100 Percent Fordified: CHIKARA While The Dawn Is Breaking
Posted by Kevin Ford on 03.21.2013
Back to the Promised Land we go!
Easton, PA – 2.10.2013
Championship Rundown Grand Champion: Eddie Kingston Campeones de Parejas: The Young Bucks (Nick & Matt Jackson) Young Lions Cup Champion: “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti
Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Sugar Dunkerton, Gavin Loudspeaker, Leonard F. Chikarason, Dasher Hatfield, and UltraMantis Black.
Gavin Loudspeaker opens the show with a song – “Luchadores in America.” Obviously a Kim Wilde cover, and a very good one at that.
Mark Angelosetti says to himself via his reflection in the Cup that he needs to leave the past behind (Veronica, Peck, etc.) and move forward. Tonight he faces Saturyne. He tells himself that she’s stepping onto his turf with her crummy music that he won’t like. He will boot Saturyne over the skyline of Touchdown City and retain his Cup.
Young Lions Cup
"Mr. Touchdown" Mark Angelosetti vs. Saturyne
Angelosetti is still nursing his back from his match with Peck from last night. Angelosetti shoves Saturyne down and pummels her. Saturyne avoids a boot. She rolls Angelosetti face first into the corner and takes him down with a satellite headscissors. She comes off of his shoulders with an armdrag. Angelosetti trips her to block an axe kick. She Matrixes under a clothesline. Angelosetti pops her up and drops her onto her chest and stomach for two. He whips her across the ring by her hair. Angelosetti splashes her twice before posing like Tebow. Saturyne throws some chops his way. He responds in kind and chokes her on the middle rope. He rocks her with a one-footed dropkick for two. He drops a knee across her face. She throws some kicks to Angelosetti in the ropes. He forcefully backs Saturyne into the corner. She catches him with a crescent kick and drops him with a tornado DDT. Saturyne side steps a tackle which sends Angelosetti to the floor. She follows with a springboard. Angelosetti catches her and gorilla presses her through the middle ropes. She dropkicks him to the corner and hits a spinwheel kick. She connects with the axe kick for two. He gets two with a superplex. Saturyne huracanrana’s Angelosetti to the second rope, but he comes back with a big spinebuster. Saturyne surprisingly kicks out. He misses a top rope splash. She throws two axe kicks. Angelosetti blocks the third. She puts on the Rings of Saturyne despite that. She slips into a sleeper hold. She turns that into a figure four triangle choke. Angelosetti drops to his knees. His arm drops twice, but on the third time he hoists up Saturyne and drops her onto her back. Despite Angelosetti’s efforts, Saturyne pulls off a super huracanrana for two. Angelosetti hot shots her across the top rope before hitting the Flea Flicker for the pin at 12:03. At first I wasn’t feeling the match because there was some miscommunication and the crowd didn’t seem to buy Saturyne as a threat. However, I’ll be darned if she didn’t change the crowds mind. The super huracanrana itself was crazy impressive. Hopefully this is the start doing some stuff of substance. Angelosetti put in good work as usual. ***
Gran Akuma vs. Jakob Hammermeier
Hammermeier is still down trodden from his forced hair cut at the hands of Tim Donst from the night before. He can’t even do his own ring introduction like usual. He and Akuma shake hands. After a waistlock exchange they trade holds on the mat. Akuma snaps off some armdrags and puts on a standing Octopus hold. He rolls Hammermeier around in a Gedo Clutch. Hammermeier falls down just from dizziness. Akuma throws kicks at his chest which just fires Hammermeier up. Hammermeier nails him with a haymaker! He takes a bit of time to go for a cover allowing Akuma to recover and kick out. He gets two with a fisherman’s neckbreaker. Akuma enzuigiri’s him from the apron and delivers a missile dropkick. He hits the Tenchi Crash for two. Hammermeier crotches him on the top rope and drags him down for the pin at 6:31. Umm, what? That’s what put Akuma away? That finish was extraordinarily weak. I have to say, Hammermeier has not been getting it done in the ring for awhile now, but this new found aggression has me intrigued. He also seemed less awkward maneuvering around so there is promise for where he goes next. **
Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur makes his way to the ring. He knows people have been calling for his impeachment and resignation. He puts the blame on everyone in CHIKARA. He says if anyone tries to embarrass, humiliate, or tarnish his name, CHIKARA will cease to be. He then calls out Soldier Ant. Wink tells Soldier that he gets that he and the fans don’t want him to team with deviANT. He asks if Soldier Ant is tired of giving order. He says yes. Wink says it might be time for Soldier Ant to take a leadership position. He says next month in Tampa, that will happen. He claims that together they will sell a lot of t-shirts. He salutes Soldier Ant to which Soldier does not return…until Wink plays the power card. Then he begrudgingly does so.
