wrestling / Video Reviews
Ring Crew Reviews: VHS Tape Digging Volume 6
Loading...• I’ve done a few of these and always find it interesting to take a dive into old comp tapes that I have laying around. In case you do too, here are the previous versions
• Last time, I focused on a few weeks of Sting’s failed title run after one of the largest buyrates ever at Starrcade 97. This time around, the main focus is on how Triple H arrived at his first world championship with some other odds and ends thrown in.
• Title vs. Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Macho Man Randy Savage. Boston Garden. 02/11/89. The fed was ultimately building toward Rude/Warrior and Hogan/Macho at Mania V, but that was a few months off. This run was during split crew house shows headlined by Warrior/Macho OR Jake/Andre and Hogan/Bossman.
• Macho is out sans Liz much to Lord Alfred Hayes and another guy I don’t recognize . Still, Hayes calls this the most important match in Macho’s career. Awesomely, a few front row fans have a giant cardboard heart that says Elizabeth loves Hogan though they are quickly escorted out of the way by the plush, velvet jackets. Crowd is amped up for Warrior’s entrance. Macho, with cape still on I might add, jumps Warrior from behind before the bell. Warrior no sells and fights back with CLUBBINGBLOWS. Warrior ducks a clothesline and blows through Macho with a flying shoulderblock. Macho bails out and Warrior taunts to a THUNDEROUS ovation. Macho starts jawing with the Hogan cronies in the front row, but that’s not to wise as Warrior waffles him from behind and gives him the MILITARY PRESS SLAM FOR REPS! Hayes: “THIS IS A DIFFERENT TYPE OF ADVERSARY THAT MACHO MAN IS FACING AND HE IS TREATING THE WORLD CHAMPION WITH A LOT OF DISRESPECT!” Macho bails back out and then cuts Warrior off at the pass back in to boos. Warrior wants a backdrop but Macho sniffs it out and boots him. Macho wants a crossbody but Warrior catches him, but loses his footing and then fall back into the ropes. Warrior gets Macho up for the Tree of Woe but then doesn’t hook the leg, so Macho’s HEAD stops him from hitting the mat. Dangerous stuff. The ref admonishes Warrior, so he picks him up and sets him on the top turnbuckle. Warrior’s all DESTRUCITY and avoids a Macho sneak attack. Warrior with more chops and tries a charge in the corner but Macho ducks out and Warrior eats turnbuckle. Macho with the patented flying knee to the back that sends Warrior to the floor to big heat. Macho then flies out with the SPACE GHOST GRANDPA HAMMER on Warrior.
• Back in, Macho jumps to the outside to snap Warrior’s neck over the top. He covers for 1, 2, only 2. Macho now with the BLATANTCHOKING and a knee drop. 1, 2, no. WHAT A WAR WE’VE GOT HERE IN FRONT OF THIS CAPACITY CROWD AT THE BOSTON GARDEN! Macho tries a Sleeper, but Warrior never one for rest, relaxation, and reflection, Warriors up. NO! Warrior collapses! Macho covers for 1, 2, kickout. Macho goes back to another Sleeper and this time Warrior elbows out to A POP! He builds a head of steam but runs into a MACHO LINE! SAVAGE HAMMER! 1, 2, EMPHATIC KICKOUT! Warrior LITERALLY threw him three feet in the air. Macho tries a suplex but Warrior blocks for one of his own. Cover gets 1, 2, 2 ½. BUT WAIT! RICK RUDE HAS COME OUT! Rude starts posing down as Warrior ignores him. Warrior hits an atomic drop and covers for nothing as Macho gets his feet on the ropes. Warrior argues the count as Rude continues showing off his peaks for his freaks. Macho sneaks a school boy with a handful of tights for another nearfall. Warrior smashes Macho’s face and wants a Splash but Macho gets the knees up. Hayes: “LOOK AT RUDE! WHAT IS HE TRYING TO PROVE DOING THAT?!” Announcer 1: “TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR!” Hayes: “IS HE TRYING TO PROVE THAT HE’S GOT A BETTER BODY THAN THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR?!” Warrior starts Warrioring up and refuses a turnbuckle smash and shakes the ropes. He channels the power of the little Warriors and calls for the Press Slam. He levels Macho with some haymakers and continues pantomiming churning homemade buttermilk or some shit. He misses a clothesline but then lands the next. Warrior winds up for another haymaker, but he’s HAD IT WITH RUDE’S ANTICS! Warrior scares Rude and Rude trips over the stairs for a little Keystone Cops. Warrior boots him to the stomach and double goozles him. Macho flies out to waffle him from behind and then slides in to beat the count and win by countout at 10:35.
• Like most Warrior matches and especially Warrior/Macho (though not the WM 7 match), this cruises back on personality, style, and an active crowd. As usual, Warrior’s a tad sloppy and just generally unorthodox in practically every punch, move, and taunt, but even a year out from winning the belt, he was super over so it’s hard to entirely argue with his approach. Rude elevates the proceedings just by posing for 30 seconds which ought to show how great he is/was. While not the draw, the match itself was well-structured (thanks to Macho) with the Sleeper tease and Warrior needing a few comebacks before taking over. ***
• Post-match, Macho and Rude embrace as it was all a ruse. Warrior fires up and shitcans Macho. He beats Rude from pillar to post and then press slams Rude to display some raging power.
