Dark Pegasus Video Review: Battle Of The WWF Superstars (1990)

Released August 23, 1990

Your host is Sean Mooney who is braving some heavy enemy fire from…oh, let’s say Lord Alfred Hayes in a sort of military theme. The impression he’s trying to do is so bad, I don’t even know who it’s supposed to be.

Rhythm & Blues (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers. (4/30/90)

Rhythm and Blues are The Honkytonk Man and Greg Valentine. This is a result of the Bushwhackers ruining R & B’s musical performance at Wrestlemania VI. The Whackers target HTM’s arm as Gorilla and Bobby discuss whether or not Luke and Butch are related. Honky tags out after Luke bites his arm. Butch starts a “greaseball” chant so R & B start to leave. Valentine tags in and has a little more success before the Bushwhackers doubleteam him. Honky takes a battering ram and falls out of the ring. The Whackers target Valentine’s arm as well. Rhythm and Blues tries a doubleteam maneuver, but wind up colliding with each other. R & B finally take over on Luke as this match drags on way longer than it should. The Bushwhackers get the tag, but the ref doesn’t see it. R&B try another doubleteam maneuver, but it backfires again. Butch gets the HOT TAG and rams R&B’s heads together. Butch takes a chair away from Honky and chases him to the back. That leaves Valentine in the ring for the cheap countout win at 13:03. Not even a good comedy match. *

Lord Alfred Hayes shows us the brackets to decide a new Intercontinental Champion after the Warrior won the World Title and abanonded the IC Title. Hayes calls the tournament “several weeks of grueling matches” but I’m pretty sure both Santana and Perfect had byes into the finals.

Vacant Intercontinental Championship: Tito Santana vs. Mr. Perfect — (4/23/90).

Santana counters a waistlock with a reverse elbow. They trade hammerlocks, and Tito nails him with another elbow. Perfect talks trash, but Santana dropkicks him to the outside. Back in, Tito delivers a slingshot shoulderblock for two and goes back to the armbar. Tito shoulderblocks him down, but Perfect ducks on a second attempt, tripping Tito to the outside. Perfect slaps Tito around and taunts him. Tito comes back with a sunset flip. ONE, TWO, THR–NO! Perfect just levels him with a clothesline. Tito drags him to the outside and wraps his leg around the ringpost. That’s the opening he needed. Tito stomps the knee and kicks Perfect’s leg out from under him. Hennig works in his usual supersell on that one. Bobby Heenan runs down to ringside as Tito goes for the figure-four. Perfect counters to a small package! ONE, TWO, THRE–NO! Like an idiot, Tito goes after Heenan, enabling Perfect to small package him again. ONE, TWO, THREE! (7:01) After the match, Perfect announces that Heenan is his new manager. ***1/4

The splotchlight is on Dusty Rhodes.

Dusty Rhodes (w/Sapphire) vs. Akeem (w/Slick) — (2/19/90)

Sapphire bumps Slick to the outside, and we’re underway. Rhodes reverses a whip into the corner and delivers the bionic elbow. Akeem takes a powder. Rhodes ties Akeem into the ropes, then he walks to the other side of the ring and leans against the ropes? Gorilla explains that he’s “adding more pressure.” WTF? Akeem comes back with a thrilling trapezes hold. Dusty elbows out of it, but runs right into back elbow. Akeem goes back to the nerve hold until Dusty just decides to stop selling it. Gorilla: There’s adrenaline flowing through that body!. There’s Hдagen-Dazs flowing through that body! Rhodes hits the ten punch count but misses an elbow drop. Akeem goes to the bear hug. Yeah, he was really doing too much anyway. Rhodes fights out of it and avoids a charge in the corner. Slick gets up on the apron, but Sapphire pulls him down. Akeem goes after Sapphire. The look on her face is priceless. Rhodes brawls with Akeem. A Slick & Akeem doubleteam backfires, and Rhodes darts into the ring for a countout victory at 9:01. Just…so…awful. O

Next is the semi-famous Dusty Rhodes video promo. He appears to be wearing nothing but a butcher’s smock and grinding up hamburger. He finishes with the classic line, “You cannot beat my prices, but you sure can’t beat my meat.” If you didn’t know Rhodes was being humiliated by Vince McMahon before…

The Big Boss Man (w/Slick) vs. Dusty Rhodes — (2/90).