Archibald Peck vs. Tim Donst
Hammermeier is in Donst’s corner. Donst jumps Peck from behind. He drives his shoulder into Peck’s mid-section and rubs his forearm across his face. Donst drops him chest first across the top rope. Peck drop toe holds him into the second rope and drives his elbow in the neck. He prawn holds Donst for two. When he is about to apply the sharpshooter, Veronica Ticklefeather emerges from the entrance. Peck applies the hold. Donst gets the ropes. Peck misses a pescado. He works over Peck’s mid-section in the ring. Peck sneaks in a flying shoulder tackle. He hits the Snow Plow after a flying mare for two. He misses the Cranial Crescendo. Hammermeier ties up Peck’s legs in the ropes so Donst can hit the ropes and snap him face first into the mat. Peck sends him to the floor and follows with an elbow suicida. As Donst and Peck trade shots, Donst accidentally elbows Veronica accidentally. Donst does not notice and Hammermeier laughs at the fact. In the ring, Donst kicks Peck in the groin giving Peck the win via DQ at 6:35. What the hell was that? That just ended up being wasted time, which is a shame since Peck had such a monumental victory last night. *
Donst says that would not have happened if Peck weren’t such a bad guy. He doesn’t understand why he ever cared for Veronica. He babbles a little bit more about God knows what. Gavin Loudspeaker makes a comment about how needing to switch to decaf, causing Donst to run back, threaten him, then throw down Peck in a waistlock. He helps Veronica up and she follows him to the back. I am begging for Donst’s character to gain some solid footing.
The Colony (Fire Ant, Green Ant & assailANT) vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus, Chuck Taylor & Sugar Dunkerton)
Icarus blind tags in and then changes his mind. assailANT makes fun of his tattoo so Icarus decides to start after all. assailANT powers him to the corner in a lock-up. He back splashes Icarus in the corner and knocks him down with a back elbow and a headbutt to the chest. He suplexes him into a uranage for two. Fire Ant fireman’s carry’s him into assailANT’s falling headbutt. Fire Ant tango’s with Dunkerton as he controls a double knuckle lock. Dunkerton spins out of it. He drop toe holds Fire Ant into a key lock and falls back to apply pressure to his legs. Taylor tells Dunkerton to get out. Fire Ant armdrags Taylor to the corner where Green Ant chops his clavicle. Taylor gets in some chops but gets thrown to the mat by his hair. Green Ant delivers a hip toss and dropkick Taylor out. Dunkerton gets brought to the Colony corner. He brings assailANT to the F.I.S.T. corner. Icarus and Taylor both hold assailANT but end up getting chopped instead. The same thing happens with Green Ant. Taylor and Icarus punish Dunkerton with their own chops. Fire Ant crossbody’s onto them. Taylor knees Fire Ant from the apron and Icarus gives him a spear. F.I.S.T. beat down Fire Ant. Icarus and Taylor do take the time to humiliate Dunkerton during their proceedings. Icarus also goes for Fire Ant’s mask. Fire Ant eventually side steps an attack from Dunkerton and kicks Icarus away allowing him to tag in Green Ant. He sends Icarus into the corner, missile dropkicks Taylor and powerslams Dunkerton. He lariats Icarus inside out and puts him in the Cloverleaf. Taylor boots Green Ant to break the hold. He kicks assailANT into Dunkerton. assailANT shoves them together and gives Dunkerton a uranage suplex. Dunkerton eats the Ants Marching dropkick. assailANT eats F.I.S.T. kicks and Shooty McGee for two. Dunkerton helps Icarus with a shiranui. He comes off the top with an elbow drop and Fire Ant breaks the cover. A series of moves leads to Fire Ant Burning Down the House on Taylor. He springboard sentons onto Icarus, Dunkerton and Green Ant on the floor. Taylor gives him a uranage on the apron. Green Ant suicide dives onto Taylor and Icarus. Dunkerton hits assailANT with the Shot Clock. He goes for a school boy. assailANT turns it into CHIKARA Special: Blue. Dunkerton taps out at 17:37. Another fun chapter in the storied Colony/F.I.S.T. feud. The new members on both sides freshened things up and the win further solidified assailANT as an accepted CHIKARA roster member. ***1/4
Dunkerton says he remembers debuting in Easton for CHIKARA over three years ago. He’s not the same man now as he was when he debuted with his partner Dasher Hatfield, who was on commentary. Hatfield says now is not the time or place for a talk. Dunkerton disagrees. He says Hatfield has been ignoring his calls and that he at least should hear him out after all they have been through. Dunkerton does not like being in F.I.S.T. and can’t imagine Hatfield liking teaming with Angelosetti. He says that the Throwbacks now are not the same team they were when they first formed. He calls out Angleosetti for being a cheater. Hatfield then says it was due to cheating that Dunkerton cost him his match at “Under the Hood.” Dunkerton reminds him it was an accident. Hatfield says if Dunkerton knew him half as well as he thinks he does, then him bringing his family into it would have been the last thing he did. Hatfield stomps to the back leaving Dunkerton stressed out. He’s quite frustrated as he heads to the back himself. I don't usually comment on segments, but Dunkerton has been KILLING it on promos lately.
