Views from the Hawke's Nest: Chikara Mixtape Volume 9: Wrestling Is Cool
Posted by TJ Hawke on 05.01.2014
Wrestling Is Flat...
Pete Dunne & Mark Andrews vs. The Osirian Portal (Ophidian & Amasis)
I believe this was the official return match of The Osirial Portal after their underwhelming feud in Chikara. I’ll look into that. (Spoiler: I never looked into that.)
The “Draco Malfoy” chants have followed Mark Andrews to America. Things started at a deliberate pace. Ophidian got cut off and briefly worked over. Ophidan managed to get to the floor though, and Amasis made a hot tag that got over mildly. Team England came back, and Andrews hit a standing corkscrew moonsault. Amasis was then worked over. Amasis eventually caught Dunne with an enzuigiri, and Ophidian made a hot tag. The teams went back and forth. Lots of movez (especially from the British gentlemen). Andrews randomly hit a Dragonrana for a nearfall. Osirian came back on Dunne, and eventually hit him with the Osirian Sacrament: 1…2…3!
In theory, this was a very cool match. Two young and exciting tag teams getting 20+ minutes to have the best match possible is very appealing on paper. Unfortunately, the Wrestling Is environment is just not the best place for a match like this to succeed. It was good and worth watching. However, it could have been great. Mark Andrews is a spectacular talent, and you should all Youtube him or something. Match Rating: ***1/4
Drew Gulak vs. Mr. Touchdown
Leonard F. Chikarason said this was the first match between these two, but they have had several matches in Beyond Wrestling before this date at the very least.
Touchdown initially had control, but Gulak came back and also briefly had control. Touchdown ended up overpowering Gulak and getting firm control. Gulak started to fight back, but TD got a single leg crab. Gulak blocked a dive with a headbutt and got the Gu-Lock. Touchdown survived, but Gulak got a sunset flip: 1…2…3!
While this match was thoroughly enjoyable, I was caught off guard by the lack of “epicness” that I thought I had seen in regards to this match. That’s my own fault, and my opinion on the match is not really affected by that. However, I expected to be gushing over this, and instead, I cannot muster much enthusiasm. It was good though. Match Rating: ***1/2
The Colony (Fire Ant & Green Ant) vs. Los Ice Creams (Ice Cream Jr. & El Hijo Del Ice Cream)
Apparently, it was National Ice Cream Day. The Colony tossed out free ice cream. Naturally, this angered Los Ice Creams. Los Ice Creams are classy escorts and not saps who give away the milk for free. Who will pay for the cow??? The implications of comparing this harmless gag to an awful and sexist “warning” for women is too problematic to think about.
Los Ice Creams were all about the gaga early on. It was a Los Ice Creams match. Green Ant eventually got cut off and then worked over. He was able to tag in Fire Ant at one point. The Colony made a big comeback. They quickly finished off El Hijo Del Ice Cream with the Ants Go Marching: 1…2…3
I find it hard to believe there was not a single more interesting match in the history of Wrestling Is Cool than this one. The first two choices of this mixtape were both unique and interesting. This felt like a dry, house show match from these two teams. Match Rating: **
Eric Corvis vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado
The match started with “Eric Corvis” chants. The fuck. JFDC quickly cut him off with a springboard neckbreaker. JFDC worked over Corvis’s neck for a bit. Corvis came back and applied the Tesla Coil. JFDC escaped and got back control of the match. Corvis came back with a thrust kick, a series of jawbreakers and a jumping knee. Corvis went for a diving cutter, but JFDC reversed it into a bridging German for a nearfall. Corvis came back with The Mechanism: 1…2…3.
This was fine, but it did not grab me in any way. I do not find Eric Corvis to be all that interesting, and I hope he does not become a regular in Chikara. I’ve watched a lot of his stuff in Beyond Wrestling, and I have become numb to his matches. Match Rating: **1/4
The 411: Sure, this is only four dollars, but you can spend four dollars on a whole bunch of things (like drugs or water) that will be more entertaining that this mixtape. It was not offensively bad or anything, but there's just no way I could recommend that anyone spend money on it. I'll give the comp one point for every dollar I spent on it. Go to Smart Mark Video dot com if you are interested in purchasing it.