411’s WCW Monday Nitro Report 3.19.01

WCW Monday Nitro Report 3.19.01
Live from Gainsville FL
Announcers are vile
Report by Widro

RIP DDP video package by Scott Steiner. Its clips of DDP over stills of trailer parks.

And here comes Mr. Steiner, with Animal, Midajah and Ric Flair. Steiner lists DDP with those other guys. Flair on the mic, claims he and JJ beat the Rhodes. Flair says he should have had Flair kiss his ass. Dusty and Dustin appear on the WCW Tron. Steiner yells at Dusty, but Dusty says he doesn’t want the World Title. But he knows someone who does, and “Don’t Hate The Playa Hate The Game” cues up and here comes Booker T. Suddenly the US Champ is the #1 contender again. Booker T claims to have talked to “the man” today, and at 9PM, Steiner has a match with Booker T for the World Title. BOOYAH! And I’m gonna get witcha.

Commercial Break

Clips of DDP being taken away.

Buff and Animal watch footage of Animal being taken out. Buff plants the seeds that it could be Luger.

Jason Jett vs. Disco w/Mike Sanders
Disco on the mic. Sanders is apparently Disco’s new best friend in the whole wide world. Disco runs down Alex for getting beat by Jett. Jett in control. Sitout powerbomb for 2. Disco sends Jett to the floor, and Sanders beats him up a bit. Swinging neckbreaker by Disco as Jett is sent back in. Disco controls. Sanders chokes Jett as Disco distracts the ref. More distraction, Sanders into the ring, but Jett clears him out. Jett with the After Burner. Kip up. Bodyslam. Standing moonsault for 2. Disco backdrops Jett to the apron. DDT by Disco. He covers for 2. Northern lights by Jett, Sanders in, hits Disco by mistake, Jett clears out Sanders, hits the Crash Landing on Disco and hit that Jackyl music!
Winner: Jason Jett

Spring Break promo.

Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett chat backstage.

Shane Helms is out for some mic time. He sounds like a hick. Getting no reaction. He wants to make things right and wants to give Billy Kidman a title shot.

WCW Cruiserweight Title
Shane Helms (c) vs. Kidman
High flying back and forth action ™ to start and then Kidman flees to the floor. Shane flies at him. Back in, Shane with a high cross body for 2. Kidman takes control. Goes for the Crusher, Shane blocks, reversals, Kidman hits a mini chokeslam for 2. Powerbomb from Kidman. Tony mentions next week is the season finale of Nitro. Shane with some sort of move for 2. Kidman hits an Hombre Blaster for 2. Crowd is so dead. Out of no where, Shane picks up Kidman and hits the Vertebreaker.
Winner and STILL champ: Shane Helms

Chavo attacks after the match. Prime Time and Kid Romeo come to help Chavo. Rey comes for the save, and the faces clear the ring.

Commercial Break

Luger is taken out backstage. Cameraman goes to get Buff and Animal.

Bam Bam talks to the camera. He has a match vs. Stasiak tonight.

Buff and Animal talk to Luger, they now blame Rick Steiner. I predict Scott Steiner did it all, which of course would make no sense.

More Bischoff promotion.

Commercial Break

The Mecca Of Manhood Shawn The Star Stasiak w/Stacy vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Stacy is out first, looking like Miss Hancock. She wants a bigger ovation again. BBB comes down, Shawn pulls Stacy in front. But Shawn takes control early. BBB fights back a bit. She is on the apron, She’s tosses him the hairspray, but he fumbles it, BBB grabs him and hits the Greetings From Asbury Park. That was quick.
Winner: Bam Bam

Stacy tends to Shawn.

Here is a nice tidbit, Will tells me that Shawn’s music is ripoff of Fatboy Slim’s “Right Here, Right Now.”

Shawn challenges BBB to any match. BBB thinks for a moment, and he wants a tattoo match- next Monday, if BBB wins, he gets to tattoo Stacy. She is NOT happy. Says no over and over. Shawn accepts. BBB says not her, you! Shawn is upset!

