411’s WCW Monday Nitro Report 7.03.00

WCW Monday Nitro 7.3.00
Live
Announcers Suck
Report by Widz

Nitro recap

Top Cat on the phone. Officer Dibble, I told Steiner not to use the Recliner. I guess he was on the phone with Bisch of Russo. Mike Awesome is here, he is upset.

Tons of ambulances are here!

Tankberg is here. Here runs DJ Ran off the turntable and takes over as the DJ. Tankberg: I guess DJ Ran lived up to his name. Now we got DJ Tank. Are you ready? He intros the greatest rock and roll band in the history of the world, and plays 3count. Look, here they are. They perform, and Tank dances.

3count vs. Jung Dragons
Dragons charge and clear the ring. Evan double teamed as a trainer comes down to tend to Shane Helms. So Tankberg goes to the ring and replaces Shane. Evan rebounds, knocks down Yang. Tags in Shannon Moore and he does a front face suplex. Yang rebounds with a front face powerbomb. Both men down… WHO WILL MAKE THAT TAG? Kaz and Evan are in, Kaz in control. Evan flies to the floor onto Kaz and Jamie San, and they are all on the floor. Yang tries to hit Tank, but Tank comes in and takes him out with one punch. Shannon comes in for a pin.
Winners: 3count

After the match, Tankberg wants 3count to sing, and gives them the circles.

Nash arrives. Some guy comes in and tells him something.

The Cat talks to the Jung Dragons. He likes them. He has a proposition for them.

Commercial Break

Awesome beats up the guy who talked to Nash.

Video package on the Outsiders. Yeah sure, they aren’t leading to a Hall comeback. Goldberg stops the video. Nash is upset.

Here comes Goldberg. He has… THE STICK. He hates the outsiders. He wants to tell us why they are garbage. They undermine WCW whatever that means. He carried the company, he gave the people someone to believe in. Mentions Hacksaw, and gets some boos. Its MY TIME and their blood is on YOUR hands.

Howl. Wolfpac theme cranks and here comes Big Gutty the Ratings Killer. He got four words for Goldberg. First 2: My Time. Last 2: Why Wait? R&B security breaks it up. Cat comes out, says go to commercial.

Commercial Break

During the commercial, the lockerroom had to separate them. Awesome powerbombs a security guy for some reason.

Cat talks to Eric, he will try to keep them apart.

Old Man Funk vs. Johnny The Bull
Old Man Funk approaches Johnny and says he better be ready. Oh they’re fighting now! Brawling.
Winner: Johnny The Bull

Demon and Asya rehearse a new entrance, Asya is hurt.

Dale arrives, hooded guy gives him the Demon outfit. The hooded guy is Vamp? The other hooded guy is behind Vamp looking ominous.

Cat asks Goldberg to cool it, Goldberg says make a match for tonight.

Jindrack and O’Haire vs. MIA
Winner of this match gets a title shot next week. Wow that was quick for the rooks, who debuted LAST WEEK. Back and forth action. What? Rection hits the moonsault and gets the pin. What’s the point of that? Job out J&O to FUCKING HUGH MORRUS AND LASH LEROUX? AHHHH WCW.
Winners: MIA

After the match the Perfect Event attacks both teams with Lex Flexers. They beat them all down, then MIA and J&O get up and beat up TPE.

Cat finds Nash and tells Nash to take the night off. Nash: make the match

Commercial Break

Cat on the phone with Bisch, he doesn’t know what to do.

THE CHOSEN ONE. He uses his catchphrases, and gets booed. Says Hogan is The Man. Said his granddaddy used to pay a nickel to ride to see Hogan wrestle. Hogan may be the MAN but the chosen one is a GOD. He calls out some fat chicks dressed like Vikings. And they sing or something. This lasts about an hour. Some fat guy in a suit comes down and says cut it. Cuts JJ’s mic. Then JJ hits the suit guy with the acoustic equalizer.

He’s the greatest. Here comes Top Cat. Makes a match for tonight. He makes a 20 man battle royal for the main event. Somebody call his mamma, he IS the greatest.

Shane walks.

Booker T walks.

