BG Says: PWG 44 Ways to Kill You With a Pimento
Posted by Brad Garoon on 01.05.2006
Don’t let Topgun Talwar near your pillow.
May 22, 2004 - Santa Ana, California
Your hosts are Excalibur & Disco Machine. Press the audio button to be offended into bliss.
VS. Supa Badd, Human Tornado & Disco Machine VS. Topgun Talwar, Charles Mercury & Chris Bosh
At the last show Bosh and his crew turned on Scorpio Sky. Quicksilver came to Sky's aid, and his allegiance was thrown into question. Talwar wants an answer and Quicksilver walks out on them. Disco and Talwar start the match. They play a game of one upmanship to start and Disco gets a roll up for 2. Talwar comes back with a clothesline. Disco blocks a blind charge and hits a second rope dropkick. Talwar hits another clothesline but Disco comes back with armdrags. Badd and Mercury tag in and knuckle up. Badd wins a test of strengths and everyone does jumping jacks. Badd hits a hiptoss and does push ups into headbutts. He puts on a toehold and does crunches. He hits a clothesline and a dropkick. Tornado and Bosh tag in and engage in karate madness. They kick step and Tornado hits a pimp slap. Bosh comes back with a clothesline into a backbreaker. Talwar tags in and hits a shoulder block for 2, with push ups. He unloads with forearms and tags to Mercury. He hits a seated crossbody for 2. He hits a bodyslam for 2 while doing the Robot. Bosh tags in and hits a dancing headbutt. Talwar tags in and hits a bodyslam. He hits an elbowdrop for 2. Mercury tags in and bites the hand. He stomps on the hand and tags to Talwar. He stomps Tornado around and gets 2. Mercury tags in and Tornado hits him with a clothesline. Badd tags in and the babyfaces unload on the devious cheating heels. Badd hits Mercury with a Michinoku driver and he and Disco hit stereo dropkicks. Bosh gets dropkicked to the floor and Tornado follows him out with a beautiful dive. Back in the ring Bosh hits a side slam for 2 when Disco saves. He hits Bosh with a straight jacket piledriver for 2 when his partners save. Talwar hits him with a clothesline and a vertical suplex for 2. He hits a tilt-a-whirl inverted DDT for 2. Tornado hits a clothesline and a bulldog for 2. He hits a tornado DDT on Mercury and knocks the other two opponents off the apron in the process. Disco comes in and hits a clothesline. Badd chokeslams Mercury onto Disco's knee and gets the win at 14:59. Fun opener with plenty of comedy and some decent action. Rating: **3/4
Talwar and Bosh beat on Mercury after the match. Disco gets on the microphone and congratulates them on giving him a heck of a match. He's a little bit older, and he wants to mentor them because he sees potential in them. And since Disco is one of the owners of the company they accept his help.
VS. Puma VS. Tony Kozina
They lock up and Puma grabs a wristlock. Kozina reverses to one of his own He gets a roll up for 2. Puma gets a monkey flip and puts on a Japanese stranglehold. Kozina backs him up to the ropes to break and they do some acrobatic nonsense. Puma dodges a blind charge and hits a springboard armdrag. He hits another monkey flip and a back heel kick. Kozina bails but gets back into the ring before Puma can dive onto him. Puma dominates Kozina on the mat so Kozina uses his own momentum to launch him to the floor. Back in the ring they trade forearms and Kozina gets a dragon screw. Puma rests on the second rope so Kozina dropkicks the back on his head. He hits a slingshot bulldog for 2. He drapes Puma's leg over the bottom rope and sits down on it. He hits a shinbreaker but Puma blocks the figure 4 leglock. He puts on a triangle choke in the ropes but the referee calls for the break. He comes in with a springboard crossbody for 2. Kozina gets a crossbody for 2. He hits a Chimeraplex and hits a crossarm electric chair drop for 2. He reverses an inverted suplex to an inverted DDT for 2. Puma comes back with the tiger suplex for the win at 9:14. Solid match, but kind of messy. Rating: **1/4
VS. Frankie Kazarian VS. Hardkore Kidd
