Guerrilla Reviewfare: PWG Mystery Vortex
Posted by Jake St-Pierre on 02.02.2013
Adam Cole survives going through a pyramid of chairs just to win a title. It sounds a lot more logical if you don't think about it.
In a stroke of genius (only for PWG, I would think), only one match was announced; BOLA 2012 winner Adam Cole vs. PWG World Champ Kevin Steen. Everything else was kept a mystery, hence the Mystery Vortex title. I thought that was awesome—especially if you were there live—just because it’s a bold move and with PWG, the possibilities with the card were endless. Everyone knows the lineup now, but who cares? It’s PWG, they can do whatever they want at this point.
We are TAPED at the American Legion in splendid Reseda, CA.
Your hosts are Excalibur and whoever the hell.
Dojo Bros (Eddie Edwards & Roderick Strong) vs. The Young Bucks
This is certainly a high octane way to kick off PWG’s last show of the year. Eddie Edwards and Roderick Strong formed at a PWX(?) show with Adam Cole and were dubbed the Dojo Bros, so that’s what I’m using here. They were set to make their PWG debut as a team until Kenny Omega came back. They also used the Dojo Bros name during this past DDT4.
Hilariously, Kevin Steen is STILL ragging on Excalibur for accidentally calling Michael Elgin “Michael Cole.” Roddy catches both of the Bucks’ shirts and rubs Nick’s on his balls so he can throw it back. Strong and Matt start, Roddy getting the upperhand early. Roddy fires off a couple of chops and drops Matt with a leg lariat. Eddie comes in to join the party, knocking Nick off of the apron and taking turns chopping Matt to pieces. Nick comes in and attempts to put a stop to it all, but Roddy tags into Eddie and they put the Bucks down with stereo chops. Eddie rocks Nick with a basement dropkick in the Tree of Woe, but Edwards finds himself in peril. Eddie threatens to come back but takes the headscissor/superkick from the Bucks and after order is restored, a tope atomico from Matt. Spinning neckbreaker/backbreaker combo gets a two count for the Bucks, and Eddie takes a couple of rakes to the front and back. Eddie dodges a slingshot X-Factor and nails a superkick, and here…comes…RODERICK! Roddy cleans house and he and Eddie HIT A DROPKICK/ELBOW IN THE CORNER! Superkick from Eddie onto Matt, who runs into an elbow from Roddy and a RexPlex from Eddie! Two count! Nick flies with a somersault plancha onto Roddy! SLINGSHOT DDT ON THE APRON FROM MATT! Roddy comes back with a jumping knee, but eats a superkick from Matt! SUPERKICK FROM EDDIE! STEREO SUPERKICKS ON THE DOJO BROS! A wind up dropkick from Eddie gets a 2 count. Stronghold on Matt! Nick takes Eddie down with a slingshot X-Factor and Roddy EATS a superkick from Matt after he breaks the hold to deal with Nick. JUMPING KNEE ON MATT! TOPE SUICIDA ON NICK! DOUBLE STOMP/DOMINATOR ON MATT! The Dojo Bros win their first PWG match as a team in 16 minutes. ***3/4One of the best openers of the year anywhere, as PWG wanted to start their year-end show off with a bang. And start it off with a bang they did, as all four wrestled a really exciting match with a lot more strikes than you see in a tag match. Add that on with the natural ring presence and excitement these guys have, and there’s no way shit isn’t going to get good. Great way to start off the show and off the top of my head, PWG’s best opener of 2012.
Match One: Drake Younger vs. Sami Callihan
This is the first match in a best 2/3 series for a shot at the PWG World Title. They continued the series at DDT4. I saw an ULTRA shitty match between these two at an IWA: MS show…thankfully they’re actually talented now.
