Guerrilla Reviewfare: PWG SEVEN

This review was written in eight months ago and never submitted, because I’m a lazy dickhead. I have edited it in places, though. Maybe it was because I switched basements.

We are TAPED from the American Legion in Reseda, CA.

Your hosts are Excalibur and whoever did commentary in 2010.

Peter Avalon, Malachi Jackson, & Ryan Taylor vs. Brandon Gatson, Johnny Goodtime, & Candice LeRae
I love you, Candice. I’m the Tony Acero to your AJ Lee.

The heel team wastes no time in jumping the good guys. Candice takes liberties with the debuting Avalon, giving him about 15 shoulder thrusts in the corner. The American Legion is packed for this show. When order is restored, Avalon and Gatson start off…until Avalon calls out Candice, and she comes in willingly. Avalon has no problem exposing himself as a sexual deviant, even trying to hump Rick Knox! Avalon finds a clever little way to get out of a victory roll (after all, Candice was sitting on his face the lucky bastard), but that allows Candice to tag in Gatson, who administers an ass kicking. Malachi takes advantage of a distracted Gatson, and Ryan Taylor kills him with a scissor kick! SPINAROONIE! Gatson responds with a DDT and tags in Goodtime, who cleans house. Candice helps get all of the heels out of the ring, and GOODTIME DROPS THEM ALL WITH AN ASAI MOONSAULT! Goodtime goes up top in the ring but Avalon PUSHES HIM OFF FACEFIRST ON THE APRON! Man, he ate shit. Candice comes in and a drops a leg on Avalon while bulldogging the inferior Jackson brother. Avalon and Taylor fight over Candice, who takes them out with a double crossbody. Things breaks down big time as Goodtime wedges Ryan in the second and top turnbuckle, but Malachi comes up and suplexes him off, but eats a Ballplex from CandiceI! Ryan roundhouses Candice in the face to stop her momentum, though. SASUKE SPECIAL BY GATSON! TOPE CON HILO BY GOODTIME! Candice pins Malachi Jackson with a moonsault in 14 minutes. ***1/4 I always love these tags in PWG, because all six wrestlers try their hardest to do the craziest stuff they can within their means. I cannot even begin to say how crazy this crowd is either, as they roared with every single big move and every single comedy spot. Probably the perfect opener for a big show, if I’m honest.

Brandon Bonham vs. Brian Cage
Brandon Bonham is the drummer for the tremendous band that does PWG’s menu music, if I haven’t already shoved that down your throat enough. This is Brian Cage’s PWG debut, but he would get signed and released from WWE shortly afterwards. TNA missed the boat too WWE, so you’re not alone.

Things start off fast early, and Bonham slaps the shit out of Cage. Bonham takes Cage down with a tope con hilo! That was pretty. BONHAM SOCCER KICKS THE HELL OUT OF CAGE’S BACK! Jesus CHRIST. Bonham knocks Cage off of the apron and hits a SLINGSHOT DOUBLE STOMP TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! Cage thrwarts a powerbomb attempt and powerbombs Bonham into the ringpost! What a dick, this guy. Bonham goes out to the apron and tries to slingshot in, but Cage counters into a Northern Lights Suplex! They trade headbutts in the center of the ring until Cage DROPS Bonham with a Europeam Uppercut. Cage gets 2 on an Alabama Slam Bomb and proceeds to take control until Bonham fires off a couple of punches to try and stop the onslaught. Head Drop Exploder from Bonham! That was disgusting. DISCUS LARIAT FROM CAGE! Holy crap this match is better than I ever remembered it being. Cage comes down with a graceful Lionsault to a face-down Bonham! Nearfall. Cage goes up top looking for something, but Bonham enzuigiris him off. Bonham fires off a couple more enzuigiris and drops him on his head with a high Angle Slam! Super German from Cage! They get to their knees, eventually their feet, and start trading strikes, and out of nowhere Cage HITS WEAPON X! KICKOUT! Cage tries to mock Bonham by using his finisher, but Bonham pushes him off and KILLS HIM WITH HAMMER OF THE GODS! Brandon Bonham wins a barnburner in 16 minutes. ***1/2 This was so much fun to watch, because they killed each other from the get-go and never really let up. Despite what a lot self-important smarks will tell you, not all wrestling needs some kind of complex story. This is an adequate example. Bonham tried his best to make Cage look like a star, and Cage carried himself like one during his debut. You can’t really ask much more than that from a debuting wrestler, really. Really exciting stuff throughout.

