411’s WWE Sunday Night Heat Report 5.08.05

Hello everybody and welcome to Sunday might HeAt. We are welcomed to HeAt by Todd and the Coach. And first out tonight is Maven, and the crowd is in a vicious mood thanks to pyro deprivation. And here’s out first match of the night.

Lock up, arm wrench by Val Venis, and a headlock takedown. Maven locks in the head scissor, but Val gets out and goes back to the headlock. Maven makes his way to his feet and drives Venis to the corner, shoulders to the gut and throws him viciously into the opposite corner, and gets a 2 count out of it, before taunting the crowd. Maven then locks in a rear naked choke. Val breaks out, but is met with a series of knee, before Val can make his comeback, and he goes to town on Maven. He finishes it off with a half-nelson slam, and goes for the money shot, but Maven is up, and hit’s a bulldog off the top for 2. And Maven gets his revenge as he administers a savage beating on Venis. Maven goes up for a super-plex, but is knocked off, and Venis decides against more high-risk maneuvers and hits a fisherman suplex for 2. Val goes for a clothesline but Maven ducks and hit’s THE LUNG BLOWER! And that’s all she wrote.

Winner: Maven

Coach informs us that tonight’s main event will be The Heart Throbs Vs. Regal and Tajiri.

Commercials

We’re treated (and I use that term loosely) to a Hulk Hogan package, before the shameless plugging of Backlash’s awesomeness. We’re then led into a recap of Hassan turning on Daivari from RAW.

Commercials including THE NEW STAR WARS TRAILER! Nerds everywhere are going
wild.

We’re back with PUPPIES! That’s right, there’s a sneak preview of the $250,000 RAW Diva Search 2, or Crapfest ’05 as I affectionately call it. We’re then brought to a clip from Backlash, it’s the Diva’s segment. I love how it’s the only clip they don’t deem important enough only to show pictures. That and a wrestling legend like Jerry Lawler being forced to act like a horny schoolboy are all that makes this watchable. Oh, and here’s Chris Masters, this segment gets better and better. Oh and he’s beating up a woman, it’s this kind of classy entertainment that reminds me
why I’m a wrestling fan. Thanks Vince, thanks.

Commercials

Here we are, ready for our first match. And here’s my main man Tyson Tomko.

Tyson Tomko Vs. Jobber

Lock up, and T-Squared forces him into the ropes, and slams him down, then boots him in the face. Tomko goes for a short-arm clothesline, but Jobber ducks, tries a cross body, but it caught and met with a power slam. Tomko sets him up, and catapults him into the ropes before letting him fall back onto Tomko’s knees. And Tomko decides to toy with him for a while, before Jobber tries to mou8nt a comeback and is shut down. Tomko throws him out onto the apron, before knocking him off into the barrier, and Jobber is counted out.

Winner: Tomko

And Maria is backstage with the Heartthrobs, and they’re portraying the gay gimmick a little too well. The Ultimate Warrior is rolling in his straight jacket.

Commercials

And we come straight out of the commercials into a recap of the “Gold Rush” Tournament. Coach and Todd tell us that up next is our MAIN EVENT of the evening.

Commercials

And here are The Heartthrobs, so I guess we’re ready for the Main Event.

Heartthrobs do Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who’s in first, and if I knew their names I’d tell u who won. Regal jumps them and goes ape shit. Tag to Tajiri, who comes in and pulls a great move that I guess could be called a side variation of the gory special, he then hit’s a stiff chop and tags out. Regal beats on blonde Heart Throb, as he will thus forth be known, before brunette heartthrob cheats to regain the upper hand. Blonde Heartthrob tags out, and seems to have and enormous swelling welt on his face. Brunette grabs a front facelock, takes Regal down, and tags out. They double-team him for a while before brunette leaves, and Blonde hit’s a snap mare and knee, tags out again and they double team some more. They seem to be a good team, which RAW needs, so I’m happy. At this point, the welt on Blonde’s face has gotten to the point that it looks like one of Christy’s implants is old the loose, that sumbitch is HUGE. Anyway, Regal hit’s a near-botch northern lights and tags out to Tajiri who cleans house, before hitting a bulldog for 2. Blonde comes in to break it, and there’s some more double-teaming, which gets them the win.

Winners: The Heartthrobs

Well, there you have it folks, for 411wrestling.com I am Alex P. and this has been your Sunday Night HeAt Report. Now, back to my Best of Dynamite Kid DVD, because I’m that awesome. GOODNIGHT! And Happy Mothers Day!