Drake looks for a roll up early, but Callihan gives no shits and starts off hot with boots in the corner. Drake explodes out with a lariat and hits a big Exploder in the corner! Callihan bicycle kicks Drake, who takes a VICIOUS bump off of the apron! Drake comes back with a HUGE SOMERSAULT DIVE TO THE OUTSIDE! Sami fights back and NAILS AN EXPLODER ON A CHAIR! They head up to the apron where they trade headbutts and bicycle kicks, but DRAKE PILEDRIVES SAMI ON THE APRON! HOLY SHIT! Sami heads back into the ring, where Drake nails him with a bulldog for a one count. Younger sets Sami on the top rope and blasts him with some chops and elbows, but Callihan slithers out and superkicks Drake’s leg out from underneath him. They trade a strikes in the center of the ring until Sami KISSES Drake, who gets a little too pissed and falls to an inverted Figure Four. Sami gets a nearfall on a shoulderbreaker as he tries to finish things off. Callihan goes off with German Suplexes as Kevin Steen says, “Somewhere Kurt Angle is angrily and drunkenly tweeting about Sami Callihan.” Sami nails EIGHT Germans, but Drake one ups him with a Northern Light’s Bomb! Deadlift Saito Suplex fropm Callihan! SAITO SUPLEX ON THE FUCKING APRON! Sami gets two and puts on the Stretch Muffler, but Drake swfitly counters into a cross armbreaker! Sami counters with a sitout powerbomb! Sami puts the Stretch Muffler back on, but Younger gets to the ropes. DRAKE’S LANDING~! NEARFALL!~! SAMI COUNTERS TO ONE OF HIS OWN! DRAKE KICKS OUT! Callihan destroys Drake with a couple of lariats, but Drake kicks out at one because DRAKE YOUNGER DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK! The power-up was for naught, as Drake taps to Sami’s Stretch Muffler in 18 minutes. ***3/4Mind you, this is a pretty generous rating but it’s so high because I was just so entertained by it. I don’t think this match should have gone second because of everything they did, but as a standalone match, I thought it was hella great even if it suffer from some glaring indyisms. It’s going to get the “stunt show” treatment from over-analyzers and whatnot, but fuck them. I like this style of match for some odd reason. Plus, it’s my review and I say that this match kicked ass.
Adam Cole comes out and berates Kevin Steen by doing what else? Telling him to #suckmydick. I’m not putting the hashtag there because I’m a trendy doucher. He legit said “hashtag suck my dick.” Steen takes the mic and says since he has a lot of pull in PWG, their title match that night would be Guerrilla Warfare! Adam ain’t a happy camper.
SIDE NOTE OF URGENT URGENCY: If you are a fan of good ole rock and roll, I URGE you to buy the Barbarian Overlords’ self-titled album. They are the awesome band who does PWG’s menu music and the album is absolutely fabulous. A lot of blues influence and great guitar riffs, and Brandon Bonham is the drummer! So yeah, buy it. Don’t pirate it you fucks, although I’m not sure where you could actually get a torrent or download of it.
The Monsters try to jump SSB with a wrench and mallet, but Stupefied and Player Uno take the weapons and chase Yuma and Goodtime with them. Things calm down as Yuma starts with Stupefied, but the Monsters heel it up and cheat at every cost rather than wrestle a scientific match. Yuma tries to draw Uno in the ring while Stupefied takes a couple of fives, but the ref escorts Uno out each time he tries to get in. The cheating allows the Monsters to take Stupefied to town, but it doesn’t last too long. Yuma stops Uno from decking Goodtime by PANTSING him, which works if you can believe it. Goodtime folds Stupefied up like a lawn chair with a lariat, but Uno spears him on the apron! Somersault plancha from Yuma! Stupefied ragdolls Yuma with some Gunn Slinger thing. I don’t know what to call it, but it rules. Stupefied kills Yuma with a seated TKO, but Goodtime breaks up the pin. Enzuigiri/Russian legsweep gets SSB another nearfall. PARTNER ASSISTED REVERSE RANA FROM THE MONSTERS! NEARFALL! Holy shit! Uno puts Yuma up top and blasts him with the Hadouken and tries to suplex him off, but that pesky Yuma GRABS UNO’S BALLS and SUNSET POWERBOMBS STUPEFIED OVER HIM ON TOP OF HIS HEAD! SUPERFLY SPLASH BY GOODTIME! TWO COUNT! Whoa, this match RULES. JUMPING KNEE ON YUMA! “GET OVER HERE” SUPLEX ONTO GOODTIME IN THE CORNER! CANNONBALL/450 FROM THE SSB! YUMA KICKS OUT!~! Goodtime cuts up his beard and BLOWS IT INTO UNO’S FACE! ROLLUP! NEARFALL! FATALITY! The Super Smash Brothers retain their titles in a fantastic 14 minutes. ****I’m being pretty generous on this rating too, but I think it was better than the opener, so that’s why it gets the four star treatment. I feel nice today, deal with it. The finishing sequence had an awesome ratio of nearfalls and just plain excitement, and they upped the entertainment factor with some hilarious heel tactics. The crowd was legit sold on the roll-up where Johnny Goodtime blew pieces of his beard onto Uno’s face. You just cannot go wrong with this one. Match of the Night so far for me.