• Falls Count Anywhere, No Countout, No Time Limit, No DQ, No Holds Barred, Triple Threat Match for the Number 1 Contendership to the WWF Championship: Chyna vs. Triple H vs. Undertaker. WWE RAW 08/16/99. OK, so quite the story here. Through the first half of 1999, Mankind and Rock traded the strap back and forth before Austin re-entered the picture to take it back at WM. Rock would turn face, but stay mired in the midcard with Billy Gunn and British Bulldog through the middle of the year. Meanwhile, Triple H would turn heel on DX and join the Corporation which would become the Corporate Ministry playing Evil Robin to UT’s Evil Batman. Finally, H would break out on his own defeating Rock in a strap match at Fully Loaded 99 for the title shot at SS. Much in the fashion of earlier JR sitdowns with Vince and Foley, in the build-up to Summerslam, Triple H broke off on his own and cut the promo of his life and proclaimed himself The Game.
• Earlier on this show, Jesse the Body Ventura, the special guest referee for the SS main event, was out holding court and Triple H came out to butt heads. That brought out Commish HBK who booked Trips in a triple threat against UT and Austin. Austin was then laid out and HBK couldn’t prove who committed the attack, so booked Trips into a corner by putting Chyna in the match and made himself ref. Of note, this is the same show that Jericho debuted.
• The Body is joining JR and King on commentary. For the record, this is heel-heel-heel. Trips and UT go to the fisticuffs and Chyna hits the deck after a shove from Taker. Trips slips HBK a Stink Eye so UT pins him up in the corner for more haymakers. Chyna tries to sneak the Dead Man so he goozles her only for Chyna to go to the eyes to escape. Nifty. Chyna heads top and UT lays her out with a haymaker that she sells to the floor. Body: “If you want to get in there with the big boys, you’ve got to take your lumps.” Trips in to eat a BOOT OF FEAR and a clothesline that sends him to the floor. UT goes to work on the Hs with more rights and smashes him into the steps as JR recounts the rules and Body steps in to talk reffing philosophy. JR: “Now, both men outside, remember this is a falls count anywhere match, no disqualifications, no countout, no holds barred in this triple threat match.” Body: “So, in other words, all the referee’s gotta do is stay out of the way and count to three.” JR: “You’ve got it.” Body: “That’s what it comes down to. Well…. I’m going to tell you what. When it gets to Summerslam, that is NOT going to be what happens.” King: “WHOAAA!” Body: “I’m not just going to get out of the way. Whoever wins this will face Stone Cold and there will be rules and there will be wrestling. And we’re going to truly find out who the WRESTLER is that deserves to be the world heavyweight champion.” Good stuff.
• Trips tries a slugfest with UT and of course loses that one so he slides behind and posts UT. Jawbreaker gets 1, 2, only 2. King: “Jesse, you’re not going to dress like Shawn Michaels when you referee are you?” Trips mounts for the GnP and tosses UT into the stairs as well. Back in, H comes off the top but lands in a goozle only for Chyna to break it up with a BLATANTLOWBLOW. Trips and Chyna now put the boots to UT. Triple H offers her a shake but Chyna suckers him in for a low blow as well to HUGE pop. So much for heel-heel-heel. UT fires up for the ChokeSlam and gives it to Chyna. UT admires his handiwork so Trips knees him down. Triple H shows concern and checks on Chyna. CHIVALRY ISN’T DEAD! BUT WAIT! Triple H hooks the leg on Chyna for 1, 2, UT breaks it up. THATNOGOODBASTARD! More rights and elbows from Triple H and UT. UT now covers Chyna for a 2 count as Jesse and King trade Memphis stories. Trips and Taker continue slugging it out. BUT WAIT! THAT’S AUSTIN AND HE’S GOT A CHAIR! Chyna and H are knocked to the floor by UT. UT starts arguing with HBK as Austin is a little late getting out to ringside. Austin winds up and BLASTS Trips as UT has disappeared from the broadcast. Austin puts Chyna on top and HBK counts 1, 2, 3 for a new number 1 contender at 6:51. Suddenly, UT appears and he’s in the ring like an idiot just watching all this. Match was shit other than added intrigue of Chyna’s presence. *1/2
• In case you were wondering why Trips initial thrust into the main event didn’t exactly put him over like feuding with Cactus did losing the title shot to Chyna was part of the reason. But we’re not done yet.
• Match for the Number 1 Contendership to the WWF Championship: Triple H vs. Chyna. WWE RAW 08/23/99. The following week, Trips would talk Chyna into putting the shot back on the line early in the show by telling her about the limo full of flowers he gave her for being the first woman in the RR. Of note, also on this show, UT would team up with Showster and cut one of the worst promos ever about riding into the desert on motorcycles and only giving Show enough gas to get halfway and then abandoning him to eat scorpions and drink cactus water to find his way home or some shit. Jericho would interrupt and bury Taker and the promo and would promptly be put in the doghouse.
