Reviews from Across the Pond: WSU Full Steam Ahead
Posted by Jack Stevenson on 01.19.2013
Shimmer isn't the only women's promotion in America! But it is the best one.
WSU FULL STEAM AHEAD
Hey! You! Do you like women’s wrestling? Do you like it best when performed by superstars? Do you hate censorship with a burning passion? Then the Women’s Superstars Uncensored promotion may well be for you! For full disclosure this is a review copy of this show, which the dynamic duo of TJ Hawke and Denver Colorado provided me with. Thanks muchly to them. Because I was so excited that I was getting free things I reviewed this show with approximately 31% more efficiency than I do all my other writing. Take note, indy promoters!
Mercedes Martinez is chilling in the back when an excitable young lady named Sammy Geodollno approaches her. She explains that she knew Martinez from way back, but unfortunately lost touch from her after going to prison on a false charge of arson. Now she is out on parole, back in wrestling, and ready to help Mercedes in any way necessary! Martinez seems slightly befuddled by this offer.
MATCH 1- KALAMITY VS LEVA BATES
Leva Bates comes out riding a tricycle and sporting a spooky Saw mask. Interesting.
Bates tries to bring the funny with a Hulk Hogan impersonation early on, but Kalamity just throws her across the ring in response. When she gets to wrestling, Leva looks pretty decent, taking her foe down with a spinning headscissors into a Fujiwara armbar. She follows with a flipping neckbreaker for a two count. Victory roll for the same. Kalamity exhibits her power, countering a huracanrana into an impactful sit out powerbomb for two. She charges at Bates in the corner, but Leva hops onto the top turnbuckle to get out the way, and Kalamity crashes into the ring post. Bates continues the momentum with a double stomp. Inverted DDT garners a two count. She tries for a Crucifix, but Kalamity is just too strong, and she counters into a Magnum Driver for the three count. ** A perfectly competent opener. It wasn’t much more than an exchange of moves, and the quiet, sparse crowd didn’t really help matters, but everything was executed well enough and both women showed real sparks of talent in places. I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing what these could do with more time.
MATCH 2- TINA SAN ANTONIO VS BRITTNEY SAVAGE
Brittney Savage Gangnams down to the ring. It strikes me that a wrestler who feels the need to tap into the Gangnam Style craze instead of inventing their own entertaining schtick must be severely lacking in either charisma or in ring ability. Let’s see if my theory is correct!
Savage gets off to a strong start with a spin kick and neckbreaker for two. San Antonio blocks her attempted pendulum kick though, and bounces her head off the top turnbuckle. Tina displays some athleticism with a handspring back elbow, and then some rugged aggression in standing on her hair. Brittney battles back with a roundhouse kick for two. She attempts a Diamond Cutter, but TSA drops back into a schoolboy roll-up with her feet on the ropes for a three count. * ½ Reread my thoughts on the first match. This one loses half a star for being shorter and a little more basic. I didn’t see enough of Brittney Savage to test my theory.
MATCH 3- JESSIE BROOKS VS ADDY STARR
Brooks seems to like her suplexes, nailing a gutwrench and bridging vertical early on. Brooks fights back with a guillotine DDT, and cinches in a Butterfly Lock, trapping the leg while doing so. Jessie powers out with a Samoan Drop for two. Powerslam for the same. Now a Cattle Mutilation from Brooks! This makes me think of Daniel Bryan which is always a good thing. *Sighs wistfully...* Starr seems enraged that Jessie has dared to string some offense together, and decides to stop her from continuing to do so with repeated punches to the heart. A straight-jacket neckbreaker dazes Brooks, and a sliding clothesline finishes her off. ** ¼ Another match when I find myself trying to string ‘watchable’ out into a respectable piece of analysis. This was the most intense match of the card so far and thus gets the highest rating, but beneath that the match still had little to offer other than some nice moves.
MATCH 4- MERCEDES MARTINEZ VS LUFISTO
Ooooooh this should be good.
