Kayfabe! Wrestling's Most . . . Botched
Posted by Mike Campbell on 02.05.2013
A countdown of the top five happy (or not so happy) accidents in wrestling.
WRESTLING'S MOST . . . BOTCHED
The production is the usual affair with this series, Sean in the studio giving us a brief intro, and then the always hilarious animated gifs of what we’re about to see. But this time Sean gives a little more backstory, this was collaboration with the people at Botchamania, they helped compile a list of twenty famous botches, and the KC fans voted on the top five.
Bill Apter also shows up to give a little history on wrestling fans and botches, it was the ECW fans that really got the ball rolling on botches being popularized with the "You Fucked Up!" chant. Although, he points out a lot of people flocked to see Spider-Man on broadway after the accident. Bill also claims this is the first time that he's ever cursed on camera.
5. “What Does This Guy Weigh?”
The backstory is that Art Donovan was doing guest commentary at King of the Ring ’94, and had clearly not been smartened up. Art was constantly asking Gorilla and Macho Man “How much does this guy weigh?” The general consensus among the panel is “What the hell was he doing there?” It’s different nowadays, as the celebs are smartened up to how the business works. DDP praises both Arquette and Malone for cutting awesome promos. Russo had just started with the WWF around that time and remembers Savage being pissed. Stevie Richards comes back with wondering how you knew Macho was mad? Sis demeanor is the same for happy, sad, sleeping, or awake. New Jack shares a story of someone calling him a fake wrestler, and then seeing what he did and being all apologetic.
4. “Vince Hits the Ring”
The panel all agrees that it’s one of the worst injuries that anyone could sustain, complete with a diagram of a leg muscle while Finlay explains the intricacies of the quad. Sunny had firsthand experience tearing a quad, and Vince tore both! X-Pac relates a story of Test trying the same thing and splattering his nose. The business is basically built on the idea that the show must go on, and the key is to improvise, but this is a case where it’s nigh impossible. Both New Jack and Blue Meanie have their own stories about bad injuries occurring due to botches and them having to continue, but they also both concede that neither was nearly as bad what happened to Vince. Stevie Richards sums it up with telling everyone that sliding into the ring like that is actually very hard to do, and nobody should try it, especially a 62 year old man.
3. “Dazed and Confused”
Jeff Hardy literally stumbles to the ring to work the main event of a TNA PPV, and Sting pins him in literally seconds. Blue Meanie doesn’t consider it a botch. He thinks it’s just sad. Stevie Richards says it’s another example of the business rewarding fuck ups, although he’s glad to see that Jeff has gotten his act together. Everyone says it was a shitty thing to do to Sting, to put him in the ring with someone in that condition, because he could have been seriously hurt or even killed. New Jack said that if it was him, he’d have beaten the tar out of Jeff to send a message. Bill Apter compare it to giving a set of car keys to someone drunk and telling them to go to the store. X-Pac says that there’s no way he should been allowed to go out there, Jeff’s safety and Sting’s safety were more important than the 10,000 people who bought the PPV. Everyone pretty much agrees that TNA shouldn’t have sent Jeff out there, and could have easily run an angle where a heel gets to him in the back and take out him and then takes his place.
2. “Booker’s N-Bomb”
Everyone is laughing hysterically, and says the best part about the promo is Sherri cracking up. X-Pac was twenty feet away and remembers that after the camera went off Booker was laughing too. Blue Meanie: “Hulk Hogan’s not THAT tan!” New Jack remembers that he did the same thing in SMW cutting a promo on the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express and Bob Caudle just about had a heart attack.
1. “Debut of the Shockmaster”
As if it could be anything else. I personally love the story Dust Rhodes told on the Legends of Wrestling episode where eight year old Cody was watching at home. After he fell and lost the helmet, Cody turned to his friends said “I think that was Uncle Fred!” Fred Ottoman himself makes a cameo to give his full account. There were 2x4 studs to support the wall, and then an additional one at the bottom below his knee. Mike Graham warned him that he needed to hit the wall extra hard. Fred did what he was told and the cross board on the bottom did a see saw and took his legs right out. Everyone else pretty much agrees that it was hilarious and can’t believe that everyone else kept a straight face. Fred just tried to get himself together and get on with it. Everyone else agrees this is pretty much the top botch of all time.
The 411: This is another fun release from the good folks at Kayfabe Commentaries. This was an especially good idea, and they've got a good panel this time around. Like I've said before, this doesn't lend itself well to repeated viewings, but how can you go wrong with the Shockmaster himself explaining what happened?