• JR: “Triple H was all over MTV last week and he wants to be all over Chyna momentarily.” Thanks for that. At the bell, Trips tries to have a meeting of the minds so he can tell Chyna about doing business in this business for the business of doing business but Chyna takes cares of business by telling him what’s best for business is a forearm shiver to the face. H sells like hell for her as she goes to the kicks and Euro uppercuts. Chyna sends him across but H counters to a back elbow. H lays her out with a right. JR: “He left his… gentlemanly boots at home.” H tries a Harley Race suplex but Chyna slides out for a DDT. Cover gets 1, 2, only 2. Chyna works over the Hs in the corner with chops. Chyna telegraphs a backdrop and H hits the jawbreaker. He works her over in the corner to BIIIIIIG HEAT! King: “I can’t believe he was kicking her. I’m a little uncomfortable with this.” Hebner threatens to DQ him as H channels a bit of Flair and Colonel Robert Parker. High knee gets 1, 2, 2 ½. H with another right and Chyna is toast. She recovers to backdrop him to the floor. Chyna distracts the ref while MICK FOLEY HAS COME OUT! He’s here for revenge on the Hs for attacking him with a sledge THREE MONTHS AGO! Mankind waffles H from behind and blasts him with the stairs! Chyna covers for 1, 2, 3 to remain number 1 contender at 3:37. Next time someone sympathizes with Jericho for having to work with Chyna over the IC belt, they should remember Trips went through the same stuff at a higher level… for a couple weeks. That was way better than it had any right to be mostly thanks to H’s bumping all over the place. **
• Post-match, Mankind runs off Triple H with a chair. Foley challenges Chyna for the shot at SS if she’s got the TESTICULAR…um… OVARILOGICAL FORTITUDE! Foley takes a victory lap but Chyna gives him a low blow and says that means NO! Enter HBK and he grants the shot. This is hopelessly overbooked and is nonsense just to avoid Austin-HHH.
• Match for the Number 1 Contendership for the WWF Championship: Mankind vs. Chyna. WWE RAW 08/23/99. Yes, we’re still on the same show. We cut to the back where Trips is trying to fight his way through refs. Chyna with rights and kicks in the corner and Mankind takes over but can’t bring himself to sock her. Chyna doesn’t have the same qualms and blasts him with an elbow. Mankind comes back with a biel and Chyna goes down. The ref tries to pull him away so Chyna goes low and the ref doesn’t care. Another low blow and a DDT get 1, 2, only 2. Meanwhile, Triple H is still working his way here. Chyna goes for a CLUBBINGBLOW but ghosts Mick so instead she scoops him up for a bodyslam. BUT WAIT! TRIPLE H HAS COME OUT! He gets big boos for his efforts. Chyna’s all I’D RATHER BE IC CO-CHAMP THAN WORLD CHAMP so Foley pulls Socko and applies the Mandible Claw. He works it into a cover and Chyna down for 1, 2, 3 at 2:06. DUD We’re still not even close to done.
• Post-match, Trips comes to Chyna’s rescue and now they’re back on the same page as she helps Triple H put the boots to Mankind. Shane-o Mac comes out and makes YET ANOTHER match for the title shot at SS and appoints himself as special guest ref. BUT WAIT! HBK adds a few stipulations – no holds barred, falls count anywhere and announces himself as ANOTHER REFEREE! JR: “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE DUELING REFEREES!” This is crazy.
• No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere Match for the Number 1 Contendership for the WWF Championship: Triple H vs. Mankind with Special Guest Referees Shane McMahon and Shawn Michaels. WWE RAW 08/23/99. Stone Cold is on the commentary. They both come out slugging. Austin: “I give Hunter Hearst Helmsley all the respect in the world because FINALLY someone lit a fire under his ass and the sonofabitch is FINALLY performing up to his capabilities.” Shoot? Sort of? ANYWAY, Foley pounds down H in the corner and moves in for the testicular charge. Foley chokes but H comes back with rights of his own. Mankind counters to a double leg but then bails out in a weird transition as H has to feed over to get pulled to the floor. HBK and Shane start shoving each other as they can’t co-exist. Foley tries to choke Trips with a camera cable but Triple H pokes him in the eye and clotheslines him down. H preps a piledriver on the ramp but Foley counters to a backdrop. He covers and both refs count for 1, 2, only 2. Mankind goes for the Claw but H blocks so Foley tries for the Double Arm DDT instead. BUT WAIT! CHYNA HAS COME OUT AND SHE CLOTHESLINES MANKIND ON THE RAMP! Austin: “I give Chyna credit; she’s the toughest chick in the World Wrestling Federation. YEAH! MORE POWER TO HER! But if she gets in my business, WHAM, WHAM, STUNNER, lights out, just like anybody else.”
