The Name on the Marquee: Tuesday Night Titans (08.07.1984)
Posted by Adam Nedeff on 10.15.2013
Vince chokes up on the steering wheel and Kamala chokes the chicken.
-Originally aired August 7, 1984.
-Your host is Vince McMahon, along with Lord Alfred Hayes.
-We open with action from Canada, pitting Kamala against Bob Marcus. Kamala chops Marcus from 132 different angles. Splash gives Kamala the win.
CLASSY FREDDY BLASSIE & FRIDAY
-Friday brings out “The Famous Performing Chicken,” a live chicken inside a cage. Vince legit breaks up about the chicken doing some kind of “performing” off-camera.
-They bring out Kamala, and Blassie explains that Friday is the only one who can communicate with Kamala because he speaks the same language. Blassie declares him to be the greatest find this side of the Hope Diamond. He's not a scientific wrestler, and Blassie doesn't want him to be. He just wants Kamala to step in the ring and be brutal. Kamala stares at the chicken with fascination, and Blassie notes that his scheduled feeding is coming up.
-Blassie announced that the chicken is about to do “a disappearing act.” Kamala removes him from the pen, promptly drops him on the floor, and chases him around the studio as we abruptly cut to commercial.
-Back from commercial, Kamala's face and chest are covered with feathers.
-We go to St. Louis to watch Sgt. Slaughter do battle with Roger Smith. Slaughter kisses the fans' flags at ringside and then kisses the ground. The jobber had been a much bigger star in the territorial days as Roger Kirby, and retired not long after this run as a job guy. This is actually pretty darned competitive battle, with control changing hands quite a few times and Slaughter having to make a comeback more than once. Cobra clutch gets the win.
-Patera mentions that he's been away from the WWF for several years but it's nice to be back. Ken's only objection to being in the company is that the referees are arrogant idiots and the WWF has a thing for promoting underdogs, so the referees are always biased against him because he can't possibly lose.
-Ken does an amazing feat of strength, bending a metal rod. We go to ring action with Patera (managed by Captain Lou Albano in this early appearance. Back to the studio, where Lord Alfred is trying to bend his own rod and can't. In preparation for the LA Olympics, Ken demonstrates various lifts done in Olympic competition. One of his lifts is the split snatch. High five!
-Back from commercial, they're in the parking lot for the most amazing feat of strength yet. He's going to lean against a wall and use his legs as a brace to hold back a moving van. Lord Alfred Hayes is supposed to drive the van, but Patera is worried that he'll screw it up due to his inexperience with driving with the steering wheel on the “correct” side of the car. Vince tries to get another driver, but Patera won't do the trick with anybody but Vince driving. Vince uncharacteristically shits a brick, revving the engine and frantically honking the horn while Patera explains everything that he's doing in preparation for the trick. Patera gets pissed at Lord Alfred for refusing to stand next to him during the trick because Alfred doesn't trust him to do it right. So he finally does the trick, but he winds up doing it longer than he expected because Vince's foot gets stuck on the excelerator, and Vince apologizes profusely to close out the segment.
THE TNT MAILBAG
-Haiti Kid delivers the mail this week.
Letter #1: A 5'2” 115-pound brunette asks how she can meet Hulk Hogan and Vince suggests writing a letter to “TNT.” Thanks, Vince.
Letter #2: When will “TNT” do another feature about Paul Orndorff. Vince says they'll try to get around to it, but the problem is they have so many great athletes in the WWF.
-Vince rather casually refers to this as “the nostalgia segment.” Freeman mentions having a pretty good run in the West Virginia-Ohio area, which is interesting because that part of the world wasn't really a territory. He expresses his admiration for Bob Backlund. We see vintage action with Freeman in a tag bout against the Mongols. But then Vince says it's two different guys against the Mongols. And the Mongols win the match. Why the fuck did we watch this?
-Vince tells a crazy story that I've heard in the past about midget wrestler Frenchy Lamont, who had freakish strength for a midget, going up to Gorilla Monsoon in the locker room, grabbing him by the legs, lifting him, and carrying him around. With that, we go to action from Maple Leaf Gardens, the one and only arena in the world that you can identify by the hard camera angle. If it's hovering over the ring and skewing toward the left, we're in Toronto, folks. Haiti gets the win, because showing a match that your interview subject is in and he wins makes goddamn sense.
-A mariachi band plays Tito out, and Lord Alfred wears a sombrero to greet him. We lead off with the Tito-Rene battle from Championship Wrestling. He talks about the difficulty of training while on the road.
-Back from commercial, we get some Mexican dancing, Mexican music, and Mexican food.
-We wrap up with a look at two new arrivals in the WWF, Nikolai Volkoff and The Spoiler. Vince mentions that some people refer to The Spoiler as “the National Heavyweight Champion,” as if it's a nickname. It's actually the title he held when he split for the WWF.
The 411: Honestly, at this point running time is the ONLY problem, because I was pretty much ready to move on with my life by the time they introduced Tito, but overall it was a pretty entertaining show. More than it had been, anyway.