Kobald reminds us that his opponent for tonight, Dasher Hatfield, embarrassed the Batiri overlord Delirious. He has been ordered to do to Hatfield what Hatfield did to Delirious. He plans to embarrass Hatfield and flush him for the sewage he is.
Dasher Hatfield vs. Kobald
Kobald attacks Hatfield on the floor while he’s pep talking the crowd. In the ring Hatfield stomps Kobald before giving him a few armdrags. He bars the arm until Kobald bites his fingers. Hatfield armdrags Kobald to the corner and throws some more shots. Kobald rakes his back. He victory rolls Hatfield, but Hatfield pulls him right back for some punches in the corner. Kobald bites his inner thigh. Hatfield bites Kobald’s horn and puts on an abdominal stretch. When Kobald refuses to submit, Hatfield takes him to the mat. He rolls him into a Gedo Clutch. Kobald turns that into a seated surfboard. Hatfield reverses and lifts him up into a Pendulum. He runs the bass but gets cut off by a spear. He side slams Hatfield for two. He delivers some shots to the lower back. Hatfield gives him a clothesline. Kobald dropkicks his lower back when he goes for a suplex. Kobald hops off the ropes into a huracanrana for two. He mocks Hatfield by running the bases only to be cut off by a clothesline. Hatfield gives him a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He then runs the bases before hitting a baseball slide. Delirious jumps onto the apron and gets forearmed by Hatfield right away. Kobald rolls him into a clutch for two. He ducks a clothesline and goes for another springboard huracanrana. Hatfield blocks it and drops Kobald onto his buttocks. He spins him around into a neckbreaker for two. Kobald kicks Hatfield as he charges him in the corner. He misses the Demon’s Toilet. Hatfield sunset flips him for two. He sets up for the Suicide Squeeze. Delirious grabs his leg and snaps his neck on the top rope. Kobald O’Conner Rolls him (with a hand full of tights) for the pin at 11:45. Aside from the finish mimicking the way Hatfield beat Delirious the night before, there wasn’t much to this. Pretty much the basics out of both guys. **
Sugar Dunkerton applauds Hatfield as he comes towards the back. Hatfield throws him to the floor! Dunkerton is not pleased.
Mike Quackenbush says he has tried to keep a level head since the GEKIDO came in. He tried to be calculated in his approach. All that lead too was many losses, including the loss of his tag team partner. They only thing he has not lost is his temper. He says that the GEKIDO better look out.
Mike Quackenbush & The Spectral Envoy (Hallowicked & Frightmare) vs. Jigsaw, The Shard & deviANT
Frightmare takes out Shard’s legs and give him a dropkick. Shard sends him to the floor. He chases him back into the ring. He bails when Quackenbush threatens a palm strike and Frightmare dives after him. Quackenbush throws some elbows at deviANT but misses a basement dropkick. deviANT throws some kicks. Quackenbush stretches him out into a high slam. Jigsaw ducks Hallowicked’s yakuza kick. Jigsaw blocks a step-up enzuigiri. Hallowicked slingshots him in from the apron and hits it on the next try. He gets two with a bulldog. Shard and deviANT attack Quackenbush on the floor as the Envoy team up on Jigsaw. Shard and deviANT attack the Envoy but get sent out with stereo step-up Frankensteiners. Quackenbush dives onto all of his opponents. The Envoy hit the Shard with the Sidewinder. Jigsaw blocks the tandem Go 2 Sleepy Hollow, throws Frightmare’s kick into Hallowicked and stomps Frightmare. deviANT gets in some offense before Frightmare rolls to the floor. Quackenbush mule kicks deviANT out. Jigsaw clotheslines him in the neck and stomps on his back. Quackenbush blocks a superkick. The Shard throws him to the floor. Jigsaw and Shard hold Hallowicked so deviANT can dropkick him. They spend some time wearing him down. Hallowicked is able to hit the floor after being stopped from doing so a few times. Frightmare clotheslines Jigsaw in the corner. He catches Frightmare’s huracanrana attempt and holds him for stereo dropkicks from Shard and deviANT. Frightmare is able to spike Jigsaw with a tornado DDT. Quackenbush tags in and goes for a palm strike. Jigsaw tries weaseling his way out. He puts out his hand for a handshake and kicks Quackenbush in the stomach. Jigsaw slides to the