Joey Ryan’s Farewell: Joey Ryan vs. Scorpio Sky
Oh hey look, it’s Harold…who also happens to like being a homophobic shithook on Twitter. I’m sad to see Joey go, but he can sleaze it up in TNA. With Matt Morgan. Yes, Matt Morgan…sigh…
First thing we hear is a huge “Harold” chant for Sky, who—to his credit—no-sells it like a pro. Sky starts off by giving Joey a big hug surprisingly. And even more to my surprise, who doesn’t bitch slap him. Joey drops Sky with a dropkick, and Sky returns in kind, followed by a slingshot headscissors. LIONCOCK FROM SKY! HA! Sky is just blasting Joey with some mean leg kicks. That sound ain’t thigh slapping either. Joey comes back with a pumphandle suplex as Excalibur says, “Who would you want commentating your matches, me or Taz?” Not until you say “not for nothin’” 66 times in a match, get Wade Keller to piss and moan about you incessantly, and join a biker gang that hangs out in a theme park. A springboard from Sky runs into a Joey Ryan superkick! Ryan runs right into a bicycle knee from Sky! Huge Tope Con Hilo! Say what you will, but Harold can FLY. Scorpio heads up to the apron, ONLY TO TAKE A FUCKING MUSTACHE RIDE THROUGH CHAIRS! Christ on a crutch, they landed hard. A TKO from Sky gets a CLOSE 2 count. “I’m sorry, I love you” from Harol—Scorpio, but HE EATS A SUPERKICK! NEARFALL! REVERSE RANA FROM SKY! BIG FAT KILL! TKO! Sky wins the match in 12 minutes. ***1/2Perfectly good match to send Joey out on, but I highly question the decision. If it was someone who had a future in PWG (I don’t think Scorpio does at this point) I could understand them going over, but I think Joey is the lone Dynasty member who should’ve gone out on top. No biggie when it’s all said and done, but a Mustache Ride to finish the match would have been pretty nice. As for the actual match, they really packed a lot of fun action into a short window of time. I’m not sure if I like this more than Scott Lost’s retirement match, but they’re neck-and-neck and both had really good qualities. It wasn’t as emotional as it could have been, but it’s not like either of them have ever been lauded for hooking you in with their emotional performances. It’s still a great match and one hell of a way for Joey to leave the promotion he used to call home. But that’s not all…
Joey takes the mic for the obligatory farewell speech. “It’s been ten long years…and I’ve waited ten years to tell you all to go fuck yourselves!” Joey’s only joking, but that was funny. Joey wants to clarify the situation with TNA, who says wants exclusive rights to talents and thus can’t work on DVD’s. Joey says that he stepped up wherever PWG needed him, whether it was as a tag team wrestler or PWG World Champ. Joey says he was upset when TNA told him that he couldn’t work in PWG anymore, because he still wants to see the fans and his boys in the back. He says that PWG is the best show in wrestling and has the best locker room in the business. “Since this is my last night here, I want to see a show of hands of any girls who want to give me a blowjob tonight.” Scorpio points one out, but Joey says “That’s a dude.” Joey tells everyone to not chant “Joey”, instead to chant “PWG.” Joey also says that “I hope I get fired tomorrow so I can come to the next show.” Excalibur takes the mic and says that—from the bottom of his heart—that he wants Joey to go to Orlando and take all his fucking money, because he’s never coming back (I’m not sure because the mic kinda sucked, but that’s what I got from it.) Joey leaves with a round of high fives. Thanks Joey. You’re fucking awesome.