Before the match Adam Pearce recaps the sordid events that occurred in Las Vegas during his suspension. You can see all of it on The Musical DVD. Pearce used to be a member of Hardkore Incorporated, which explains why this match is happening. Frankie gets a single leg takedown and goes for a submission hold but Kidd escapes. He puts on a wristlock but Kazarian comes back with a leglock. Kidd gets rolled into the ropes and the referee calls for the break. He takes Kazarian to the mat and puts on a front facelock. Kazarian reverses to an anklelock but Kidd kicks out. Kazarian puts on a stretch muffler but Kidd rolls through to a wristlock. Kazarian makes a few attempts to escape but Kidd keeps it on and hits an armbreaker. A really unfortunate exchange of leap frogs occurs and the match kind of breaks down for a minute until they mercifully go to a stalemate. El Jefe gets on the apron distracting Kazarian long enough for Kidd to hit a big boot and a legdrop for 2. He gets a drop toehold and puts on a strongman legdrop. He releases and gets 2. He hits another big boot and argues with the referee about who the good guy is in the match. He hits a headbutt to the groin and tosses Frankie to the floor where El Jefe chokes him with a chair. He tries to throw Frankie out again but gets dropkicked out of the ring himself. Kazarian blocks him from getting back into the ring and drives his face into the apron. He comes in with a slingshot legdrop for 2. He hits a springboard back elbow for 2. Kidd throws Kazarian hard into the corner but Kazarian blocks the headbutt to the groin and hits the Flux Capacitor for 2. He sets Kidd up on the top turnbuckle and hits a jumping scissors kick. He tries to suplex him off but Kidd blocks and hits an Alabama superslam. Awesome. It gets 2. Kazarian hits the Wave of the Future for but Pearce pulls the referee out of the ring. Kazarian dives out onto him to get a measure of revenge as El Jefe passes a chair to Hardkore Kidd. Kazarian gets back in the ring but walks into a chair shot and Kidd gets 2. Kazarian dodges an Arabian facebuster and gets a roll up for the win at 14:03. After an awkward start this picked up nicely by the end, and Kazarian should move right along into his title rematch. Rating: **1/2
VS. Bobby Quance VS. Ricky Reyes
They work the mat to start and fight to a stalemate. Quance fights of a cross armbreaker but Reyes reverses to a front facelock. He goes for a leglock but Quance fights away from it and the great mat work continues. Quance hits a pair of armdrags and puts on an armbar. Ryes frights out abut Quance hits him with an ax handle to the arm from the second rope. He stays on the arm and hits a dropkick and goes back to the armbar. He hangs Reyes' arm on the top rope and goes up but Reyes pokes his eyes to regain control of the match. Quance totally oversells it in amazing fashion. Reyes hits a bodyslam but his arm is too hurt to capitalize. He chokes Quance with his boot in the corner and stomps away. He hits a series of forearms but Quance comes back with an enziguiri. It gets 2. He hits a northern lights suplex and puts on a cross armbreaker but Ryes makes it to the ropes. He puts on a triangle choke up Reyes powers out. Quance gets an abdominal stretch roll up for 2. He kicks at the arm but Ryes blocks one and hits a neckbreaker. He hits a fisherman's buster for the win at 9:16. This was really good for what it was, but felt like the first half of a match meant to go longer. Reyes keeps the beats on him after the match until Puma makes the save. That is only until he turns on Quance with a superkick. Rating: **3/4
VS. Super Dragon & Excalibur (c) VS. M Dogg & Josh Prohibition [PWG Tag Team Championship Match]