floor. deviANT cuts off Quackenbush on the apron but gets kicked out anyways. Hallowicked dives onto Jigsaw while Frightmare dives onto deviANT. Quackenbush sends Shard to the floor and Asai moonsaults onto him and Jigsaw. In the ring Quackenbush palm strikes Shard into Hallowicked’s yakuza kick. Jigsaw breaks the pin. Shard kicks Hallowicked into Jigsaw’s brainbuster. deviANT kicks him in the side of the head. deviANT accidentally helps Frightmare pull off a huracanrana to Jigsaw. deviANT then hits Frightmare with a Code Breaker for two. Quackenbush palm strikes him into the Frightmare on Elm St. for two. Quackenbush backslides him. Shard gives Quackenbush a German suplex for two. Jigsaw uses the ropes for a gut buster on Frightmare. Hallowicked breaks the pin. Jigsaw blocks the super snapmare with a headscissors. Hallowicked spikes him with a reverse Frankensteiner. Shard breaks the pin. Quackenbush hits Shard with the Quackensmash. deviANT breaks the pin. He huracanrana’s Hallowicked to the floor to block the Rydeen Bomb. Jigsaw superkicks Quackenbush. He and Shard pull off a double stomp/Jig N’ Tonic onto Frightmare for the pin at 15:26. That was exciting for pretty much the entire time. Unlike some of the earlier bouts, they didn’t sacrifice the in ring action for storyline stuff, but integrated both of them together. That needs to happen more often. ***1/2
Eddie Kingston vs. Kevin Steen
No entrances for this one, both men just start brawling from the backstage area. The bite each other as they make it to ringside. In the ring Steen kicks Kingston’s bad knee right away. Kingston enzuigiri’s him with his good leg and snaps the back of his neck across his skull. Steen kicks his leg in the ropes. He gives the leg a cannonball senton. He jams Kingston’s leg across the ring apron. Steen stomps on the leg as Kington tells them that he better break it. When Steen hits a somersault leg drop, Kingston grabs his shirt and throws punches. Steen claws at his face to stop it. He gets two with a senton splash. Kingston throws some strikes from his knees. Steen kicks him in the leg again. More strikes from Kingston causes Steen to drop an elbow on the leg and rest his body weight on it. Kingston gets his knees up to block a Swanton. Wink Vavasseur is watching the match ringside. Steen goes for a sharpshooter but gets shoved away. Kingston ends a forearm exchange with a DDT. Steen ducks a Backfist. Kingston avoids the F-Cinq and uranage suplexes Steen for two. He tries suplexing Steen in from the apron. Steen instead comes in and rolls Kingston into the sharpshooter. Kingston makes it to the ropes. Steen misses a cannonball senton. Kingston scores with a Saito suplex. Steen rolls to the floor to avoid being pinned. Kingston comes out but gets powerbombed onto the ring apron. That only gets Steen a two count. Steen sets up for the Package Piledriver. Kingston counters with the Backfist to the Future. Steen kicks out, so Kingston suplexes him onto the top turnbuckle. A Backfist to the back of his head gets Kingston the win at 13:49. Arguably a few minutes short, but still a good, smartly worked brawl and a satisfactory ending to their feud. This was about on par with their initial singles encounter in Chicago Ridge. After the match, Wink unhappily places the belt on Kingston and storms off. ***1/2
Green Ant comes out to the ring. He congratulates Kingston on his win and admits that he was hoping that Kingston would be the victor. He reminds Kingston that last night he got the fight of his life and came out on top. He wants a shot at Kingston’s title. Kingston says he’s got the match March 9th in Orlando, FL. He smacks Green Ant and heads to the back. Wink Vavasseur makes the official.
Ophidian makes his way out to the ring. He says he is on to Amasis’ trickery with those in the building wearing Amasis masks. He leaves the ring and attacks some people who are wearing the masks. Bryce and some other crew try holding him back. He removes the masks from a few of the people wearing them. Suddenly, the real Amasis appears in the ring. He tells Ophidian that he looks like he’s just seen a ghost. Ophidian approaches the ring saying that Amasis is dead and not real. Delirious and Kobald come out to stop Ophidian from attacking. Ophidian insists that he’s not crazy as they head backstage.
