The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (3.23.1985)
Posted by Adam Nedeff on 04.11.2014
Bob Wade deserves a raise for being able to walk.
-Originally aired March 23, 1985.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino.
JUNKYARD DOG vs. MR. X
-I feel like we’ve covered this, but just in case, Mr. X is referee Danny Davis earning two paychecks.
-They trade punches and JYD wins that. He targets X’s head, and X goes to the floor to stall. Oh, you bet your sweet ass that’s Danny Davis. Back in, the Dog clotheslines X and clamps on a bearhug. X won’t submit and manages to break the hold, but he targets the big black head of JYD and that’s pretty much the end of Mr. X. Thump finishes. Dog dances with a few kids after the bell, and one of the kids actually makes wrestling history by doing a spinnerooni in the ring.
-Could March 31 be Andre the Giant’s last match? We go to “TNT,” where Vince McMahon says that Bobby Heenan wants Andre to put his career on the line against Studd’s $15,000. Andre refuses to do so, and Andre says he’ll have to face criticism from people think he’s yellow. The statement hits a nerve, and Andre grabs Vince by the tie, gets right in his face, and promises to retire.
-See Wrestlemania live on the giant screen at Chestnut Street School next Sunday!
BRUTUS BEEFCAKE (with Luscious Johnny Valiant) vs. JOE MIRTO
-Vince adds more details, saying that Jim’s injury happened in San Diego, and a check of The History of WWE says that Jim slipped on a wet patch on the floor while chasing Johnny V around ringside and broke his leg. Everyone is giving Beefcake full credit for the injury, so I guess the idea here is that Brutus peed on the floor before he got in the ring.
-Beefcake attacks from behind and puts the boots to Mirto. Mirto reverses an Irish whip and slams him down, but makes the mistake of letting Beefcake get back to his feet, and Beefcake is right back on the offensive. Mirto throws a few punches, and Beefcake cuts off the comeback immediately by hitting the high knee for the win.
-Gene Okerlund talks to Greg Valentine and Jimmy Hart about tonight’s big match at Boston Garden. Valentine is defending the belt against Tito Santana in a lumberjack match. Wow, if Tito wins, it’s really going to screw up the scheduled card for the biggest event of all time the following weekend.
LELANI KAI (Ladies Champions, with the Fabulous Moolah) vs. SUSAN STARR
-Starr is doing a Texas cowgirl gimmick; not sure if that’s a subtle nod to Richter’s old persona or just a symptom of creative bankruptcy. I’ll go with “subtle nod.”
-Starr gets the early advantage with hair mares and Moolah attacks Starr right in front of the referee TWICE. She and Lou Albano were absolutely the worst about doing that and couldn’t wrap their heads around waiting for the referee to turn his back. Starr makes a comeback but eats it on a charge, and Kai finishes with a splash.
-Gene Okerlund says Causeway Street will be rockin’ tonight. Hulk Hogan is ready for the Magnificent Muraco, and Mr. T is ready for Mr. Fuji. Hulk, being torn between “roof” and “rafters” and unable to decide by the time it falls out of his mouth, tells us that Boston Garden will be full of Hulkamaniacs from the floor all the way up to the roosters.
DAVID SAMMARTINO vs. BOB WADE
-This is the single most horrifying squash match ever. Back suplex to start, and David drops Wade straight on his fucking head. He follows with a press slam and botches it so badly that it is a fucking miracle that he didn’t paralyze Wade on the spot, and after the impact the referee visibly says a prayer in the corner of the ring. Powerslam finishes and Jesus Christ I don’t ever want to see this match again.
TITO SANTANA vs. RICK SAVAGE
-All right, Tito, good luck cleansing that palate. Tito backs Savage into the corner and manages not to shatter Savage’s neck, so he’s already doing better than L’il Bruno. Front facelock by Tito; Savage gets out but gets a forearm to the back of the head, and Tito gets the win with the figure four.
-A replay of the MSG Piper's Pit with Piper and T bringing out their respective entourages and taunting each other.
NIKOLAI VOLKOFF & IRON SHEIK (with Classy Freddy Blassie) vs. TONY GAREA & JIM POWERS
-Sheik hiptosses Garea, but Garea chain wrestles his way to a side headlock on Sheiky baby. Atomic drop follows, and Jim Powers tags in to get his weekly allotment of offense. Sunset flip gets two. Powers goes for a backdrop, but a loaded boot grounds him. Press slam/backbreaker by Volkoff, and Sheik finishes with the camel clutch.
-Gene Okerlund goes into hard sell mode for Wrestlemania and brings in Bobby Heenan to talk about the $15,000 slam match. Bobby Heenan knew that Andre the Giant was dumb, but he didn’t think Andre was actually dumb enough to fall into the trap and agree to the retirement stipulation.
The 411: Pretty blah show after the hot build-up they've been doing for the past few weeks.