Commercial Break

Scott’s siren is playing, and there is some table set up in the ring with three chairs. Booker comes out and intros Bischoff. He said for six months he had been trying to purchase the company, but recently hit some snags which may be brick walls. He said while he still has power, he’d like to do something befitting of WCW’s history on Turner networks, since wrestling has been so big for them. He makes a super card for next Monday, with all titles on the line. Steiner vs. Booker T next week I guess. Bischoff invites “any former World Champion” to Nitro next week. Bischoff tells Flair he has to kiss Dusty Rhodes’ ass. Bischoff will see us all next week at the “Night Of Champions!”

Steiner signs the contract, Booker does, and then Steiner snaps and attacks Booker and all the officials. Booker T is back in and clears out Steiner. Oh, Booker T s only signing now. Title vs. title, next week on the final Nitro!

Commercial Break

Ric Flair, Buff and Chosen One all chat backstage.

Kanyon vs. Smooth
Kanyon has a new entrance. So odd to see new music and entrance with the promotion ending next week. Smooth with power moves. Powerslam. Kanyon takes some control, but Smooth hits a big splash in the corner. Tony and Scott fall over themselves excited for next week. Hey guys, you are UNEMPLOYED after next week. This is sucking. Kanyon with a slingshot legdrop. Smooth acting like he’s some mega face getting power from the crowd. Inverse atomic drop. Powerbomb by Smooth. Standing big splash but Kanyon kicks out. Animal comes down and takes out Smooth while Kanyon and the ref tangle over a chair on the floor. Kanyon back in and covers.
Winner: Kanyon

Cat comes down to clear out Animal and Kanyon. Cat and Smooth stand tall. Cat grabs the mic and yells at Animal and Kanyon. He makes a tag match for Thunder. Yippee. Somebody call his momma.

Commercial Break

Dusty looks around and Dustin walks in, he has more burritos.

Rick Steiner vs. Konnan
Rick attacks and of course we move immediately to the floor. Tony talks about how next week will be a fitting end and a new beginning for WCW. Maybe he knows something we don’t. Rick in the ring, goes to work. Squash city so far, and it’s about time Rick got a big push. He is that DAMN good. Finally Konnan with some offense, Rolling Thunder, face buster, but Rick takes control again. Crowd is dead tonight. Back drop. From the crowd is Shane Douglas to no pop, and he takes out Rick with the cast right in front of the ref.
Winner by DQ: Rick

Rick continues to attack Konnan, and Hugh is here for the save.

Commercial Break

Magnificent 7 all talk to Rick about him being the one to take them all out.

Storm and awesome cut one of these new look at something other than the camera promos.

Commercial Break

JJ talks to Flair backstage.

Storm and Awesome vs. O’Haire and Palumbo
Storm and Chuck to start. Wrestling sequence. Dropkick by Chuck and tag to O’Haire. Tag to Awesome. They go back and forth. O’Haire with a spin kick, covers and Storm breaks it up. Regrouping on the floor. Back in, and Awesome and Storm double team O’Haire. I guess we’ll all wait for the hot tag. Top rope clothesline by Awesome. O’Haire knocks down Storm, we both want a tag. It was a reverse DVD of some sort. Chuck tags, he takes down Storm. Storm flies at Chuck, he catches Storm and slams him. Knocks Awesome off the apron. Storm tries a rana, Chuck hits a powerbomb. He goes up top. Flying clothesline. All four in the ring. Clothesline by O on Storm, Jungle kick on Awesome. O’Haire up top, Storm knocks him down. DDT by Chuck on Awesome. Chair gets involved. Awesome hits a running Awesomebomb on Chuck for the win.
Winners: Team Canada

Commercial Break

Jarrett is out. Flair comes out. Flair has the mic. He calls out Dusty. Instead, Dustin comes out. And he intros Dusty. He brings out a donkey with him. The donkey has “Dusty’s Ass” written on the ass. The donkey is named “Silver dollar” and has had 300 burritos. Flair is shocked on the mic. It’s not a donkey, it’s an ass, get it? Flair tells JJ to kiss the ass, JJ refuses. They argue. They push, but instead they attacks Dustin. Dusty is here, and he takes out both JJ and Flair. They take control, and bring Dusty back to the donkey. But Dustin makes the save, and the Rhodes make both Flair and JJ kiss the donkey’s ass. And that’s it. What a piece of crap this segment was.

Next week, the biggest Nitro ever as WCW ends…