• ANYWAY, Foley goes low but still can’t get H up for a suplex. H counters to a small package on the ramp for a nearfall. That small package was certainly interesting. Back to ringside for the Foley bump into the stairs. H works over the SURGICALLYREPAIREDKNEE. Stone Cold: “Just for the record, if Jesse Ventura gets in my way, WHAM, WHAM, STUNNER, just like anybody else.” King: “YOU WOULD STUN JESSE VENTURA?!” Austin: “I said I would. You calling me a liar?” Back in, H clips the knee AND NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL, BLUEBLOOD BEST FOR BUSINESS STYLE! H drives down on the leg and then applies the F4. Shane tries to prematurely say that Foley quits but HBK makes sure it’s called right down the middle. Mankind gets the ropes and the commentary is glorious. King: “Got to the ropes, he got to the ropes.” JR: “That’s a break. We need a break here.” Austin: “Well, HELL, if it’s no holds barred, why’s he gotta break that hold right there?” JR: “Well, that’s a good point.” King: “JR, QUIT BEING STUPID OUT HERE!” Chyna chokes Mankind behind the ref’s back and now H lays him out and Foley sells to the floor. H with a terrible right that dumps Foley into the front row. Mankind cuts off H and drives him into a steel chair and biels him to ringside. AWESOME bump by H there as usual. Clothesline from Foley on the floor but H no sells to post him. Back in, H gets a chair but HBK pulls it away. He and Shane get into a shoving match as Foley hits the 2ADDT. Rather than cover, Mankind brings out Socko. He locks it in on H but H counters to a back suplex ON THE CHAIR! They both drape arms for 1, 2, 3 and the vaunted DOUBLE PIN at 9:32. H still had a ways to go on offense as further evidenced by the almost squash between him and Rock for the belt on the first episode of Smackdown but his bumping is top-notch and finally, the storyline and overbooking worked for almost the first time in all of this. This would lead to a triple threat at SS. **3/4
• Triple Threat Match for the WWF Championship: Mankind vs. Triple H vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (c). WWE Summerslam 08/29/99. Jesse Ventura is special guest ref. This was during Trip’s first real sustained thrust into the main event after dubbing himself, “The Game” and beginning to break away from the Corporation and Vince’s and UT’s shadow. Interestingly, Chyna was actually number 1 contender until about a week before this show in an angle that was much better than it sounds. In between entrances, the truck reverts back to the ominous HITC music which is quite the mindfuck. Triple H is wearing chainmail on his chest and man I’m glad he dumped that as a character prop. Trips and Chyna jaw with Jesse before Stone Cold’s music hits. JR flubs his go to line and I’m sure he’s pissed: “THE TRIPLE THREAT MATCH ON THE LINE! THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP AT STAKE!”
• Austin sends off H but he gets tripped up by Mankind and sent into the announce table. Mick sends him off and Austin clotheslines H down. Now they switch places in a very convoluted set up so Austin can work him over and Mankind can stand in the ring. Back in, Austin and Foley trade shots on Trips. Austin and Foley embrace and Foley wants a shake until Austin turns on him and tries a Stunner but Foley shoves him into H and he eats it to the floor. Foley tries a clothesline but Austin ducks and Mankind is on the floor. Austin sends Foley into the stairs and H into the barricade. Austin takes down Foley with a clothesline but H comes back with rights on him. Chyna timidly sends Foley into a ringpost behind Jesse’s back as Austin and Trips brawl to the announce table. King: “A lot of sexual energy going on between Mankind and Chyna.” What the fuck is he talking about? Austin chokes H with a camera cable but Trips gets a chair and blasts him in the leg which Jesse missed chastising Chyna. Jesse asks the chair if H used the chair in a spot that is of little value. Foley jumps him from behind but H comes back with a jawbreaker and some rights in the corner. Foley ducks a clothesline and goes to the Mandible Claw but Chyna trips him up and crotches him on the ringpost. Ventura sees and throws Chyna out. JR: “THE BODY EJECTS CHYNA!” Sounds like he might have done commentary for some of her “other matches.”
• Trips argues and that allows Austin to jump him from behind and they brawl in the entranceway. Jesse jogs past them and doesn’t see a problem with Austin sending him into a guardrail a few times. Back in, Austin tries to put the boots to him but H trips (aha!) him up and wraps the leg around the ringpost a few times. Austin is of course wearing those huge knee braces and he’s selling a lot of pain here. H boots away but Foley pulls him off so he can boot Austin. They argue over who gets to beat his ass and then decide to BOTH beat his ass and choke to a pop from the crowd. I like that little inversion of the usual stuff. They hit a double clothesline on Austin. H goes for a Figure 4 but Foley hits a legdrop and goes for a cover. Triple H is all, “What the fuck, dude?” so Foley Cactus clotheslines him to the floor. Foley goes for the Nestea Plunge off the apron but Trips ducks and Foley eats mat. H Stun Guns Austin. Ringside fan: “YOU SUCK, HUNTER!” Who knew CM Punk had ringside seats?