Chris Sabin vs. Akira Tozawa
There’s just no way that this isn’t going to be fun.

Chain wrestling early, as Sabin schools Tozawa early with some rapid fire holds. They trade armdrags and they have a GENERIC INDY STANDOFF!~! Tozawa has a little bit of trouble knocking Sabin down with a shoulderblock, but he succeeds in dropping him with an ass attack. Sabin throws Tozawa through the second rope and nails a JUMPING CROSSBODY! He takes Tozawa in the ring and puts on a half crab, but Tozawa gets the ropes. Tozawa buys himself some time with double knees to Sabin’s chest! Shining Wizard! Tope Suicida! Tozawa heads back in and misses a couple of headbutts, but nails a senton after thwarting a comeback. Sabin puts Tozawa in the Tree of Woe and plasters him with a couple of dropkicks! Sabin gets two on a victory roll, but Tozawa kills him with two German Suplexes for three in 12 minutes. *** They didn’t kill the crowd by doing too much and still pulled out a perfectly fine match, so I can’t really say I’m disappointed. It was good fun for what it was, but it’s an Akira Tozawa match so it’s to be expected.

Scott Lost vs. Scorpio Sky
This is Scott Lost’s retirement match, against his good friend Scorpio Sky. This is the first time Scorp had been back in a while apparently and I would imagine Scott got to pick his opponent for his last match.

Scott starts hot early with a dropkick and celebrates with a couple of streamers. Scorpio–in the midst of Scott’s celebration–dropkicks Lost out of the ring, but Scott moves before Scorpio can dive out on him. We head back to the ring, where Sky takes Lost down and fires off a couple of right hands. Sky drives his knees into Scott’s chest in the corner, but Scott comes back with his stomp to the chest in the corner. Lost gets two on a Facebuster and a COCKY PIN~! They go out to the floor and fight, and Scott dropkicks Sky to win a strike exchange. Lost DIVES OVER CHAIRS AND CLOTHESLINES SKY! They head to the ring, where Lost torques Sky’s arm with a Judo throw. Lost tries to throw a punch in the corner, but Sky catches him in a triangle choke in the ropes! HUGE SPINNING SPIKE DDT BY SKY! That was vicious. Scorpio gets a 2 count off of a diving crossbody, and KILLS LOST WITH A BICYCLE KNEE! SUPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE! We head back to the ring again and Lost hits the Picture Perfect Elbow Drop! FROG SPLASH! Nearfall! Sky counters the Superman Spear and BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEXES SKY ALL THE WAY INTO THE SECOND ROW! CORKSCREW SENTON PLANCHA! FROG SPLASH FINDS KNEES! BIG FAT KILL…COUNTERED…NO ACE CRUSHER! NEARFALL! They get to their feet and Sky hits a Final Cut! Only two! SPINNING ROUND KICK FROM LOST! BIG FAT KILL! NEARFALL~! FROG SPLASH FROM SKY! NEARFALL! TKO! Scott still kicks out. TKO! NEARFALL!~! An abrupt Big Fat Kill gives Scorpio Sky the win in 22 minutes. **** This dragged ever so slightly (I think shaving this one down by a few minutes would have made this even better) but it was still a superb match from two guys who I don’t think of too fondly as workers. Lost took some mean bumps throughout, especially that Belly-to-Belly into the fans. Lost didn’t phone it in at all, wrestling what is no doubt my favorite match of his and really going the extra mile to entertain the fans. The finish was poorly executed because instead of making it an ultimate climax and building to it, it just seemed like they rushed things instead…but that’s nitpicking; you cannot fault the effort of either of these men and I think it’s pretty cool that Lost went out with his best match. This was much better than Joey Ryan’s “farewell” match, but then again, Scott Lost had 20 minutes to go out and tear the house down, whilst Joey had 10 minutes. This was a great match from two guys I wasn’t expecting much from.

Sky and Lost embrace after Scott gets up, to a big pop from the crowd. Ryan Taylor, Peter Avalon, Brandon Gatson, Brian Cage, Johnny Goodtime, Brandon Bonham, and Candice LeRae come out, and Excalibur exits the Commentary Booth Shaped Like a Table to hug his retiring friend. Scott takes the mic and says why he retired. He says that he fell out of love with wrestling a year and a half before, and he made a promise to his family that if he wasn’t living solely on wrestling by 30 years old, he would quit. He said that once he stopped trying so hard in the ring, he started having his best matches and fell back in love with pro wrestling. “I should have been doing this the whole time.” He plugs his first published artwork at the merch table and hands the mic over. He also puts over Peter Avalon, since Avalon was one of he and Sky’s students apparently. Excalibur sends Scott Lost out with one last farewell.