Willie Mack vs. TJ Perkins vs. Brian Cage vs. B-Boy
This should be fun…but what kinda fucking gyp was it that Brian Cage got screwed on Gut Check? That Jay Bradley dude ain’t even as good.
Willie starts off by immediately dropkicking Cage outside of the ring. TJP drops B-Boy with a standing Meteora as Cage smacks Mack into the ringpost and enters the ring. Cage puts in the Billy Goat’s Curse on B-Boy, but eats a boot and a lariat from Mack. TJ puts on an Indian Deathlock on Mack, all the while taking shots from Cage and falling, wrenching Mack’s leg the whole time. This is getting a bit quick to call. TJP rolls up B-Boy whilst wrenching on a Figure Four on Cage, but Mack and B-Boy put Camel Clutches on both of them! Perkins eats an MDX, but dodges a splash from Cage. Willie Mack hits a slingshot dropkick on Cage into the corner but B-Boy blindsides him with an Ace Crusher! Mack stops a dive from B-Boy with an uppercut, and TJ dropkicks them both! B-Boy powerslams TJ on the apron! Brian Cage-Is-A-Fucking-Machine Superplex!! SOMERSAULT PLANCHA ONTO WILLIE! TJ dives onto Cage, WHO CATCHES HIM IN A VERTICAL SUPLEX POSITION! B-Boy stops it but CAGE SUPLEXES THEM BOTH!~! Cage THROWS PERKINS INTO A SAMOAN DROP FROM WILLIE! STANDING MOONSAULT! Two count only, but this match is f’n bonkers. BICYCLE KNEE ON TJ FROM MACK! DISCUS LARIAT ON MACK FROM CAGE! SHINING WIZARD FROM B-BOY! SUPERKICK FROM TJ! ACE CRUSHER FROM B-BOY! Where in the hell did this match come from? CHOCOLATE THUNDER BOMB ON CAGE! Nearfall! B-Boy decks Mack with an elbow and a “fuck you”! DIVING TORNADO DDT SPIKES MACK ON HIS DAMN HEAD! TJ counters Weapon-X into an STF! B-Boy looks to kill him with a Shining Wizard, but Mack catches him with a Chocolate Thunder Driver to squeak out a win in a 15 minute barnburner. ***3/4I have a feeling I’ll get some people telling me how much I overrated everything on this show, but you’re the one still reading the article and even though my opinion shouldn’t really matter to anyone, it’s still that: my opinion. So before you even start, think about that. As for the match, you just can’t ask more from these guys. It covered up everyone’s weaknesses (if TJ Perkins only wrestled these kinds of matches, I would enjoy him so much more) and accentuated their movesets, which is all you really need in a match like this. What really put this over the top was the psychology between Mack and Cage, who still had unfinished business from Failure to Communicate. I haven’t seen too much love for this one but if you ever need a good spotfest to liven up your day, by all means turn this on. It’s great stuff from bell-to-bell.
El Generico vs. Rich Swann
Swann disappointed me at Failure to Communicate, so I was anxious to see how well he’s mesh with Generico.