• H wraps the knee around the ringpost again. He tries one more time but Austin pulls him back into the ringpost and into the crowd they go. Don’t expect either of these guys to take the rough bump on the pavement and sure enough HERE COMES FOLEY! Foley tries a piledriver but Austin backdrops him instead on the concrete. Austin sends H back to ringside but H sends him into the ring stairs. Jesse apparently has been moonlighting as a governor while this match has been going on because he hasn’t done shit since throwing out Chyna other than let them brawl. Austin gives H a low blow and works over Foley in the corner with shoulder surges. H goes for the Pedigree but Austin counters with a catapult that sends H Stinger Splash-style into Foley in the corner and over the top rope. Austin hits the Stunner on Foley but H has a chair and blasts Austin. Ventura: “WHAT’S WITH THIS BULLSHIT?!” but only threatens H. Triple H gives Foley an unprotected chairshot and covers but Ventura won’t count. OK, that’s a good payoff for this blatant cheating. Ventura still won’t count. Crowd: “JESSE! JESSE!” Trips threatens to attack Jesse but here comes Shane to argue with Jesse. Crowd: “ASSHOLE!” Austin hits a Stunner on Shane to a big pop and then Jesse shitcans him over the top but an even bigger pop. Jesse: “THAT’S ONE FOR YOUR OLD MAN, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!” Hmm, that gives new significance to the Hornswoggle/Kennedy paternity angle.
• H goes to work on Austin and tries a clothesline but they collide and both go down. Foley gets Socko and goes for the Claw on Austin AND Trips but Austin breaks it up with a low blow. H goes for the Pedigree but Austin clotheslines him down. Austin hits right hands and gives them a noggin-knocker. Austin hits the Stunner on H but Foley breaks up the cover. Austin reverses Foley and sends him into the ringpost. H hits a Pedigree but Foley dumps him and hits the Double Arm DDT on Austin and wins it at 16:25. The crowd wasn’t expecting that at all and it doesn’t get much of a pop. And watching it years later, it still comes off a bit random with no build for that finish, even if you know the backstage noise (Austin didn’t want to put over Trips who would go over Foley the next night to win the strap anyway)(Trips and Foley both more or less corroborate this on the latest Triple H DVD). Also, there’s the whole “Jesse didn’t want to raise a heel’s hand” as well. Who knows. If Austin or H wins, it probably goes up half a star but as it is, it’s still an effective late 90s triple threat street fight that masquerades as a regular match. Jesse’s participation and a hot crowd help too. ***1/2
• WWF Championship: Triple H vs. Mankind (c) w/ Special Guest Referee Shane McMahon. WWE RAW 08/30/99. Rock’s on commentary. Rock: “Yeah, sure, the title’s on the line. But The Rock just wants to know who’s booking this crap?” Foley slides in and H jumps in and cuts him off at the pass. Foley takes over in the corner for the testicular charge. Rock still isn’t satisfied. Cole: “Earlier tonight, Rock, you talked about taking matters into your own hands.” Rock: “Obviously, The Rock came out here unannounced. You jabronis didn’t know The Rock was coming out here…. WHO IS BOOKING THIS CRAP?! The Rock against Billy Gunn? The Rock against Gangrel? I mean, next week, they’ll have The Rock laying the smackdown on Brooklyn Brawler for Christ’s sake.” ANYWAY, Foley sends H across for a bulldog. Foley covers but of course, Shane is distracted by nothing so he can’t count. Mankind calls for Socko Claw. H is staggering so Mankind applies it to SHANE! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Foley dumps him to the floor to a big pop. H wants the Pedigree but Foley counters to SOCKO! BUT WAIT! HERE COMES CHYNA! Mankind releases to give Chyna a taste of Socko. 2ADDT on the Hs. Foley covers for… no ref. Hebner comes out for 1, 2, only 2. Mankind dumps out H for some brawling. H counters to a whip into Chyna and Mankind flip bumps INTO THE STAIRS! BRUTAL! King: “What about that, Rock?” Rock: “Well The Rock tells you, Mankind is a complete idiot.”
• H tosses Foley over the announce table. Rock: “YOU SPILLED WATER OVER THE ROCK’S SHOES! THE ROCK’S SHOE IS $600!” Now, we know where Punk got it from. Foley gets a chair so H punts it back into his face. Rock: “NOW, HE’S CRYING LIKE A WOMAN! HE SHOULD BE GOING AFTER THE WOMAN’S TITLE!” Back in, H takes over with a neckbreaker and a jawbreaker for 1, 2, only 2. Triple H steals Socko and tosses it into the crowd! STRATEGERY@!@! H sends Foley into the ringpost and then school boys him for 1, 2, only 2. Mankind fights back but runs into a high knee. Rock: “MANKIND SUCKS!” H covers for another 2 count. He pounds down Foley so Earl pulls him away for a break. H shoves him laying the groundwork for their Flair-Tommy Young routine to come later. Mankind gets the knee up in the corner and fires out with a clothesline. 1, 2, no. Cactus clothesline and both tumble to the floor. Mankind tosses H over the announce table into Rock. BUT WAIT! SHANE IS UP AND HAS A CHAIR! He blasts Foley. H HAS A CHAIR AND WAFFLES MANKIND AS WELL! ANOTHER TO THE ROCK! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Shane rolls in Mankind and then lays out Earl. Pedigree gets 1, 2, 3 to crown a new champ at 8:46. Getting here may have been clunky and overbooked but DAMN that match was fantastically entertaining especially with that final chairshot on Rock being a bit of a shocker and perfectly setting up another feud. ***1/4
• Unfortunately, H would continue to get booked like a chump including dropping the strap to Vince McMahon (even if only for a few days)(and getting it back a few weeks later).
• Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Big Show vs. JBL (c). WWE No Way Out 2005. Back at Armageddon 2004, JBL retained the belt in a four way with UT, Book, and Eddie. Show defeated Angle, Jindrak, and Luther Reigns in a 3-on-1 handicap match in one of the great heel-heel feuds of all time. Several months prior, Big Show ChokeSlammed Angle off a balcony kayfabe putting him in a wheelchair and Angle retaliated by shooting Showster with a tranquilizer gun and forcibly giving him a buzz cut. Angle and Show weren’t done as their rivalry spilled over into RR 2005 in a triple threat against JBL for the strap. With the help of the Cabinet, JBL would escape with the belt, Angle would move on to feud with HBK after some RR shenanigans, and Batista would win the RR and Cena would be the number 1 contender for the WWE championship at Mania. Would Batista make it a triple threat against Cena and the WWE champ or would he challenge Triple H?
• Pinfall, submission, or escape over the top rules, no escape from the door as its chained shut. JBL moves in with haymakers early and Show no sells and clubs him down. Show sends him across and tries a cage shot. JBL blocks and then blocks again, so Show brings him into the corner for the FRYING PAN CHOPS. Show with a headbutt but JBL comes back with a chop block and a neckbreaker. JBL heads up but puts the brakes on at the sight and touch of barbed wire. He surveys the top and instead tries a crossbody. Show catches him and flips JBL with a snap ab suplex. Cover gets 1, 2, only 2. Cole: “I figured the matchup would go this route – with Big Show dominating.” Show with another loud chop and the crowd loves that. JBL sneaks a thumb to the eye but still can’t escape. He gathers a head of steam but Show stands stiff and down goes JBL. Show lands a suplex and goes to work with yet more chops. JBL sidesteps a charge and shoves Show head-first into the cage and Show blades. JBL still can’t get anywhere up top so he flies off with a shoulderblock and boots Show down. JBL stiffs the shit outta Show with chops and rights and covers for 1, 2, only 2. Batista kick follows and the crowd is dead. JBL unties the tag rope and goes to the BLATANTCHOKERY on Show. Taz: “This is extremely graphic, ladies and gentlemen and… this is not this match, it picks apart your body which will pick apart your career. And uh…. just extreme physicality here.” More CLUBBINGBLOWS from JBL and the crowd still doesn’t care, so Show breaks out the superkick. He picks up JBL for the powerbomb and alley oops him back into the cage first and then drives him down. Show drives him into the cage again. Cole: “AGAIN! INTO THE STEEL! WHICH WILL RIP THAT FLESH LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT EARLIER! … THE CAGE TAKES ON A LIFE OF ITS OWN! IT’S LIKE A CARNIVORE THAT WILL EAT FLESH – THAT WILL EAT HUMAN BEINGS ALIVE IN THE RING!” I’ll have two of whatever he’s having. Show with a slow catapult that sends JBL into the steel. BUT WAIT! IT’S THE CHIEF OF STAFF, ORLANDO JORDAN! You may have last seen him doing this.
• IT’S THE BASHAMS! BUT HOLD ON A MINUTE, PLAYA! Teddy Long ejects the Bashams and OJ, but they leave behind the boltcutters. JBL waffles Show and hits the LARIATO FROM HELL. Cover gets 1, 2, 2.999 at 9 minutes in. JBL poses to lukewarm heat. He wants another LARIATO but Show gets him up for a ChokeSlam. Cover gets 1, 2, 2.99. Show fires up for another but still no one cares. Show: “C’MON YOU SONUVABITCH!” JBL goes low and Batista kicks him down. 1, 2, no. JBL heads for the door but it’s still locked shut. JBL uses the cutters to start tearing his way free of the barbed wire. Taz: “I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!” When Show blasts him from behind, JBL drops the cutters to the floor. Show smashes him into the support beam a few times. JBL no sells to use the thumb to the eye. They continue slugging it out until Show goozles him for a SUPER CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE RING! That gets a reaction even though it’s gimmicked like Foley’s bump at N.W.O 2000. Show tightropes across and gingerly steps down. Rather than pin JBL, Show goes to the door like an idiot and tries to pull off the Masterlock and chain. Show breaks it free to a pop and steps to the floor and the bell rings at 15:11. Show poses in victory but of course, JBL crawled through the ring’s remains and touched the floor first to retain. Post-match, Show is pissed but the Cabinet comes out to put the boots to Show. BUT WAIT! BATISTA HAS COME OUT! He has spinebusters and DemonBombs for everyone. JBL high tails it out but Cena is there to stop his exit. Cena throws him into some TV monitors and then Cena spinebusts him through part of the set.
• Much faster and more varied than the match against Cena. JBL got in a lot more stuff but man was the crowd ever dead for practically the whole thing. The interference and bolt cutters were completely irrelevant though it did make sense from a booking perspective for JBL. The overbooked ending here works better than the Funkasaurus All-Stars run in even if it had some storyline tie-ins. **1/2
• Extreme Rules Match: John Cena vs. Lord Tensai. WWE RAW 04/16/2012. After losing to the Rock, Cena wanted to congratulate the Rock the next night but was instead greeted and promptly F-5ed by Brock Lesnar. Also at Mania, Johnny Ace won the permanent GM-ship of both brands and his first act was to sign Lesnar and pit him against Cena at Extreme Rules. In order to give Cena a taste of what was to come, Ace booked Cena against a mystery opponent that would turn out to be the undefeated Lord Tensai.