Bryan Danielson vs. Roderick Strong
This match took place after Bryan was first released by WWE for strangling Justin Roberts with a tie. They hired him back as you could probably guess.

The fans throw ties into the ring to substitute for streamers, because it’s Reseda. They start off with some scientific stuff early, and the crowd chants “Cena Got His Fucking Head Kicked In” and endears me more to them. I mean, I’m a big fan of John Cena and all that (at least in the ring) but that chant cracked me up. Roddy fires in with some mean chops and right hands, and drops an elbow for a two count. Roddy starts STRANGLING BRYAN WITH A TIE! The fans fire Roderick Strong, and Excalibur reminds everyone that Justin Roberts was fired from PWG. Now Danielson strangles Roddy with a tie! Danielson hits a running clothesline and Roddy bails…not so fast though, as Danielson drops him with a running knee off of the apron. Danielson gets a 2 count off of a running knee, but Roddy comes back with a powerslam for 2. They trade some DISGUSTING CHOPS and Bryan gets two on a crucifix and rolls back into Trapped Elbows! Cattle Mutilation! Roddy gets his foot on the ropes, causing Danielson to break the hold. SICK KICK FROM RODDY! NEARFALL! GIBSON DRIVER REVERSED INTO A TRIANGLE! INTO A LEBELL LOCK! Bryan Danielson picks up the win in 12 minutes. ***1/2 This match was about as good as you can get for 12 minutes, and it’s no surprise considering who was wrestling. There’s not much else to say about this, though. They have had better matches, but in a bubble, this was fine. Here’s to Bryan winning the title at Summerslam!

Excalibur throws Danielson the mic and Bryan says he’s a PG wrestler, and here for the kids. Bryan comments on how full the building is, and says he couldn’t hear his music coming out. “Okay, it may be because the sound sucks…” He basically puts over the fans and leaves.

PWG World Title: Davey Richards (c) vs. Chris Hero
Last time I saw this match I was half-asleep (not due to the match itself, mind you) so I didn’t really get the full effect. From what I remember, it was fantastic, so hopefully it’ll live up.

Hero rolls through and nearly latches on a guillotine, but after some more rolling around they part. Davey rolls through to break a wristlock, but Hero uses his persistence to put in a cross armbreaker. Hero throws Davey out of the ring, but EATS A MURDERDEATHKILL KICK TO THE CHEST! Davey takes Hero back in the ring, but doesn’t get very far with that arm trapped Cloverleaf he does due to Hero’s freakish height. HUGE BOOT TO THE FACE FROM HERO! Davey heads to the outside, and Hero follows so they can trade strikes. Back in the ring, Hero drops his big ass onto Davey with a senton. Hero takes his time picking Davey apart until he brains Davey with an elbow! Some kind of Suplex/Neckbreaker gets Hero a 2 count. Back handspring elbow from Davey! That predictably only gets 2, but the tide has changed. Davey fires off a couple of kicks, but Hero kills him with a Sick Kick! He LANDS ON HIS FEET when he misses a somersault plancha, but DAVEY TAKES HERO OUT WITH A SOMERSAULT TOPE SUICIDA! Davey heads back in and dropkicks Hero’s knee in the second rope! Leg Cradled Backdrop Driver from Hero! That was disgusting. Big boot, but DAVEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK! ELBOW FROM HERO! NEARFALL! Davey gets out of a cravate and hits a barrage of kicks, but Hero climbs up to the adjacent corner and HITS A HUGE CRAVATE FACEBUSTER! NEARFALL! ELBOW! CLOVERLEAF FROM DAVEY! ROARING ELBOW FROM HERO! ROARING LARIAT FROM DAVEY! NEARFALL! Hero goes for a German, but DAVEY ROLLS THROUGH IN MID AIR INTO AN ANKLE LOCK! ROARING ELBOW FROM HERO! DAVEY KICKS OUT! ANOTHER ELBOW! MOONSAULT FROM HERO! DAVEY KICKS OUT AGAIN! Another Roaring Elbow in the corner! Davey rolls through into an Ankle Lock! MURDERDEATHKILL KICK! SPIN KICK! CHRIS HERO DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK! DR DRIVER! NEARFALL! ANKLE LOCK! GRAPEVINE! HERO TAPS! Davey retains his title in a phenomenal 25 minutes. ****1/2 I will preface this by saying that in front of a different crowd, this match might not have been as great as it was. The Reseda crowd was into every single nearfall and every single stike or move that Hero and Richards did. They were on their feet for what may perhaps be one of the most hectic finishing stretches I’ve ever seen and in a different land, the crowd would have stopped caring after some of the big nearfalls. Not Reseda though damn it, they were with these two every step of the way and elevated this one from a great match to a near-classic. They also told a couple of loose stories within the frenetic exchanges as well, with Davey’s resilience helping him through the long stretches of Hero’s dominance and Hero’s knee and leg problems leaving him vulnerable to Davey’s ankle lock. This was a near perfect match (one of the best of 2010), one that any indy fan should have seen already. Tremendous, tremendous stuff.