3.0 are backstage. Jagged says they have been chasing their dream for years. It’s rare for nights like tonight to come along where they have the chance to get their hands on the dream tonight. Shane Matthews says the Bravado Bros. aren’t around to cost them the belts this time around and ensures victory. Jagged says they will go back to the Promised Land tonight.
Campeones de Parejas
The Young Bucks (Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson) vs. 3.0 (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews)
Jagged boots Nick instead of engaging in a knuckle lock. Nick escapes a wristlock and slaps Jagged in the face. Nick rolls to the floor but Jagged pescado’s after him. Matt pie faces Matthews and applies a side chinlock. Matthews wins a shoulder block battle. He goes for the Boston Crab. When Matt evades it Matthews cartwheels into an elbow drop. Jagged drives some knees into Matt’s back and forehead. Sidney Bakabella and The Devastation Corporation, who have three points, are watching the bout. Matt pushes Matthews tohis corner so he and Nick can team up and target his arm. Matthews slips to the floor when Matt whips him. Jagged missile dropkicks Matt and hits a flying forearm. Jagged sends him out with a leg lariat. Matthews drop toe holds him. Nick superkicks Jagged to stop his elbow drop. He then Oklahoma Rolls Matthews up to take the first fall at 6:20. At the beginning of the second fall, Nick accidentally enzuigiri’s Matt from the apron. Matthews forearms Nick to the floor so he and Jagged can hit Matt with the Sweet Taste of Professionalism. Just like that, the match is tied up at one fall a piece at 7:18. Matthews drop toe holds Nick into Jagged’s elbow drop. Matthews is sent to the floor. Jagged eats a pair of kicks to the head from the Bucks. Now they wear down Jagged in their corner while Matthews recovers. Matthews tries to interject when Jagged finds a moment to rolls to the apron. Nick suicide dives onto Matthews after sending him to the floor and kicks Jagged from the apron. They bring Jagged back in. He gets his knees up to block Nick’s springboard splash. He kicks Matt away and tags in Matthews. Clotheslines for both, headscissors for Nick. He tries the Boston Crab on Nick. Matt stops in. Matthews drops an elbow from the top rope. Nick breaks the pin and sends him to the floor. Nick hits Jagged with a slingshot X-Factor. Matthews gives him a uranage on the ring apron. Matt tope con hilo’s onto Matthews. Jagged Samaon drops Nick. All four men are knocked down after a series of superkicks and forearms. The Tecnico locker room surrounds the ring to encourage 3.0. Matt sends Jagged to the floor. Nick assists him with a shiranui on Matthews. Nick knees him in the face for a two count. They give Matthews some tandem offense in the corner. Matt blocks Jagged’s missile dropkick. He Buckle Bombs him into an enzuigiri from Nick. Jagged manages to kick out. Matthews shoves Jagged out of the way to save him from double superkicks. He spears Matt and clotheslines Nick. 3.0 hit him with the Sweet Taste of Professionalism for two, though the bell rings and has to be corrected by Bryce. 3.0 go for the Doomsday Device. Nick pulls Jagged off the top rope. The Bucks set up for More Bang for Your Buck. Matthews shoves Matt to the corner. Jagged kicks Nick to the floor. Matt sunset flips Matthews. Matthews avoids that and puts him in the Boston Crab. Nick throws punches to get him to break. Matthews even withstands a superkick! Jagged Cactus clotheslines him to the floor. Matt taps out at 21:05, making 3.0 the NEW Campeones de Parejas! I am kind of surprised how the bell snafu didn’t do this match any harm. That goes to show just how good these teams worked this match. The Young Bucks may be the best tag team today, but when you think about, 3.0 encompass the CHIKARA spirit and were a fantastic choice as the team to unseat the Bucks. Hopefully they get a little more time to enjoy the belts this time around. ***3/4
The 411: I said the season opener was excellent, and this show was quite good too. There were some borderline infuriating moments in the opening half, but also some good matches. The angle advancement was really strong and just like the night prior, most of the heavy lifting in the ring was saved for the latter half. This is a worth while pick up for the storylines if that's your primary concern. There's good wrestling here too, but too uneven to really hammer home a purchase. You can purchase the show on DVD, mp4, or steam it On Demand over at Smart Mark Video.Be sure to check out all of my CHIKARA reviews at my CHIKARA blog; "The CHIKARA Special" and all the CHIKARA news over at "The CHIKARA Special" Tumblr. In addition to that, you can check out a lot of promos from CHIKARA DVDs over at the CHIKARA Special YouTube Page.