The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (2.9.1985)

-Originally aired February 9, 1985.

-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino.

TITO SANTANA & BLACKJACK MULLIGAN vs. AJ PETRUZZI & TERRY GIBBS
-I’d be curious to know the logic behind these completely random tag teams that they’d put together for weekend squash matches. Was it to give everyone on the bloated roster a reason to show up? Was it just Vince randomly wanting to see if certain people “clicked”? Did he suspect that he’d make a fortune from “Tex-Mex Connection” t-shirts?

-Petruzzi goes for a top wristlock on Mulligan and Mulligan just flips him over. They trade punches and when Gibbs comes in to help, Mulligan just fights off both of them. Tito tags in and he goes to work on both opponents, too. Jobbers get Irish whipped into each other. Big elbow off the ropes by Mulligan onto Petruzzi, and Tito gets the submission with a figure four.

UPDATE
-Alfred does this week’s segment on the set of “TNT.” We see a photo of Mr. T, Cyndi Lauper, and Wendi Richter chatting amiably, but Alfred notes that Mr. T was quite disturbed when he saw the footage of a recent incident involving Rowdy Roddy Piper. A graphic pops up at the bottom of the screen telling us that Mr. T will be on Piper’s Pit next week. Alfred Hayes states that Piper’s actions were insulting to the dignitaries present, as well as to Cyndi Lauper. And they still aren’t saying what Piper did!

-Buy the new WWF Magazine! The WWF invades the Middle East! Don Muraco joins forces with Mr. Fuji! And Hulk Hogan reflects on one year as champion.

GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (Intercontinental Champion) vs. JIM POWERS
-Sign of the times: A fan in a rubber Ronald Reagan mask is seen booing Valentine.

-Enziguiri by Powers gets a big reaction from a crowd that possibly hasn’t seen that before. Valentine gets pissed and goes on the offensive, giving Powers a pretty general beating while Powers repeatedly sticks out and grabs onto his left leg, apparently feeling obligated to remind Valentine. Greg takes the hint and takes a few shots at the leg before finishing with a figure four, while the crowd chants “Tito.”

-Freddie Miller hypes the next big Boston Garden card. Cowboy Bob Orton talks about his battle with that “ghetto reject” Junkyard Dog. He has all the class and all the holds, and JYD just weighs himself down with a bunch of chains to try to hide his lack of ability. He also promises that Rowdy Roddy Piper will defeat the Superfly.

A SPECIAL AWARD PRESENTATION
-And at long, long last, we’re finally seeing the horrifying footage from Madison Square Garden. Cyndi Lauper is receiving an award for their Multiple Sclerosis fundraiser, with special invited guests Hulk Hogan, Wendi Richter, Jack Tunney, David Wolff, and Dick Clark in attendance. Cyndi emotionally thanks her guests and the fans for helping make the past year a tremendous success and holds back tears while she announces that she wants to offer a gift of her own. She presents a framed set of gold & platinum records that she is donating to the WWF as a token of appreciation. Hulk and Wendi leave the ring with the records, thinking the ceremony is over.

-Cyndi then surprises everyone by unveiling another framed set of gold and platinum records and asking Captain Lou Albano to come to the ring. Captain Lou gives an acceptance speech when Cowboy Bob Orton suddenly shows up for no reason. Seconds later, Roddy Piper is in the ring and takes credit for setting up the ceremony himself, and then shocks everybody by smashing the record and the frame over Captain Lou’s head and knocking him the fuck out. Cyndi drapes herself over Lou’s body to protect him, so Roddy gives her a kick. That brings David Wolff over to try to defend Cyndi, and Piper powerslams him. Hulk storms back to ringside and Piper immediately takes off and calls it a night.

-Back to Freddie Miller, on the receiving end of the worst make-up job in television history, as he once again promotes the big Boston Garden card on March 2. He talks to Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik, who face “The Young Punks” for the WWF tag team gold. Iron Sheik says he wants to watch Roddy Piper stuff a banana in the Superfly’s mouth and he’s tired of the fans singing their “USA” song.