Martinez attacks as LuFisto makes her entrance and already this feels much more consequential than anything on the show so far. LF controls the bout once it gets to the ring and locks a truly nasty looking armbar on Martinez. That is countered into a similarly intense headscissors, and Fisto responds to that by escaping and kicking her foe in the face for two. She wrenches at her nostrils and bites at her face. Yikes. Martinez wriggles from LuFisto’s clutches and starts to bring some wrestling into this thing, hitting a vertical suplex followed by a butterfly variant for two. MM can’t seem to get a steady foothold in the bout though, with LuFisto quickly retaking control with a dropkick to the face. She attempts a cross arm-bar but Mercedes resists it fiercely and is able to make the ropes. Michinoku Driver gets two. Martinez roars out of a Dragon Sleeper and washes Fisto’s face with her boot a few times. She axe-kicks LuFisto out to the floor, and the match moves towards the entrance way, where Fisto turns the tables with a body slam onto the concrete floor. Martinez ups the ante in the ring by soccer kicking her foe in the vagina. And then the Canadian CANNONBAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLSSSS into Mercedes in the corner. The impact sends the aggressor out to the floor, and as he tries to return Martinez hits a Slingshot DDT for two. Forearm exchange! LuFisto tries to nail the Burning Hammer, but Mercedes slips out the back door and drops her on her head with a high angle German! At this point there is ten minutes left in the half hour time limit and the match is really starting to drag. Double M tries for the Three Amigos but LuFisto stops the second one with a German Suplex of her own. She then heads to the top rope and flies off to hit a Codebreaker! Both women are down, but they recover enough to start throwing strikes like it’s the first minute of the match. Into the crowd they go, where Martinez forgets all notion of wrestling and simply stands on her opponent. They make a quick return to the ring, where LuFisto hooks a Sharpshooter. Martinez makes the ropes, there’s two minutes till the time limit and yeah, we all know how this ends. LuFisto hits the Burning Hammer but the impact takes her opponent over to the ring ropes, and the effort of executing it drains the executor. She is able to get a two count, but Martinez kicks out and their goes the bell. A draw. Great. ** I really wanted to like this match, but it sadly turned out to be disjointed and meandering with no transitions to speak of. There were times where it looked like they genuinely had no idea what they wanted to do in the match; they’d head into the crowd and then immediately fight back out, randomly switch between wrestling and striking sequences, and poorly concealed their attempts to kill time till for thirty minutes. At least it was intense, and both ladies executed everything well enough, but this was still a massive let down in what I thought would be the match of the night. It took 30 minutes to deliver a bout on par with the opener.
MATCH 5- NIYA VS SATURYNE
Maybe the excellent Saturyne will help kick this show into a higher gear. The winner of this one will get a full time roster spot on WSU.
The Wrestle Factory graduate starts out with some nice, crisp holds, but it’s Niya that lands the first major offensive move with a snap suplex. She follows it up with a tilt-a-whirl slam, and locks in a high angle Boston Crab. Saturyne flies back with a springboard crossbody for two. The two exchange kicks until they slump to the mat, a fairly well executed version of a sequence I usually can’t stand. Niya dumps her opponent with a release Northern Lights suplex for two. Cartwheel into a standing moonsault gets the same. She tries for a springboard crossbody of her own, but Saturyne dodges out the way and hooks a Victory Roll for three. Yay! ** ¼ I suppose it was just another exhibition match, but Saturyne and Niya looked by far the most impressive out of any of the wrestlers we’ve seen so far, confident, athletic and intelligent in the way they constructed their match. Saturyne deservedly gets the full time roster spot but I wouldn’t mind seeing Niya join her at all. A fun little match.
Post match, Jennifer Cruz, who thought she had ran Niya out of the promotion by beating her in a previous match, hits the ring to sneak attack her foe again. Jenna, who appears to be another enemy of Cruz, runs out to make the save and initiate a two on one beatdown. Cruz flees to the stage before telling Niya she doesn’t belong in WSU. The fan favourites do not like this and chase her to the back.
MATCH 6- KIMBER LEE & ANNIE SOCIAL VS ALYSSIN KAY & SASSY STEPHANIE
Kay and Stephanie (collectively known as the Midwest Militia) attack before the bell with dual kicks to their opponents’ genitalia. Kimber Lee retaliates with a missile dropkick onto Alyssin. Double boot from SocialLee WRESponsible (they can have that team name for free! I am so generous.) Social gets some vagina kicking revenge. Kay responds with a big boot, then combines with her tag partner for some referee-distraction-rule-breaking. The MM are doing a good job of wearing down Social but it isn’t hugely exciting to watch. They wrap her leg round the ring post in more interesting scenes. Eventually the inevitable hot tag is made and Kimber Lee enters with plenty of pizzazz, taking out her foes with an enzuiguri and German Suplex. She heads to the top rope but gets pushed off by Sassy Stephanie and lands awkwardly on her knee. She can’t continue and thus the official stops the match. ** That is not the sort of match that was needed after a bout as peppy and enjoyable as Saturyne-Niya. It was slow from the get go, the hot tag received a negligible reaction from the fans, and the angle was totally deflating. The work was perfectly competent but there was little or no reason to care.