An early chain wrestling sequence goes nowhere, but gets the obligatory applause from the crowd. Generico takes Swann down with a flash armdrag, which frustrates Rich enough to earn Generico a bitch slap. After a SICK front flip over Generico’s legs, he drops the Luchador with a dropkick. Generico and Swann take turns doing the 10-Punch spot in the corner, but Swann uses his agility to counter a counter and control Generico for a bit, but Generico stops that with a backbreaker. Swann takes a mean Bret Hart bump into the corner, but only stays down for a 2 count. Swann NAILS A SUPER RANA AND LANDS ON HIS FEET! CORKSCREW PLANCHA! This guy is a freak. Swann fakes a rana and GOES RIGHT INTO A DDT! Two count! Generico nails a Michinoku Driver for a close 2 count! SWANN COUNTERS A BLUE THUNDER BOMB INTO A HEADSCISSOR TAKEDOWN! ELECTRIC CHAIR INTO A HURRICANRANA! NEARFALL! Yeah, he’s worth the hype. Back handspring from Swann is COUNTERED INTO THE BLUE THUNDER BOMB! Nearfall! BACK HANDSPRING CUTTER FROM SWANN! A Frog Splash from Swann eats knees, and EATS A FUCKING CRAZY ORANGE CRUSH! HOLY CRAP! It is academic in 16 minutes. ***1/2Man, I hate that I have to go that low with the rating, but the first 10 minutes were so aimless than I can’t say that it’s as good as the four way, Younger/Callihan, or the opener. It’s noticeably better than what Rich churned out against Roderick Strong in October though. The last 6 minutes are just tremendous though, which really saved this from being a disappointment. Once Rich Swann turned it on, that son of a bitch turned it ON. One hell of a home stretch gives this one it’s legs, but you could literally watch the first ten minutes or so and not miss a damn thing, which puts this a notch below most of the other matches.
The Super Smash Brothers vs. Dojo Bros
I guess this is going to make up for the Smash Brothers’ absences from BOLA and Failure to Communicate, but it’s not like I’m going to complain.
Edwards and Strong jump the SSB before the bell, but Uno weathers through and even snaps off a hurricanrana on Roddy! A backpack chinbreaker from Eddie keeps Uno’s shoulders down for 2. Things settle down as Uno (armed in a Super Smash Wifebeater) plays Ricky Morton. Listen, I love Player Uno and all, but the dude’s muffin top is Panera Bread-esque. Uno catches a lariat from Roddy in mid-air and drops him down with a reverse STO! Heat seeking missile on Eddie! TORNADO DDT ON RODDY! SOMERSAULT SUICIDA ON EDDIE! MOONSAULT PRESS ON RODDY! SOMERSAULT PLANCHA ON EDDIE! METEORA ON RODDY! NEARFALL! Holy fucking shit this dude is a machine. Stupefied ‘ranas both Eddie and Roddy at the same time, and helps Uno with a Sliced Bread #2 on them! Stupefied takes an enzuigiri as Roddy stops a Falcon Punch from Uno, who takes a missile dropkick from Strong. Eddie gets a nearfall off of a Frontplex, but Stupefied breaks up the pin! FALCON PUNCH ON RODDY! Eddie dodges a Falcon Punch and nails a Dragon Suplex on Uno, but STUPEFIED BREAKS IT WITH A FROG SPLASH! HUGE LARIAT ON STUPEFIED! Uno breaks up the pin promptly. Falcon Punch and a STIFF superkick get two, so UNO NAILS A MOONSAULT ON EDDIE! FATALITY! Roddy pulls Stupefied out during the pinfall and EDDIE NAILS A DOUBLE STOMP ON UNO ON THE APRON! BACK SUPLEX ON THE APRON FOR STUPEFIED! DOUBLE STOMP ON STUPEFIED! VICIOUS ORANGE CRUSH BACKBREAKER! DOUBLE STOMP! Eddie Edwards pins Stupefied and gets the win in 13 minutes. ****This match was f’n bonkers. They wasted no time in turning it on and one of the craziest sequences of the whole show was Stupefied’s crazy dives onto both Strong and Edwards in the span of about 30 seconds. How the guy can wrestle a fast 14 minute match just an hour or so before this and just Energizer Bunny all over everyone’s ass is a testament to his ability. It’s unfortunate that DGUSA and EVOLVE haven’t captured this type of magic with the SSB but they take themselves WAY too seriously, as does ROH. That’s why PWG is the best wrestling company in North America; they have the best wrestling around while not thinking that they need to be super serious to be something. That’s something Sapolsky’s promotions especially have a problem with. There are reasons why their attendance sucks. Okay, I got off on a little rant there. As for the match, it’s every bit as good as you would expect it to be. Roddy and Eddie could work their part in the match in auto-pilot, but the SSB (Stupefied in particular) worked their asses off to pull off a great show.