Guerrilla Warfare Match for the PWG World Tag Titles: Peligro Abejas (El Generico & Paul London) vs. The Young Bucks vs. The Cutler Brothers
I’ve heard some pretty big hyperbole about this match, and like Hero/Richards, I was half asleep when I saw this last time, so I’m basically coming into this one without an opinion. Maybe it will make me give a shit about the Cutlers.

Dustin jumps both of the Bucks before the bell even rings, and London and Generico hit the ring, hitting STEREO SOMERSAULT PLANCHAS TO A HUGE POP! Paul London eats shit on the ringpost as the Cutlers clean house. Brandon tries to suplex Generico out of the ring, but PAUL LONDON DIVES OVER THE BOTH OF THEM AND POWERBOMBS BRANDON OFF OF THE APRON! The Cutlers throws Generico and London OVER THE BAR, and Nick hits a FLYING PARTNER ASSISSTED SLICED BREAD NUMBER 2! Generico tries to go through the ropes for a swinging DDT, but he eats a garbage can! Back Rake with a REAL RAKE! Nick Jackson crawls onto the stage, and the CUTLERS GORILLA PRESS HIM OFF OF IT! The Cutlers get a table, but London comes down and takes them both down with enzuigiris. Of all things, London puts firecrackers on the table. LONDON SUPERPLEXES MATT JACKSON THROUGH THE TABLE! Brandon Cutler brains Nick with a mean chairshot. They look to drop Matt on the chairs with a tandem tombstone, but Nick stops it. HALF AND HALF SUPLEX ON THE CHAIRS FROM GENERICO ON NICK! NEARFALL! MATT DESTROYS BRANDON WITH A VICTORY ROLL FACEBUSTER ON A CHAIR! LONDON BREAKS IT UP! YAKUZA KICK ON DUSTIN FROM GENERICO…INTO A CHAIRSHOT! TANDEM TOMBSTONE ON THE CHAIR! LONDON BREAKS IT UP! The Bucks set Dustin on a table and 450 SPLASHES HIM THROUGH IT! LONDON BREAKS UP THE PINFALL! Paul pushes Matt off the top rope and comes down with A SHOOTING STAR PRESS ON HIM ON THE OUTSIDE! TURNBUCKLE BRAINBUSTER ON NICK FROM GENERICO!~! Generico pins Nick Jackson in 21 crazy minutes. ****1/2 I don’t know if I can quite call this match better than the one that preceeded it (mainly because they were so different), but Jesus Fuck this was nuts. I’m wearing out my shift button on this show, but damn, this match deserves most of the praise that’s heaped onto it. One of the best things about it was that the biggest spots they did were not kicked out of…the pinfalls were broken up, so it was easier to suspend your disbelief. The way some of these matches are structured don’t protect big moves for shit, but this one did and it made it a much better watch. This also wasn’t overly dangerous, which always kind of eases your stomach when watching it. You can call it overrating, but the reason the snowflake rating is so high is because on top of this being a crazy fun spotfest, it was a smart match. It’s not often those two features are strewn together in a huge weapons-based brawl. What a way to end a classic show.

The 411: It's a toss-up between SEVEN and Threemendous III if you're deciding on the best PWG show to watch. I'm personally impartial towards Threemendous III because the main event was a legit five star match to me, but you cannot go wrong with this show either. It was the perfect length for a wrestling show, as opposed to a lot of ROH shows where I have to take them in with multiple sittings. The sheer quality of this card can go up against most cards in wrestling and holds its own exponentially well, due to a ridiculous double main event and tremendously fun undercard. This is number 2 on my Best PWG Shows of All Time, and for good reason. A million thumbs up for a virtually perfect show.

Final Score:  10.0   [ Virtually Perfect ]