Post match, the Midwest Militia kick Kimber Lee in the leg just to be dicks.
MATCH 7- WSU SPIRIT CHAMPIONSHIP- MARTI BELLE (C) VS NIKKI ADDAMS
Nikki Addams schtick appears to be ‘screaming.’ Faaaaaaantastic. Half an hour left on this here review copy and we have still have the main event after this to fit in. Why oh why did Martinez-LuFisto have to go half an hour?
Belle does not react well to Addams’ attempts at antagonising her. She lays into her with forearms, and lands a sliding lariat for two. Russian leg sweep gets the same. Addams is able to goad her foe onto the apron and kick her in the FACE to turn the tide. A big lariat seems to have wiped Belle out, but the rule-breaker takes too long to cover and only gets two as a result. A Jarrett style Stroke achieves similar results. Nikki heads to the top rope but drops right into a kick to the face from her foe. The two women exchange strikes on their knees, which Marti comes out on top of. Discus Lariat gets two. Cannonball in the corner! She charges at the challenger to follow up but gets caught with a boot in the corner. Sole Food from Addams! Still only two! Nikki tries for a tombstone, Belle counters with a headscissors, only to charge into a big boot. Addams attempts an avalanche but it gets dodged, and Belle nails a Pedigree for a two count. ** I feel like I’m repeating myself here. A fine exhibition, but not nearly a credible semi-main event. Marti Belle looked pretty good. Nikki Addams not so much. Next.
Post match, masked marvel Ezavel Suena sarcastically applauds, before making belt motions around her waist.
MATCH 8- THREE WAY ELIMINATION MATCH FOR THE WSU CHAMPIONSHIP- JESSICKA HAVOK VS ALICIA VS LEXXUS
Alicia attacks Lexus before the bell while Jessicka Havok is still making her way to the ring. The champion attempts to attack the aggressor but ends up getting caught with flying hip attacks in the corner. Havok fights back with kicks, and Lexxus helps nullify Alicia with a senton. She then takes both women off their feet with a double headscissor takedown. She contemplates flying off the top rope but instead makes a disrespectful gesture and hops back to the mat. I don’t know who the fan favourite is meant to be here. I guess Havok? But then the play by play commentator brands her ‘evil.’ Lexxus catches Alicia with a codebreaker and takes down the champion with a seated dropkick. Another senton gets two. She tries for a wheelbarrow facebuster but Jessicka sits down into an inverted powerbomb. The three ladies pull off a stacker spot, Alicia powerbombing Havok while she superplexes Lexxus. Alicia doles out headbutts for all, before Samoan Dropping Lexxus onto Havok, covering both for two. The champion lands an Air-Raid Crash on Alicia but Lexxus breaks up the cover for some reason. It’s an elimination match! Just let it happen. Havok rolls up Alicia for a three count and oh the match is over apparently! Well that is odd. The commentator just says “hey, I guess it wasn’t an elimination match!” The sweet taste of professionalism. ** ¼ Despite the lack of a face/heel divide and surprisingly brief match length this still managed to be a reasonable amount of fun. The three women all had fairly different styles and that made for interesting, fairly unique sequences. It didn’t feel remotely as worthwhile as a title match should but this was still at least a decent conclusion to what has been a disappointing night of wrestling.
The three ladies trash talk their way to the back as Full Steam Ahead splutters to it’s conclusion.
The 411: I really really wanted to like this show, but I just couldn't. I can't even say it is a fairly breezy, digestible watch because Mercedes-LuFisto cluttered up the undercard with broken promises and disappointment. I appreciated the effort of the ladies and there is plenty of potential on display, but if WSU is going to challenge Shimmer's spot as the Queen of Western Women's Wrestling then it needs to allow its ladies more time to breathe, and cut out silly things like having a seven minute main event in which the rules are changed without informing anyone for no apparent reason. Thumbs down.