Page.