The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (8.17.1985)
Posted by Adam Nedeff on 07.13.2014
K-I-R-C-H-N-E-R. Got it.
-Originally aired August 17, 1985.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino.
BARRY WINDHAM & MIKE ROTUNDO (Tag Team Champions, with Captain Lou Albano) vs. DAVE BARBIE & TIGER CHUNG LEE
-The champs now have official t-shirts, with “Windham and Rotundo” over a map of the United States. The 20 seconds it took the designer to make it was probably worth the $3,000 fee.
-Rotundo works the arm of The Chunger and Windham tags in to add a top-rope elbow onto the shoulder. Dave Barbie fares better, getting advantage with elbows and kneelifts, but Windham comes back with a dropkick and finishes up with the bulldog.
-Lord Alfred Hayes profiles Corporal Kirchner, who is training in a tropical swamp to do combat in the WWF. And he makes it a point to pause in the middle of swimming with a knife in his teeth to look into the camera and spell his name.
TERRY FUNK vs. PAUL ROMA
-Ridiculous pop for Roma this week, and it’s so overwhelming that it actually compels Bruno to say his name correctly for once.
-Funk launches Roma right over the top rope and onto the concrete to start, then suplexes him back inside. Stepover toehold looks to finish…but Roma KICKS OUT of it so hard that Funk flies over the top rope. Holy shit, Terry, show me your white beard and your red suit. You gave Paul Roma a present.
-Back in, Funk tries a roll-up but Roma reverses it for two. Funk has some success with a neckbreaker. He tries another one, but Roma holds onto the ropes and doesn’t go down with it, which is a weird spot because rather than saving himself, it actually looks much more painful. Roma accidentally walks into a sleeper and passes out quickly, and that’s it. Funk celebrates by branding him.
-Vote for Manager of the Year!
-Gene Okerlund hypes the big humdinger in Boston Garden in September. Hulk Hogan comes in and says he’s hanging, banging, training, saying his prayers, and eating his vitamins. He has a game plan in place for Boston. If he has to wrestle a giant, he’ll train with a giant. He had Andre the Giant come to the gym for a bizarre training session in which he had Andre tie him in a straightjacket and then just beat the shit out of him until Hulk was able to get out of the straightjacket and fight back.
TITO SANTANA (Intercontinental Champion) vs. MIKE DONATELLI
-Showing his willingness to take on all comers, Santana is the only champion in the WWF today willing to wrestle not one, but two Ninja Turtles in a single match.
-Tito works the arm while Captain Lou Albano pops in on commentary to thank the fans for giving him the current lead in the Manager of the Year contest. Classy Freddy Blassie comes out to complain that Captain Lou gets air time and he doesn’t, and then he wallops Captain Lou with his cane. You might recall that Mike Rotundo was knocked the fuck out and lost the title match at Wrestlemania because of that cane, but Lou shakes it off in about two seconds and immediately promises to unleash a beating on Classy Freddy Blassie. The payoff to this angle was a run of manager vs. manager matches at house shows between Blassie and Albano, widely reported even at the time as being some of the worst matches ever unleashed by any promotion on earth.
-Meanwhile, a flying forearm. And Tito decides to add a figure four leglock this week to get the win by submission.
-Freddie Miller talks to Uncle Elmer, who’s ready for six man tag action in September. He’ll be teaming up with Pedro Morales and Ivan Putski to face Luscious Johnny Valiant, Greg Valentine, and Brutus Beefcake. Elmer is ready for “Johnny Valentine” and promises to exact revenge for his injured nephew.
BRUTUS BEEFCAKE & GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (with Luscious Johnny Valiant & Jimmy Hart) vs. LEAPING LANNY POFFO & JERRY STARR
-Fans in the crowd are particularly creative this week, holding up signs deriding Brutus Fruitcake and Brutus Beefjerky. Vince mentions a rumor currently floating around that Valiant is currently negotiating with Jimmy Hart to take sole control of managing this team.
-Poffo lays a beating on Beefcake, but as usual, makes the mistake of tagging out. Beefcake slams Starr and puts the boots to him. Valentine finishes Starr off quickly with the figure four.
-Piper looks at some Andre the Giant merchandise and destroys it all while making fun of Andre, and then Andre walks out, at which point Piper immediately switches to what a beautiful action figure Andre has. He explains that the torn up biography of Andre was like that when he got here. Piper sucks up and sucks up and sucks up until finally pulling out an Andre t-shirt, blowing his nose in it, and throwing it at Andre.
MAGNIFICENT MURACO (with Mr. Fuji) vs. SAL G
- Muraco pounds away at Sal G, which is weird because normally, the best way to combat Sal G is to pour schlorine on him. Tombstone gets the win easily.
-Randy Savage encourages everyone to exercise. “Do the thing!”
RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT & JUNKYARD DOG vs. MOONDOG SPOT & STEVE LOMBARDI
-Steamboat unleashes all of his greatest hits on Lombardi, but runs right into a hard elbow that sends him over the top rope, but Steamboat skins the cat and slingshots himself onto Lombardi. The Dogs go at it next, with Spot actually managing to get the upper hand. Melee erupts, and in the middle of it, Steamboat connects with a bodypress off the top rope to get the pin.
-And I think that match was supposed to go longer, because Vince and Bruno vamp about the scheduled matches for next week’s show for a solid three minutes before finally throwing it to the interview.
-Freddie Miller talks to Jimmy Hart. He says the bout at Boston Garden is a dream come true. King Kong Bundy will be the new champion. The Dream Team walks in, with Valentine promising that Johnny Valiant, who “used to be a wrestler and is still a wrestler, too” will be the perfect tag team partner when they do battle against “Uncle Elmo.”
The 411: After a pretty hot run of episodes, they stopped and took a breather this week, which is a little disappointing.