Excalibur and M Dogg start the match. M Dogg grabs a headlock and psyches out Excalibur. Prohibition and Super Dragon tag in for their partners. They trade holds on the mat until Prohibition gets a crucifix pin for 2. Dragon puts on a leglock and sets up a lateral press for 2. Prohibition gets a hammerlock but Dragon reverses to his own. Excalibur tags in and gets hit with a back elbow. M Dogg tags in and they hit a double spinebuster. They go for a double-team combo but Dragon pulls Prohibition out of the ring. M Dogg hits a baseball slide on Dragon and a hurricanrana on Excalibur. He hits another and Excalibur bails. M Dogg follows him out and hits a bodyslam on the floor. He goes for some fancy move using the post but Dragon runs down the apron and dropkicks him. He runs M Dog into the post and chops him on a fan's lap. Back in the ring it gets 2. Excalibur hits a kneedrop and an elbowdrop for 2. He hits a bodyslam and a double kneedrop. He puts on a surfboard stretch and Dragon comes in an d kicks him in the neck. M Dogg hits a dropkick to the face but Dragon keeps him from making the tag. Dragon tags in and hits a snap suplex for 2. He hits a back suplex for 2. He puts on the Mark Nulty Special but M Dogg makes it to the ropes. Dragon flushes the toilet for 2 and puts on the full nelson leglock. Excalibur stomps on M Dogg's balls and he rushes to the ropes. Dragon hits the Curb Stomp and tags to Excalibur. It gets 2. Excalibur hits a vertical suplex for 2. M Dogg hits a standing moonsault for 2 when Dragon breaks it up with a double stomp. Dragon tags in and cuts of M Dogg's tag. He gets his knees up for M Dogg's standing moonsault and hits one of his own for 2. He puts on a figure 4 leglock and Excalibur comes in for the double-team. The referee shows his extreme bias here. M Dogg makes it to the ropes. Dragon hits a butterfly suplex and kicks at his back. They start really stiffing each other and M Dogg hits a crazy DDT. Excalibur tags in and cuts off M Dogg's tag with a diving headbutt. He hits a running knee in the corner but M Dogg comes back with a northern lights suplex into the corner. Dragon keeps him from tagging but gets hit with a DVD backbreaker. Prohibition gets the tag and destroys Excalibur with clotheslines and knees to the face. He hits the Curtain Call for 2. He hits a German suplex for 2. M Dogg tags in and hits a Ki Krusher for 2. He climbs to the top but misses a shooting star press. Dragon tags in and stops M Dogg from tagging. He hits a Koppo kick and a clothesline for 2. He puts on a butterfly hold but M Dogg makes it to the ropes. He keeps the hold on and sets M Dogg on the top. He hits a butterfly superplex for 2 when Prohibition saves. Excalibur hits a diving headbutt and Dragon hits a top rope senton for 2 when Prohibition saves again. Dragon goes to the top again but gets crotched. M Dogg goes for a hurricanrana but Dragon clips him over nuts-first onto the top of the post. That was gross. Excalibur rolls him into the ring and hits the tiger driver 98 for the win at 19:04. That was the first successful defense of the tag titles in PWG. Another good tag team experience from the S.B.S., although a little more sloppy and contrived than their match at the previous show. Rating: ***1/4
VS. B-Boy VS. Scorpio Sky
B-Boy grabs a headlock to start but Sky turns it over for 1. Sky hits a monkey flip and an armdrag. He flips around B-Boy and sends him to the floor. He follows him out and hits a hurricanrana. Back in the ring Sky gets a head scissor takedown but B-Boy slugs him out of the ring. He hits a head and arm suplex back in the ring and chops Sky in the corner. He hits a dropkick to the face in the corner. He hits a snap mare and a stiff kick to the back. He hits a whiplash spinebuster for 2. He puts on a cobra clutch. Sky fights out and walks into a backbreaker for 2. B-Boy puts on the royal octopus but Sky makes it to the ropes. B-Boy hits a back elbow and goes back to the hold. Sky makes it to the ropes again. Sky blocks a blind charge and hits a back elbow. He hurricanranas B-Boy into the turnbuckle and powers up. He hits a knee to the gut and a legdrop. He hits a TKO and clotheslines B-Boy out of the ring. He follows him out with a handsfree plancha. Back in the ring he gets 2. He hits a Rikishi Crusher and puts on a dragon sleeper. B-Boy reverses to the Anaconda Vice but Sky reverses that to a triangle choke. B-Boy goes back to the Anaconda Vice but Sky gets out and hits a hurricanrana. He puts the triangle choke back on and B-Boy makes it to the ropes. B-Boy hits a fisherman's buster and both men are down. Back on their feet B-Boy