411’s WWE Smackdown Report 07.17.03

WWE Smackdown for July 17, 2003. Taped from Columbus, Ohio
Report by Brad Jennette, EXCLUSIVELY for www.411wrestling.com

The video rolls, the pyro hits and we are TAPED FROM COLUMBUS … it’s WWE Smackdown for July 17, 2003

NO CHANCE hits and we start the show with Vince strutting to the ring. Vince welcomes us to Smackdown. Vince says that the handicap match he booked 2 weeks ago didn’t turn out the way he planned because Zach Gowen won a WWE contract. He mentions that Zach also won himself a match with Vince against Vengeance. Vince wonders aloud how how an amputee won a match. He says Zach won because of two reasons, Kurt Angle and WWE Champion Brock Lesnar. The crowd chants “asshole” which causes Vince to say the crowd needs to be taught a lesson. Vince says he taught Brock a lesson last week when he booked him in that handicap match. Vince asks “where was Kurt Angle?” Vince says Kurt was in the back with him. Vince told Angle that if he interfered with the Brock handicap match in anyway, shape or form, that he would take him out of the championship match, then fire him. Vince says that Kurt Angle will be taught a lesson tonight. Kurt will have to pull off what Brock couldn’t last week. Angle will face the same three individuals, no holds barred, falls count anywhere in a handicap match. Vince shifts focus to “little” Zach Gowen. Vince starts to hype Vengeance when Brock’s music hits and the WWE champion comes to the ring. Vince says Brock is probably mad about losing last week, but reminds him NOT to cross the boss. Brock says he isn’t going to cross the boss, he is going to beat the boss. Vince avoids eye contact and Brock screams to look at him. Brock wants it to be Brock Lesnar vs Vince McMahon TONIGHT. Vince says your on, but not tonight. He doesn’t want to face Brock when Brock isn’t 100%. Vince knows Brock has injured ribs from that chokeslam through the announce table. Vince tells Brock he has the night off for his own protection. Vince warns Brock that he will strip him of the WWE title if he interferes in tonight’s main event. Brock grabs the mic and says since he can’t F5 McMahon tonight, its FU. I thought that was Cena’s line!

Chris Benoit v. Matt Hardy
Awesome, awesome, awesome match that saw Hardy gets a SERIOUS busted nose. This one was back and forth all the way with Hardy taking his share of the beating like a MAN. Benoit went for the swan dive headbutt but Hardy moved out of the way. Hardy went up top for the legdrop but Benoit countered and got the crossface from the top rope for the tapout. Benoit + motivation = greatness!
Winner by tapout: Chris Benoit

Backstage, Vince is sitting in his chair talking on his cell phone. He says he is just really intimidating, even to Brock. Steph walks in and Vince says he is using her office. Steph says she is looking for her assistant, Sable. Vince says Sable is in a safe place where Steph can’t get to her. Vince gives Steph a present via Sable, a box of Midol. Vince holds it up and Steph slaps it out of his hands and walks away pissed.

Backstage, Brock is leaving the building when Kurt catches up to him. Kurt asks where Brock is going and Brock fills him in on what happened earlier tonight. Kurt asks Brock if he is going to do what that old bastard Vince says. Brock says he is going to listen just like Kurt listened last week. Brock says it took everything he had no to F5 that old prick in the ring but he respects the title and he respects his job, so he didn’t do it. Brock tells Kurt to watch out for the announce table because it is a doozy. They shake hands and Brock tells Kurt not to get hurt tonight because he doesn’t want excuses when he beats him in the triple threat match. Kurt says he’s never made excuses in his entire life.

Jamie Noble vs Ultimo Dragon
Noble comes to the ring with a mic and apologizes for offering Torrie 10 grand to sleep with him. He knows she is worth more, so he ups the offer to 25 thousand! Nidia looks disgusted and walks away. Pretty short match with Dragon dominating and hitting a very nice Asai moonsault to Noble on the floor. Billy Gunn and Torrie came down the ramp and distracted Noble long enough for Ultimo to roll him up for the pin.
Winner by pinfall: Ultimo Dragon

They show a vignette of John Cena in a Cemetery. He raps about how he has been watching Undertaker ever since he’s debuted as Dead Man. He mentions how Taker and Paul Bearer shared a coffin! He ends the very good rap by urinating on a tombstone.

Backstage, The APA are walking around with flyers for their Bar Room Brawl in Denver. They find Spanky and ask him if he is old enough to go to a bar and they give him a flyer. They find Kanyon and give him a flyer too, but he says he can’t make it because he is having his cable installed that day. The APA tells him that it isn’t an option. Kanyon agrees to reschedule his cable hookup.

Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio vs The Conquistadors
Total squash with Tazz and Cole focusing more on the fact that The Conquistadors is a 40 year gimmick. Rey and Kidman dominate the match and Rey hits a 619 followed by a Kidman Shooting Star Press.
Winners by pinfall: Rey/Kidman

Vince comes to the ring again to talk about Zach. He mentions Sable in a skybox at the top of the arena as the camera cuts to her. The reason Sable is in the Skybox, is for his daughter’s own protection. Vince calls a sickening amputee and says he is going to put Zach out of his misery at Vengeance. WORD LIFE! Cena’s music hits and he comes to the ring and cuts another rap about he and Vince both have handicap matches. Cena is going to kill a dead man and Vince is going to finish off Christopher Reeves. Taker comes out on his bike and gets in the ring. He no-sells some Cena punches and hits a big boot that sends Cena running.

Sean O Haire vs Rhyno
O’Haire never got his trench coat off in this “match”. He and Rhyno fought on the outside for a little bit until the APA ran down and gave both guys flyers. O’Haire attacked Bradshaw and caused the APA to jump Rhyno while O’Haire escaped.
Winner: No contest

In the skybox, Sable downs some wine.

Eddie Guererro vs Billy Gunn
Eddie comes out in another low-rider and gets a big face pop from the crowd. So much for THAT heel turn, you just can’t boo this guy. Lots of back and forth action in this one, it was a pretty good match, just a little slow. Eddie worked over the knee and got the El Paso Lasso on Gunn. The finish saw Gunn hit the One and Only but have Noble run in with a chair. The referee stopped Noble but Eddie was able to get the chair and lay Gunn out with it and get the pin.
Winner by pinfall: Eddie Guererro

In the skybox, Stephanie dumps wine on Sable and we have a token food fight.

Kurt Angle vs Big Show & The World’s Greatest Tag Team
Another good handicap main event. This one was a different form then the one from last week. Brock is like the terminator just going at the three guys relentlessly. Angle on the other hand, has the skills to take them out individually, but has to use his brains to outsmart the three and get them alone at for periods of time. Finish saw Zach run in and give Angle some assistance. Show tossed Gowen around but got knocked over the railing with the steel steps. The World’s Greatest Tag Team got the advantage over Angle and went for the World’s Greatest Tag Team’s superkick/german rollup combo but Angle caught Shelton’s foot, kicked Haas off and locked on the anklelock on Benjamin for the tapout.
Winner: Kurt Angle

Kurt and Zach celebrate and walk to the back together.

End of Show.