This should be a little better. Rhodes actually gave Ray Traylor his big break by making him the bodyguard of the Midnight Express. Vince came calling soon after, and the Big Boss Man was born. Rhodes resented both guys for a long time. Boss Man starts out delivering a vicious beating, but Rhodes makes the comeback. Rhodes gets the ten punch count and drops a big elbow. Slick jumps in and breaks up the count for the DQ at 2:54. All of the action of the Akeem match but didn’t waste as much of my time. Boss Man tries to inflict more punishment after the match, but Rhodes fights him off. Rhodes slaps Slick around for a while. 1/4*

Dusty takes a few more flogs as he scoops up horse poop. His new catchphrase: Doo-doo is good for me, and doo-doo is good for you too. Thank God, this tape has tons.

“Macho King” Randy Savage (w/Queen Sherri) vs. Dusty Rhodes (w/Sapphire) — (3/90).

Savage attacks but takes an elbow. Savage does a Flair Flip and gets caught in the tree-of-woe. Dusty tosses him over the top. Sherri distracts Rhodes long enough for Savage to jump him from behind. Rhodes elbows out of a sleeper but takes a knee to the gut. Sherri gets in a cheap shot. Savage comes off the top with the double ax-handle. Sapphire tries to help Rhodes into the ring, but Savage chases her away. Savage distracts the ref while Sherri blasts him with her purse. Savage grabs the ring bell б la Mania III and hits Rhodes over the head with it while Sherri distracts the ref. No “I” in team, I guess. Rhodes kicks out on two and starts no-selling to a big pop from the crowd. Don’t encourage him! Rhodes catches Macho on a double ax-handle and whips him into the ropes. They collide for a double KO. Sapphire and Sherri get into it on the outside. Sherri tosses her purse in the ring behind the ref’s back. Sapphire darts in, grabs the title away from Savage, and gives it to Rhodes. Rhodes blasts Savage with the purse, sending him to the outside. Rhodes wins via countout at 7:11. After the match, Sherri takes one for the team. **

We get to see the WWF ring crew set up the arena for a WWF show — complete with wacky music.

Someone allegedly wrote in to request a match between Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart and The Genius. Was it signed “S. McMahon?”

The Genius vs. Jim Neidhart (1/15/90).

The Genius is Lanny Poffo (brother of Randy Savage). His poem is incredibly pornographic if you wanted to take it that way. Hillbilly Jim says he thinks Mr. Perfect and the Genius have a business arrangement “if you know what I mean.” Are there really that many connotations to that sentence? Genius stalls forever with some prancing and cartwheels. When they finally do lock up, Anvil shoves Genius on his ass. Genius thinks about his strategy. You can tell he’s thinking because he sits in the corner and strokes his beard. Genius wants a power battle, but Neidhart shoves him face first to the ground. Genius cartwheels away from a backdrop. Anvil forearms him all the way out of the ring. Anvil chases him around the ring, but Genius catches him coming back in. Genius actually does have a smart strategy — targeting Anvil’s eyes to make him defenseless, then picking him apart. Neidhart comes back with a flying crossbody and an atomic drop. Genius goes to the eyes again. Neidhart gets his knees up to counter a moonsault. Neidhart lays in some shots to the gut and knocks Genius to the outside. Mr. Perfect blindsides Neidhart on the outside and tosses him back in. Genius gets the pin at 9:23. *1/2

No DQ: Jake “the Snake” Roberts vs. Ted Dibiase (12/28/89).

