The Name on the Marquee: Saturday Night’s Main Event (10.14.89)

-Cold open promos: Roddy Piper vows that he’ll make Haku cry like Zsa-Zsa Gabor. The Macho King and the Sensational Queen promise royal pain for Jimmy Snuka. Bushwhackers vow to lick the Rougeaus. Ted DiBiase has a million-dollar match with Hulk Hogan, with a million-dollar insurance policy: Zeus is in his corner. Hulk pledges to stamp his checks “insufficient funds.”

-Originally aired October 14, 1989.

-We’re in Cincinnati.

-Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura. Jesse refers to Cincinnati as “the gambling capital of the world,” just to make sure there’s permanent proof that this show took place in 1989.

-We take a look at the coronation of Randy Savage and Sensational Sherri. You know…I think this was actually the only time in the WWF that the Poffo brothers appeared together.

-The Macho King cuts a royal promo. He taps his scepter on Jesse’s head at the end, which is funnier than it sounds.

-Superfly bows to no man.

SUPERFLY JIMMY SNUKA vs “Macho King” RANDY SAVAGE (with Sensational Queen Sherri)
-Savage attacks at the bell and Sherri provides some added distraction, but Snuka comes back with an atomic drop that sends Savage out to the floor. Sherri interferes and that gives the edge back to Savage. He tosses Snuka to the floor and meets him out there with the top rope axehandle. Savage and Sherri take turns choking Snuka.

-Snuka finally comes to life with chops and headbutts. Savage gets hung upside-down in the corner and when the referee tries to keep Snuka away from the corner, Sherri passes her purse to Savage, and he gives Snuka a whack across the head and rolls him up for the win. 1 for 1. These guys gave everything they could with only a five-minute window. Snuka clears the ring after the match.

-We flash back to Zeus unleashing havoc at previous SNMEs and at Summerslam.

-DiBiase again sings the praises of his million-dollar insurance policy.

-Gene Okerlund and Hulk Hogan focus on the feud with Zeus, with barely any acknowledgement of Ted Whats-His-Face, the guy who’s actually wrestling tonight.

WWF TITLE: HULK HOGAN (Champion) vs. “Million Dollar Man” TED DIBIASE (with Zeus)
-Zeus wastes no time trying to trip up Hogan, but Hogan shakes it off and gets the early offensive. Zeus trips him up a second time and Hulk and Zeus start choking each other. Referee breaks it up and Hogan goes right back into control. Hulk gets distracted one more time and it finally works and Zeus strangles Hogan while DiBiase has the referee’s attention…and that brings out Jake “The Snake” Roberts. This time, DiBiase gets distracted and Hogan rolls up up for two.

-Hogan lays a beating on DiBiase while Jake stares down Zeus, and then Virgil pops up out of nowhere, snatches Damien, and hauls ass out of the building. Jake chases Virgil, which leaves Hogan all alone again.

-Back from commercial, DiBiase is in control with elbows and a clothesline for two. Suplex gets another two. Axehandle from the ropes gets another two. Chinlock by DiBiase. Hogan breaks free, but a double-clothesline wipes out both men. DiBiase recovers and hits a knee from the top rope for another two, and this time, Hulk makes his big pissed-off comeback. Hogan connects with the big boot and Zeus heads in and grabs onto him for an attempted double-team. DiBiase clotheslines Zeus by mistake, and just stares in shock at Zeus until Hulk rolls him up for a three-count. Post-match, Zeus attacks and DiBiase capitalizes with a Million Dollar Dream, and Jake returns with Damien to clear the ring. 2 for 2. This was good enough, and as a nice bonus, Hulk changed up the formula a little bit.

-We go back to Summerslam, where Roddy Piper mooned Rich Rude. A short time later during an interview with Brother Love, Roddy Piper was attacked from behind by Rick Rude, who blinded him with Listerine.

-Bobby Heenan says Haku is ready for the dumbbell in the dress.

-Roddy Piper says that over in Scotland, when a weasel has too much family, they get the weasel fixed. Gene Okerlund says he’ll be fighting Haku, and Piper says “gesundheit.”

-The Mountain Dew Slam of the Night: The Ultimate Warrior with his out-of-this-world bodyslams.

ROWDY RODDY PIPER vs HAKU (with Bobby Heenan)
-Piper fires a flurry of punches and chops at Haku and knocks him out to the floor, then meets him out there with a Thesz press from the apron. Piper goes after Bobby Heenan and Haku takes advantage with a clothesline before Piper can do anything.

-Back inside, Haku connects with an elbow and Piper sells his ass off for it. Shoulderbreaker gets two. Haku goes to the top rope, but the big splash misses and Piper goes psychotic, ramming Haku’s head into the mat over and over and screaming. Belly-to-belly suplex…finishes. Huh. That was abrupt. 2 for 3. I love Piper but there wasn’t much to this one.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Ted DiBiase and Zeus. DiBiase is pissed that Jake Roberts is back after what was supposed to be a career-ending injury. He promises that if he gets his hands on Zeus again, he’ll get the job done. Zeus pledges that Hulk Hogan won’t feel very thankful this Thanksgiving.

-Rick Martel says he WAS Strike Force, and he carried that bean-brained Tito to the top. They come to the ring with all of Martel’s Survivor Series tag team partners.

-Tito is never surprised by the Slickster and Rick Martel. He retaliates with his own crew.

TITO SANTANA (with Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, and Red Rooster) vs. RICK MARTEL (with Big Bossman, Akeem, Honky Tonk Man, Slick, and Jimmy Hart)
-I bet you can already guess the finish. Vince and Jesse note that both men are very talented wrestlers, but these two men hate each other so much that this is probably just going to be a brawl.

-Martel attacks at the bell and Tito clotheslines him right out to the floor. Martel lands on Tito’s team’s side, so they provide a barrier while Tito just fucking wails on Martel. Back inside, Tito works the arm and then connects with a bodypress for two. Martel takes control with punches and boots. Tito fights back and connects with the flying forearm, and one by one, everybody heads up to the apron and teases a brawl until a second referee shows up and talks everybody to going back to the floor and letting the match continue.

-Back from commercial, Martel has the advantage. Tito tries a clothesline, and Martel ducks him to send Tito out to the floor. Back inside, Martel works the back while Vince notes that Martel has been referring to himself as “The Model” lately.

-They duel for a backslide and Tito finally wins that battle for a two-count. Martel slugs him down and goes right to the Boston crab, but Tito is too close to the ropes and breaks the hold easily. Martel tries going to the top rope, but Tito crotches him and takes him on a tour of the turnbuckles. Figure four almost finishes, but all the troops come spilling in, and we have a double disqualification with a side of battle royal. 3 for 4. It’s Rick and Tito, how are they going to go wrong.

-Roddy Piper steps in to once again tell us he wants a piece of Rick Rude.

BUSHWHACKERS vs FABULOUS ROUGEAU BROTHERS (with Jimmy Hart)
-Whackers clear the ring and chase Jimmy Hart around until they have successfully removed his pants. Rougeaus are pissed, so they attack from behind. Rougeaus double-team Butch while Luke complains on the apron. Butch dodges a double-team and the Rougeaus collide, and Luke makes the “hot tag” two minutes into the match. Luke cleans house and the battering ram finishes. 3 for 5. The Rougeaus were just completely wasted during their final year as a team.

-Hulk Hogan admits to being worried about Zeus to wrap things up. Hulk vows that his team will stop the Million Dollar Man on Thanksgiving night.

Until next time, buy the book at Amazon or at Barnes and Noble.

The 411: 3 good matches out of 5. Like Log, this SNME was better than bad; it's good.
Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]