VIOLENT PANDA Wrestling Review: Women’s Extreme Wrestling DVD

Women’s Extreme Wrestling DVD Disc 1

I like women’s wrestling. I like the idea that women can take a “fake fight” and do it just as well as men. In the early ’90’s in Japan the women’s scene was putting on the best wrestling matches of any promotion, male or female. Here in the US, we haven’t been so lucky. But in the last couple of years, the WWE has put an effort in to forming a stable of women who can wow fans with their skills in addition to their appearance. It’s still a work in progress, but shows like IWA Mid-South’s 5/30 Women’s tourney have given hope to those of us who believe women are valid athletes and can be entertaining through their work, rather than by getting undressed.

So here we have the WEW DVD, a two disc set for $8.99(!). This promotion is not about the art of wrestling. Rather, this is all about putting together a show with whacky angles, tongue-in-cheek antics and strippers in a wrestling ring. I’d suggest not reading further if this doesn’t interest you.

But if you are interested in some sleazy, b-grade, goofy crap.. Well, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

This show is apparently some pay per view WEW put on in 2002 held in the ECW arena. Very good production values. Commentary is by Eric Gargulio, who is passable, and THE QUINTESSENTIAL STUDMUFFIN JOEL GERTNER! Despite his antics in ECW, he does not objectify the women incessantly like The King on Raw. Considering the wretched quality of announcing generally found in pro wrestling, this team is definitely one of the better pairs out there. Unfortunately, as the show goes on we see matches from another WEW show, and there is a different color guy. This other guy sucks.

Behold the WEW referees. Note the scabs. Sense their willingness to please. Yes, this company sinks a little lower and they make no pretensions otherwise, which to me makes for a sleazy yet charming viewing experience.

-Storm is accompanied to the ring by Smoke, who’s basically a B-grade Rock ripoff. He does it pretty well though. Alexis gives him a nutshot before the opening bell and he sells it hilariously. This is a solid, basic match-up. Alexis gets in some offense early, then Storm takes over with brawling. Alexis’ comeback in the final minutes is awesome, as she busts out a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and a BALLS OUT dive to the concrete. The crowd is positively MOLTEN for this match, which for me always makes a match two notches better. Alexis wins it with an inverted DDT.

Winner: Alexis Laree

Good opener, Storm is unglamorous and decent but her cartoony expressions are ridiculous. Alexis is just plain awesome. She’s in WWE developmental now, and I think if she gets a workable gimmick she’ll do great. Maybe a sawed-off runt schoolgirl?

SHENANIGANS: Smoke is in the men’s room, taking a piss. A woman enters and starts talking to him mid-whiz. He holds up his hand, ala the Rock. Oh my god, this guy is hilarious! Him and the blonde chick talk about “Austin” and his girlfriend, and walk away. Wait, who’s that who was taking a dump? It’s ICE COLD BILLY AUSTIN! He doesn’t like what he just heard, and he’s fixin to deliver an ice cold hummer before the night is over.. or something. Awesome segment!

ELSEWHERE: Someone is LURKING.

Bra and Panties Match – Brittney vs. BarRoom Barbie: The ref, Isis, does a crowd pleasing dance which will warm you on the coldest of nights. Brittney is announced as from “The 12th Grade”. The ref checks each woman for.. uh.. foreign objects.. Brittney strips… AFK! AFKKK!!! Barbie begins to strip as well, but there’s a run-in. Good GAWD it’s a HUUUGGEEE fat guy in overalls, and a woman named Dawn May. They beat down both women… Big guy (Poppa May) does a splash on Brittney. Poppa takes the mic, says he’s sick of the TNA in WEW..? Out comes Psycho Bitch and Tai Weed. They chase out the chubby rednecks and challenge them to a match later in the show.

No Contest

Tara is doing a dominatrix gimmick. Basically, Tara beats the hell out of Kristy, which works out good because Kristy sells well and Tara’s offense is decent, if mild. Kristy goes on offense for a moment, does a terrible DDT on a stop sign and some more mis-communication to follow up… Yikes, Kristy with a GORY BLADEJOB! Wow! In the end, Kristy goes for a fisherman’s but Tara counters into a boston crab. Kristy’s arm gets raised and falls three times in succession for the loss.

Winner: Tara Titanium

Kristy Kiss GIVES and I love her for it. A woman doing a bladejob is above and beyond here in the US. Eh match. Just a brawl/beatdown.

The stipulation to this is that the winner gets GI Hoe, I guess to do yardwork or something. GI Ho comes out and makes out with both women before the start. Then her boyfriend comes out, he’s not happy. Fujiko and Wilde beat up the boyfriend in some meandering EC DUB-style brawlosity. Gi Ho helps them out? The women all leave together.

Winner: ??

If you judge this “match” by wrestling quality then it’s negative 5,000 stars, but if you watch it as a bunch of strippers hitting people with crap, it’s quite entertaining as long as your mom doesn’t walk in the room while it’s on.

We see clips of Tara vs Candy. Tara is an awesome heel. Is she Lacey from IWA? Tara wins and then Candy hits a devastating cookie sheet to the face to get her heat back.

Then we see clips of some other stuff, including a guy who claims to be Paul E. Dangerously. He tries to pass some bad checks, hehe.

Clip of Tai Weed & Psycho Bitch vs Poppa May & a May woman – Tai thinks she’s won and gets rolled up and ends up losing. She complains and the gay ref gets all in her face, then Isis the hot ref comes out and gets in the gay ref’s face. The refs start fighting and gay ref ends up taking a chair to the face by Psycho. Isis is awesome.

Alexis Laree vs Valentina Laree:

They try to have a wrestling match but the fans just want Alexis to take her shirt off. Action is kind of slow, Val hits a nice snapmare and swinging neckbreaker. Alexis’ punches are awesome. Alexis ends up winning with her inverted DDT.

Winner: Alexis Laree

After the match, Valentina has a temper tantrum but the fans chant “boring”. She beats down Alexis. Fans didn’t give it a chance, it was kind of slow and eh anyway.

Missy the Schoolgirl comes out and wants to expose herself, but the EVIL GAY REF won’t let her and forces her to go back to the locker room. She makes a sad face. Awwww…

Amy Lee vs Davey May:

Amy is a big broad and Davey is a little Spike Dudley kind of guy. Amy’s entrance takes forever. Amy was dominating, then Davey began to rally but fat Poppa May tried to help Davey and ended up giving him a heinous stinkface. Amy beat Davey with a powerbomb. Boring match, too long.

Winner: Amy Lee

Cinnamon vs Tara: The loser has to take off her top. Tara is eh but Cinnamon looks lost. Somehow Poppa May ends up fighting Cinnamon, Cinnamon covers him for the pin, ref counts it.. So Poppa has to expose his manboobs.

Winner: Cinnamon

The horror! Tara de-tops Cinnamon anyway, crowd likes that and Cinnamon doesn’t mind either. Tara rules. I’d like to see Alexis vs. Tara, that seems like that could produce a decent actual wrestling match.

Tables Match – GI HOE vs Lady Storm w/ THE SMOKE: Lady is like Jazz, and GI Ho is a really hot stripper in camoflauge hot pants. They brawl all around the ring, and Smoke helps beat up Ho. ICE COLD HAS SEEN ENOUGH! He runs out, canes both heels and lays them out on tables. GI Ho goes up to the crow’s nest… HUGE DIVE! OMG that ruled!

Winner: GI HO

Ho can’t really wrestle at all but she did a tremendous NewJackian balcony dive.

And that’s it for Disc 1! I’ll see you on Thursday for another distracting VP Wrestling Digest! Be there, won’t you?