Views from the Hawke’s Nest: House of Hardcore II

June 22, 2013
Philadelphia, PA

Hale Collins vs. Crowbar
This should be quite dull.

Collins hit a slingshot plancha early. Hail Hale Collins. Collins was in control for a while. It was dull. Hail Hale Collins. Crowbar hailed some legdrops on Hale’s balls. This is the dullest match ever. Crowbar hit a super hurricanrana. Collins hit a Liger Bomb. Crowbar came back with a Rydeen Bomb. Crowbar then locked in a submission. Collins wouldn’t quit. Crowbar then locked in a dragon sleeper. Collins tapped out.

Crowbar announced his retirement after the match. At least he put someone over on his way out the door.

As dull as any match I have ever seen. Hail Hale Collins.
Match Rating: ½*

Vik Dalishus (w/ Larry Dallas & Monique Dupree) vs. Little Guido
Nunzio got a Hulk Hogan reaction. I’m not even close to joking.

Dalishus got the advantage after the entourage interfered. Guido came back with a Russian Legsweep and a missile dropkick. Guido got a nearfall with a diving fameasser. Dalishus came back with a spinebuster. Dalishus missed a corkscrew splash, but he then got a schoolboy: 1…2…3.

I don’t think Larry Dallas was ever identified by the commentators.
Match Rating: *

Dalishus called out anyone from ECW. Blue Meanie answered the call. Meanie has seen better days. The Harlem Shake music played. Some people danced. Dalishus did not. The music stopped. Meanie attacked Dalishus. Guido then hit a Killswitch. The Sandman came out. Remember that glorious 30 seconds when we thought Sandman would be the Raw GM? The crowd wanted Sandman to hit DuPree and Dallas with the cane. Fandango’s music played. Everyone Fandangoed. Even Sandman. Sandman then accidentally pulled off her wig. Sandman then cracked Dallas on the head with the cane. Sandman then caned the wig. The crowd seemed to appreciate the caning at least.

Sami Callihan vs. MVP
Sami was already under WWE contract at this time. This is a very cool matchup that I was very interested in.

The match started physical. Sami quickly hit a Silverking Lariat and a tope suicida. They brawled on the floor. MVP yakuza kicked Sami over a guardrail. Sami came back with some chairs. MVP was in control as they made their way back to the ring. Sami managed to get control not too long after that. Sami got a nearfall with a superplex. Callihan missed a Superfly Splash. MVP hit a few German suplexes. Sami came back with the superkick to the back of MVP’s injured knee. MVP came back with a thrust kick to the head. Callihan came back with a Sliding D to the back of the head. MVP avoided the Stretch Muffler and hit a lariat. MVP then hit the Overdrive: 1…2…NO! MVP is still using that finish???? Sami hit a saito. MVP then hit the Drive-By kick for a nearfall. A second Drive-By: 1…2…3.

This was a really entertaining match. MVP looked good, and I hope somebody else books him for some cool indie matchups in 2013.
Match Rating: ***1/4

Mike Bennett (w/ Maria) vs. Carlito
Bennett made out with Maria a lot. Carlito felt up Maria without her knowing. Why do some wrestlers and promotions think it’s still 1999? Grow up. Maria interfered. Bennett cut Carlito off. Rosita ran in and chased Maria around. Carlito made a comeback. Maria got in the ring. The distraction allowed Bennett to hit Carlito with a superkick. Rosita attacked Maria. Carlito accidentally spat apple at Maria. Bennett kicked Carlito in the face. What am I doing with my life? Carlito hit a backstabber. Rosista then hit Bennett with a moonsault. Carlito straddled Rosita like he was fucking her from behind, while he pinned Bennett: 1…2…3.

This sucked.
Match Rating: It sucked!

Tony Nese vs. Alex Reynolds vs. Petey Williams
Nese stole the show at the first HOH in a match with Reynolds. In the ideal world, Nese wins the match, but Petey hits a Canadian Destroyer at some point.

They did “one man out, two men in” stuff early on. Nese hit a Fosbury Flop on Reynolds. Williams took a nap on the floor as Reynolds worked over Nese. Williams’s alarm clock finally went off. Williams then did some movez. Petey hit a tope suicida on Nese. Petey got a nearfall on Reynolds and then a slingshot hurricanrana to the floor on Nese. Reynolds hit a moonsault on Nese. Nese German suplexed Reynolds, and he then pumphandle powerbombed Petey: 1…2…NO! Nese hit a slingshot moonsault on Reynolds. Petey got a sharpshooter on Nese. Reynolds broke it up. Nese took an amazing bump for Reynold’s sick kick. Reynolds killed Petey with an avalanche German. Petey avoided a 450 from Nese. Reynolds blocked the Destroyer on Nese. Reynolds hit a couple of movez on Nese: 1…2…3
Tony Nese was eliminated.

