The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (8.24.1985)
Posted by Adam Nedeff on 07.14.2014
Every wrestling fan's first crush makes her debut.
-Originally aired August 24, 1985.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino. They mention that Randy Savage has promised to announce which manager he has signed a contract with this week. Bruno calls it for Jimmy Hart, while Vince predicts Freddy Blassie.
KILLER BEES vs. RUSTY BROOKS & BARRY O
-Blair keeps shoving Brooks into the ropes. Finkel announces a big event at the armory in Fall River, Mass. Howard says he’ll tell you later in the hour what the main event will be. Uh, I’ll be putting my chips in the “NOT Hogan vs. Piper” column.
-Brunzell works the arm of Barry O, but falls victim to a big slam by the guy who’s probably going to be facing Tony Atlas’ cousin Stu in that big Fall River main event. O misses a big Elb-O to give control back to the Bees.
-Brooks tags in and Brunzell connects with a big kneelift, then lands on top of Brooks’ fallen body like it's a bean bag chair. Brunzell works up the strength to slam Brooks into place, and Blair connects with “The Stinger” (top rope vertical splash) for three.
-Lord Alfred profiles those captivating youngsters, Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo, who have successfully recaptured the Tag Team Titles…six weeks ago. Lord Alfred Hayes says that we’re all fortunate that they were born in the USA. I guess Alfred means he doesn’t want to take credit for them.
PEDRO MORALES vs. A.J. PETRUZZI
-Petruzzi starts with a side headlock, but gets whipped in the ropes and slammed. Petruzzi goes to the floor as Vince & Bruno are joined on commentary by Mr. Fuji, who is hatless. Repeat, hatless. Fuji says he deserves to win the Manager of the Year vote because he’s sadistic and wins all the time.
-Petruzzi applies the side headlock again while Finkel announces the main event in Fall River: a 12-man battle royal, featuring Pedro Morales, Corporal Kirchner, and ten other guys. I think I know what the C in C-show stands for.
-Backdrop by Morales, and the Boston crab gets the win. BIG “Pedro” chant goes up afterward.
-Vince reminds us to mail in our votes for Manager of the Year and reminds us of the eligible candidates we can vote for: Luscious Johnny Valiant, Jimmy Hart, and…Dr. Jerry Graham? A quick check of History of WWE says that Graham’s sole involvement in the WWF that year was that Howard Finkel introduced him to the crowd before a match at MSG.
-Gene Okerlund hypes the next big one in Beantown. Corporal Kirchner will be making his debut, squaring off against Moondog Spot. Oh, also, Hulk Hogan will be there. Hogan says it bothers him that somebody as talented as King Kong Bundy would take as many low roads as he takes, so he won’t let Bundy take the belt away from him.
NIKOLAI VOLKOFF & IRON SHEIK (with Classy Freddy Blassie) vs. KEITH & AL DIAMOND
-The Diamonds are identical twin jobbers. Volkoff starts with, oh, let’s just say Keith, and rams him into the turnbuckles, which gets a pop from the confused crowd. No, seriously, that was weird. They’ve been booing and chanting “USA” from the moment Volkoff & Sheik entered, but for some reason, they cheered for a turnbuckle shot from Slick Nik.
-Sheik tags in and hits a back suplex on Al, and the camel clutch finishes.
-Gene Okerlund welcomes Corporal Kirchner to the WWF and hypes his upcoming bout in Boston Garden. He doesn’t know what to expect from Moondog Spot, but paratrooping has him prepared for anything.
SPIDER LADY (with Fabulous Moolah) vs. SUSAN STARR
-Vince announces that Fabulous Moolah is not eligible for Manager of the Year because she asked not to be considered. That sound you hear is thousands of wrestling fans yelling “Damn it!” and tearing up the postcards that they were about to drop in the mail.
-Starr works the arm until the referee forces a break for no reason. A producer hands Vince a note saying that he just got tipped off about the identity of Randy Savage’s manager. The note says that we’re in for a surprise because it’s not a manager that we’re familiar with.
-Moolah interferes and Spider Lady follows that with a powerslam and a pull of the tights for three. Post-match, Moolah stomps on Starr, raises her own arm, and struts around the ring while posing. Yeah, fuck you, nobody thought you were Manager of the Year anyway.
-Piper’s guest is Terry Funk, who says that a dog is a dog, and the Junkyard Dog is just a dog. He makes the sound of a cow getting branded and says that when he brands the Junkyard Dog gets branded, he’s going to yell “Hee-haw!” Because he’s a JACKASS, explains Terry.
TONY ATLAS & GEORGE WELLS vs. BOLO & JOHN RIZZO
-Atlas is now billed as “Junior Mister Universe,” which again, is easily fact-checked and probably trademarked.
-Side headlock by Wells as Vince predicts that Randy Savage’s new manager is Dr. Jerry Graham. Bruno doubts that, but Vince is sure that Savage picked a grizzled veteran and calls it for Spaceman Frank Hickey. Bruno says that’s unlikely, because Hickey is dead.
-Atlas & Wells finish with Atlas whipping X into the ropes and Wells making contact with a football tackle for the three-count.
-Hillbilly Jim reminds us to listen to our parents. I think we’ve run out of valuable life lessons for these public service announcements.
RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE (with Classy Freddy Blassie, Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart, Mr. Fuji & Luscious Johnny Valiant) vs. JIM YOUNG
-Savage has asked all of the managers to join him at ringside as a show of gratitude for the interest and the generous offers that they all made.
-Young is distracted by all of the managers, so Savage attacks from behind, tosses Young to the floor, and connects with the axehandle. Back in, Savage does a Davey Boy Smith-style suplex to put Young into place, and the flying elbow finishes.
-Everybody races into the ring to congratulate Savage on his victory. Savage tells the fans to “concentrate” because today is the big day. He thanks all of the managers for their consideration. He says Fuji & Heenan taught him a lot. Valiant put him on an impressive training regimen. He loved the diamonds that Freddy Blassie gave him. And Jimmy Hart kind of freaks him out. Jimmy’s delayed reaction to that is damn funny.
-But now it’s time to introduce his manager. And here she comes…A mysterious woman in a sequined gown struts to ringside, with Bruno speculating that she must be some sort of a movie star or something. Vince is absolutely in love and can barely put together a sentence. Jimmy offers to hold the rope for her and Savage pulls Jimmy away. All of the managers are disappointed but visibly impressed by Savage’s decision. Vince hopes we find out some sort of info about this lady in the coming weeks.
-Gene Okerlund introduces Pedro Morales, and Morales cuts a promo that makes you wonder how the purple fuck he held a world title for more than two years.
-We get a commercial for “Wrestle for a Cure,” an AWA house show raising funds for Muscular Dystrophy, at Northeastern University. No card announced, but Sgt. Slaughter tells us not to miss it, so it must be good.
-Vince and Bruno are completely baffled by the revelation of Randy Savage’s new manager and say that next week, they will try to at least have her name for us.
The 411: Come on, it's Elizabeth's debut! How can I talk shit about this episode?