ADRIAN ADONIS & DICK MURDOCH vs. SALVATORE BELLOMO & RICK MCGRAW
-Mat wrestling by Adonis and McGraw to start and McGraw actually gets the better end of it, snapmaring Adonis from the ropes and clamping on a side headlock. Vince suspects that the ex-champs are distracted ever since their big loss, and indeed MCGraw is still dominating. Adonis finally gets in one offensive move and immediately tags out.

-Murdoch goes to work on both opponents and has considerably better luck, fighting off both opponents. Adonis tags back in and goes right back to getting his ass handed to him by Rick McGraw. Adonis gets a fluke elbow off the ropes and follows up with the shitty version of a missile dropkick, and Murdoch tags back in to add a brainbuster, or “That was no suplex,” as Bruno calls the move. It gets the finish despite not being a suplex. On the instant replay, Vince even calls out Adonis for bungling the dropkick and says the ex-champs have lost a step and aren’t handling the setback well.

PIPER’S PIT
-Piper’s guest is Captain Lou Albano. Piper and Orton basically pick on him and threaten him until Windham & Rotundo show up to defend their manager, and Piper & Orton leave immediately. Albano takes over the segment and interviews the champs himself. Albano declares Windham & Rotundo to be the best tag team he’s ever managed.

HULK HOGAN TRAINS HILLBILLY JIM SOME MORE
-Hillbilly offers to make the protein shakes this morning. It’s Hulk’s own recipe, but Hulk freaks out when he notices Hillbilly putting something extra in the blender. Hillbilly explains that he’s added extra hawk gizzards to it for “more octane.” Hulk freaks out about how terrible it tastes until Hillbilly drinks the entire blender and flexes, and Hulk admits he’s impressed and chugs the protein shake, grimacing about how terrible it tastes.

-Off to the gym, where they have another damn argument about whether or not Jim can wear the hat while he lifts weights. This time, Hillbilly shows perfect form on all the weight machines, and at one point that when Jim screws up one exercise, Hulk lets Jim wear the hat and he does just fine with the weights after that.

-We head to the ring, where Hulk and AJ Petruzzi demonstrate a series of chain wrestling counters. Petruzzi puts a hammerlock on Jim and instead of doing one of the counters that Hulk demonstrated, Hillbilly just straightens his arm to get out of the hold. Having reached the end of their training, Hulk presents Jim with a gift: the boots that he wore for six months before winning the WWF title. Hillbilly is so elated that he picks Hulk up and gives him a bearhug, and Hulk screams in pain and taps out, ten years before that would mean anything.

BIG JOHN STUDD & KEN PATERA (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JIM YOUNG & JOE MIRTO
-Bobby Heenan reminds us all that the $15,000 is still up for grabs. Mirto, the larger of the jobbers, goes for it, but he can’t lift Studd and his night never really gets better from there.

-Bearhug by Patera, and he uses it to force Mirto into the corner and ram him. Young tags in and Patera goes to the eyes. Rabid chants from the crowd, starting with “Weasel” before switching to “Andre.” Jerk slam by Patera as the heels are just dragging out the beating this week.

-Studd beats on Mirto, the illegal man, just to keep Young from ever tagging out. Elbow by Studd amazingly only gets two, and Patera clamps on the swinging full nelson to get the submission.

-Freddie Miller chats with Roddy Piper. He says that whenever he faces a giant, David will defeat Goliath. The promo gets pretty bizarre from there, as Piper is facing Snuka in the Boston Garden, but he totally cuts a promo on Hulk Hogan and says that the headline in the Boston newspapers the next day will be “Piper Defeats the Champion.” He finally gets focused and says a few words about how incredibly stupid Jimmy Snuka is.

The 411: Hell of an eventful week, loaded with angles almost from top to bottom. Big thumbs up.
Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]