Petey hit Reynolds with a slingshot lungblower and a Canadian Destroyer: 1…2…3.

Tony Nese. BOOK THIS MAN. He is amazing and should be everywhere. That is all.
Match Rating: ***1/4

The Steiner Brothers (Scott & Rick Steiner) vs. Eddie Kingston & Homicide
This should be something.

Kingston and Homicide worked over Rick for a bit. It was whatever. Homicide and Kingston look to be in pretty good shape at the moment at least. Scott made a hot tag. Eventually, the Steiners hit Kingston with a Steinerizer: 1…2…3

Lol, this was a little sad to be honest. I can’t even get mad at it.
Match Rating: 1/4*

John Morrison© vs. 2 Cold Scorpio [FWE Title]
I’ve liked matches these two have been a part of in the last year. Apparently, this sucked though. Maybe my incredibly low expectations will make me enjoy it more.

Things started VERY slowly. The crowd was not into it. Too Cold completely misread the crowd (or didn’t change an original plan) and challenged Morrison to a dance contest. Morrison avoided a German and hit a Flying Chuck. They started brawling on the floor. Back in the ring, Morrison blocked a standing moonsault. Morrison got a nearfall with a springboard lariat. This match blows. Scorpio hit a plancha and a missile dropkick. He then hit a koppou kick and a moonsault: 1…2…no. Flipping leg drop from Scorpio got another nearfall. Guillotine legdrop got Scorpio another nearfall. Super Dragon chants from the crowd. I’m done recapping. I’ll check back in at the finish. Finally, Morrison did a reverse suplex and a Starship Pain: 1…2…3. This was long, boring, and the crowd didn’t care.

Wha happened?
Match Rating: DUD

The Young Bucks (Nick & Matt Jackson) vs. Paul London & Brian Kendrick
Because Dreamer markets these shows to nostalgia fans, the Bucks are talked about as if they are new to the scene. It’s weird, but I get why they do it.

London and Spanky were in control early on. The Bucks came back. Matt hit a tope con hello on Paul. The Bucks worked over London. He managed to tag out to Spanky. Spanky made a big comeback, but he was eventually dropped to the floor. The Bucks worked over Spanky for a while. London eventually made a hot tag. Lots of movez. AHHHH. London gave Matt a tombstone on the unpadded floor. I mention it being unpadded because London’s knees! They rolled Matt in, but he kicked out…ok. Double superkick to Spanky. Springboard double tombstone to London! Spanky had to make the save. The Bucks then gave London More Bang For Your Buck: 1…2…3.

The last couple of minutes made up for a relatively dull start to the match (relative to past Young Bucks matches, not relative to the rest of the show). This was the best match of the show. I got the sense there would be a rubber match between these two teams on the next HOH show.
Match Rating: ***1/2

Lance Storm vs. Tommy Dreamer
Storm is in great shape. Dreamer is in Dreamer shape. Terry Funk came out. He moved very, very slowly. This is not a Lance Storm match I am interested in seeing.

Dreamer hammered the ring bell on Storm’s dick. Storm sold it like he took a hammer to the dick. Storm cut him off and got the heat. Storm hit a springboard lariat for a nearfall. This heat went on for a while. Storm called for a superkick. Cue Dreamer making a comeback. He got the fans to chant HOH for his corner dropkick. Storm avoided a frog splash. Storm got the Calgary Crab. Dreamer survived. Storm took a chair to Dreamer’s injured knee. Terry Funk made the save. Funk got into the ring with Storm. He took his shirt off and punched Storm. The crowd mostly approved. I can’t remember the last time I saw Funk without a shirt on. Funk got the spinning toe-hold, but SEAN WALTMAN made the save. Lol. Storm took out a ladder to attack Funk. Dreamer made the save. Dreamer and Funk double teamed DDTed Storm: 1…2…3.

Terry Funk slapping a passed out Waltman was the clear highlight of all of this. The crowd chanted “Thank You Tommy!” I have no idea why. No one seemed to have a fun time at the show!

This was ok. Storm is in tremendous shape, but he and Dreamer weren’t going to have a fun match in 2013 in front of the awful Philadelphia fans.
Match Rating: **

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The 411: The first House of Hardcore show was fun. This show was not. That's especially interesting to me, because the shows essentially had the exact same structure. Each show relied on Sami Callihan, Tony Nese, Paul London, Brian Kendrick and The Young Bucks to have good matches. The rest of the show was pretty much devoted to ex-WWE guys and ECW nostalgia acts. At the first show, the crowd responding really well to almost the whole show. Here, the crowd really only responded to the indie guys that were having good matches. It wasn't fun. It was boring. This show is a definitive thumbs down. Do not buy it. I hope House of Hardcore only runs upstate New York from now on. For a live opinion on the show, make sure you check out Mike Falcone's thoughts!

Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]