Guerrilla Warfare for the PWG World Title: Kevin Steen (c) vs. Adam Cole
For those who say PWG sucks because they don't have feuds...eat your crow, dipshit.
Steen wastes no time in going after Cole and he drops him with an elevated DDT. He takes Adam to the floor and crotches him on all four ringposts, because he can really. He kisses Rick Knox too, because he does that when he's mad I guess. Adding injury to more injury, Steen powerbombs Cole on all four sides of the ring apron. Steen chucks Cole into the ring and gets five chairs and a trashcan....welcome to Fuckedville, population: Cole. Cole evades a Sleeper Suplex on a chair and drops Kevin for the first time with a trashcan lid assisted Shining Wizard. After hitting Steen with the bottom of the trashcan a couple of times, he goes out and gets a ladder. Steen picks up Cole and CHUCKS HIM ONTO A PROPPED LADDER. Steen sandwhiches Cole in the ladder and SENTONS THE LADDER! Cole goes out and gets another ladder and comes back in only to get POWERBOMBED ON THE TRASHCAN! Steen sets a ladder on top of another one, but Cole DVD'S STEEN ON TOP OF THEM! Two count! Steen F-CINQ'S COLE ON A LADDER FOR TWO! Steen uses the down time and sets up a tower of chairs. Cole nails Steen with a lowblow, a belt shot (just like BOLA!) and THE PANAMA SUNRISE! NEARFALL! Cole gets out and gets a couple more chairs and decides to FINISH THE TOWER OF CHAIRS. Someone's gonna get an ass full of chairs before this show is over. Cole taunts Steen so STEEN HITS A FISHERMAN'S DRIVER THROUGH THE PYRAMID OF CHAIRS!~! DAAAAANNGERRROOUUUSSSSSS~! Wrong promotion? THIS...IS...SERIOUS! But seriously, that was one of the sickest spots in wrestling all year. Steen goes up to the stage and GETS A PITCHER FULL OF THUMBTACKS! HE SPITS THUMBTACKS AT COLE! JESUS CHRIST! COLE GERMAN SUPLEXES STEEN ON THE TACKS! FLORIDA KEY! COLE WINS! Adam Cole takes the PWG World Title from Steen legally in 22 minutes. ****1/2This was some insane and fantastic stuff through and through. The action itself may not justify the high rating, but all of the other things within the match do. One of the best things about the whole thing was that everything had a purpose. By God, Adam Cole disrespected and pissed off Kevin Steen, so Steen fought him in Guerrilla Warfare because he had a score to settle. It's the old-school definition of a grudge match. It's such a simple thing in wrestling that a lot of promotions don't do right, and I commend Super Dragon, Kevin Steen, and especially Adam Cole for putting this whole feud over the top. Speaking of Cole, he was put over to the infinite degree taking that much of an ass-kicking and come back...and not only did Kevin Steen put Adam over cleanly in the middle of the ring, it wasn't even a move with a weapon that finished Steen! It was Cole's finisher, no cheating, nothing. Imagine if a guy like Dolph Ziggler went into a match with John Cena and was put over cleanly in the middle of the ring with his finisher. Dude would be a STAR. While Kevin Steen obviously isn't John Cena in the broad spectrum of things (and this WAS a hardcore match), this was a star-making performance for Adam Cole and if you honestly don't believe that this guy is the future of professional wrestling, then you need your heads examined. He's worth the hype.
The 411: I'll start off with by saying that, no, this isn't as good as Threemendous III. The ladder match put that show over the top and I'd argue that Younger/B-Boy did too, although Steen/Cole was better than what Drake and B-Boy churned out. And some people strongly disliked Younger/B-Boy, so this show may be a lot better for you (although Younger/Callihan may rub you the wrong way too). That's irrelevant, because I'd comfortably call this PWG's second-best show of the year. EVERY match is exciting and EVERY match has something with merit in it. Everything from the opener down is immense in its own way and that's the mark of a truly amazing wrestling show. Thumbs WAY up for PWG's last show of a phenomenal 2012.