blocks a blind charge and hits a blockbuster for 2. He hits a northern lights suplex and a T-bone suplex for 2. Sky goes for a crossbody and rolls through into a crucifix pin for 2. He puts the triangle choke back on but B-Boy powers out and sets him on the top turnbuckle. He pulls him off with a double knee gutbuster and hits the Shining Wizard for 2. Sky blocks another Shining Wizard and hits a neckbreaker and a reverse hurricanrana for 2. B-Boy finishes the match with an Owen Hart style tombstone piledriver at 15:17. The sequence leading to the finish was neat, but most of the rest of the match was sequence-rest-spot-rest-etcetera. Rating: **1/2
The Ballards are upset that the fans are trash talking them on the internet. They get no respect, and figure that having the tag titles is the way to get it. They call out Paul T to make the match a number one contender's match. Paul T doesn't like crackers making demands, but he feels that both teams deserve a shot at the tag titles and makes it so. But, because of their insolence, if the Ballards lose then they are out of PWG forever.
VS. The X-Foundation VS. The Ballard Bros.
Shannon and Ryan start. Shannon grabs a headlock but Ryan reverses to a hammerlock. Shannon goes back to the headlock and takes Ryan to the mat. Ryan escapes with a legvice and goes back to the hammerlock. Shane tags in and Ryan complains that he wants to finish off Shannon. Shannon comes back and walks into a drop toehold. Ryan hits a dropkick and Shannon bails. Things get orderly as Lost and Shane make tags. Lost gets an armdrag into an armbar. He hits an inverted atomic drop and a dropkick for 1. Shane gets a takedown for 1. Lost returns the favor. Lock blocks big boot and hits a clothesline. He ducks a clothesline and hits a pumphandle gutbuster. Ryan tags in and gets dumped to the floor. Back in the ring Shane runs him hard into the turnbuckle and hits an elbowdrop. Shannon tags in and hits a vertical suplex for 2. He hits a rib breaker and stretches Ryan across his knee. Shane comes in a double stomps him. He puts on a camel clutch and makes the illegal switch with Shannon. Shannon puts on a Boston crab and then Shane comes in for the double-team. Shannon puts on a chinlock but runs into a superkick. Lost and Shane tag in and Lost cleans house. He jumps off Shane and hits an Ace Crusher on Shannon. He gets a roll up for Shane for 2 and hits a spear. Things break down but everything looks pretty until Shane hits Lost with a brainbuster for 2. Ryan hits Shane with a neckbreaker but Shannon slugs him down. Shane hits a blue thunder bomb for 2 with his feet on the ropes. Shannon hits Lost with a DDT. Ryan hits Shannon wit a DDT. Ryan hits Shane with a German suplex. Shannon pulls Ryan to the floor where they brawl. Lost comes out and accidentally dives onto Ryan. Lost gets back in the ring and hits a spear and Vertibreaker II for the win at 13:09. Fun match that both kicks off the Ballard suspension angle and furthers the tension between Ryan and Lost. And that's apparently the last we're going to see of the Ballards for a while, which is a shame because they are vastly improved from when I used to watch them in UPW. Rating: ***
VS. Adam Pearce (c) VS. Babi Slymm [PWG Championship Match]
I really enjoy the way PWG has built solid storylines around their championship while still maintaining the humorous nature of their company. Slymm submitted Pearce in a tag match a few shows back to earn this title shot. They lock up and Slymm knocks Pearce to the mat with a shoulder block. They knuckle up and Pearce grabs a wristlock. Slymm reverses to an armbar but Pearce backs him into the corner. They trade slaps and Pearce hits the mat. Slymm goes back to the headlock but Pearce powers up and backs him into the corner. He chops and bites him but Slymm comes back with a hiptoss and a back elbow. He gets a headlock takedown for 2 and synchs in the hold. Valentina trips him up and he goes out after her. Pearce takes the opportunity to catch him with a suicide dive. He bangs his head against a podium and drops an easy chair on him. Back in the ring Pearce