• Cole lets us know that Tensai means destruction in Japanese. King says that he used to be in the fed, but went overseas to Japan and dominated learning the way of the warrior in the process. Tensai at this point gets the full regalia including Sakamoto announcing his entrance with birdseed and full Shredder gear. Cole: “Those characters tattooed on his face are Japanese phrases like, ‘Tensai is coming’ and ‘Beware of Tensai…’” Ace is at ringside accompanied by his coffee cup suckup, Otunga. At the bell, Tensai pounds down Cena while Cole plays up Cena’s loss to Rock and fears it may irreparably damage his ego and career but wants King’s professional insight. Cole knows that King was on top of a major territory in the US for decades and that if anyone is qualified to give astute analysis into a headliner’s mindset it would be Lawler. King: “You gotta know John Cena to know the answer to that, and I know John Cena but I still can’t tell you the answer because I’m concerned.” Thanks for that. ANYWAY, Tensai sends him into the turnbuckle and boots him around. Tensai with a throat thrust and Cena goes down in a heap.
• Cena blocks a suplex and counters to one of his own. Tensai no sells for a clothesline. Tensai with some headbutts as the crowd cues up the dueling Cena chants. Hard whip on Cena and he eats it into the turnbuckle. Cena with more boots and the crowd is already antsy. Another whip for the Bret Hart bump and Cena bows his way into a Ho Train and Cena bails out. Cena tries to fight back but gets whipped into the stairs to crickets. Tensai calls for a piledrive but Cena counters to a backdrop on the floor which apparently doesn’t happen in the Orient. King: “BET THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO TENSAI IN JAPAN!” Cena gets the stairs and waffles Tensai. Cena slides him back in only for Sakamoto to boot him to the breadbasket and Otunga to toss him in as well. Tensai no sells the stair shot for a delayed butterfly suplex. Cover gets 1, 2, only 2. Tensai goes to the vaunted NERVE HOLD but Cena gets Tensai up for the FU. Cena’s back buckles so Tensai clubs him down to more crickets. This is dead on arrival even though Cena is bumping around. Cena eats another turnbuckle shot but ducks a discus Ho Train. Cena goes to the shoulderblocks and Tensai finally goes down on the third. Protobomb but Tensai gets up before the 5KS and karate chops Cena to the mat. Tensai hits a running senton for 1, 2, only 2. Tensai goes to an armbar TD and locks in a Fujiwara armbar. Cena rolls though into a nice counter and applies the CC, called an STF by Cole. Otunga in to eat an FU. In the distraction, Tensai spits the Green Mist in Cena’s eyes. BaldoBomb finishes Cena at 6:58.
• Cena tried by letting Tensai kick his ass and break up his go-home into the 5KS but they had no chance. Tensai offered nothing other than generic power moves, a nerve hold, and an armbar out of nowhere with no context. The gimmick was a tough sell but without anything compelling to back it up in the ring, it’s just smoke and mirrors that aren’t that smokey or that reflective. *3/4
• Cena would go on to defeat Lesnar at EE of course. Tensai wasn’t booked but would help Ace break Cena’s arm the next night and would defeat CM Punk in a handicap match with DB’s help.
• Steel Cage Match: Big Show vs. John Cena. WWE No Way Out 2012. After making Show’s and Cena’s lives a living hell for a few months, Ace was riding high. He fired Big Show after losing to Kane and forced Cena to tangle with Tensai and then Brock Lesnar. Unfortunately, Ace drew Vince’s ire and Vince booked him in a match for his job at Over the Limit against Cena. If anyone interfered they would be fired, but see, Show was already fired so he lit up Cena with a WMD and signed his not-so-ironclad contract. Cena then vowed to rid the WWE of the nearly heel Showster, the World’s Largest Disappointment (tm John Cena) and that would culminate in a cage match for the fate of the universe at N.W.O. 2012. If Cena wins, Ace is fired. If Show wins, Cena’s fired.
• Ace joins us in a slick red suit and a blue tie sans motorized scooter but plus a crutch. What a show of courage and guts. ALL HAIL PEOPLE POWER! After eating a WMD as well only six days earlier, Vince still shows up at ringside. Book channels some Dusty Rhodes but then runs outta steam before he can make a point and passes it off to Cole: “We all go through HARD TIMES. It’s what we do when we go through HARD TIMES. Big Show chose the easy way out. Just tell it like it is Cole…uhhhhhh….JUSSSSSST TELL IT LIKE IT IS!” King: “YEAH, TELL IT LIKE IT IS!”
