The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (5.25.1985)
Posted by Adam Nedeff on 05.16.2014
The ugliest face in wrestling is now the ugliest face in wrestling.
-Originally aired May 25, 1985.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura. Vince promises that Bruno will be back next week, but Jesse argues that he’s not a substitute commentator, merely a better one.
JUNKYARD DOG & TITO SANTANA vs. STEVE LOMBARDI & MATT BORNE
-Fans at ringside are wearing matching homemade t-shirts that read “Junkyard Dad” and “Junkyard Kid.” Cool. I bet one of them gets called to come on down. Jobbers grab a JYD sign from a kid at ringside and tear it up. Thankfully, they leave the stunt granny alone. Jesse’s assessment: Dog and Santana don’t have a chance here because they can’t communicate very well as a team. One can’t speak English and one only barely speaks English.
-Tito atomic drops the jobbers into each other and then Irish whips Lombardi straight into the Dog’s head. Crowd goes nuts for all of it, too. Flying forearm by Tito gets the three-count in short order.
-Lord Alfred Hayes profiles David Sammartino, a man with limited experience who nonetheless seems destined to wear the gold. And the still frame they show on the screen as Alfred says this is the press slam that nearly paralyzed jobber Bob Wade.
-World Class Championship Wrestling sneaks in during the local ad break, so Mark Lowrence can tell us about the big WCCW event taking place at Municipal Stadium. See the top stars of the company NOW, because we don’t know if they’ll live to see the next Municipal Stadium card.
GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (Intercontinental Champion, with Jimmy Hart) vs. JIMMY LONDOS
-Londos gets some early offense, but Valentine goes to work with a shoulderbreaker and elbows before sending Londos to the floor. Back in, the figure four finishes. Write in today for a free WWF catalog.
-Gene Okerlund, from the very distinctive and easily identified MSG locker room, talks to Hulk Hogan about the next WWF event at Boston Garden. His guard is never down, and he’s ready for war against Big John Studd.
PEDRO MORALES vs. MR. X
-“From Parts Unknown,” I get. “Weight unknown” always struck me as ridiculous, even as a kid. “Holy shit,” said the worried promoter. “He’s wearing a mask, there’s no way we can get him to stand on this scale.”
-Pedro targets the leg with an atomic drop and Mr. X goes out to the floor, just to make sure I don’t forget this is Danny Davis I’m watching. Back in, Pedro connects with another atomic drop and then clamps on a side headlock, forcing X to stay inside the ring for a full 45 seconds and totally decimating his game plan. Boston crab gets the submission.
-Gene Okerlund talks to the reigning tag team champions, the disarmingly clean-shaven Nikolai Volkoff & Iron Sheik, defending against the former champions at the next Boston Garden card. They all babble and fill time. Sheik vows to break someone’s neck or break his bone.
KEN PATERA (with Bobby Heenan) vs. GARRY STAR
-You can always spot a jobber who picked his own name, can’t you?
-Patera slams Star all over the place while the crowd alternates chanting “Weasel” and “Orndorff.” Choke by Patera until Heenan, fed up with the hostile crowd, tells Patera to finish this. Swinging full nelson by Patera; he drops the jobber without giving him a chance to submit and puts a foot on his chest for the pin, and the referee just calls for the bell without even bothering to count the pin.
-Piper complains about the “Good Enough” music video, which he agreed to do because Steven Spielberg called him personally and offered him a huge paycheck. Classy Freddy Blassie, Nikolai Volkoff, and Iron Sheik show up and complain about how Cyndi Lauper and Captain Lou Albano screwed up the entire shoot, while Piper, Blassie, and the rest didn’t even get their own dressing rooms. AND Cyndi Lauper slapped Piper during the shoot, too. Bitch.
-We watch the six-man tag team match from Saturday Night’s Main Event, where George Steele was betrayed by his partners, and then found Jesus, who in this case looked like Captain Lou.
SUPERFLY JIMMY SNUKA vs. A.J. PETRUZZI
-Snuka has his back turned at the bell, but Petruzzi doesn’t attack because Vince notes that Snuka has fabulous peripheral vision. Petruzzi clamps on a full nelson and Snuka manages to break the hold and immediately apply a toehold. Petruzzi tries to make a comeback but stupidly targets the head. Backdrop by Snuka and he clamps on a headlock. Backbreaker puts Petruzzi in position, and the splash finishes.
-Jack Reynolds talks to Captain Lou Albano and Windham & Rotundo. They discuss what happened on SNME and Captain Lou thinks that George is a good but misunderstood man. Windham explains that George, being American, expected his friends to help out, and when the Russian and the Iranian didn’t help him, George realized what America really is and decided to side with Captain Lou.
The 411: I suppose it was worth checking in on this episode if you didn't watch SNME, but really, you only needed to see one or the other.