Virgil has been barred from ringside. Roberts gets frustrated early on but comes back with a series of punches. He goes for the DDT, but Dibiase bails out. Roberts takes him down with an armbar and pounds away at the shoulder. Hillbilly talks about how evil Jake Roberts can be when he wants to. Gorilla qualifies it by saying Jake always finds time to do community service. Ah, for the days before mandatory sentencing. Jake works a hammerlock. Hillbilly Jim says Dibiase is like scraping the bottom of the barrel “if you know what I mean.” No, I don’t. You’re much to vague. Roberts continues working over the arm in a rather boring fashion. Dibiase tries to punch his way out of it, but Jake punches back and yanks Dibiase down. Dibiase shoves Jake off. They collide, and Jake gets caught in the ropes. Dibiase starts working Jake’s injured neck. Dibiase talks trash and drops him with a piledriver to the screams of the women in the audience. Jake gets his foot on the ropes. Dibiase goes to the chinlock. Jake elbows out of it but takes a clothesline. Back to the chinlock. Looks like they’re going for the time limit draw. Jake rolls out of the way of a double ax-handle, which is odd because usually someone will punch Dibiase in the gut, forcing him into a somersault sell. Dibiase chases Jake around the ring and runs into a kneelift once they get back in. Jake runs into a kneelift in the corner. Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream. Jake makes the ropes, which shouldn’t be relevant in a “No DQ” match, but we’ll make it up as we go along. To the outside, Jake yanks Dibiase’s shoulder into the ringpost. Back in, Jake delivers a high knee. Short clothesline! DDT!!! ONE, TWO, THREE! (18:37) A bit too long for what they had to offer, but the clean ending surprised me. **3/4

Trivia Time with Lord Alfred Hayes.

1) What was the first match at Wrestlemania I?
2) Who sang the National Anthem at WM I?
3) How much weight did Dino Brave allegedly bench press to break the world record?
4) Wrestlemania 2 was held in which three cities?
5) Who was the female co-host for the New York leg of Wrestlemania 2?
6) Who was the female co-host for the Chicago leg of Wrestlemania 2?
7) Who was the female co-host for the Los Angeles leg of Wrestlemania 2?
8) What was the record-setting attendance at the Silverdome for WM III?
9) What is the name of Sean Mooney’s identical twin brother?
10) In WM 4, who did the Macho Man defeat for the title?
11) Who made his return to the WWF at Wrestlemania 5’s “Brother Love Show”?
12) What rank did Coliseum Video give Sean Mooney for his hosting duties tonight?

Answers after our next match.

WWF Heavyweight Championship: Ultimate Warrior vs. Mr. Perfect.

This is champion vs. champion, but Perfect’s IC Title is not on the line. Perfect attacks during intros, but Warrior no-sells and chops Perfect all the way to the floor. See, we never missed a beat without Hulk Hogan. Warrior shoulderblocks Perfect down a few times and tosses him over the top rope. Warrior clotheslines him out, pulls him back in by the hair, and clotheslines him out again. That’s quite the shitkicking there. Warrior flapjacks him but misses the splash. Perfect lays in the boots and takes it to the outside. He hits Warrior over the head with a belt much to the consternation of one smart mouthed fan. Slap ’em, Curt. Slap him! Perfect hit’s a fist off the top rope, but Warrior no-sells. Perfect delivers his standing dropkick. Perfect delivers a…missile dropkick? I think Warrior got too close. Perfectplex, but Warrior kicks out. Warrior clotheslines him down and delivers the flying shoulderblock. Big splash finishes at 5:55. Perfect bumped around well, but that’s about it. **

(My answer: Tito Santana vs. The Executioner) (Real answer: Tito Santana vs. The Executioner)
(My answer: Liberace) (Real answer: Mean Gene Okerlund)
(My answer: 750 lbs.) (Real answer: 712 lbs.)
(My answer: New York, Chicago, Los Angeles) (Real answer: New York, Chicago, Los Angeles)
(My answer: Kathie Lee Crosby) (Real answer: Susan Saint James)
(My answer: Kathie Lee Crosby) (Real answer: Cathy Lee Crosby — close enough)
(My answer: …Mary Hart?) (Real answer: Elvira)
(My answer: 91,873) (Real answer: 93,173)
(My answer: John) (Real answer: Ian)
(My answer: Butch Reed, Greg Valentine, The OMG, Ted Dibiase) (Real answer: Ted Dibiase –I’m an overachiever.)
(My answer: Roddy Piper) (Real answer: Roddy Piper)
(My answer: Sergeant) (Real answer: First Lieutenant)

Wrestlemania 2 really screwed me on this.

Final Thoughts: The Santana vs. Perfect match for the IC title is the lone keeper on this tape. The Roberts vs. Dibiase match is okay, but it’s practically a dark match. Some people might get a perverse kick out of the Dusty Rhodes vignettes, especially if you hate Rhodes. Everything else is an easy thumbs down.

Recommendation to avoid Battle of the WWF Superstars.

J.D. Dunn