• Show goozles early but Cena slides out. He charges in but Show no sells and Cena flops down like a sack of potatoes. Show takes over early and tosses him into the cage. 30 seconds in and Cena’s toast. Cole: “You know what I find ridiculous, though, these WWE fans… If John Cena wins this match, they realize John Laurinitis will be fired here tonight. Do these people have no heart? IT’S FATHER’S DAY! THE MAN HAS TWO CHILDREN AT HOME!” Book: “He’s got two kids so it’ll be a good thing if he’s at home with them all the time.” High comedy. ANYWAY, Show does the Andre stepover and then mocks Cena’s taunt to a few four year olds to some heat. Show wants the KO punch but Cena ducks and Show punches the ICY COLD STEEL! We’re at 2 minutes in and Show has gone for both finishers. Cena tries to climb out and Show pulls him down casually and headbutts him down. Cue the dueling chants for Cena while Show goes to the SHHHH chops but no one obliges. Show: “I’M THE BIG SHOW! SMILE! HUH?! YOU AIN’T GO NO SMILE FOR ME?! SHUT UP, FAT BOY, AND SIT DOWN!” Show picks up the pace with Nash’s foot choke in the corner. Cena dodges a hip check and breaks out the not-so-Bluechipper dropkick. He lunges for the door but Show pulls him back in for another headbutt. Cena fights back but runs into a clothesline. Show: “WHO SUCKS NOW?!” Book: “Quickness right there. Big Show just WENT FOR IT AND PUT THAT BOY DOWN!” Show shitcans him into the cage and does the Andre spot again.
• Show with some shots to the ribs and tries to talk Cena into quitting and then yells that the fans don’t care. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS MAN! Or something. Show hits a Runaway Samoan Semi as Cole talks about Show’s dubious boxing training. Cena crawls to the door but still gets nothing and Show stomps him down saying he’ll make Cena regret being born. Cena gets the boot up in the corner and hits a Steiner bulldog for a quick 1 count. Cena says fuck it and races for the top of the cage but Show surprisingly runs him down. Cena fights him off and crotches him but stills eats it to the mat himself. Cena fires up for a shoulderblock that sends Show into the cage.
• Cena climbs again so Show gathers him up for a cage-bomb and an Alley Oop. Show covers for 1, 2, only 2. Show heads up for a VaderBomb. King: “JOHN, YOU GOTTA GET UP!” Book: “JOHN! LOOK OUT! LOOOOOK OUTTTT! JOHN CENNNNNNA!” To no avail though as Cena can’t hear commentary and eats the splash. Show covers for 1, 2, 2 ½. Show goozles Cena as Cole tries to play Hercule Poirot and add some intrigue: “Now is that glance at Mr. McMahon or Mr. Laurinitis… OR BOTH?!” ANYWAY, Show pulls Cena up to the top rope only to shove him back off. Show uses the cage rafter to tightrope across for a BIGGG elbow drop but Cena rolls out of the way. Show crawls over for the door but Cena grabs his leg. Show touches the floor with his hands but Cena pulls him back in. Show uses the ring steps for leverage in a cool spot but Cena still pulls him back in. Show goes for the goozle but Cena sidesteps and drives Show into the cage. Cena with another single shoulderblock. Cena covers for a nearfall. Cena reaches for the door but Ace is up to waffle the ref. Vince tackles him down only for Ace to shove the cage door back into Cena. CHOKESLAM ON CENA! 1, 2, 2.99. Show wants the KO punch but Cena moves and the ref eats it. Cena tries the FU but Show swats him down for the KO. Show continues telling the crowd to smile for him. BUT WAIT! BRODUS CLAY HAS COME OUT! Show beat the shit outta him on RAW on the build up and he’s back with a chair. King offers the titular, “You guys know what? … THERE’S NO WAY OUT FOR THE BIG SHOW!” Clay waves in the second protocol reinforcements of Santino and Alex Riley, two more of Show’s victims. Crowd is dead for all of it. ZACK RYDER HAS COME OUT! Show knocks all three down just by knocking them off the cage as they climb. MY GOODNESS, KOFI KINGSTON! Show goozles him at the top of the cage but Kofi kicks him all the way down to the mat. Crowd kinda popped for that. Cena recovers but Show pulls him back in only to eat an FU. King: “YOU’D NEED A WRECKER TO PULL BIG SHOW OUTTA THERE NOW!” Cena drapes an arm but the ref is still out. Show tries to fight through Clay as Cena climbs over the top but Ace is back up with a crutch. Brodus goes over to hold Ace at bay and Cena lands first on the floor at 19:22 and the bell rings even though there’s no ref.
• Post-match, Cena hoists up Ace for the FU through the announce table as Vince simultaneously and unceremoniously wishes Ace well in his future endeavors.
• Show yelling random insults at fans and mocking Cena was the best thing this had to offer. The first 10 minutes was nothing but Cena getting his ass kicked with Show going through the Bundy/Andre/Haystacks playbook of chokes, stomps, and splashes. The commentary was hammy enough to add marginal enjoyment, but once the storyline and overbooking kicked in, the match lost whatever cohesion and logic it had. Nothing’s terrible but it’s just so slooooooooow and the cage match setting makes it even more repetitive and onerous. **
The 411: Macho/Warrior is a high octane, gimmick fest in the best way possible. Triple H's push/burial is fascinating to behold but the rest is the usual take it or leave it. |
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| Final Score: 6.5 [ Average ] legend |