slingshots Slymm into the bottom rope. He hits a vertical suplex for 2. He puts on a Steiner Recliner but Slymm rolls him up for 2. Pearce comes back with a clothesline and puts on the Mark Nulty Special. Slymm slugs back but gets hit with a high knee. Pearce goes to the second rope and pulls down the strap before he eats boot on a fistdrop attempt. Slymm slugs back and hits some JYD-style headbutts. Pearce goes to the eyes and skins the cat only to be superplexed. C. Edward Vander Pyle comes down to ringside and the crowd cheers him on. Seemingly he's there supporting Pearce but his presence distracts him and Slymm knocks him out of the ring. Slymm hits a suplex on the floor. Valentina goes to hit Slymm with the title and Vander Pyle stops her. He warns Slymm about Pearce sneaking up behind him and Slymm rubs Pearce's face in a fans lap. Vander Pyle does the Birdman Walk with Slymm, solidifying his babyface turn. Back in the ring Slymm hits a back elbow for 2. Pearce fights back but Slymm catches him with a superkick. Slymm climbs to the top but Valentina distracts him. Vander Pyle takes care of her but Pearce is able to move out of the way of Slymm's moonsault. Pearce hits a sidewalk slam for 2. Pearce shoves the referee so the referee shoves him back into Slymm's cobra clutch. Pearce goes low to escape but he gets tripped up by Vander Pyle. Slymm suplexes him into the referee and everyone is down. Slymm hits a chokeslam but there's no referee. Slymm goes after Valentina as Pearce wraps a chain around his hand. He punches Slymm and picks up the win at 17:43. The referee then sees the chain and reverses the decision, awarding the match, but not the title, to Slymm via disqualification. Boring match that was actually helped at the end by all the overbooking. Rating: **1/2
Slymm spears Pearce for good measure, but Hardkore Kidd comes out and puts a beating on him. Vander Pyle tries to help and gets a piledriver for his troubles. Frankie Kazarian makes the save with a chair.
Highlight the banana on the main page to reveal these bonus backstage shenanigans and tomfoolery
Chris Bosh admits to his teammates that all he could think about during their match was wanting to have sex. Talwar is going to go home and rape his pillow, and Mercury is into violent masturbation. Disco Machine interrupts and says that he's actually had sex a few times. His taste in girls is very different from theirs, but he insists that as the brains of their operation he can take them to the top of PWG. Bosh suggests Big Cocks as the name of their stable, but Disco asks that they rethink it. The toilet seat cover was a nice touch there.
M Dogg and Prohibition lament over their tag team title loss. Prohibition hopes that M Dogg sacrificing his testicles was enough to get them another tag title shot in PWG.
Pearce scrams at Slymm and Kazarian and promises that the feud isn't over until he says it's over.
Kazarian Slymm and Vander Pyle threaten Pearce in their own unique ways. Vander Pyle promises that he's going to lead either Kazarian or Slymm to the PWG title, and he's also going to teach Hardkore Kidd a lesson if he ever gets in his business again.
Joey Ryan and Scott Lost are excited about their tag title shot next month. They put their miscommunication behind them and drink to their future success. Prohibition, who is sXe, asks the X-Foundation why people who go by the X would drink the poison that is leading to the slow suicide of modern man. Lost makes him feel guilty for yelling at crippled Asians and Prohibition leaves in shame.
The Reference
According to Matt, a great reader of these reviews, this is in reference to a David Cross joke.
PWG's 44 Ways To Kill You With A Pimento is available at Highspots.com. Join me next time as Rocktoberfest decides the fate of my future as a PWG reviewer.
The 411:
This show is pretty mediocre, with two good tag team matches and nothing else of note. The story lines have me kind of hooked, however. The next show would have to be pretty bad to turn me off of PWG, but I can't recommend this show on it's own.
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