Commercial Break

Cat and JJ argue

Thunder highlights

The Franchise Shane Douglas vs. Booker T
Kanyon attacks from behind to start. Brawling on the floor as Shane chills in the ring. Sends Booker in, and Shane takes control. Front face suplex. Cool neck snaps by Shane. Shane beats down Booker T. Booker does that cool rollup thing out of the corner. Booker in control. SPIN A ROONY SPIN A ROONY! Harlem side kick. Kanyon on the apron, Shane goes to attack, SHOCKINGLY hits Kanyon by accident, Booker rolls up for 2. Booker back up, hits Booker bottom and gets the win.
Winner: Booker T

Kanyon comes in, and its time for a double team. DDP’s music starts, but its for Kanyon I guess.

The Demon is backstage in his costume.

Commercial Break

Cat asks the New Blood to keep Nash and Berg apart in the battle royal.

Clips of Vamp and weirdness.

Vampiro vs. Demon
Brawling. Vamp in control. Demon rebounds but Vamp sends him down with a spin kick. Maybe those are Senshido kicks? Vamp to the top, misses a guillotine legdrop. Demon is up, and goes to work. Vamp retakes control, and here come 5 hooded guys with Sting masks. Vamp is confused as they point with bats, Demon hits a cobra clutched slam for the FUCKING PIN.
Winner: Demon

Oh its like 50 hooded guys, and they all go into the ring to get Vamp, and the lights go on and Vamp disappears. Lights are back, Stings are confused. Vamp and the WARRIOR are seen laughing with The Disciple in a cloud of smoke! Yes, that last part was a joke, for those preparing to ask me about the Warrior.

Smoooooooth gives the New Blood a plan.

Commercial Break

Cat with another meeting with the New Blood.

David and Daffney backstage. He sings the Titanic song. Hancock is a whore in the ring. He goes to strip, here comes Crowbar with a chair. David sees it on the monitor and tells Daffney to get him Pepto Bismal. In the ring, Crowbar sits her in a chair, and calls out David Flair. They have a stand off, Daffney comes down and penis punches Daffney. More wackiness. Bottom line David is covered in Pepto, then he cuts some of Daffney’s hair.

Commercial Break

Cat watching the monitor, and Smoooooth brings him Tygress for pleasure or something.

Filthy Animals come out. Only Disco and Konnan. They bring out “Lance and Kidman” but its Rey Rey and Juvi instead. They mock for a while, here comes the real Storm and Kidman.

You Cant Powerbomb Kidman and Lance Storm vs. Da Juice and Baggie Pants Jr.
Sotrm and Kidman in control for a while. Storm and Juvi, Storm in full control. Kidman is in, hits a sit out powerbomb and a belly to back suplex. Settles down, Storm in control. Chair in the ring. Rey Rey hits a top rope bulldog for the win.
Winners: Animals

Animals beat down for the pin.

Cat comes back and sits down.

Pamela interviews Vamp.

Commercial Break

Pamela interviews Nash. He’ll be easy to find.

Mike Awesome comes out and butchers an interview. Awesome calls out Steiner, but Steiner is “suspended” until the Bash. Awesome has the ref count out Steiner if he doesn’t show up. Then when he wins by count out, he celebrates.

Dogfaced Rick comes out and attacks Awesome. Awesome clears out. Rick on the mic! You want some? COME GET SOME! You don’t like me? BITE ME! Damn he didn’t say it.

Commercial Break

20 man battle royal
Has this report sucked tonight or what? Well it’s not getting better with this battle royal. Nash goes down first. Juvi and Rey come down, bell rings, Nash clears them both out. This SUCKS. Konnan comes down and is out. Disco comes down and also the Perfect Event. Big Vito is here. Kanyon is here. Cat holds back the good guys. Now they beat him up and go to the ring. Booker, Storm, Kidman, MIA join the ring. Booker and Kanyon are out. Finally Goldberg comes out. He’s chewing gum! SUPER NASH THE GREATEST WRESTLER EVER HAS CLEARED THE WHOLE RING!! NASH IS THE BEST EVER! HE BEAT 17 GUYS! Goldberg comes in and hits Nash, they are separated by security, Goldberg eliminated somehow.
Winner: Nash